My best friend and his wife have two daughters and I'm the godfather for both of them...

That's not normal, he is incredibly insecure. If you sacrifice your own children's happiness over your own ego, you are a bad father.

OP, tell him to stop being so bitch and get over it. Life isn't just about his frail masculinity.

It’s not even about the guy’s ego. OP is unwittingly turning the girls against their parents
>as they've gotten older, they've become kind of harsh with their parents

OP did step back and apologize. If he wants him to be out of their lives he should just come out and say it and stop being a little girl about it.

The friend is the kids FATHER not OP asshole. OP gets no fucking say in this.

I don't think OP is a bad guy but he himself said he wants to be the cool uncle and by buying the girls whatever they want it worked.

>Life isn't just about his frail masculinity.
This. He is in the wrong but there's nothing you can do about it.

Eventually the kids are going to figure out something is up when their godfather just fucking stops being in their lives. They're going to hate him either way, he made his bed let him lie in it.

What a bitch. Don't have kids if you can't afford to give them a good life.

Invite your friend to drink some beers or whatever, and stay away from the kiddos

This. Be there for him if he asks for your help, but otherwise let the man be the man in his family.

If he established college fund, thing more important than presents, this would terminate beta friend's scrotum.

>"Uncle user did everything for us and put us through college. You're a faggot daddy, we hate you."

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It's possible he's trying to get his kids more comfortable learning to live with less. If their financial situation doesn't seem likely to improve, you may just have to accept that.

Look at it from his perspective: his daughters are getting accustomed to handouts from older men, resulting in them becoming unsatisfied with home life. Even though there's nothing unseemly about your behavior, it's setting a bad precedent.

You want to give them a good gift? Put money toward an education fund for them.

If he's planning on forgoing their birthday then he's just being arrogant. There is such a thing as spoiling but giving your daughter a birthday present ain't it. Plus OP offered to let him take all the credit and he still said no, he's just egotistical.

You can't force people to accept charity.

Also, he didn't say he was foregoing their birthday.

Yeah bro, fuck off already.

Material shit just complicates things. You basically fucked up what should have been humble expectations.

You are only allowed to send them a card for their birthday.

Doesn't mean you can't criticize them for it.

You can, but berating them is likely to just strain the relationship more.

I'd argue that the girls already have a skewed perception of what they "deserve" based on the fact that they were complaining about their father not giving them crap they want compared to OP.

There's a lot of angles. First off, money should never be an object. It never really was for me as a kid, especially once I landed in the double digits.

There's another issue in that your friend shouldn't be throwing blame. If anything, he should have asked if there's someway to be there for the kids, AND for him. But on the other hand, breadwinning is a big thing for men and he might worry about his image to the missus if you're doing all the paying up. It could be good to talk at length with him about this.

Lastly, some people are right, you can't really go on blast for doing a nice thing.

If the father is so incompetent as a parent that OP seems like he has a bigger impact on their lives than he does, that's kind of his problem. Most people have family that spoils them rotten. My grandfather spoiled my sister and I but his contributions never overshadowed my father's parenting. And again, OP is allowing him to take credit and he still refuses. That's a personal issue. Plus OP said he does more than just buy them stuff, if he's actually doing things with them more than the father does then he is a fucking failure as a parent.

>but as they've gotten older, they've become kind of harsh with their parents. My friend told me that one of his daughters told him that he barely ever does anything for them while I always do things for them.

Good intentions aside, OP has kind of fucked up what the kids should reasonably be able to expect given their financial situation.

Honestly, I think he'd be better off giving them straight money than gifts. Let them find out how expensive shit actually is, and it lets the parents talk to them about not frittering away money on cool shit.

I mean, he's probably worried his wife already lusts after your dick since you are clearly a more successful and dependable man. He's insecure, so maybe backing off a bit is a good idea. Let things cool a little and then have a serious talk with your friend about what kind of gifts (and when) you should buy for the girls.

OP said the kids are harsh on BOTH parents and criticize their father because he doesn't do things FOR them, not WITH them.

They're getting spoiled and learning unrealistic expectations for their financial situation. Better to just give them money and let them learn how to budget, rather than giving them what they want with no appreciation for its actual cost.

