Soooo.. How do relationships/couples just "happen"?

I'm 24, never had a girlfriend, never had any relationship, heck, I've tried, but I'm missing a piece of the puzzle.. Some kind of foresight.

My question is, how do boy and girl suddenly become a couple. I've never seen this happen except in movies. How does this shit happen??? Am I retarded or something that I'm missing something? One day boy and girl are not a couple, the next they they are and soon banging. What the fuck?

What do they talk? WHO talks, when, where, how does this happen?

I literally have no explanation for this.. HELP!

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Well for me i have a convo with them "What are you looking for, hookup or long term?" and see what she says.

But wait, you say that to some random girl or someone you know and have been talking to for a while?

You're obviously going to get different answers but here's my 2 cents.

>first "serious" gf
was in college, we were friends first (same program & mutual interests) and when we started to develop feelings, I asked her out. The rest of simple dating shit (i.e: be a decent human being)

mostly through tinder/OKC/hinge, swipe right on the ones I like. The ones that like me back, I look at on their bio/pics or whatever and usually make a joke about it.

If they decide to answer, we chat up a bit and then I do what does. Ask them what they're doing on a dating app and what they're looking for (hookups or a relationship.)

Honestly, judging from the image you're obviously freaking out over this sort of thing. It's not really worth it, and you should try to make the best out of everyone you meet (including both genders).

If you end up meeting a girl? Great. If you end up having mutual interests? Great. If you ask her out and she rejects you/has a boyfriend? Sucks, but you either move on to meet new people or be happy you made another friend.

If you're worried about being a virgin (if you are one) go hire a hooker already and get it off your chest before you start chasing after a relationship.

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I guess your too autistic OP

you become friends with a girl and sometimes you get the urge to kiss them. if that goes well one thing can lead to another.

That makes at least 2 with me and OP i guees

I am a virgin yes, every time i try to talk to a girl, it's like talking to a wall, or in other words, i never get a continuous coversation back, meaning she doesn't want it to keep going. I say something, she juts responds, and does not continue the conv. It's disgustingly annoying and hapoens all the time.

I really don't want to go on a hooker, what i crave is someone to love me back just the way I do, but i can't have a decent conversation woth anyone. Everone just forgets me.

I know girls like fun guys, but what does a fun guy even mean, i have no idea.

Also, i don't even have friends to "vouch" for me. It's all really unexplainable.. It's like everywhere i go I'm some kind of a niusance with me actually saying, doing anything..

Congrats on staying a virgin then with that mindset.

>It's disgustingly annoying and hapoens all the time.
Stop blaming the women for once and look inward.

I'll humor you, OK. Say these women ARE boring as a sack of bricks. Are you really such an amazing person yourself? Because I sure as shit don't get that impression seeing you type.

You suck at conversations? Go get better. Talk to men AND women. Bit by bit. When you're comfortable just having regular conversations, learn to make to them laugh. Once you make them laugh? Invite them out to casual events like just grabbing lunch together.

>Everone just forgets me.
EVERYONE. Feels that way. Do you know what some do? They work on themselves. They try to be a decent human regardless. Stop acting like a sad puppy.

You suffer from isolation issues but don't know how to describe it? Go see a therapist.

>I know girls like fun guys, but what does a fun guy even mean, i have no idea.
You're treating girls as this "obstacle" instead of who they are as people. Learn to have just "fun" with everyone and people will naturally come to you.

What do YOU value as "fun." What do YOU value as "important" in YOUR life?

>It's like everywhere i go I'm some kind of a niusance with me actually saying, doing anything..
Do you want to know why your friends think that? It's because you keep perpetuating this NEVER-ENDING cycle of negativity.

And negativity spreads like a disease. You're on fucking Jow Forums you should know this. Put yourself in other people's shoes, imagine meeting a person who does nothing but blame others and blames himself 24/7.

