Is it morals? Values? High standards? Being insecure?
Caring about partner sexual history, is it wrong? I want the discussion to remain civil.
Is it really wrong if I care about my partner being pure/as experienced as me? How do I force myself to not care about it?
If you care about it then you care about it.
People will say it's because you are insecure regardless of which way you prioritize but it's not enough to know about something if you can't change it and I have yet to meet someone who changed how they feel about partner count.
The only person I'd ever consider marrying is a low-to-no partner-count woman, who is also young, debt free, and tattooless. Short term flings, pumping and dumping, and leaving bastards behind is what all other women are for. I'm more than happy to die alone if I can't find a suitable mate.
>You are insecure
Is the go to sentence everyone runs with. But I always found it silly, it's a legit concern. So what if I'm insecure, of course I would be. Even if she's a virgin I can be insecure about her wanting someone taller, stronger, better. It's just way more stronger if it's a girl who's been passed around.
And the whole
>she's been with many but she picked you
makes no sence to me. It's more like it didn't work out with others and that's why I get the chance.
I don't know really how to force myself not to care about stuff like that. Yeah I'm a virgin, but even if I wasn't I probably would prefer someone on my range of intimate and romantic experience.
>The only person I'd ever consider marrying is a low-to-no partner-count woman, who is also young, debt free, and tattooless.
My friend who is a manwhore says the same thing, he likes easy whore women when it comes to party, but when he is looking for serious relationship he always goes for a virgin or a shy low partner count girl.
It's sad how many women he ruined and how women actually go for such men.
He hasn't "ruined" that many women, only given them what they want. Unless, of course, you mean to say women are self-destructive?
Way to completely twist my argument from being similar to yours to being opposite.
You need to work on your reading comprehension.
>Way to completely twist my argument from being similar to yours to being opposite
Well if you do like to have casual sex with casual women and consider low-to-no partner-count woman as the only option for a relationship then sorry, but that is a manwhore behaviour. I'm not trying to be mean, just sleeping around is trashy.
>ruined
They all have trust issues now as far as I can tell, they kind of became bitter towards men especially towards me (virgin) as if I'm just pretending to be different than my manwhore friend. I don't know, it's weird.
They even make the feeling of not wanting anything to do with women with sexual past/baggage even stronger.
Just sounds like you're a beta. They hate you because of that, not because your chad friend satisfied them.
Yes it matters, high partner counts means the person is a hedonist, and do you really want a hedonist as a partner?
Could be true. Like one of them even told me that I probably woundn't even know what to do with a woman. She was right, I still don't know.
Still it makes women with sexual past even more offputting. How to force myself not to care about it? About her past, her prejudice, about my prejudice towards her?
Maybe it's because I missed out on teenage love where you get rid of the overly romanticising relationship and relations with women.
>pure
You are not pure. You watch degenerate porn and fap to chinese cartoons. The one and only reason you want a virgin girl is because of your massive insecurity. This is the truth no matter how much incels try to pre-emptively deny it.
>>pure
>You are not pure. You watch degenerate porn and fap to chinese cartoons.
But she can watch whatever she wants I will still treat her as pure as long as she doesn't participate in them. I can hold her to the same standards I hold myself. Do you understand?
So you accept she will also be a fat ugly smelly NEET?
Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't get rid of your prejudices. No. You should keep them, be stubborn, be unrelenting in your beliefs. But you should stop seeking women as a end; they are merely means to an end. That end is the satisfaction of your will's desire. I'd be hard pressed to believe that no longer being a virgin will satisfy your strongest motive, but, getting sex may make it easier to focus on your will.
Even so, sex is satisfying only to the primal parts of the mind. Love (as in true or romantic love) is more satisfying to the intellectual parts, but still ultimately based on natural feelings of the body and mind. Desiring love for the beauty of love itself is different, and a product of the will. What is beautiful to you? This takes some self-reflection. You will have to battle specters in the mind that tell you to want one thing over another. External opinions and even those of your primal mind are not the only motivators you have.
Don't surrender to anyone but your own will. Figure it out, and never compromise
I'm grtting called out as bait for this but...
I married my wife, she had over 30 partners and i was a virgin.
It hasn't mattered.
It dosn't make me pure or not.
You can have 100+ partners and be careful about it, or a virgin who gets HIV first time because no condom.
Her sexual past is actually great because fucking is a skill, and she's great at it and i love it.
Happy for you user. You probably are a happy couple and have lots of sex.
I changed my mind once I grew up, got laid,and realized sex was a fun activity that wasn't some world altering life event.
The reality is barely anything matters if you’ve found someone you really believe is the one. You might think that a virgin is the only acceptable state because you haven’t met a woman who fulfills every one of your other needs and wants. So many people of all ranges of experiences don’t even know what they really want in a life partner so they get hung up on the persons past and often get stuck in unfulfilling relationships.
>It's more like it didn't work out with others and that's why I get the chance
Yes, and? Why shouldn't you be glad for the present you are enjoying with her? It's the same perfectionistic mentality that makes people believe in The One™ and True Love™ instead of making small compromises and being content with the reality they have in front of them.
If you want to chase rainbows, all the power to you. But as you age, experience the world, and have your illusions of perfectness shattered you may reconsider.
I'll say this.
As a young lad growing up around these type of females I'm convinced that a women's body were not made for multiple males anybody trying to argue otherwise to me is either a delusional whore-monger,unlearned male or a female who's already or potentially interested in walking the path of promiscuity one or the other. So far it has not ended well for any of these women all with similar to extract outcomes.
With that said people can do what they damn well please but things like "casual" sex and the like is not my jam.
You sound like a dateless virgin who thinks he is an expert on relationships.
There's not really just way to look at it.
Personally, I care about dating someone with similar values. I have a very low partner count (2, I'm in my late 20s). I ideally wanted someone with a similar partner count and values.
I'm dating someone with a much higher partner count (around 25) - he had a manwhore phase in college and grew out of it. He's 30 now. While it's not ideal, I understand and don't care too much about it.
I'm a little insecure about it, but I wouldn't lose a great guy over his partner count.
I think it's wrong to focus a lot on the number itself, but it is fair to care about the sexual history. I think it's wrong to be rude about it in any case, or to mistreat people who have a different background. I think it's hypocritical to be a whore and want a pure virgin. I don't think it's important to not care about it.
how would you feel about dating a guy whose only experience with has been with strippers and hookers? i went thru a alcohol and cocaine-fueled period of just going to the strip club and banging hookers. not that it's an excuse, but i was always under the influence dong these things, none of my intimate encounters have been anything beyond seeking a release. the number is under 10.
>how would you feel about dating a guy whose only experience with has been with strippers and hookers?
Absolute dealbreakers, unless it was something like 10 years ago.
nah, it was pretty recent, like
Okay
OP, whether or not you're a virgin has nothing to do with it.
At some point a high number of sexual partners has to start looking like "I don't like committing", or "I want to keep my options open", or "I'm so fucked up I can't keep a relationship going for very long". That's what I see when I see millennial numbers.
5 is the hard limit for me; if someone has over 5 sexual partners by their mid 20s, I think they're probably not fit for a long-term relationship.
I'm not a virgin, and my last (first too) relationship lasted 4.5 years. Only girl I've been with, she'd been with 2 people before me. She feels the same about the partner count thing, it's a shame it didn't work out.
I think we'll both have difficulty finding someone, but there are people that aren't super religious and sheltered that share our views.
both men an women with higher partner counts are less likely to stay with their current partner. they dont value it as much as someone who's only had one gf.
>Her sexual past is actually great because fucking is a skill, and she's great at it and i love it