Wife absolutely will not study and its dragging us both down

Wife absolutely will not study and its dragging us both down.

She not over worked, is a full time student going 9cr hours. She lied constantly in the beginning but has shown a lot of improvement since. She is not studying out of the house and that is going much better. The problem is after making a shit grade recently she admitted that she goes to her place to study and doesn't play on her phone or anything, but she just stares at the fucking paper. No actual studying apart from short bursts.

I have no idea what to do. I don't want to tell her not to go anymore because I don't want to completely give up our chance of her getting a good job and have her resent me as a dream killer. But I've also got to keep practicality in mind and my own education.

Any advice or encouragement, stories, whatever welcome.

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This has been going on since we met and even before. 6yr student. Freshman.

You fully well knew what you were getting into.
Either that or youre the sort of American retard who marries a woman before several years of relationship, or you'd have noticed that.
Forget about changing her, that is not in your power. If she wants to be a perpetual student, there is nothing you can do to keep her from being one.
Whatever you do, do not compromise your own studiying or carrer in the slightest.

That's the problem I've already dropped out to support her because at the time she just told me she had been going for six years and was almost done. I was just a sophomore but the thing is I did excellent and never had an issue studying and now I feel like I'll never get to complete it unless I fix this in her.

I know I let this drag out too long we dated for three years and have been living together for one. I've known about this for a year but I just keep thing "next time it'll be fixed".

This issue is literally the only problem I have with her by the way. Im lost as fuck right now

Also she can't be a perpetual student is the problem I'm having if we had the means for that this would be a non issue honestly.

She says she just can't study no matter how bad she wants to

Dude that sounds like it could be ADHD.
I have it. I feel the whole "staring at paper and nothing goes in" thing. She needs a structured and strategic approach to studying if she does.
What's happening is her pre frontal cortex is basically shutting off on her while she tries to study, which is kind of important for that kind of thing.
Get her treatment or at least look into better study approaches for her.
Breaking things into small chunks, studying ,20 minutes at a time and taking 20 minute breaks, keeping hydrated, fed with optimal glucose levels, avoiding caffeine, and self rewarding and incentivising work for example goes a long way.

>resent me as a dream killer
She's the one killing her own dreams. So many people dream of going to college but aren't fortunate enough to, and she's throwing it away. Plus, she's being supported by you and has no other responsibilities? She doesn't even have to hold a part time job and she's only taking 3 classes? Fuck that, you have a right to be upset with her.

If she thinks she has ADHD or depression, or another mental illness keeping her from succeeding, I think it's fair for you to tell her that unless she either brings her grades up or seeks help from a professional, you won't pay for her college. She is choosing to fail and bringing you both down financially as well as her own academic record.

>we dated for three years and have been living together for one
>married

Why do people do this? I dont get it.

>I've already dropped out to support her
Can you get back in? Sacrificing your future for any kind of relationship is always a terrible Idea.

Anways, what said is probably the best course of action. It might also have some deeper underlying issues - ADHD has some effects, but not enough to keep someone from studiyng completely. I'd recommend going to a therapist and getting a proper diagnosis. It'll either get her a prescription for the proper meds, the proper therapy or you can exclude that anything like that is the reason.

>Prevent someone from studying completely

So don't get me wrong, I do have a bachelor but....
Wanna fucking bet on that bub? It's a powerful, powerful condition.
She probably gets the bulk of her studying done the night before tests because our Brains are designed to turno
fucking rainman in a crisis, and probably absorbs and remembers information really well in class. That's how I got through.

She went to a therapist before but doesn't want to go again. There was never an ADHD diagnosis when she went to one for years for depression. I don't know if she ever got tested

That shouldve been found in that time thought right? I've never been to a therepist but it seems like it should've

I'm sure i could get back in, we just can't afford both of us to go and she is dead set on still going to school

Get her pregnant so she gets serious, then go back to school yourself.

>doesn't play on her phone or anything, but she just stares at the fucking paper.
I know this feel. This is the reason why I spent 5 years on a 3 year program that I never finished and then spent another 5 years to get get a degree from a different 3 year program. And also why I'm currently behind on my current course work even though i started of very diligent two months ago.
Is study depression a thing?

If she can’t handle 9 credit hours she’s not worth your time. That’s easy mode.

Your wife doesn't study because she doesn't want to finish school, because finishing school means that she has to get a job, and getting a job means the possibility of finding out she fucking hates whatever career she's studying for and that her degree was all for nothing.

Nope. Therapist misdiagnose all the time. And they rarely diagnose women with ADHD, or autism. I had to fight tooth and nail for my ADHD and autism diagnosis. Years of different therapists telling me I was anxious and depressed, putting me on the wrong meds, coming to them and TELLING THEM that I believe I have autism and ADHD, and being told that no, that’s usually a male problem.
I finally found Autism Spectrum Australia, paid them $2000 for a full test including brain scans. Yeah turns out I have ADHD and autism, just like I suspected.

Well that sucks.

I just asked and she said a family friend who is a general MD has wondered if she has ADHD before. Were going to make an appointment. Thank you

6 year freshman and she told you she was almost done when you dropped out sophomore year? Dude wtf? There's literally no excuse for this. If she can't handle passing enough 101 classes in 6 years to become a sophomore why would you ever think she could handle a "dream job."
Time to take responsibility for your future and not put up with this. She fails this semester she works full time.

Well I said freshman because it was simpler. She is in an associates program and still has the whole two years remaining is what I meant.

To clarify she too a bunch of really easy electives the whole time she passed and failed a mix of those mostly pass though. This is her second semester taking classes related to her major she failed the first.

That right there is the miscommunication that caused me to be the one to drop out. Its like a Senior/Freshman weird situation.

I've been leaning towards that option. Telling her to work if she fails again I just can't escape the feeling that she'll always hate me for it convincing herself the next semester would've been the one that went right.

Is she employed right now? If so how many hours does she work a week?

What's her major? What's the chances she is able to use her education for employment?

Not employed.

We do work at a local shop occasionally mostly for something to do together and get some pay. But that's like four hours per week on Saturday if we feel like it and the owner is a family friend so its super laid back.

Her major is nursing so its very employable and profitable even with an associates

Has she held a job before, is she afraid of working?

Is she going to school to get a degree to get into a career? What is her career? Does she know?

Assuming she's dead set on passing and is running into the issue, the next exercise I would have her engage in is trying to study, and logging her thoughts in a journal. She doesn't have to show them to you, but she does have to review them herself. If she's got lots of worries and fears, it's useful to group them into similar themes and ask why until you find the root cause.

That will help her figure out where her issues are at.

If it's a only one of you can go situation, you need to look at viability and make some decisions as a couple. The longer you stay out the more credits you lose. The older you get, the harder college becomes.

If you do think it's ADHD or just a total lack of focus, focus on cleaning up her diet, getting organic foods down, and helping her get focused. The majority of mental disorders can be solved by changes in diet. Yoga and Meditation can help clear the mind and improve focus, as can exercise.

The main thing to be doing is constantly trying things. If she's having issues with coursework you may try having her do 1 course a semester and work while you finish up, and at the same time, keep trying new approaches.

The journal isn't a bad idea although I feel like she'll just say she thinks of nothing. I don't think she'll go for the whole organic diet thing but its worth bringing up.