That person isn't "fun," that person isn't a good person to relate to. Why the fuck would you date them?

Fix it. You KNOW the answers. Stop pretending like you don't. I GENUINELY want you to figure yourself out user but it pisses me off when I see your type of negativity. It's why incels/MTGOW exist/why people see them the way they are.

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Thanks. I will try changing things. But I'm definitely NOT a creeper or a weirdo. And i never talk negatively about anything. The problem is they automatically put me in the insignificance bin.

I haven't told you how i look like, maybe that will make some sense. I'm 5ft7, very fit, very healthy. I take care of my looks but nothing too extreme. I have a pathetic chin stubble - can barely grow anything. I literally look like aa 7 grader.

This is one of my main suspicions why women disregard me instantly without giving me any chance. Like some sort of psychological firewall......

Also i get along with dudes.

>What i crave is someone to love me back just the way I do
You ooze neediness and desperation. If i can smell this from reading your Jow Forums posts, guess how much it stinks when you're talking to a girl in person.

Not to be mean or anything, but the mindset of 'i want to feel loved' and 'i want someone to care for me' doesn't do you any good. Stop thinking about what you want, start thinking about what you have to offer instead.

What i meant by that is, I can really care for someone and offer everything, i just wish someone could feel that way about me as well.

>I can really care for someone and offer everything
Sadly, this is not really what gets most women's juices flowing.

If you want to get girls attracted to you, you need to work on your looks, social skills, confidence and your career. Those are the things that women find truly find attractive. Being caring isn't 'hot' to women because it's a feminine trait.

Christ, do you hear yourself? After this, I'm done replying to you. If you were smart you'd stop replying and get off your computer.

>But I'm definitely NOT a creeper or a weirdo.
If you need to say that, that's a red flag.

>And i never talk negatively about anything.
Get your head of your ass and really dissect your replies in this entire thread.

>I haven't told you how i look like
I don't give two shits. You're obviously worried about your looks and you expect to get a "10" girl instead of working on your, and I must quote again: NEVER-ENDING cycle of NEGATIVITY.

If the "ugly" dude that's considered a "4" can land a mate, so can you. You're just too delusional to settle for anything "less" or "realistic."

>I'm 5ft7
Wow. It's like you WANT me to call you a manlet. Is that what you want?

>I have a pathetic chin stubble - can barely grow anything. I literally look like aa 7 grader.
Shave it off if you think you look stupid. You probably do.

>This is one of my main suspicions why women disregard me instantly without giving me any chance.
Shut the fuck up already. This is the real world. Stop spewing this shit.

>Also i get along with dudes.
Are you really THAT insecure that you need to say this?

You can say you want a someone to care about all you want, you obviously just want a pussy to fuck, if anons can smell it, girls can too from a mile away.

Whatever you're thinking of replying, STOP. FIX your damn life already and stop acting like a drooling retard. I think you've got enough attention for one day.

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Man there's some massive interpretation barrier here, I'm telling you what i talk about with people OUTSIDE fucking Jow Forums.
Sex is the last thing i give a shit about.
Just a normal relationship like any other person.

I'm telling you how i look like because that's a big factor to get the fullest picture. In your mind do you actually think women like men who look like 7th graders?

I really appreciate your help and listening to my bullshit. I just didn't know how people get in a relationship in general, hence my OP.

Also, no, I'm not that stereotypical nice guy you think I am. I'm literally telling you that people disregard me WITHOUT ME SAYING or DOING anything bad/negative. I have the most common, stupid, dull conversations like any other person, theresjust another factor at play which I'm not aware of. Maybe i am just a fucking autist.

And also you can't give me the excuse that just the way/what you talk is how it works. I see and hear guys who speak like neanderthals and they have a couple.

>Sex is the last thing i want
>Just a normal relationship like any other person
You do realize relationships and sex are part of each other right?