Here's a thought: Nobody is to blame and you're all idiots.

You can't fault OP for doing what godfather/uncle figures do. That's retarded, don't make him the fucking godfather of your kids if you're that insecure.

Conversely, if he doesn't make a lot of money and his best friend does and his family notices that, you can't fault the man for being insecure. Men put a lot of their worth into their family.

That said, his reaction towards OP was unreasonable. The man just cares about your family, talk to him like a fucking adult and don't be a bitch about it.

Literally semantics. OP didn't fucking quote them and he already established than he does more than just buy them things.

If the mother doesn't work then what she's capable of is just an extension of the father, so if they can't afford to actually get them things or take them out then obviously the mother can't either.

Sounds like he's just buying them gifts AND experiences.

OP, it'd help a lot if you told us what you've bought them in the past and what you want to buy them now.

A gift card or nice dinner out is very different from, say, a new car.

OP here. I guess I should explain the situation fully, I didn't think it would necessary though.

They're poor basically. It sounded mean to say it that way so I tried to be tactful but yeah. My best friend and his wife had children when they were young and so they're just kind of scraping by. My friend's wife doesn't work so my friend does all the breadwinning. He works all the time, he's not really around all that much. He asked me to look after his wife and children when he's not around, so I do.

I don't buy them anything crazy. Just toys or clothes or whatever. My friend just can't afford to buy them those sorts of things, its just not possible. Plus it wouldn't be the first time I've helped them financially. I've paid off my fair share of their car payments. My friend isn't around that much so I usually spend time with them and his wife. What we do varies greatly. If they do well in school I'll go take them to eat ice cream, sometimes they want to go to the park but mommy is too tired so I'll take them, occasionally I'll take them to an amusement part or something, sometimes I'll just take them to my house so they can play in my yard. Random stuff like that. My friend isn't a bad dad, he tries his best with what he has.

Its no exaggeration when I say if I don't give them anything, they're not getting anything. It takes my friend a long time to save up for anything even remotely pricey. You know how life is, unexpected costs happen here and there. Sometimes things get rough. I'm not here to replace him as dad, I just want to help him. I love his family because its HIS family, we're like brothers. All of this which is why I'm kind of taken aback at his reaction. I understand now that he feels insecure and I can sympathize, which is why I'm more than happy to take the credit for anything but he lashed out at me.

At his point, I just want to make up with him. As for what they want, the older one wants a bike, the little one wants this barbie doll house thing.

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You're a good friend user. Its obviously that you love him and his family. Most people would be happy to have a friend like you.

Bikes are expensive as fuck, I can see why you'd want to help there.

Okay, so you're in a somewhat reasonable position.

Clearly young kids, so the gimme attitude is more excusable as a result of age rather than your influence.

I'd suggest scaling back a bit on the outings. When you do take them, try to time them for when their dad can go out with you. It's important for the kids to associate their father with these positive experiences.

It sounds like he's willing to take help with family financial matters, which is good, because it means he's at least capable of swallowing some pride. But I'm sure you can see where having his kids repeatedly compare him unfavorably to you can be an awful experience, especially when he's likely trying so hard to keep them afloat.

Cut back on the gifts - make them smaller, more personal. Alternately, start giving them a little money instead - ten or twenty dollars with a card, so they can learn about budgeting. In my experience, a lot of kids can pick up on the idea of saving part of their money pretty naturally.

But the big thing is to try and bring your friend along more so he can get to be part of kid fun time, too.

>But the big thing is to try and bring your friend along more so he can get to be part of kid fun time, too.
I highly doubt OP is excluding him bro. He's probably just not there.

Also, I should add - the good thing about money as a gift for kids is that while they know it has value and can appreciate it, it's not exciting. Even better, when they want to spend it, their father can be the one to take them shopping.

>My friend isn't around that much so I usually spend time with them and his wife
>I'm not here to replace him as dad, I just want to help him
Look I get you’re trying to be nice but you are absolutely replacing him as dad. I know it’s not your intention, just take it down a few notches.

I don't mean to imply he was excluding. I mean try to save more of the outings for when the father can actually come along.

