My wife and I had a breakup half a year ago for a month or two. In this month, she has been with a few other people (it was only online but still).
Today I asked her to send me a nude and after looking at it, I realized that she took it while we were broken up for someone else. The nude was also incredibly suggesting and hot/seducing.
Now I know that she's been with other people in that time, but seeing her that way just made me feel devastated.
She says I'm being shitty and unreasonable for getting angry about that because its in the past, but I just can't get over it.
Are my feelings normal? Any advice on how to handle that? I'd ask how to get over that, but its almost like I WANT to be angry about it, I dont want to let it go....yet I recognozize that all this will do is hurt everyone involved.
It’s not unreasonable, for a few reasons. One, the fact that she couldn’t keep her legs closed for a MONTH after what is supposed to be a life long commitment should be a red flag. Two, she sent you a recycled nude that she took as fapbait for some fuckboy. She went through the trouble of staging this seductive pic for some rando but can’t even be bothered to take a new one for you? You got the nude pic version of sloppy seconds, dude. It’s fucking disrespectful, and her not recognizing that is a huge problem.
Grayson Hall
She couldn't even wait a month to spread her legs? Fuck that I'd Move on.
Noah Lopez
YES! Thats how I feel about this too, but she keeps telling me that I am a possessive narcissist.
>One, the fact that she couldn’t keep her legs closed for a MONTH after what is supposed to be a life long commitment should be a red flag Thank you. But hey, I'm bet I'm just slut shaming her or whatever.
The fact that she also fucked our only mutual male friend who we both were very close to, 3 DAYS after breakup, and then initially planed on keeping it a secret fucks with me. Her reason is "I thought its over forever and I had to find someone else".
She expects me to just move on and says I'm a possesive narcissist/mysoginist for not getting over it.
>Two, she sent you a recycled nude that she took as fapbait for some fuckboy. Yup, I always suspected the nudes she has been sending me were just recycled nudes for a former past stalker too. Turned out I was right about that too.
Its just fucking disrespectful and hurtful that she won't put in the same effort and energy into being hot and seductive with me, but apparently she does with other people. And then she sends me recycled nudes she took for SOMEONE ELSE.
>her not recognizing that is a huge problem. I think thats my biggest problem here. Her trying to call me a posessive narcissist instead of taking responsibility for her actions that caused an intense amount of pain is just fucking me up.
I still can't believe she send me recycled nudes she sent to another dude.
Gabriel Peterson
This makes me wish you can beat your wife.
Oliver Collins
2 or 3 days then she fucked one of our mutual best friends.
You know, if she just would put in half the effort into being sexual with me as she did with the other dudes, I might get over it.
What hurts most is that she won't have sex with me anymore, not indulge any fetishes I have, and when I asked her for flirty texts and hot nudes like a week before the break up, she said its too much to ask, but apparently it was okay to have a bunch of boyfriends at taking a shitton of nudes for strangers like a few days after our breakup.
I am heartbroken, and I can't talk to her about it, because she blames me and gets angry at me for having these feelings.
I want to be in this relationship, and for this, I absolutely need to get over that. I just...dont see how I can.
Chase Ortiz
She is gaslighting you, dude. If she though you were never getting back together, you wouldn’t have gotten back together. Like the fact that she was able to completely emotionally detatch after three days, AND fuck one of your friends to boot, and think this is totally acceptable behavior that doesn’t need to be justified and reconciled is fucked up. She is trying to make you question your own sanity and ethics by saying that YOU are a bar person for questioning her fucked up actions. This is exactly the kind of thing that breeds resentment over the course of an entire relationship. You should not waste any more of your time with this woman.
Henry Gonzalez
She is manipulating you...narcissism is a mental illness, she is literally calling you mentally ill because you have a problem with the way that she treated you. That is textbook manipulation. You don’t HAVE to get over it, you are ALLOWED to be angry.
Logan Barnes
leave her wtf, she sounds so horrible
Jace Morgan
She just asked me if I'm okay, and I told her that I posted this thread + read her the responses after she agreed to listen to it.
After I was finished reading the last comment (and I cut out the hurtful/offensive parts), she just told me "well fine, just be angry then I guess, apparently I'm just a sociopath" and stormed out of the room angrily.
Nicholas Williams
More deflection, now she’s removed the focus from her problematic behavior and turned herself into a victim whom you should feel sorry for. Another textbook antisocial trait. I’m sure you’re seeing the pattern by now.
Samuel Lewis
Ghost her and move on. If you try to get back with her the same thing is bound to happen again. The fact that you guys couldn't settle your problems and broke up the first place is proof of that.
Jason Butler
I gotta be self critical here.
