How do I stop feeling insanely jealous whenever I see my crush talking to another guy?

How do I stop feeling insanely jealous whenever I see my crush talking to another guy?

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Shed your exoskeleton to grow larger and then assert your dominance over them through righteous combat.

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I mean, you could turn her into your committed, exclusive girlfriend. But even then she's still going to talk to guys just as a matter of living in a society. At some point you've just gotta choose to give less of a shit.

Have you actually done something to approach her? Or you just sit around and lurk from the distance? She will coexist with other males get over it

Okay I keep seeing this advice being given often in my google searches about this same problem.
Problem with this is that there are many many guys on this planet, I ain't going to kill all of them in order to eliminate my jealousy.

Yes! That is ideal situation right there, if I stop giving a shit. But I give a shit, how can I automatically shut off feelings of a crush? This would be one solution to my problem.

Yeah, get over it, walk it off, just put ice on it, etc. I need instructions from someone who has actually been there and done that, not someone who doesn't understand the problem here.
The problem is if I can date her, I'll still be jealous when I see her talk to other men.
Jealousy is the problem, not that I'm single.

A crush is the set of positive feelings you have based on the limited amount you know about her. You give a shit because you feel that her talking to another guy endangers your opportunity to enjoy those positive qualities exclusively.

So one way to give less of a shit is to realize that missing out on her would have virtually no impact on your life. It's basically equivalent to missing out on a popular movie while it's being shown in theaters. There will be other chances later (like Netflix) and other movies, too.

Another way is to consider that you're only judging her on positive qualities. You have no idea how annoying or awful she'd be as a girlfriend because you have zero experience with her in that way. So you really shouldn't give much of a shit about an incomplete picture.

And finally, you could just get over your crush. It's obviously going nowhere and you're wasting your time making no progress. Find some other girl who is available and start making real moves with her. If you succeed, you'll instantly stop even thinking about this one.

Well, if she’s “only” a crush and not in a relationship with you, then you have no right to expect her to behave according to your wishes.

You can feel the jealousy, of course, but if you haven’t made a move on her then she won’t know how you feel. If she has already rejected you, then for goodness sake, stop angsting over her and move on.

Ignore the Lobster user he's just an invertebrate and doesn't know anything else.

As to your question, I've totally been there, so absorb this into your skull:
Have you asked your crush out or anything? If she's just a girl you're feeling funny over but can't bring yourself to ask her out or talk with her, just forget it. She's talking to other guys and not you for a reason, whatever that reason may be. Maybe you're a perfectly normal guy but she's only attracted to dudes who huff gasoline fumes. Maybe you're a hideous bell-tower freak that feeds on rats. It's kind of irrelevant. You have no control over what she prefers, for better or worse, and while you ruminate over this hole you are overlooking a hole who is actually interested in you.

>And finally, you could just get over your crush. It's obviously going nowhere and you're wasting your time making no progress. Find some other girl who is available and start making real moves with her. If you succeed, you'll instantly stop even thinking about this one.

Getting a girlfriend won't solve the problem, I would just get jealous of my NEXT girlfriend talking to NEW guys.

>Another way is to consider that you're only judging her on positive qualities. You have no idea how annoying or awful she'd be as a girlfriend because you have zero experience with her in that way. So you really shouldn't give much of a shit about an incomplete picture.

I'm not here to discuss the various merits or demerits of dating this girl, the problem is me.

>A crush is the set of positive feelings you have based on the limited amount you know about her. You give a shit because you feel that her talking to another guy endangers your opportunity to enjoy those positive qualities exclusively.

>So one way to give less of a shit is to realize that missing out on her would have virtually no impact on your life. It's basically equivalent to missing out on a popular movie while it's being shown in theaters. There will be other chances later (like Netflix) and other movies, too.

