Yet again I'm one of the only ones not invited to a birthday party from a classmate.
Why is literally in my class hating on me? Are they all talking behind my back making fun of me?
We moved when I was 2nd year and I thought it would be better in the new high school but it's even worse now that I'm senior.
Fuck this world, I might as well kill myself if I'm this likable, I'll NEVER have true friends.
Found out from a friend, he kept saying how great it'll be and then realized and asked me if I was invited, when I said no he just said: "Why not?"
How do you answer that?
Shit dude, I'm so sorry. I've been there; I know that feel
High school isn't forever. Believe me when I say it can get better. You can finish and then forget that hellhole
Me, I was in this situation in elementary. I was then homeschooled. After I finished school I went to uni and was still a loner. But then I decided to do whatever it took to learn social skills, and I did. Now I'm very good in social situations and people can't believe that I was ever an outcast.
You get a lot more independence when you're on your own. You can engage and disengage from society at whim.
Been there too,maybe you should just try to work you social skills outside school, and don't assume people hate you just because they don't talk to you.
I'm improving my social skills and I'm definitely doing everything right. I don't understand why they all hate me, I'm doing everything in my power to be normal. I don't have any abnormalities on me which would make others disgusted by me and avoid me.
Last time there was a party they all kept talking about how cool and awesome it was and kept referencing it for days, I couldn't take it anymore so I skipped school that entire week pretending to be sick.
But they do talk to me, normally ( I think ) but no one gets out of their way to do so, it's like we're complete strangers when not forced to engage in a conversation.
I'm improving my social skills and everything, a few months ago I couldn't talk to any girl one on one without spilling my spaghetti, now I'm fine in that aspect.
Yeah, i've felt exactly like that, especially at work. Maybe there's something you do without noticing that makes people think YOU don't want to talk to them, if that makes any sense
Sorry to hear that user, rest assured that when your life starts proper, i.e. when you go to work, you'll realise how little consequence they are. FFW 10 years, you'll probably be the wiser and better off for not getting wasted with school mates every weekend.
Probably doesn't feel like great advice.
Try not to seek attention or acceptance from them, appear content and confident (easier said than done I know), don't just automatically be everyone's FB buddy
You cant be the ONLY one in the class not invited. Come on.
You might just have that weirdo stigma sound you from first impressions. Dont let it get to you too much, its not that serious. High school politics are a fucking bitch.
Just wait until you graduate. Try talking to people you've never spoken to before. If you're working on yourself that's all that matters.
My best advice is dont be afraid of being alone. People can read people pretty well. They can tell when you're trying to talk to them just to validate yourself versus when the conversation is genuine. Just speak to people when you feel like it and if you dont want to dont.
Quit your bitching
Life is hard
Get over it
I said "one of the only ones", 3 of us not invited but the 2 other than me basically everyone knows wouldn't even show, it's not that they are asocial, they are friendly and everything, it's just that outside of school they spend time with their friends and it's known that they wouldn't come.
I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.
I'm as friendly as I can be without being annoying, same with being nice.
Well I feel like speaking to people and going to parties, and basically living my teenage life you all see in movies and tv shows, but I can't.
I'm not experiencing that party teenage life I was promised.
I'm living like a 30 year old... except I'm 18.
user, I was like this in HS, I am 27 now and here's the things I wish I had done differently/could do depending on your age that might help you.
>Try to be less angry/sad/openly hostile/closed off
I came to realise I was doing this without knowing I was doing it at first. I look back and see that in most encounters, I was the bad guy.
>Join a club
Even if you aren't mega into teh hobby, pick one relavent to your age and join one. Even if you are a total autist, you can always go join a D&D club or something. I was never sporty, so I joined debate club cos I liked politics and made some friends late on in my HS years.
>Look at how you dress/present yourself
I wish I could go back and slap myself and tell 14 year old me to get a haircut, not dress in meme clothes and shitty fad stuff, like the goth/rocker/Iron Maiden stuff I used to wear. If you can afford to, go and get a multipack of athletic grey/charcoal tshirts, all plain that fit you well. If you are skinny, slim fit. If you are fat, regular fit, not rapper big. If you are at all in shape, athletic. Black jeans that fit or dark blue, or olive/sand khakis. Get a normal haircut that's stylish but not too daring and most importnat..... BE CLEAN!!!