I was the one who ended the realtionship because I suffered a shizophrenic break and heard God commanding me that I MUST break up with her forever, and so I did, and I told her that we cant ever be together again (we got back together after I recovered).
So maybe I should be a little more self-examining here. She tells me I also was a horrible boyfriend and treated her badly back then which is why she didnt want to send me any intimate pictures.
Also said she wanted to kill herself after our break up and realized that her only way to keep going is to jump onto the next best thing available after I definetly told her we are not getting back together.
She also kept loyal to me till the last moment up until the breakup. I mean she insisted we do polyamoury and open our relationship and I went ahead with it because I didnt wanna lose her, but she didn't fuck anyone in that period and infact she abandoned her life and traveled across the globe just to be with me, even in the deaththroes of our relationship.
I feel like this puts it more into perspective and that I should possibly stop being angry and appreciate her.
Mason Diaz
Another way of looking at it is that you got sick and she fucked your friend while you weren’t mentally all there. And now she is using mental illness (calling you possessive, a narcissist) as a weapon against you being naturally upset that she got dicked by another man like it was no big deal. Also, the implication of threat of suicide here is another HUGE red flag. Yeah, it sounds like you do have your own problems and I’m sure that you weren’t/aren’t the perfect husband. But honestly, to me, that seems like even more reason you guys should call it quits.
But really, there’s only one question here that matters, so let me ask it: do you honestly, deep down in your heart, believe that you can let go of this forever with zero resentment and have a fresh start?
Anthony Adams
First of all, thanks for your help so far. >But really, there’s only one question here that matters, so let me ask it: do you honestly, deep down in your heart, believe that you can let go of this forever with zero resentment and have a fresh start?
I thought I can. I already forgave her and moved on from this, I didn't think back about it. Then I saw this picture today and it completly devastated me and I couldnt stop hurting. It felt like a burning ball of pain in my guts.
I still love her and believe in our relationship. I want to let go of this and have a fresh start, I think what I want is her to acknowledge how fucked up all of that was instead of attacking me.
Right now she says she deserves better and possibly should leave because I am playing the victim, and bringing this up, and still holding it against her and yada yada...
Brody Jackson
You spineless creature. Don’t you realize how little self esteem you have to want to be with such a horrible girl?
dump her, and go fuck a prostitute if you cant get laid
The reason girls do this shit is because they have beta orbiters, thats why they can do it so fast, next time keep your selection of side dishes near
Andrew Perry
I’m going to give you some based and redpilled advice. Drop her like a sack of shit, which she is and move on. Also drop that mutual best friend, who obviously has no morals and principles.
Logan Evans
1: Polyarmory doesn't work for couples. There's a difference between hiring a sex toy we call a hooker, and fucking a best friend, and the difference is, the relationship with the hooker is done and closed, the relationship with the friend is totally different. Too many women try to get a man-slave from a relationship and don't realize that just ruins a perfectly good relationship and gives you unreasonable expectations. Being angry over that picture is not wrong, but verify your information first and explain to her how it makes you feel. If she continues to be dismissive, then you've got your problem.
2: If you think you are narcissistic or schitzophrenic, see a psychologist and don't be shy about changing psychologists until you find one that really helps you. Ask for them to help you using cognitive restructuring or engage in cognitive restructuring exercises yourself; look up the wikipedia article. Stay away from the drugs until that has prooven to not work. Pray to god for the truth when you do this. The "How am I narcissistic?" question is great to explore with thought logging and listing out specific actions. You will find communication is a PITB.
3: Given you are Scitzo, are you absolutely sure any of the information you have is correct? Are you making ANY Assumptions? If you are, write them down and evaluate them. I've been through Schitzophrenia, you have a lot of work to do on finding where the fine line between ridiculous and acceptable are and that takes a lot of practice to not just find but also communicate.
4: To be honest, Schitzo people should not be getting into relationships and if you're in one, you have a responsability to work through the mental illness. Also your mate is also probably mentally ill too.
Carson Flores
Your wife is a slut, move on mate. Not even trolling. If she's sending nudes within a month, there's no hope for her and I'd even wager that she cheated on you. The funny thing is, you know this yourself, but don't want to confront the fact, so you came here for sweet lies:
Michael Moore
/thread
Anthony Jones
You guys that get back together with a gf or a wife that roams free for a few days, much less weeks or months, are fools if you think they weren't fucking every dick that approached. Thats why women in relationships split up for a bit occasionally. Every relationship at some point the woman has done this so you have to be ok and accept it when you resume or not do it.
Guys, its like your kitty that is a house cat but she sees and hears all those tomcats squalling outside and that one time you slip up she flies out the door and gone a few days. She finally returns, dirty, wobbly, hungry and tired but you let her back in cause she purrs at you. What you have to understand is she's purring cause she fucked the neighborhood population of tomcats.