If you want a chick to be open to being in a relationship with you, she needs to feel sexual attraction to you to some degree. Because she obviously expects that the two of you will be having sex. That's why i mentioned sexual attractiveness in

Yes, ofc, but my reasons to want a relationship is not sex as a top priority ffs. Just to know that someone is capable of giving a shit about me.

I literally confessed my love for a girl as she was waiting for her bus. She accepted my confession and we were really happy for about 7 years. It was only later that I found out literally nobody confesses their love anymore and when I told people they really admired the balls it takes to just tell someone how you feel without knowing if they feel the same.

Op here, this is awesome and I commend you. I don't have the guts to do this because the awkwardness and hearbreak will make me catatonic if the other person doesn't see the same.

Or if i don't become catatonic, I'll probably become a completely different person..

Aand also, what exactly did you say to her then? That's the kind of things thatvare eluding me..

It's hard to be certain. That's why people flirt. To test the waters. You have to show interest in a girl in a subtle way. If you think she shows a similar interest you just slowly escalate it, get more closer, eventually have more physical contact. If she feels comfortable with that you push it a bit further. Things like looking directly into each other's eyes for a long time, opening up about things you don't talk about with anyone else, complimenting things you like about each other. If this all goes smoothly and you keep reciprocating these gestures you eventually talk about going serious. This takes at least a few weeks to carry out. Hope this helps.

>meet girl somehow
>maybe through a mutual hobby or mutual friends, maybe through work or family connections, maybe just someone you meet at a bar and swap numbers with
>talk to girl
>find out you have stuff in common
>you like talking to girl
>girl likes talk to you (this one is important)
>pretty soon talking naturally includes a certain amount of flirting
>you start to hang out outside of the setting where you met
>you meet up just the two of you more and more often
>she's giving you signals that she's into you
>you're giving her signals that you're into her
>one night you go out to hang out as usual and grab food and watch a movie
>afterward you walk with her back to her car and you're standing around joking and flirting and talking shit
>and there's a moment of quiet and you see she's looking at you with those kiss-me eyes
>you shift so that you're facing her better and she does the same
>you reach over and put a hand on her hip and draw her a little closer
>you lean in slowly and watch her eyes
>she smiles faintly and closes them while tilting her chin up toward your face
>you kiss her
>you are now casually dating
>sooner or later you have the conversation and then act accordingly

Makes sense, thanks bros. But how do i condition myself to do these things? I'm like a fucking robot..

>Naturally includes a good amount flirting?

How the fuck does that happen. I am sorry but my talks with women dont have naturally included flirts in them. This is so far removed from my life it is unbelievable...

Ok. I'm a gy btw. I have to first say that we were alreasy kind of close at this point and when we were out of class she would often come sit superclose to me and often wear clothes that were a lot sexier and cuter than what she used to wear. I was very dense. So one day I realize I am actually 100% in love and can't do anything because of nerves, I can hardly breathe when I'm not around her and I'm constantly thinking about her so the next day I decide I have to talk to her but I really can't find a good time. We're in a big crowd and I can't say it in front of everyone because it would be awkward af. Eventually she's going for the bus and it's a long weekend so I tell the rest of the people hanging around if I can go with her alone.

So about 5 minutes before the bus arrives I told her something like "I feel there's a venomous snake wrapped around my chest and when you're not around it hurts so much I could die." I can't remember the details after and what I do remember is a bit banal but as she was getting on the bus she was really happy. I told her I loved her as she was getting on and I thought it had been drowned out by the engine but later she told me she heard me.

From then on we started holding hands a lot. We kissed like a few weeks later.

It's all about practice, you simply need to go out and start practicing with flirting and making moves on girls. There is no magic pill that immediately turns you into a player.

When you're inexperienced with girls, every move you make feels awkward and uncomfortable, provided you even make that move to begin with. After you've build up some experience, dated a bunch of women and have a decent number of hookups under your belt, these things start to feel very natural. You start to get a better sense for when a girl actually likes you or not. You start to sense when a girl wants you to kiss her or not and so you start acting more effectively in these situations.

