A girl I’ve been seeing said I love you, that caught me by surprise, so I responded thanks and walked her out of my house.
Here’s the funny thing, we are not dating, from what I can remember I’ve never asked, we go on dates, i invite her with my friends since they’ve seem to like her, I’ve met her friends out of a coincidence really, and to stop the questioning of my family about settling down I invited her to a bbq at my parent’s place
She’s a nice girl and all, we get along nicely, but I don’t love her, I don’t want her as a girlfriend either, she’s great in the boudoir tho and I would like to keep this thing I just assumed we had.
How to put it delicately so she doesn’t freak out, after the I love you incident, she has been calling me repeatedly and I’ve been “busy” or “unavailable”. My friend’s help is jack shit so I’m looking for the opinion of adv/ now
She’s probably going to freak out regardless so you need to be honest. She obviously wants something serious and you’re not available to be that guy for her so you need to tell her so she can move on. It’s only fair.
Aaron Anderson
Ironically the cold turkey disconnection you're performing is probably the best thing. There's no way for this to go delicately. She caught BIG feels in a really unfortunate situation. The kindest thing you can do is accelerate her journey toward accepting that this is not gonna work out. Speaking of which, you also need to accept that you're never going to even speak to her again. Even a simple "hello" is going to give her the wrong impression. Sex obviously would turn this into a shit storm. It's over.
Grayson Lewis
I mean, we met on tinder, we actually started going out when we recognized each other while having a drink with our own friends, we made out, we ended up together more, we talked about what we wanted and we never mentioned something between us, not me not her, I normally avoid things and chicks like this but, damn she’s kinky and let’s me do a bunch of stuff, she actually kinda reminds me of the archer girl, hence the photo, but if she’s gonna flip her shit, better sooner than later I guess
Nathaniel Kelly
Fuck, that’s just what I wanted to see if avoidable, let’s just hope she doesn’t turn into a crazy she devil after that
Angel Morris
The cleaner you make the break, the less likely this is to progress. Even if she does lose her cool it'll burn out sooner if you cut ties and keep them cut. There's really nothing you can do in these situations except manage the fallout.
Robert Sullivan
I hope, the last girlfriend I had tried to use the false pregnancy thing, then the not so cute you’re mine and I’ll tell all the girls you see, and finally the unsuccessful attempt of making me jealous.
Yeah, I know, boy I can pick em’ no? It’s just the crazy that attracts me
Joshua Bell
Fuck you. You should have made it clear how you felt in the beginning.
Samuel Jones
Crazy ex’s texts I keep em’ to laugh from time to time
I suppose i thought it was implied. >Meet people on app to hook up >Do just that >Don’t know how to react after an uncalled situation >End things to avoid worst case scenario
Jacob Stewart
Can you honestly say you didn't see her feelings coming? Pretending to be dense won't make her feel any better.
Adam Phillips
It wasn’t dense, I honestly will say I don’t even see it as a relationship, how can I relate to that if it wasn’t even in my mind on the first place, it was just an arrangement, I call we meet, that’s it, later the little chit chat over here and there, hanging with friends and family’s bbq but not once I lead her to believe we were dating, not once
Gabriel Edwards
She obviously must've felt differently about it. Sounds like things a couple might do to me.
David Smith
lmao never tell a girl u love her
Evan Moore
Never did, she said it to me
Jackson Jenkins
The family bbq is the one flag that would imply it was semi-serious. That's understandable.
Grayson Phillips
>Hey meet my parents >Wtf you thought i wanted relationship? I havent even done anything relationship like
Can tell if you're a shortsighted idiot or just immensely dense or both
Never heard of a case where someone would invite their hookup/ fwb to a familygathering. Did you even tell her the purpose of inviting her along? Regardless of answer this is an act of immense disrespect to your family
I hope she goes nuts and murdersuicide your dense ass
Jaxon White
This honestly, OP. It is possible to be FWBs/fuckbuddies but you have to act like it. If you let a girl sleep over, hold her in your arms after sex, kiss/make out with her outside of sex, do date-like things like going to a movie together etc... Then you're acting like you're more than people who meet up to fuck and you shouldn't be surprised if she turns around and developed feelings beyond wanting to fuck you.
People aren't robots where you can program "we're never going to date" and then you can do whatever you want. If you don't want a relationship your actions should reflect that and inviting a girl you're sleeping with (for long?) to a family outing where they can think something might be sparking between the two of you is firmly NOT platonic or fuckbuddy territory.