How big is the financial gap between you and your friend, OP?

He asked him to do that though so it's not really unreasonable to expect him to do what you said.

Asked him to do what exactly?

>He asked me to look after his wife and children when he's not around

He also asked him to cut back on the gifts.

>he asked me to tone it down and I agreed
>I agreed
Sounds like OP is only doing this it's their birthday. Perfectly reasonable.

Ah okay. But looking after them doesn’t mean shower them in gifts and play the role of dad. OP oversteps his bounds.

What exactly do you think that means? Obviously he's not trying to be a dad but inevitably if Uncle user is around more than he is, they'll see as more of a dad. That's just inevitable, it doesn't matter how he acts.

And since he cares so much about the family, he should do what he can to ameliorate that feeling in the kids.

People are just trying really hard to make him out to be the bad guy for some reason. At this point it's plainly obvious that the dad is in the wrong.

If it’s inevitable, OP should think about his actions and how they are affecting the family.
OP is in the wrong, but so is the dad. Neither one is being unreasonable. I just don’t get how people don’t see that OP is partly to blame for creating the situation.

People want to believe good intentions absolve you of bad consequences.

But they don’t absolve you. Even if the family wasn’t poor, I don’t really think it’s right for OP to constantly spoil the girls with his money. That’s just irresponsible parenting.

Thanks user, that's nice of you to say.

They are quite pricey, and its not even an adult bike. The doll thing is pretty pricey too. I pity my parents, it must have been miserable to buy me all those video games.

I have though. Ever since he told me to cut back, I'm not around nearly as much. His wife is really unhappy about it, honestly. I'm an uncommon visitor around those houses now. This has only come up because their birthdays are approaching.

Man, don't ask me those sorts of questions. You can already figure it out well enough.

Invite your friend out for a beer so you can talk like adults about what he wants from you. Let him know how much you care about him and his family.

Then kiss him. If you want to.

So if your wallets were dick sizes, yours is 8" and his is 4"?

Because the dad created the situation in pretty much every way.

> it's the dad's fault that he has to work so many hours just to keep his family afloat, meaning he can't spend time with them

Uh, yeah? He made these decisions on his own. Should have kept it in his pants if he couldn't afford children, should have gotten a better job or went to college, shouldn't have asked OP to do his job for him than get mad at him for doing just that, should have been a better man from the get-go instead of being a fucking salty retard.

It sounds to me like you understand the situation just fine.
He works all day and all his money goes into the upkeep of the household and you're the cool uncle that spend time with them and gives them presents, obviously it's going to hurt his pride and even his position in the family.
What HE needs to understand that children are VERY narrow minded, they can't see the big picture.
on one hand there's their father, who scolds and punishes them if they misbehave, who's only home in the evening after work and who rearelu buys them cool shit.
On the other hand there's the cool uncle who takes them fun places, never gets mad at them and buys them cool shit.
Every child who has ever been in this position will throw that fact at their father's face in the middle of an argument, your friend needs to understand that it's just kids being the retarded little goblins they are, his job is not to be cool and pampering, it's nice if he is, but first and foremost he is their FATHER, he punishes, he argues and supports the weight of the family unit, kids don't see that, it's not because there's anything wrong with them, children are just neurologically less capable of seeing the big picture like that.
And sometimes, parents need to take these hurtful words that bury into their souls like burning daggers and just not show how much it hurts them, because they are just being dumb kids, they don't love him any less.
He needs to learn that of COURSE they're going to perceive you as the nicer of you two, YOU don't deal with discipline, forcing the kids to do something they don't want or bread winning, you're there only for the good where he's there for both the good and the bad, that's just what being a parents is like, and they will understand that as they grow up, parenting is a lot of sucking things up and pretending it doesn't hurt horribly.

cont next post because I can't not write walls of text.