I should add that if at any point whatever you do doesn't reciprocate or you feel she is pushing you away you have to stop fast and casually cool down or else.

(op) Absolutely beautiful and I'm really happy for both of you. As for me, literally no girl has ever shown any kind of affection towards me.


Most people who have normal developmental phases get to learn socialisation and relationships at the same time, more or less, as their peers. Your brain learns to read subtle social cues and act on them. These things CAN be learned retroactively if you don't already know them. The sooner you start trying to learn the better because it gets harder to get in the habit as you get older though.

When dealing a woman that you think you might be interested in, you flirt. Like all dealings with women this will include YOU having to take a certain amount of the risk upon yourself. She won't flirt with you first usually, but she'll flirt back if you start it. Flirting is one of the primary ways that men and women interact and girls are very attuned to it. Getting gud at flirting is a fantastic way of making yourself automatically appealing to women. Even if you're not the best looking guy or the smoothest, knowing when and how to toss some flirting at them will endear you to them (as long as you aren't a creep about it).

So you flirt first. Tease her a bit, show interest in her interests, be good at conversation, make your interest in her known. If she returns that interest then you continue on. It's a myth that you shouldn't be friends with a girl and that you should just ask them out straight away. The success rate of that is very low. The success rate of spending a few weeks or a couple of months getting to know a girl and building rapport and sexual tension before asking her out is much higher, and you end up with a person that you know and like much better than you would the other way.

If you're asking how2flirt then use google because it's too broad a topic to cover here.

You have to engage girls without being concerned about the outcome

that's the secret sauce

Its hard at first, most people got their teenage years to practice and fail, we came late into the game so it sucks.
Also you are only watching the couples, but you dont see al the fails people get into.


To give you a more specific example that happened to me recently, I went out with some friends for NYE, and one of the girls brought her best friend who I'd never met before. Cute girl, liked her well enough and decided after a drink that I might as well flirt with her (I knew she was single and looking). The night progressed something like this:

>meet girl
>introductions etc
>all go into a bar
>buy drinks
>find tables and shit
>hanging around as a group talking, laughing, drinking
>the girl in question (G) is talking about a topic she's interested in that I know a little bit about, at least enough to carry on a conversation (knowing a little it about a lot of topics is a great way to be a good conversationalist)
>asking her some questions about said topic
>her responses get more animated as I show more and more interest and draw it out of her
>>it's around now that it clicks she's cute as a person and decide to flirt
>drop some minor teasing about how dorky the topic is
>get a good reaction because she flares up in mock indignation
>announce that I'm going to the bar and ask if she wants anything
>she volunteers to come with me
>standing at the bar talking more shit
>making jokes, tell her that she'll have better luck than me getting the bar tender's attention
>>the jokes I am making at this point are also slightly subtle nods to the fact that she's attractive, which is funny and flattering from her POV
>touch the small of her back to move her closer to the bar
>we get our drinks and go back to the group
>5 minutes later she's asking me if I want to dance

She did absolutely nothing to indicate that she was interested in me until I started teasing her.

This guy gets it.

You should be unconcerned about the outcome, both in terms of a possible rejection, and in terms of you shouldn't go into talking to a girl expecting anything from her. Approaching a girl like your only intention is to be friends, but keeping that casual flirty banter in place, and then going with the flow and seeing what happens, is the absolute best way to end up with someone you like.

The mistake I see around here is that guys meet a girl once and fall madly in love and think that inviting her to hang out is somehow going to make her reciprocate their feelings. Be cool is all I can say. Be cool and let things progress as they may.