This is closer to getting to the root of the problem because at least there's some observation here. The exclusively is indeed what creates jealousy when I feel that threatened. Me giving a shit IS jealousy.
The movies thing is not a bad metaphor, you're fixed in the mindset that I need a girlfriend to eliminate my jealousy...When I would just get jealous of my next girlfriend.
Considering that she doesn't have an effect on my life is a step in the right direction. I think about this from time to time when I imagine her and I ending our social interactions. I feel I want to be her friend, I just don't want to feel a crush on her. I've had female friends before so I know this is possible.

I'm not expecting her to change her behavior. I'm talking about ME here.
Dating her won't remove jealousy or fix this problem. I've had girlfriends in the past, I got insanely jealous before.

This exact advice is why I specifically bought up the fact that she's just merely a crush, so that people would focus on my problems instead of focusing on changing her.

The point you keep missing is that when we're talking about her, we're not literally talking about her. We're talking about your interpretation of her.

The core issue you have is how you interpret people and situations. By changing your thinking habits with her, you can apply those new modes of thinking to the next girls as well.

Jealousy is the manifestation of how you're thinking about this situation, and even that you're thinking about it at all in the first place. It's fruitless to try to teach you how to feel differently while interpreting these things the same way. The better approach is just to think differently.

That's just how chicks are, user. If you can't bring them back from materialistically playing the field for other dudes, then don't fucking bother. Loyalty from women extends as far as your checking account and what she looks like in your company, and not a millimeter further. This is basic cave-person shit from the brain you can never escape from.

Your options if you want to keep a hole's attention are:
1.Become more attractive
2.Become more wealthy

Consult a therapist if you're wanting to change your own behavior.

Good post now I can refer back to your first one and read that with 'new eyes' and pick out the relevant content.

You're right all girls give incomplete pictures of themselves in a relationship so I should know as a fact that it will never be as good as I think it will be, and everyone has problems.

And thinking to myself in every situation where I see my woman talking to another man that the woman has no effect on my life, that I can do without her in the first place, that I gotta not care anymore. That will fix my problem with jealousy I admit, but this is by far easier said than done.

And The. Fucking. Exclusively. Why should it matter if she's talking to other guys when I still enjoy her company. Logically I know it shouldn't matter but I still feel this way. My emotions are not obeying my logical mind.

The only relevant thing you posted was the last line. My. Own. Behavior. I'm not here to talk about the various merits or demerits of dating her. I knew this would be a problem when I made this post, people are so easily distracted and post off topic.

I actually would like to ascend this topic to a new level.

How do I cease to have romantic feelings? This is the solution to all of my problems. I rather be done with women but I'm still trapped by attractive women. There is an escape from this, I feel this. I just don't know what it is.

>but this is by far easier said than done.
From someone who was once in the same mindset as you are, I can say with complete certainty that it all "clicked into place" one day for me. No guarantees that it'll happen to you, or when it will happen, but for me it was just a matter of time. One day I simply accepted that it would all make no difference to how awesome my life would end up being. It sounds like you understand the direction you need to move in order to get to that mindset.

As for the exclusivity, have you considered that her talking to other guys is equivalent to her sitting in a room alone as far as you're concerned? Either way you're doing your own thing without her contribution to her life. From your position it makes no difference whether she's unavailable because she's talking to someone else or unavailable because she's in her room watching Game of Thrones. Try getting in touch with your emotions to convey the message that there will always be times when she's not around, that you don't need her around 24/7 anyway and that it makes little difference exactly what she's doing during those periods of absence. You're not being deprived of any time with her above and beyond what would have normally happened anyway.

You most likely are either insecure about your own worth and abilities and thus concerned she doesnt see enough to wanna stay, or you have some weird issue with other people possessing autonomy (aka your a control freak, which probably comes from some other insecurity, cuz thats fucked up)

That's not a solution to the problem. That's simply making the problem inapplicable to you without ever having solved it.

