Cannot cum, help

I cannot cum when my boyfriend is fucking me. He was my first boyfriend and he had a huge dick (about 8-9 inches), however, I never came when we were fucking. In the beginning, I always lied that I did cum. I felt guilty for it so eventually I told him that sometimes I didn't cum and he would be angry with me, or did not discuss any further. He also never eats me out. I always enjoyed the sex though, and I wanted to have sex all the time. However, the main problem for me was that I just never came. (When I masturbate, I do cum, sometimes multiple times in a row)

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Clit

How? He barely use his fingers nor he licks me :( he think his dick is big so everything should work...

Majority of men dont know how to please women. They watch porn and think penetration is enough. And women pretending they had orgasm certainly doesnt help.

Feminists invented cowgirl position. That way you can decide for yourself speed, angle and so on. And you have both hands free to make yourself comfortable or show your bf whats where and what to do with it.

Get creative and repair what you have done by lies in the past.

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OK maybe I should elaborate on this problem a bit more. Yeah, I acknowledge my mistake and I have come clean to him about my faking it, in the hope we both work out things.

I agree with what you say, the majority of the men (perhaps women too) think that fucking like in porn is the best way to satisfy your girl. Which ISN'T TRUE!

OUR PROBLEM is that he is dominant and he doesn't want to hear any feedback from me, so I cannot tell him what to do or how he should fuck me, cuz he will tell me to shut the fuck up... (that's dominating in his fantasy I guess). And when I fuck him cowboy style he suffers so much (because of his dick getting bended? or that his dick points to a certain position so I can only go up and down horizontally). So that style is kind of boring, as our other positions are much more fun and exciting, even though I don't cum.

Also, we don't do foreplay. He just sticks it in, fucks me a good 10-15 min and its done.

I just don't know what to do anymore? What if I cannot cum from sex with a man? Or do you think it is possible? I am really sad about this and being inexperienced doesn't really help..

>we dont do foreplay
There are few types of lovers and yours is kinda selfish alpha male type. Either learn how to live with it, find different lover or assert dominance. Tie him up?
>that style is boring
T. Lazy woman who cant even ride her bf properly :-)

So which one is it: you want him him to be uncaring rought brutus or do you want to cum? Get gud noob.

When I ride him he comes too quickly, hence boring. I ride my man very well ;)

I really love him but I don't want to break up and end in te same scenario again, that would be a waste of the break up with this person.

If i tie him up he will get limb, he really doesn't like dominance on him.

What does it mean, alpha male?

You just have a boring boyfriend come to my house and sit on my face to repair your sex life l.

hahaha, how do you know he is boring and you are not? :P

Because i never had sex in less than 2 hours in my entire life.
I have a big dick too but sex ins't only about pp in vag.

haha, if you don't live too far and youre my type and a nice guy then maybe.

but I am genuinely curious how I can cum having sex with men? maybe I am lesbian? I am very confused atm...

how does your sex looks like then? what do you do to make your girls cum?

I'm not a magic guy or anything when i started my sex life i googled "how to properly finger and give oral to girls".

Also each girl has different quirks and erogenous areas my actual girl really like when i lick the area between the vagina and the the thigh.

And you need to show him how to finger you leading the hand to your clit and you should show him that you enjoy this moaning and moving your hips.

Thank you for your answer. I will once more try to discuss with him. As I said before, the problem is he doesn't want to be told, do not know the actual reason, but he get's offended or something? I might just break-up with him because I think sex is important and if he doesn't want to lick or finger me (he never did to his previous girls), but only cum inside me then its not fair.

Since I love him a lot it is hard to break-up because of this incident.. I hope there are men out there who I also can fall in love with and the sex will be great, as they will show some effort too.

Yes you should discuss with him but try to not be a dick these sort of things really hurt men fee feels.
Also the tongue is one of the few muscles with almost infinite stamina ;p.

Don't forget that you can teach a guy how to sex.

yeah, I will never wanting to hurt him

LOOK, op. I've been where you were (bf with big dick who thinks that is enough for a woman) and it doesn't end well. You need to be honest with him at some point, and just stopping the fake orgasms might be enough.
The next time you two have sex, ask him for a favor that makes YOU feel good, OR if he asks you if you came, tell him you haven't yet and see what he does. If he loves you, he SHOULD care about your needs during sex as well.

Don't forget that you can teach a guy how to sex.
There are guides showing how to do it.

he is selfish and ultimately incompetent, this is partially your fault since you never made it clear to him that pounding away wasn't actually getting you off. just tell him, learn to get me off, start doing some fucking foreplay, or the relationships over. if the idea of actually, truly satisfying you doesn't turn him on immensely, well....

