I think one thing that is never said in society that is absolutely true is that sometimes there isn't any coming back from having a shitty life and there is no fix.
>Born to a bipolar mother who was put in a psych ward for some of my early years, numbed out on lithium for the entirety of my life
>Father is a complete nutcase, used to chase me around the house and scare me so much id piss myself, I used to fantasize about caving his head in with a hammer
>If I could kill him and get away with it I probably would
>Loner in school, laughed at by teachers
>Most of my memories are blocked out due to abuse, it's all disjointed and hazy, barely remember anything
>Constantly jacked up and on guard, only time I'm ok is when I'm on my own with the door locked
>Terrible social skills, no confidence, genuinely despise myself
>My life on the surface isn't bad, tall, good-looking, engineering student, confident in interviews where I literally practice like I'm auditioning for a role, too autistic to "be myself'
>Can genuinely say that nothing would make me happy, a girlfriend, friends, money, power, I'll still be miserable
I've read countless books on therapy, self help, been in therapy for 7 years, 5-6 different therapists, tried SSRIs, don't drink alcohol or do drugs, eat healthy, exercise
I'm literally fucked beyond repair. I'm wasting oxygen being here