I got my first girlfriend at 24, I felt the same way you did. Take care of your health, workout, work on your social skills and get use to talking to everybody, and build a circle of friends. Once you build a circle of friends girls come in and out of the group. Having an actually soca life is the only way to get a girl and keep her. No girl just wants a guy who’d satay home and does nothing. Skateboarding did this for me it got me out got me in shape and I’ve met a bunch of friends at skateparks

>The mistake I see around here is that guys meet a girl once and fall madly in love and think that inviting her to hang out is somehow going to make her reciprocate their feelings.

Yes. They have a scarcity mindset. Any time a girl pays attention to them, they make a big deal out of it and "spill their spaghetti".

No casual acquaintance wants to interact with you if they think you're placing too much meaning into it. It signals desperation. Like a homeless man begging you for change, it triggers a sort of disgust reflex.

(op) thanks, i guess I've missed out on learning social skills throughout childhood, teen years and now early twenties. Fucking autism. I hope it's not too late.

Thanks for your replies.

>6.5/10 fat balding no gf khv
>couldn't afford college
>no friends
>no contacts
>get shit job in autumn
>want to make others' lives better
>buy coworkers food after my shifts
>stay late to help them pass time
>closest age coworker is 20, female, chubby face
>only one I can't connect with
>only wears sweater and baggy jeans, physically weak
>plays 3ds on break
>never wants food, always 1 word answers
>nobody acknowledges my birthday
>new years eve comes
>plan to headbutt asshole neighbor's car from 5th floor apartment at 12am
>get text at 11:58pm
>"happy new year!" from chubby
>throw rotten eggs on neighbor's car
>summer arrives
>am coworkers' idol
>chubby has birthday
>invite for after work tacos to celebrate
>she accepts
>she wears cargo shorts and sweater
>Jow Forums legs
>we eat, go to arcade, get ice cream
>gives me a hug after
>feels fat
>next week we see movie
>she wears same clothes
>coworkers say we're dating
>want to crush rumors
>ask chubby if she has a bf in front of everyone
>she gets red and says "if it's okay, you"
>accidentally have 21 year old chubby coworker as 1st gf at 25
>go to rooftop pool/bar on date
>nobody there
>she's in same clothes
>dips feet in the pool and talks
>she's a khv
>no support from family, no friends
>shows phone/social media as proof
>feel bad
>change topic to sweater
>she's uncomfortable with body
>say "I'm fat, I don't care"
>"your fat goes away but mine is genetic"
>red flag, change subject
>date ends with light kiss on her doorstep
>next date I pick her up
>same shorts/sweater
>driving to mall
>shares she wanted to an hero last year but I gave her hope
>spaghetti and ask if the sweater is hot
>"yes and you know what, I want you to see the real me"
>takes off sweater
>wearing tank top
>slim belly, huge boobs
>was always called slut for having big tits
>had false reputation in school
>was neet until 20
>genuinely a good person despite her past
>happily dating for 3.5 years
>can't imagine life without her

In order of importance

Cool story, i mean it by the way. Happy for you.

>things that never happened

>hookup or long term
What does "hookup" mean? Quick sex?
Are there other options? I am lonely and want to feel what a relationship feels like, but I feel inadequate to bring someone into a real long term relationship with me.

Hookup usually means no strings attached sex. This refers to one night stands, FWB, fuckbuddies and flings.

Long term means boyfriend and girlfriend. Being a committed couple and sexually exclusive.

>Are there other options?
Uhm. Not really i think.

You're either in a committed relationship, or you're not. I guess what you mean by the ''relationship experience without being in a relationship'' are the early stages of a relationship where you're dating someone and you've been dating that person for a while. But you're not officially in a relationship yet. ''Yet'' being the keyword here. If you're dating someone for multiple months, the girl usually expects it to lead to something serious.

Eh, casual dating exists, and in rare cases it can be exclusive, but the real question is that by the time you get to that point what sense is there in pretending that you're casually committed to one another?

It's a grey area. Yes it's possible, no it's not likely. It wouldn't be theoretically too hard to find a girl interested in sex and dates but no commitment, however you'd have to tolerate her seeing other people in all likelihood.

