My psychologist is trying to gently coerce me to accept that university and a splendid career are not realistic options. Being career-oriented and job-driven are all I’ve ever wanted in life.
How do you give up your dreams without feeling like a failure?
>My psychologist is trying to gently coerce me to accept that university and a splendid career are not realistic options
Why do you believe this?
I live in a highly educated and highly competitive country and I am fucking stupid.
That doesn't address my question. I will try again: Why do you believe that your shrink wants you to give up on your dreams?
We’ve been talking about feelings and values and he keeps using mutually exclusive examples (valuing the environment vs. really liking monster trucks, it makes sense in context), and we’re trying to map out my values and whatever they are I suppose they’re contradictory or mutually exclusive with getting into university and being outstanding in the field.
are you able to study and apply yourself for university and get good grades? Would you choose schoolwork over partying or something else? If you do, then i cant see how you cant at least attempt university. Or even a trade school.
Then that's not your shrink trying to tell you to give up on your dreams. That's them trying to get you to see you are in conflict with yourself...that's even assuming I can trust your ability to convey anything which is largely already suspect.
Quit trying to sabotage yourself and listen to/work with the expert you are paying.
Have you been diagnosed with mental disabilities preventing you from learning new things?
No. I am unable to study or get good grades. I sure can try to apply for university but I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell to actually pass the entrance exams.
Can you make an outstanding career out of trade school if you don’t want to start and run your own company?
I don’t see any other options of what he’d be after for repeatedly bringing up that I’ve got high standards/expectations for myself and that a job and career are only one part of life, if he didn’t want me to give up on them.
No. I’m just incapable of learning anything useful or remembering anything I’ve read in a textbook.
yeah don’t try to go to university if you have no work ethic. By trade school i mean you can be an electrician or plumber or something. Many of them dont have their own company, and can live rather well by working for someone else, if they are responsible. You can make a nice career. but you will never be a businessman or something else that requires a degree. You still need to study in trade school by the way
If you're not interested in a thing, you won't learn it.
”I can’t study” doesn’t mean ”I don’t wanna”, it means ”I can stare at this text for 5 hours and have my eyes slide over it time and time again and no information will be absorbed by my brain.
I failed in becoming an electrician because the physics side of it. I just could not get myself to learn it.
”Nice” isn’t outstanding, and I still don’t know how to give up my dreams of being successful without feeling like a failure.
we cant all be bill gates. We cant all be models and actresses and athletes. You will definitely be a failure if you continue to hold onto an impossible thing that you know is impossible and contribute nothing. You have to do the best you can at something worthwhile for you.
Society needs trade workers and public service people. Can you work in elderly care? A national park? Animal rescue shelters? Join military?
Maybe you should try university just to hammer it in that you have another calling.
>Splendid career
True, this isn't possible for everyone. But a large part of this is luck. You can be stupid and unskilled as fuck and land your ideal career and great wealth out of the luck of connections, or being in the right place at the right time.
>University
Dude, that's not impossible for anyone. Anyone can go to university if they put the work in. Even if you're 32 sitting there thinking you missed your chance, you can take courses independently to meet the admissions and go as a mature student. If that's what you really want to do, go for it. And it will help your confidence I'm sure.
Elderly care was where I failed in nursing, it was just too horrifying, absolute hell on earth.
The army turned me down, and I didn’t pass the entrance exams to any university I tried to get into.
Do national parks have staff? What do they do? Shoot poachers?
Finnish universities have entrance exams. If you didn’t do sufficiently well in your graduation exams, you won’t even be accepted into DOING the exam.
I got accepted into a few entrance exams because I did well in english (I’m not officially bilingual, I wrote english as a second language). They all turned me down. In one, the best 44 got in. I scored 213th.
The blocks that forbid me are external, not internal. One does not simply walk into a finnish university.
Yes, national park have staff. They make sure the trails are clear, park maintenance, deal with wild animal care and safety, help lost hikers. I dont think there are really poachers to shoot in the usa. It doesnt pay well. but you get room and board usually, and it’s nice and meaningful work.
You can also try manual labor? The oil rigs pay well i hear.
There has to be something you can do. Are you good at anything? Is there anythig you find yourself able to do for hours?
I’m not in the usa.
I’m fairly small, I’m not sure anyone would even hire me to do manual labour if a bigger guy is available, and I don’t remember the last time I saw an adult man who was shorter than me, discounting straight-up little people.
And no. I am not good at anything, and by your question I assume you mean literally anything else other than browsing the internet and playing Hearthstone. No, there’s nothing I can stomach doing willingly for even 30 minutes without a break.
I’d also like to point out that ”I can’t get a job” was not the problem I am seeking help for. I need to find a way to stomach and endure the worthless existence a meaningless job will provide.
Since you can play hearthstone for more than 30 minutes, then you do have the ability to do something else. like a job, for more than 30 minutes. You are just being like a kid and you have to realIze you need to work hard. If you were unable to do literally anything, not even browse the internet, for more than 30 minutes then i would feel for you.
Try to get any kind of job. Like restaurant work. You failed at a lot of things. Try something else.
My problem was not ”I can’t get a job”. I have no problem holding a job. My problem was, and still is, trying to find a way to accept that this is what life is going to be forever, without becoming actively suicidal.
I'm just curious, what is elderly caring like? I'm in a job where I often meet caregivers and I wonder what they go through.
Can you imagine Hell? Imagine Hell. Inferno. Everyone around you is crippled, terrified and in pain. Your job is to make it not-hell. You cannot. These people are here to rot and wait for death and your job is to make them rot slower and not feel like they’re only there to rot and wait for death. You cannot. This is all your fault.
You want to cry. You can’t, your shift is not over yet.
Oh. The caregivers I come across are generally the in-home care type. That sounds much more bleak.
How about you go to trade school and get a well paying blue collar job you fucking moron
I tried to endure it, I really did. The constant stench of death and constant presence of the dying. I didn’t complain, I didn’t show fear or disgust. I did my best but my supervisor said my best wasn’t good enough.
If there's so much educated smartasses then trade jobs like HVAC or electrician work are probably in short supply and well compensated. Go for that shit.
I’m starting a counter of times I’ve repeated this in this tread:
#3 my problem is not finding menial work. My problem is accepting my fate and giving up the dream of doing something better.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I am university-educated and have a job that needs a college degree, but it's one that isn't very impressive or fulfilling and certainly doesn't make me feel like I'm making the most of my potential.
I'm trying to work on my personal projects outside of work, putting my ambition there instead of in the workplace. I'd like to consider changing careers, too, but laziness and emotional problems keep getting in the way.
Oh, I’ve tried that, too. Ten years of trying to write a book, it turns out I really don’t have what it takes to write a book.
OP, maybe consider what the term "splendid career" means, as far as you're concerned?
What makes one career more meaningful than another? Sure there are jobs that are utterly irrelevant, but I'm not talking about those. A cook, making delicious food, or a server giving a guest a great experience, or a lawyer advising a client; do any of those strike you as meaningful or not?
Then, why is one meaningful, and another not? Are you looking for prestige, and for other people to look at you and think you're doing well for yourself (external validation)? Are you looking for a feeling of satisfaction that you've made a difference in someone's life? Are you able to look at whatever work you've done in a day, and been satisfied that you've done as much as you could have in the time you were given, and with the tools you had available?
The fuck does that mean? Anyone can write a book, it just might not be good.
What does it take to write a book?