>Practise social skills
Start with convenience store people. Ask where X item is by saying in a firm and clear voice "excuse me". When they look at you, keep eye contact and don't have a neutral face, you look like a cereal killer. Have a slight and pleasant smile, not toothy and say "could you tell me wher x is please?". I used to shake on teh spot just talking like this, but it gets easy super fast.
>Conclusion
If you dress fine, smell nice, smile and can talk like a human, you will make aqauintances at first, and build up to friends.
>Try to be less angry/sad/openly hostile/closed off
I don't show any of these, like I am sad of course but only inside, it doesn't show.
>Join a club
I'm in a club and it's great but we don't do anything outside of it
>Look at how you dress/present yourself
I've been working on this a lot and I'm buying new clothes and stuff constantly.
>Practice social skills
I used to do a similar thing but stopped recently, I'd ask where a certain thing in the town is pretending I'm not from here.
I'm literally doing all of that now, maybe I fucked up at the beginning and now it's just too late?
And the funniest thing is, when a few of us were walking back from school a few days ago that classmate talked about how she's planning a big party and all, right in front of me, there were like 6 of us. It's not like she was ignoring me, we were all talking normally.
>I don't show any of these, like I am sad of course but only inside, it doesn't show.
You'd be surprised of what you preject outwardly. See my bad guy analogy above.
>I'm in a club and it's great but we don't do anything outside of it
Join some others, until you can assemble one or two friends that will be happy to come over and play vidya or go camping something you can do together
>I've been working on this a lot and I'm buying new clothes and stuff constantly.
Look up capsule wardrobe. If you are buying new stuff constantly, you might be sticking to trends too much. You could save yourself more money by buying the classics and going slightly higher quality.
>I used to do a similar thing but stopped recently, I'd ask where a certain thing in the town is pretending I'm not from here.
good, keep it up, and ask biggger stuff, like someone at a trains tation or bus stop, say "hey, could I just say, I really like your shoes, mind me asking wher eyou got them from?" You gotta practise and then advance to the next level or you stagnate.
>I'm literally doing all of that now, maybe I fucked up at the beginning and now it's just too late?
Fuck off lad, it's not too late. I was an autist till I was 18 at least, then I was a normal guy with no game, now I',m 27 and a charmer who dresses nice and has a job and is pretty good in conversation and can get a girls number or two here and there.
>POST SCRIPT
How's your exercise routine? I found that I hate the gym and routines, so I took up martial arts. The instructors handle the routines for you, I got confident fast, dropped some weight, started looking good to the opposite sex (and the same desu) and if you are an autsit, technical martial arts like BJJ are great cos they aren't attractive to meatheads or try-hards. Scratch a BJJ guy and you'll find a DnD star wars nerd underneath.
>hey, could I just say, I really like your shoes, mind me asking where you got them from?
Now that seems really really hard, maybe...
Weight is not my problem, I'm average weight, maybe a bit under but all well. I'm doing some body weight at home because I hate gyms and stuff like that, I've tried martial arts but lost interest.
I don't think that's my problem.
build up to the social stuff. That's teh key. You can be fat, ugly, poorly dressed and still kill it socially if you have mad skills. Work on that then and you'll get there.
As for you could play this many ways, maybe address it and say to the girl, "you got 30 people at YOUR house? Wow, that's gonna be pretty cosy. Hope you have fun". And mean it genuinely with a smile. People might be unsure to invite you because they don't know you well, but something like this might address teh elephant in teh room and they might say "what? you talk as if you aren't coming, you are coming user, right?".
Can't tell you how many parties I missed cos I didn't want to be the guy to just turn up and be unwelcome, but later was asked where the fuck I was, people assuming I was invited.
face reality mate it will never happened if you did something to make what you want happen.
Nah I'm uninvited 100%.
She sent a facebook message to everyone and then reassured it in person.
then she's a bitch. She's getting her kicks from ostracizing you. The only way to to deal with this minefield, if you have weirded out these people over something, is find some low hanging fruit from the group and a common interest, and invite them out for something. Three or four will do, then two of tehm again a differnet one. then one of the same and another two. Eventually you will cycle around the group and create your own little centre of gravity. If she's teh sun, then you can become Jupiter, and either you'll have your own moons to be friend with, or you will be pulled into her circles and circles like it, and maybe she will accept you. Popular kids always want to know what the novel new person is about and hate the idea of them not inviting a potential winner to their party. They know that if that happens enough, they won't have the best an dmost exclusive parties around.