That's what I already did, he gets so angry when I say I haven't cum. I have been honest with him eventually as I came clean after some time. He doesn't want me to say hey can you do this for me. please? No matter how I ask him...

yes, you're right.. I should maybe consider breaking up with him... I just wrote about this cuz I did told him the truth eventually... I was just inexperienced at first and I had all this pressure, I didn't dare to come clean. I did though after some time. So, I've discussed foreplay too, he said as soon as he is hard he just want to get the pussy and come. As I said our sex is fun and exciting but that's just it for me. I need to move on, clearly. I thought maybe someone had the same experience... at least I would like to know if I move on, if that will make my sex life better eventually.

If he don't even listen to you, why are you with this man, i don't understand at all

>he just want to get the pussy
Just a question do you give handjobs and blowjobs?
In my experience guys want to trade these things too.

It strike me as both an issue of both psychology and biology. For one, it often takes women significantly more time to get aroused and also for climaxing. Foreplay is actually one of the best parts of sensuality because it allows for intimacy beyond the simple pleasure of getting off.

It sounds like your boyfriend is ignorant to that fact. When I have submissives, I take great care in their pleasure as well as my own, because it benefits both parties. A happy girl is going to be more excited for play as is her Daddy.

You should ask yourself what you actually desire in the sexual side of the relationship, as there are clearly deficits. Do you think he'll meet them, and can you deal with these things being unaddressed on a long timescale?

This. Specifically, tease it with your hand.
Or your nipples.
Its good for the woman, but I found it a turn on to see my gal doing that, too.

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hahah, sometimes I ask myself the same question... as he was my first boyfriend I felt like he was the one, yeah typically girl thoughts.
We are very good friends aside the sex. We've so many things in common. Maybe it will be better if I put him in the friendzone and let one of the future girls teach him how to have sex :) cuz I cant

yes, very good ones!! I love to give

He is a brute and dumb, move on if the doesn't understand your side.

im sorry to disappoint you, but he get's annoyed when i play with myself while he fucks me :P

Thank you for your nice answer. I'd wish we did have some foreplay indeed. I am very sexual person and I'd love if he teased me a bit more and I have a lot of kinks that he has too, however, we never do these kind of things anymore. And when I ask him we should.. it seems like he doesn't want to put any effort in it at all.. he just fucks me when he is horny. Sometimes, I am horny and try to tease him by stroking his cock and kissing him nicely, however, he just pushes me away... wait till he is horny (could be half a day) and then fucks me... Maybe i'm just too submissive

I see. There is nothing wrong with being submissive in and of itself. The important thing is that you derive pleasure from it and you have a hand guiding you that you can put your trust in. Emphasis on TRUST. I might be broaching a little too much from the D&s angle as this seems to be vanilla, but I digress.

Can you describe your partner's mental state in general? Normally sexual selfishness translates pretty commonly to the regular world as well. How long have you been in this relationship? I have had subs before who I would call overly giving of themselves. With a bad partner they would give and give and give, without getting much back in return. They kept being driven on by their desire to please someone else, and the belief that things would change.

Do you believe that you are seen in some ways simply as an object of gratification or an individual?

some women can’t orgasm without clitoral stimuation. rub yourself while he fucks you if you have to.

Thank you, I feel enlightened by these responses as it makes me think that our sex life is just selfish act of him.

I think he misunderstood the "dom-being" in a relationship. As I said, we have fetishes and I can recall only one time that I came from sex, when we applied our kinks. There was some kind of short but intense foreplay, so this contributed to me cumming during this particular case (there was again no clit stimulation).

To describe my partner's mental state, he always seemed depressed to me, however he is social and have a lot of friends, his mood could swing from one extreme to another extreme. He comes over as very confident but I am not sure if he is just pretending to be. When we talk deeper about him, there is always some insecurities boiling up. That's fine, as everyone has their insecurities. However, it concerns me that he never is able to discuss when it comes to his actions or his behavior. He takes it as an offense and it is very hard to talk about things, especially this situation. That didn't stop me from doing it. We have been together for almost 2 years now. After the first four months, I told him the truth, and the sex continues as it is. Our sex had ups and downs... but when its down, then it is always me who has to initiate a discussion about it. And even this is a problem.

Anyways, this made me actually realize the problem seems bigger than I actually thought. I need to put an end to this relationship. I feel like I need to experience other men, even though I don't want to or like the idea of having sex with another person..

to answer your final question:
when it comes to sex: I feel like an object (but I like it like that)
when it comes to the relationship: i feel like he tries to treat me like an individual.. at least he cares about me as I care for him. But I might think this through more profoundly.

You generally want to warm yourself and her up before any penetration happen. So you cuddle the shit out of her, maybe let her cum once from clit stimulation alone and when she is really horny and begging for it you insert and go to pound town.

However take note girls are really different in this: some can cum three times in a row and the more they cum the more they want. Other cum once and then she is so sensitive everything hurts her. So really you need to experiment and see what your lady wants.

Also some dont need orgasm to be happy. They enjoy the act itself and dont give a damn about cumming at all.

>I feel enlightened by these responses

Having another perspective is often helpful. I find it nice sharing experience too because it is rewarding to solve issues and see people find more fulfilling paths.