Your romantic feelings aren't what need to be handled. Your focus needs to be on how you interpret your feelings and translate them into your actions and decisions. The escape from your situation is to practice caring about the things which matter and not giving a shit about the things that don't. Your attraction to her matters. The impact of her exclusive availability or the ultimate outcome of your feelings, however, is virtually zero when it comes to your life. Romance and relevance are two different things which you need to untangle.

>As for the exclusivity, have you considered that her talking to other guys is equivalent to her sitting in a room alone as far as you're concerned? Either way you're doing your own thing without her contribution to her life. From your position it makes no difference whether she's unavailable because she's talking to someone else or unavailable because she's in her room watching Game of Thrones. Try getting in touch with your emotions to convey the message that there will always be times when she's not around, that you don't need her around 24/7 anyway and that it makes little difference exactly what she's doing during those periods of absence. You're not being deprived of any time with her above and beyond what would have normally happened anyway.

It's not that I need to be around her 24/7. It's that I want her to only talk to me if I can see her. If she's not around me I don't get jealous because I don't see her talking to guys. If I see her talk to other guys then I get jealous. It's an eye thing.

Okay not a bad observation, but no solution provided. I'm looking for fellow humans who have had those problems then SOLVED THEM.

>The impact of her exclusive availability or the ultimate outcome of your feelings, however, is virtually zero when it comes to your life.
I can agree it has no impact on my life who she talks to or not, yet I'm STILL A JEALOUS BITCH when I see her talking to other guys. My emotions don't know the logical conclusions my brain has.
You talk about this problem as if there's some action or decision I need to make, maybe there is but it's not obvious what your suggestion is. I see her talking to another guy, my gut wracks with pain. What action can prevent this other than NOT looking at her anymore? But I can look at other women and see them talk to other guys and not get jealous, so this isn't a needed action for me to take.

Again, you're missing the point. I know you don't need her to be around 24/7. I'm encouraging you to start the internal dialog by recognizing that as an assumption. Then you build arguments using it before arriving at a conclusion.

Have you ever done a formal proof? First you list a set of axioms which have already been accepted as true. Then you link those axioms with different logical connections so that you build toward a new conclusion.

The axiom here is that you don't need her 24/7. Obviously we all know this. The other axiom is that jealousy is feeling that no one can have something if you don't have it. But what about those times when what she's doing has no relevance to you? Sometimes what she's doing is sitting at home alone. That doesn't impact you in any way and so you have no feelings about it as a result; you don't have her attention, but you fail to feel jealous of the TV and say that it shouldn't have her attention. So logically if there are times when you don't need her attention, there's no reason to care what does have her attention. Then you can conclude that if you don't need her attention, there's no basis for feeling jealousy if you see that some other guy has it.

That's the conversation you need to have with your emotional side when you feel the jealousy kick up.

>You talk about this problem as if there's some action or decision I need to make
Emotional control is literally a matter of conscious decision making. Your feelings are like bubbles rising from the bottom of a glass of champagne. They come spontaneously and are impractical to catch and pop during their rapid ascent. What you have to do is make conscious efforts to recognize and process them after they hit the surface.

Think about people who have other emotional issues besides jealousy. Consider the advice you would give them about handling their emotions. Would you tell them to stop feeling, or would you tell them that they need to develop conscious strategies on handling those feelings as they surface?

To circle back to the metaphor, the good news is that the champagne eventually runs flat. If you're able to keep control over your jealousy you'll find--at least in my personal experience--that the bubbles will stop surfacing one day. Then there's nothing left to even need control.

If it's that painful just go straight up to her and ask her out. If she rejects you that'll stop you from crushing on her, if she doesn't then good for you. Now , the only problem is how to get the courage to do this.

I think this chick is hot i am pretty sure she had sent nudes to her ex, how do I ask this dude for her nudes? Anyone ever done this before? Also do you think he’s gonna go back to her and tell her I was trying to get her nudes? I don’t think they broke up good terms cause the dude is kind of a dickhead

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I can’t delete it