And yes you fucked up, shoot her a text saying sorry but you have no feelings and are not looking for anything and you need space from each other. There's no other way, say goodbye to the sex.
Wyatt Price
Yeah, this. If you don't straight up say AFTER THE FIRST TIME YOU FUCK. "Look, I want you to know I'm not looking for anything serious. You were cool and I liked spending time with you but I am in no way shape or form looking for a girlfriend or a relationship." If she is hurt, you move on to the next. If she is cool with it they usually hang around for 3 or 4 months and then find something else that entertains them. But you have to be a fucking adult and use your words. You act just like them, they can't read your mind.
Zachary Carter
>mfw a friend of mine did exactly that
Having been in this sort of situation, I feel immensely sorry for her, but that's life sometimes I suppose. Being friendzoned just hurts a lot, especially since she dropped the L bomb.
My friend decided to just act nonchalantly about it, and act like it didn't happen. It escalated, became increasingly worse for me, and I had a meltdown at some point, which did not end well. You can't pretend it didn't happen, because she wont handle that in a way that lets you stay as friends.
Your best bet is probably to just let her blow up on her own, let her cool off, and then try to slowly let her back in, with the clear message that you do not love her back, and you will never be a couple, but would like to just be friends.
Nathan Kelly
To clarify the BBQ thing, it was a Saturday morning and we had the idea to go the beach and we did, with a some friends not by our own, so I got a text from my brother asking if I was going to the BBQ and that i had to go at least to say hello, so I said to my friends “Hey listen guys I’m going to this thing, don’t kill this for me I’ll be back, or I’ll give you a call if it’s late to see where you at” everyone kinda doubt I would go back and I decided to bring her to the family gathering, one to stop my parents about settling down, and two so I could go back to the other things with our friends as quick as possible, I did told her, hey listen ignore everything y mom or sister say, this is a common BBQ so don’t worry, we can come to one of these another day, if you want, we go in. Say hello, stay for a couple drinks and go back to the beach, deal? And she accepted, I did not presented her as a girlfriend or significant other, or partner, I just said, “Hey this is Katie, I’m sorry for the delay we were at the beach” stayed for a couple hours and returned to our friends THAT WAS IT...
Lucas Edwards
I didn’t acted as a boyfriend, I’m not even really a boyfriend material, I’m working all day, we don’t even text all day long, or even daily, sometimes a whole week can go by and not a single text is sent, i do let her sleepover, but that’s only because I wouldn’t like to let her go back home at 3 in the morning, i do the same, I stay because at her place because I don’t want to drive 20-30 min at 3 in the morning, we do hold hands from time to time and dont make out in public since she has an issue with that. No, I’m not a break up through text kinda guy, I’m not that level of a douchebag
Samuel Bennett
>I did not presented her as a girlfriend or significant other, or partner, I just said, “Hey this is Katie, I’m sorry for the delay we were at the beach” Dude, you said yourself that silencing your parents about your love life was part of the reason for bringing her. You were hoping they'd think you were dating. So don't act like you have no idea how it could look like you're a couple now.
No one is saying you told the girl that you're dating or going to date. What we're saying is that your actions don't line up with what you say you want. A fuckbuddy is for sex. Not for a nice afternoon spent at the beach with friends, followed by introducing her to your parents. If she's a fuckbuddy in the sense that you only send her a drunken text at 1 am asking if she's still awake and if she wants to get her pussy licked, then you don't need to clarify that you're not moving towards a relationship. If you allow her to socialize with your friends, spend her free time with you just doing fun things, and bring her to meet your parents, then no it's absolutely NOT implied that this is no strings attached sex. The strings are already there. If you want NSA sex actually leave the strings out of it and don't welcome your fuckbuddy into different areas of your life.
Gabriel Richardson
The actual thing that happened after the first hook up was an hour or two talk of what did we wanted (professionally, personally) how we both weren’t looking for a relationship at that time, we went for a beer and had breakfast at the beach
Jason Johnson
This is the problem with milineals roght here, some of yall, most of yall, dont know how to handle awkwardnessnsp you just hit the eject button soon as possible. You should have said >love? That caught me off guard. Why? Or >when you say love, what do you mean? Obviously shes into you so she'll be glad to answer either one and talk about her feelings more, and then you would understand her more. But when you just bail as hard as possible like that it leaves her feeling like shit, makes you look bad, and nobody is happy. Jeez.