>It wouldn't be theoretically too hard to find a girl interested in sex and dates but no commitment
Not sure about that user. From my experience, if you're doing 'relationshippy' type things with girls but you're not officially in a relationship, she will start pushing for it sooner or later.

That's why you need to set clear boundaries with girls. Either you threat them as a casual hook up partner, or you threat them like a girlfriend. If you start playing around in that grey area that exists in the middle of these two, it's usually gonna complicate things so much that it won't work out.

Yeah this is a rare thing really.

God, you're insufferable. I would skin you alive.

>"Im not a weirdo."

Had a gf at 24. I still have no idea.


Say I'm planning to move to a different town in less than a year.
I never had a relationship. I feel lonely and want someone to talk to and open up to and want affection and physical intimacy. However I feel like sex off the bat would not be the best thing. Since I never had a relationship I don't know what it's like and how it would go so would want a "practice girlfriend" so to speak. What should I do?

(More context: I was putting off getting a girlfriend while in university telling myself I'll do it when I get a job and move out from my parent's. Now I live elsewhere and have a good job and an apartment but don't really enjoy working and will go back to university)

If you're leaving your town less then a year from now, i wouldn't even bother getting yourself into a relationship with a girl. The emotional investment is way too big. If you end up falling in love with the girl, the heartbreak you would get from having to break up because of this is something i highly discourage you against. Don't commit to a girl emotionally if you know it won't lead to anything in the long run. I recommend you stick to casual, non-committed dating and/or hooking up until you've moved.

>practice girlfriend
No girl wants to be your practice girlfriend. Unless you deliberately keep your mouth shut about having to leave within a year, this sounds pretty much impossible to me.

We're talking about being in a relationship with another human being. No girl wants to be your practice girlfriend.

So basically getting a gf is not worth it unless you have everything set up for a long term relationship?

So I need to plan my life ahead with the prospect of having a girlfriend but how do I know if it's worth it if I never had a girlfriend in the first place?

Girls will say they "just happen" but really the guy has to make every move and she says yes or no.

>gf is not worth it unless you have everything set up
I didn't say you need to have everything figured out in your life.

>how do I know if it's worth it if I never had a girlfriend in the first place?
You never know 100% sure whether taking a girl as your girlfriend is worth it. But it's sure as hell not worth it if you plan on moving far away in the near future.

Learn the basics now so it is easier next time.
Don't get a practice gf, but practice going on dates.
Create a list of things you have to do, things you currently do and things you want to do.
Then fill out a schedule so you have time to do the things you want to do.
Let's stick with the classical things "women" want: looks, money and social skills.
This means you need to set time for working out, advancing your career, but also for improving your social skills.
I would also throw in a couple of other requirements like keeping your house clean and odor free so you can invite someone over and setting time for finding people to invite over.
So make that list, once it is made, it is easier to follow. Or at least it is easier to see what you have time for and what you haven't.

But there are other ways to make lists.
You can go through the steps and see which things you know and which things you need to work on.
Let's say you were teleported somewhere right now and you were standing in front of a girl who was equally confused about the situation.
Are you properly dressed to approach her?
Do you look like the man of her dreams?
Do you know what you would say to her?
If you talk to her, do you know how to flirt with her?
If she seems into it, do you know how to pick up on that?
Let's say she want you and now wants to have sex with you.
What will she think walking through your home?
Will there be something disgusting somewhere that might change her mind about the whole thing?
Is your bedsheets regularly changed, is the bed made, is your room(s) tidy?
Do you have condoms or a place nearby to buy condoms? Can you even buy condoms without being awkward about it?

When you have that list and you think: I know all these things, try it out.
Try finding someone to date and then revise the list with your new perspective.
"Women" don't exist. They are not a collective that thinks or do the same thing. So the goalpost will keep moving and you have to accept that.