>be me >see girl I like at school and muster up courage to somehow talk / text her. >use school related stuff as excuses I started talking to her >we chat up a few more times sometimes even about casual stuff >we stay that way until we just drift away, only greeting each other in the hallways.
This is literally the 4th time this has happened to me. Why is it so hard? What do you do to keep the tension going without asking out someone? I'm willing to ask someone out but only when I know that they are interested in me.
Does it just happen naturally when you find the right person? Should I just continue doing this? I'm 18, I still have time... right?
Mason Sullivan
Bumping
Xavier Cruz
Talk further initiative. You need to grow balls. In all likelihood, all 4 of those girls had interest in you, but you NEED to escalate with women. They won't do it for you, or if they do, they will think less of you. Make your interest more clearly known.
Dylan Green
Is it too much to ask for her to at least also initiate contact?
Jaxon Davis
It does happen naturally with the right person. You're liking these girls but since you only approach after you like them, it suggests you\re more using physical attraction than personality. While I'm sure it's not completely physical, the fact is that you don't really know them and they don't really know you. You're essentially doing a cold approach, with someone who is a relative stranger.
You're getting out at meeting girls and that is good. Just expect to have to try a lot with this particular method. You're shooting in the dark as to whether or not it will be a good match.
Keep trying, and try to just have conversations with women even if you're not interested in them romantically. It's good practice, you'll make friends, and those friends can introduce you to others and expand your social circle. Once you find someone you click with, you'll know. Conversation will be easy, you won't have to initiate all the time, and you'll find excuses to talk and see each other more.
And yes, 18 is still incredibly young. You have plenty of time.
Adam Myers
Yes. Women are attracted to active, masculine men. Grow some balls, little dude. You want something? Say so.
David Morgan
Well I'm glad to hear that, I will definitely keep trying to do this, it's at least practice as you said. It's just that I've done it with 4 different girls and I had no luck now, same thing happened every time. A girl that's interested in you would go out of her way to talk / text you right? >be yourself >don't be yourself
Nathaniel Gonzalez
Being a coward isn't a personality traits. You're confusing introversion with fear. You can unlearn phobias through exposure. You've already had 4 potential girls on the hook, yet you chose to not reel in. What's the worst that could happen if you fuck up besides that you leaned better next time and the bitch wasn't worth your time because she lacked patience?
Remember, enjoying your alone time and reading a book while it's raining outside is not the same as being a pussy and sending pixed signals.
Jaxson Ortiz
mixed* signals
Phone posting so my spelling is fucked. A few others are fucked as well, butw/e
Landon Cook
>be me phew I thought you were posting the story on someone else's behalf, glad you clarified that. I doubt anyone who has to tell a story about themselves and point out that they are in fact themselves has the social capacity to talk to a woman in the first place, never mind wonder why it went nowhere.
Gavin Perry
You're the first one to mention introversion. I never said such thing. It's just not me user, shouldn't I be myself? Being myself means not being a 100% alpha male that's just gonna go up to a girl, slap her ass, and ask her out, that ain't me so why should I fake it?
Dylan Barnes
Girls that age will not take the lead. You have to do it. I wish someone had told me that when I was in high school. Use humor to hide your shyness or your anxiety.
Jeremiah Garcia
You don't have to be a cunt, you god damn pansy. You can show women that you are interested in them without being a stupid chauvinist. There will be so few instances where a woman will approach you in your life that you'll be able to count them on your fingers. You need to show interest for women to respond. If you act like a friend, you'll forever be a friend. You don't have to be a sexually aggressive Chad, just approach them, stop worrying about whether you'll fail (because trust me, you'll fail, and you need to get over it) be approachable, ask them out to a movie or some shit, and realize there will be other girls worth your time if you do end up getting a no.
Wyatt Cook
Not user you're replying to, but here's how I see it.
Confidence and assertiveness is good for you and healthy, and something you should work towards. Confidence is also attractive.
However, I also agree with 'be yourself'. You can put on a facade and attract more women. But those women you attract will then be attracted to the facade. You won't be able to keep it up forever. You'll grow tired, slip, resent the mask you have to wear. And then everyone who was there for the mask will suddenly not know what to do with you, and may leave.