Go after taht low hanging fruit son.
But she's not the sun, if she is then there are a lot of suns.
This wasn't the first time this has happened to me. Maybe they are bitches but what's the point of me thinking "oh yeah they are bitches" and coping like that if I'm still wasting my teenage years being an outcast?
Because you never shower and have gross hair.
How would you know?
I shower every other day and have normal mid length hair.
spolier alert, they are all bitches.
They all want to be around the cool kids, because there is no social status is raising up all the other ones. She's a teenage girl, not Jesus of Nazareth.
So you have to be appealing to the girls and the guys in the corresponidng ways and you will be in the field of view.You do it with teh advice I first gave you, particuarly the talking advice. If you find the shoe example difficult, no wonder you are having trouble.
Best thing I did was pick someone you admire and want to be like, and study them. Doesn't matter who they are, just emulate them. It could be a friend or a celebrity. Mine was Gavin McInnes (inb4 Jow Forumsack tier Trump loving kool kid). He made me laugh with his show at Rebel Media and his video about how you shouldn't talk like you are arguing in a debate, but learn about pub-talk was pretty cool. It made me be more relaxed around people. I was no longer the guy to go to for help with soemthing academic, but I am a barrel of laughs and more popular now.
Shower EVERYDAY and go for pic related.
and here are the beginnings of your capsule wardrobe.
Also, use anti-persperant and pick a simple fragrence you like. Spicy ones are nice on guys but it depends on the person, if you have dark hair and such, spicy. If you are fair, go for something refreshing.
that's my hair rn
Good. You style it?
Hows your skin?
Moisturise and keep it looking healthy
If you are low-T and have a ratty beard, don't EVER let it grow out.
First off you aren't me, my hair is longer but why would it even matter?
I have some of that.
No I've taken the advice, it's not that I neglected it.
Do you think this changes after high school? I'd like to correct myself a bit with stuff you said but I don't want to completely change myself.
if you are teh op then the same advice to you.
See post .
It matters cos even slightly grown out hair, unless properly and carefully styled to look good, is a sign of an uncaring and untidy person who is not desireable to the opposite sex.
You are always aiming for beign desireable as even if you are just after friends, sex appeal is the number one benchmark. Guys wanna be you, girls wanna be with you. Visit the barber (a decent one, not a faggy stylist or anything) at least a week before you say the words "hmmm, maybe it's time for a trim".
>but I don't want to completely change myself
Time for a big cynic-pill, but this whole "be yourself" shit is exactly that, shit. You need to mould yourself into something, you aren't born a certain character. There isn't some genuine and wonderful "you" under the awkwardness, he is made through experience and circumstance. So work on yourself and stop replying with "yeah I did all that". You wouldn't be turning to the chans for advice if you had, so get out there and do the work.
And yes, it changes after HS, basic timexexposure to the world=more rounded and mature you. You aren't stuck like this unless you have serious untreated mental illnesses that will worsen with time like schizophrenia.
I'm trying to imitate people around me as much without losing myself and falling under peer pressure, but guess I should just go all out.
don't imitate the people around you, find someone you admire and stick to that. A hero user, find a hero. Maybe it's an artist or a singer or something, especially someone that speaks publically. When I joined debate club, I statered watching Christohper Hitchens. Hows and hows of the guy. He made me more savvy as I found my speech amtched his cadence and inflection.
Don't imitate your peers, you will always be second rate as they are highschool kids too. And they will notice your autism in mirroring them and cringe at you. You gotta find someone god-like to look upto.
best thing to do at this point is go makes some bullet point notes from this thread and exclude the haters
I'm sure you can figure out which posts have been mine and from other productive anons.
Make a list of notes and work towards building yourself up. The interactions and social soft skills (like tone of voice and eye contact) are the most important and only come through practice.
anyway, I gotta go kiddo so good luck and don't take it all too seriously. With proper self-improvement practises and some stoicism (look into that) and practise you will get there. I was in worse shape and got to where I want to be. Just practise and don't waste your time telling yourself you'll try another time to talk to the girl at the checkout or you'll get a haircut next week or you smell fine today, a shower can wait till tomorrow.
I already have an idol kinda so I guess I'm going to be more like him.
I'm writing a text document with all the points actually and saving the link to the thread, I'm taking this seriously.
Alright, thank you.