Honestly she might be rightfully upset about it and not even want to be involved with you anymore but idk. You kinda screwed up. And it's okay for you to say >honestly I've never thought about you like that. I see you mostly as a friend, but I love the relationship we have. Because at least that's being receptive. But MAN you handled that bad.
Carson Reed
Holding hands, bringing someone to meet your parents and being open to making out in public on your side IS acting like a boyfriend and is not negated by sometimes not texting for a week. You can't act lovey dovey (= holding hands, which is not sexual but affectionate or romantic/tender) with someone you want nothing but sex from because it sends the message that you do want more.
This is good but to someone hopeful "not looking for a relationship" can still mean "what happens happens but it's not an active goal" to someone hopeful, particularly if you increase seeing them afterwards.
Hell, even spending two hours talking after sex isn't the norm for casual sex. And yes I do understand that it's nicer to have sex with someone you also cuddle up with and also spend your spare time with but you get dangerously close to "this is a relationship in every sense but calling it a relationship" and that's bound to be hurtful. Again, if you want to have just. sex. then you actions need to match that. And holding her hand doesn't suggest you just want to fuck her sometimes, it suggests she gives you butterflies.
Noah Green
Not much as dating her in particular, but that I wasn’t dicking around like I’m used to, I’ve always brought my dates (fuckbuddy if you wanna call her that) to my friends, going to the beach, or cinema, or grab a drink or something to eat is what o always do, with everyone, not specifically a significant other, but what ever, I just texted her and she hasn’t replied yet, I might call her in a few minutes anyways
Levi Smith
The thing is, a date isn't a fuckbuddy. Someone you date you're going to see 1-5 times and then never again unless you get together or do become FWBs. If you're only going on your second date then it's kind of obvious that apparently you are quick to bring a girl around to your friends.
Sleeping with someone for prolonged time is intimate whether or not you have an intimate relationship. You had this girl fall asleep next to you or in your arms and not once or twice but at least a handful of times. You saw her wake up, what she's like when she barely knows where she is. You made an effort to tweak your moves to please her to the fullest. Those are powerful things and obviously she already finds you attractive and nice if she wants to sleep with and spend time with you. If you take all of that, and THEN add walking hand in hand and bringing her to your parents, yeah...
The casualty needs to come from somewhere. If someone is a brief presence in your life it's different. If a woman will be in your country for a weekend only it's not weird to spend twelve hours together, get breakfast, act silly and goofy and sweet, shower together etc and then say goodbye. If you build a bond with someone over time and you sleep with someone again and again over time then you need to take a step back in other ways to still uphold the idea of not being a traditional couple.
And yes in theory it's possible to act like people in love and not fall in love but for this to work on both sides is really rare and it's not worth aiming for unless you want to go around breaking hearts left and right. If all else fails literally tell a girl "I like to bring girls around to my friends, I have no qualms about them meeting my parents, it does NOT mean anything's changed or that I've started to develop feelings for you". But it doesn't go without saying.
Ryan Cruz
Contrary to popular belief atm, I don’t just go around trying to hurt anyone, I haven’t been in a relationship for years now, but I do get many dates with many girls, I’ve always thought myself as someone who’s honest from the beginning, the behavior that I have with them is the same, I don’t want them to think I am hiding them, or that I’m ashamed of being with them, so a hey I’m going here with friends want to come, or a hey I’m bored/hungry/thirsty want to hang is always up, after sex, I usually like to listen to them, and throw in the I’m not looking for something, and the questioning if they are (so I can let them know I’m not), in this particular case we weren’t looking anything at first (so I did what I normally do, nothing special, what I’ve done with many) she turned out to have feelings, in the long term I know I will have to face the music, I just wanted to know how hurt the girl could get, since I don’t hate her and I don’t want her to feel miserable, and how to make it as lightly as I could.