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No one is in the wrong, that has the unfortunate consequence of there being no correct answer.
In my opinion you shouldn't push the issue, he is their father and he has the final say in anything, but you already know that.
I'm sure loss of confidence plays a big role in this, but it's also true that the more you play santa claus and give them the shit their father doesn't the less they will respect their father.
There's a sort of similar situation with my cousins now, they live next to two grandmothers, and all adults have different ideas of where borders are in terms of pampering and discipline (not to mention the two grandmothers don't like each other AT ALL).
What does that mean? that when one household tell them no, they just go to the other household that tells them 'yes', this is absolute GARBAGE developmentally for those kids, and the problem is only worse because their parents are lenient because their children are hyperactive ADHD goblins and frankly they're drained.
Perhaps you should back off, and from here on out get your friends blessing for anything you might want to give or do for them, because it hurts the children developmentally and his status in the family.
At the same time, try explaining to him the bit I mentioned in the first post about how he's there for both the bad and the good and you're only there for the good, wait a bit for him to be less mad, because how you present it will determine if it comes off as comforting or patronizing, you would know better than us how to present it to him.
If you end up giving them less, and the kids expect an explanation, play dumb and for the love of god do not even insinuate this has anything to do with their father, if they think their father clipped the wings of their uncle santa claus they will RESENT him, and it could carry on well into their adult years, if they ask, play dumb and make sure to make it seem like it came from you.
Good luck, user!

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I like how a lot of anons think being a good dad=spoiling the fuck out of your children and if they aren't showered in gifts they must be miserable.

From what we know now, they're not spoiled with gifts. They're just given anything at all.

They are spoiled. The user above me puts it more elegantly but if the uncle is all good and never around for the bad, this will spoil them as their father gives them less gifts on top of being a main source of discipline.

Seems like the best thing for you do to if you're really looking to help him support his family is to gift him a check directly. Give him some cash that he can use to take his kids out. Maybe he'll be mad at you, maybe he won't, but it'll be better than if you just take the girls out yourself all the time.

For now though, it's probably best to just back off and let things cool down for a few months.

That's not what being spoiled is.

If they're dirt poor then by definition they aren't spoiled even with OP giving them literally clothes and some toys.

I think I know an easy solution to this. Give the money for the gifts directly to the father so he or his wife can make it seem like they are buying things for them.

>I told him he could take credit for the gift, I just want them to have it and he was offended

Yes it is. They are not a family that can afford gifts constantly. Plain and simple. If uncle user wasn't there they may have less things, but they would be more familar with being poor and resent him less. Uncle user is not completely in the wrong, but he is being insensitive and even irresponsible by helping to create a rift between his family. It is more important for the children to respect their father than get nice toys.

That's not what spoiled means. Just because you give a starving child in Africa clean water doesn't mean they're suddenly spoiled you invalid. Also parents only deserve respect if they earn it. They're not entitled to respect just for existing.

user from the wall of text here, the problem isn't being spoiled per se, it's that the kids can circumnavigate their fathers authority through OP, through absolutely no malice on OPs part.
His friend is absolutely right, but I DO think he's taking it more personally than he should, the kids see him and OP as they do because they are kids, all kids would see it that way, and parents need to suck up hurtful words from their children because their duty is to be a pillar of never-ending stability in the eyes of their children, regardless of how far removed it is from reality.
Kids say the darndest thing.

You're good people OP, genuinely, but there is definitely such a thing as too much of a good thing, just clear everything with his father in advance from now on.

That is not fair to compare a basic need, like clean water, to what children don't need and simply desire, like toys.

>lso parents only deserve respect if they earn it. They're not entitled to respect just for existing.
They are because they are children and should respect authority. Children who grow up resenting it are more inclined to crime when they are older.

Having clean water means they are less likely to die from a disease ect in the water. That is a need. Toys are not needs, they are luxuries that fulfill wants.

Yeah and destitute children aren't suddenly spoiled just because you give them clothes and toys. Go to any orphanage in the world and there will be toys on the premises. That's just basic for child rearing.

>Yeah and destitute children aren't suddenly spoiled just because you give them clothes and toys.
Yeah it does if its constantly given to them. An orphanage does not give things to children every other day, or even once a month. They will go a long time between gifts.

>these retarded millennials acting like a childhood without any toys is normal just to win an argument
Fucking lol. I bet you couldn't live 2 hours without your fucking Playstation when you were a kid.

Children today are more rotten than ever. Hedonism takes priority in their lives and it is not a good thing.