It's harder to attract women being yourself, sometimes. But the women you do attract will be attracted to you for YOU, and not who you're pretending to be. Friends and women alike, they'll stick around.
However, this is no reason to not try to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Enjoy the things you like. Do the things you want to do. But strive for self-improvement, as well. It will improve your life overall. Self-improvement doesn't mean dropping your interests or giving up on your dreams. It means distilling yourself into your own ideal version of yourself. Calm, confident, assertive, etc. Not who you are, but who you want to be, and the healthiest version of yourself you can be.
Zachary Russell
I can't ask someone out if I don't already know they like me, how can I find that out without asking her out? I can not ask someone out, I want my first to go well, after that I don't care if I get rejected a couple of times. How can I show interest other than asking out? I need to test the waters first.
Leo Parker
I fully agree with you. Faking it is not the way to do it, and I will never do it. I want someone to love me for who I am and not love someone I'm pretending to be. But then again, myself wouldn't just out of the cold ask someone out, so what's there for me to do?
Bentley Campbell
>I can't ask someone out if I don't already know they like me Yes, you can. >I can not ask someone out, I want my first to go well, after that I don't care if I get rejected a couple of times. You're so obviously terrified of embarrassment, you're embarrassing me. Look, I was exactly like you when I was your age. I'm literally giving you the advice I desperately wish I was given.
Lucas Bell
This is the answer. You've got to take things to the next level in the relationship. Girls usually have multiple suitors vying for their attention. If you aren't stepping up, someone else will. Next time, take a girl out on a date, whether that's coffee or going to the mall or whatever.
Wyatt Edwards
I mean I can physically but not mentally. What's a tier bellow asking someone out? Something to get me out of my comfort zone but not that much.
William Cooper
Probably you didn't have an actual connection or maybe some only talked to you out of politeness. Think of the difference between acquaintances and friends - sometimes you're friendly with people, but your personalities still don't "click." Especially if all you have to talk about is school stuff and you don't share hobbies/interests.
That's how it was for me. Acquaintances -> friends -> partners. I think it's good to get to know them instead of asking out mostly based on appearance. And I had my first relationship at 20, so you're not nearly too old. Especially if you go to college, there'll be a huge new cohort of potential partners.
Levi Sanders
Actually, if you're 18 I assume you're in your last year of high school, in which case people are probably not wanting to build new relationships since you usually go on different paths after you finish.
John Phillips
That's like jumping from level 3 to level 33 user What's something in between?
Zachary Gutierrez
Life does not have levels retard.
Colton Brown
>can't mentally Why? I said you were a coward. You said you weren't. Why can't you ask them mentally then if you're not a coward? You don't understand, dude. I want you to succeed. I'm being blunt because you need it. You either have a fear of rejection you need to resolve or your crippled. The latter have excuses. The former don't.
Jordan Ramirez
I was making an analogy. Sure, I'm a coward then, never said I wasn't. Because I don't want to seem that needy. It's basically confessing your love.
Luke Rogers
You're not confessing love, user. You're confessing that you think some girl is cute and you want to see if you're compatible on an emotional level. Relationships are more complex than (ask girl out) -> (immediately a couple). Seriously, you're gonna look back and regret not just being more vulnerable. You need to stop making excuses and actually try.
Ayden Harris
I'm the actual user you were responding to. It's not a big jump on the commitment scale, it's a cup of coffee and talking in person instead of over a phone. It's as natural as can be. Don't overthink it.
Nathan Hall
Even then. I would ask someone out if the chances of getting a yes were better than a 50/50. I'm sure of it. I guess it does seem easy when you put it like that, but what about if we don't talk casually at all and it's just school related stuff? It's stupid to invite someone out over something like that. Not saying that I didn't speak casually with these 4 but that maybe I won't with the next one. My chances are already 0% to be with these 4.
Hudson Nguyen
That makes it even easier. Even basic friendships require some escalation. I buy coffee for friends at college all the time and it's just a platonic thing. Either way, you can't go wrong. When spending a little quality time with this girl, she or you may find that you'd like to see each other more.