Jack Roberts
So update, we’ve been chatting through WhatsApp and well, here’s the convo, I think this is a wrap, thanks for the comments and everything but well this is the aftermath
What ever, name is irrelevant, no social media of hers has it, and no phone number is shown so feel free to look for her if you please
Jackson Sullivan
Yuck, a nigger
Parker Bell
More like mocha, but blackish from my waist down ;)
Jayden Murphy
>Is what you're doing wrong Not just that, it's totally pointless and embarrassing. You're perpetuating a culture of anti-social and low social capital standards. Casual sex is a meme, don't waste your time with it and try to find someone to settle with. Good God man, you're fucking her and complaining that she suddenly has *any* feelings towards you. Think about that for a second. Think about how pointless this whole relationship is, think about what standards this woman is learning is the norm.
There are far larger issues in life you should be facing which are wasted on this relationship. Cut her out of your life or try to get something long term out of it.
You're hurting them worse by fucking and leaving them btw, perhaps you just don't realize it yet as you're young? The more of these interactions you have the less they all mean, a solid long term relationship is built between people it is not magically discovered. You're making it gradually harder for her and yourself to find anyone you would settle with.
Hudson Lewis
YUCK, a mutt
Nolan Rivera
Geez, settle down pa’ at the moment I have a stable job in which I recently got promoted, I don’t do drugs other than weed every now and then (if you want to count that) I’m buying 2 condos, one to live in and one to rent or Airbnb it, I’m 26, no kids, and i think I deserve to have something only if I want to and as long as I’m not hurting someone (hence the thread) so, why should I just settle down or stop what I do?
Luis Perry
Using capital letters makes you seem edgy and seriously dangerous, good work boyo
Juan Lee
>I'm 26, have no kids and am buying condos after I got promoted at work Do you even know what you want in a woman? Do you really think you're going to find that woman? Ponder that for a second before you're too old to
Jayden Walker
Perhaps I will ask her in the future, perhaps I won’t do it, as up to now I’m ok, glad that she’s not hurt, relieved that she’s ok as well, and we’ll see what’s up later today, even perhaps a little commitment could be useful to make things better, only if she wants aswell of course
Carter Price
Listen to Don't go completely cold-turkey, that's just cruel. Make sure you tell her explicitly how you feel.
Juan Smith
Do you even know what you want in a woman? I do, the thing is, i don’t understand why i have to settle down as fast as I can, I’ve seen what that does, 1 of my brothers got married as soon as he finished school, guess what? He discovered he’s not that compatible with the girl as he thought he was, not even after 6 years of relationship, is in the verge of divorce, he’s seriously in debt, the other of my brothers is so foolishly inlove he got his girlfriend pregnant as soon as he could and he’s working his ass to be able to pay for the twins, girlfriend’s stuff, and a house he doesn’t even own. And well my sister married her college sweetheart and now is a housewife noth8mg wrong with that tho. > Do you really think you're going to find that woman? Ponder that for a second before you're too old to I graduated 3 years ago, i worked as an intern receiving shit money for a year, got hired, and two years after I’m getting promoted, I am just securing a legacy, I want to find a girl yes, do I make that a priority atm not really
Grayson Barnes
I will, no worries, I’m just happy to know she’s ok, she’s not hurt, and well, she’s willing to discuss more about what happened, did I got scared I think I did, after the conversation, not so much really, it seems she wants to make things better as much as I do, and we’ll, the making things serious could appear in the conversation, not pushing things of course
Xavier Brooks
>Do you even know what you want in a woman? Yes, it was one of the first things I had to figure out about myself. As Socrates said, an unexamined life is not worth living. What each of your family members did, except for your sister thought it sounds like she's happy, was almost exactly what you have done. They didn't examine their lives and simply lived pursuing their whims. That's an ignorant way to live , man.
What are you building a legacy for here exactly? Just yourself? Well, you ought to have had some sort of plan in mind at least or else you, like your brother who got married straight out of highschool, have just worked towards something you might not have even wanted to begin with. You're still pretty young, just take some time to think about these things.
Elijah Nguyen
Nigga what the fuck is wrong with you why would you post her name and face you asshole
Jordan Bennett
>already trying to manipulate I hope the pussy was worth it
Grayson Sanders
Hope this makes things better, changed the name of course, I’m not that dense, I did uploaded one photo of us, my mistake, sorry user
It was until she changed and became a bunny boiler situation, after that I cut her loose
Jace Flores
Oh ok good good. Still don't post pics baka. Anyway tell her she's at least a 7 and should be proud.
Mason Jones
Tell her you will become a monk Or you are going on a crusade to reclaim the holy land She will understand and support you throughout your holy fuckin endeavors