>very confident...always some insecurities boiling up

I've seen this often. It is easy to portray yourself as far more capable than you actually are. That isn't meant as offense, but it would appear that his reactions and responses almost sound defensive, which is something that doesn't happen as much when you feel comfortable with yourself. While I agree that we all have our own insecurities, when you are taking the lead, you don't don't get to excuse yourself for doing what it right by your sub or partner. It is part of accepting responsibility, and your issues here are alighting certain inequities in his guidance.

>I need to put an end to this relationship.

Take some time and consider this. While this might be something that you need to do, don't look past any potential ramifications that could harm you short term. Prepare well in advance to make a clean break. However, as I have told My girls in the past, once you make a decision, then follow through. "Show me actions, not words," is one of my common statements.

As to the sex and relationship thing, do you have any idea as to why he is so inflexible in meeting your needs and wants? There is a surprising inconsistency there if he does treat you well outside of sex.

That said, if you have a Discord it may be an easier format to continue a discussion not that I mind here, just hedging against the eventual 404.

Oh, sorry to hear that. Well, it sounds like he’s selfish, and controlling, at least in this area.
The only other thing you can do is run a fantasy in your mind, and let that trigger your climax.
ASSTR dot org has erotica stories that may give you scenes that may help.

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I want to throat fuck her!

all i can submit is the fact that I, a male, have given more orgasms during sex than I have received
I have a big dick, yes, but more importantly I use my hands and mouth. Sex isn't jacking off, it's two people doing it which means when I dick a girl down I make sure she gets off.
Lifting + running means I can finger a girl hard for huge lengths of time.

Thank you. To be honest, outside of the relationship he is acting more and more selfish, too. He lacks motivation, in whatever topic it could be. He is often grumpy and doing not much than playing online video games. He stopped going to school and does not want to work. There are many issues. The only positive thing is that he shows his sweetness sometimes, looks good and we have similar interest. Maybe, I was just blind for the last two years.

Im sorry I do not know what is Discord, unlikely that i have it

Imma be on the market soon again, lets hope I encounter men with this approach!

Yes, I was someone that liked the act but didnt feel like cumming. So in the first couple times I really didnt mind just giving rather than taking. However, being together now for 2 years, I would like to cum once in awhile while we have sex. It doesn’t need to be all the time.

Yes, I was someone that liked the act but didnt feel like cumming. So in the first couple times I really didnt mind just giving rather than taking. However, being together now for 2 years, I would like to cum once in awhile while we have sex. It doesn’t need to be all the time.

Welcome back. Somehow I'm still here for the evening. It sounds like your relationship is winding down, as you likely have greener pastures ahead of you. It almost seems like he is sliding into a depressive state, as withdrawal is a major sign. This is a completely different facet on things though.

As for Discord, it is a phone/PC app which is similar to Skype etc. so it was simply a messaging service for outside of when this thread dies. You seemed interesting enough to continue conversing with, but it isn't necessary. Anonymity is important too.

The biggest thing to determine is what is it that you want? You have to live for yourself. I tell that to all of the women who choose to wear My collar. Anything and everything in a relationship is about it being rewarding for you. Only you.

Thank you for being so supportive :) I think I had the idea of being with him because we were such good friends and everything seemed right, only at the beginning. So I always hoped we would go back at to those times that we are in that state again. However, a serious relationship isn’t about looking back in the past all the time, but building a future. On top of that, I am very caring person and the extreme opposite of selfish. You are right, if I keep going like this i will never be able to eventually get satisfied, not in this relationship (not sexually nor romantically).

About discord: I do not have neither of those, unfortunately. I think you’re an interesting person as well, and very smart! Too bad the continuation of our talk will stop soon, but you gave me hope in my future about my sexlife with the next men. So thank you a lot! Im happy people like you exist :)

I feel sorry for you, i don’t understand how a guy doesn’t go down on his girl or at least finger. I love when my gf look like someone is conducting an exorcism on her lol

Hahaha!

Ending a relationship can be hard, but you are making a lot of wise statements. You can't chain yourself to a situation which isn't going to fulfill your needs. I know it is hard because you strike me as someone very giving, and very devoted to pleasing other party. However, if you continue to give more than you get in return, by the end there will be nothing left for you. He shouldn't be thinking of only his own needs, but OUR needs, and that is not the case.

While it is regrettable that the conversation won't carry further than this evening, I hope you do find the path that you are looking for, and that you'll find helpful people in the future should you need guidance.

Don't give me too much credit. Honestly, a lot of my experience comes from being a jackass when I was younger. It was only after a lot of reflection and time that I discovered the importance of relationships for both parties. It also helped to have a very good teacher when I first got into D/s. Worthwhile in the end.

There are plenty of individuals out there, so take your time and find the one that fits you like a glove (I don't mean just sexually). Make sure that person is truly compatible with you and never try to force fit a relationship. This is very important for you because you might want to bend a bit to suit other peoples' needs, but stand firm on what your desires are and what you want out of it. Relationships are two-way streets and you are an equal party to it.

Understood?