>Yeah it does if its constantly given to them
Where did OP say he constantly gives them anything? I'm waiting.

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The kids wouldn't be completely without toys though. They have what was already given to them in the past. Cutting them off is not going to kill them, if anything they will learn to appreciate what they have better. Just because they dont get that doll house she wants doesn't mean she will be completely miserable she will just be forced to play with what she has.

Ask the dad for permission. If he says no he says no. Space the luxuries out more and don't overstep clear boundaries the father makes.

>OP is so generous with the kids that they start to openly resent their father for being unable to give them the same stuff
>Wow the father's clearly in the wrong

Ask him for a favor. Doesn't matter if you don't really need anything, just get him to help you with something. He'll be much more likely to accept help if it's put forward as returning the favor, rather than charity.

He is. If you take what children say that seriously you're a dumb faggot. Did you appreciate that your parents were busting their asses when you were in elementary school? I didn't think so.

>My friend isn't around that much so I usually spend time with them and his wife.
Aka I spend that time giving them things, taking them to places, ect. It sounds to me like he is being excessive in playing uncle santa.

Or better yet, lets ask OP how often he does these things for them. Op how often to you do these things, gifting, taking them out, ect.

There's a lot to unpack there but not presents presents isn't really a big deal. I think you should just shut up about it.

>f you take what children say that seriously you're a dumb faggot
Really? You honestly think that kids being harsh on their parents because their parents are too poor to buy them toys isn't indicative of a problem? For the record yes I did, I was aware my parents didn't have a lot of money so when it came to christmas and birthdays I always asked for little things. Not all children are spoilt.

There are some good advice ITT amidst waves of narrow minded retards that think they know dick about parenting

Let's analyze his posts.

>He asked me to look after his wife and children when he's not around
>I don't buy them anything crazy
>Sometimes
>Occasionally
>Its no exaggeration when I say if I don't give them anything, they're not getting anything.

>I told him he could take credit for the gift
>he was offended

>I'm not around nearly as much
>This has only come up because their birthdays are approaching
>His wife is really unhappy about it, honestly.

OP isn't even there anymore and this faggot is still butthurt.

Not that user, and sure it indicates a problem, but it's not because they're poor, it's because there's a figure other than the parents that is there only for the good and never for the bad, it's a pretty common problem this.

I recall a few months ago an user made a thread with a similar problem, where OP had a similar relationship with his friend and his daughter as this OP and his friend's children, doing fun shit with them and all that.
And at some point during an argument between the daughter and the father she said she liked OP better than his friend, her father, and obviously it hurt bad.
No one is at fault, children are just narrow minded like that, and parents need to know how to handle that.

>I was aware my parents didn't have a lot of money so when it came to christmas and birthdays I always asked for little things.
Well aren't you a saint, even if I believe you most children are not like that and they'd have kinder thoughts for relatives who share only in the good and never in the bad.
If you had an uncle who'd buy you fucking premium bayblades where as your parents could offer a puzzle and shouting for not doing your homework, you'd think the same way, you can pretend you wouldn't but the reaction I describe is incredibly generic across all children of the world.

>I was aware my parents didn't have a lot of money so when it came to christmas and birthdays I always asked for little things
What a fucking liar. Get the fuck out you dishonest piece of shit.

Someone makes your overly generalizing post look bad and all you can do in your defense is cry liar. Fuck off, not everyone is a spoiled kid who only cares about toys.

>If you had an uncle who'd buy you fucking premium bayblades where as your parents could offer a puzzle and shouting for not doing your homework, you'd think the same way, you can pretend you wouldn't but the reaction I describe is incredibly generic across all children of the world.
Yeah you're probably right but the situation never came up for me. Besides I'm not suggesting the kids are at fault so it's irrelevant.

>bawww I was an oblivious shit and what you said doesn't fit my narrative so I'll call you a liar!
Good discussion.

Seems pretty obvious to me. If he says to back off then back off.

>He asked me to look after his wife and children when he's not around, so I do.
>My friend isn't around that much so I usually spend time with them and his wife.

wow,did he just cuck himself?No wonder he's upset.
It's his family user,absolutely back off.

>love those two kids, they're like my little
Pedo