How the fuck do people get over their first love? I mean there's no fucking way it'll every be like this with somebody else, will it? I'm 23 so I'm pretty late to this, innocence ruining experience.
Any books on getting over this shit (to make it /lit/ related i guess)?
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Love doesn't exist 2bh
No idea. My first crush is marrying my cousin, so I don't think I'll ever be able to forget about her
just wait a few months and youll get over it
yeah, pic related
Smack up some heroin, you'll feel much better and have a deeper connection to yourself. you'll never need anything else again
this 2bh, but only in the sense that no emotion really exists
it can get a lot worse. it was my third gf that really crushed me.
that's even worse, than my situation. MY ABSOLUTE FUCKIGN CONDOLENCES MY MAN.
quit being a pussy
ok u faggot, i guess ill turn off the pussy button.
>no emotion really exists
t. 13 years old
my first gf was a sadist and it's been 6 years and lots of therapy treatments but i'm still not over the PTSD
fantastic
This guy has a point but ignore it
Look up what falling in love involves in the brain, you are more than likely pinning all you hopes of intimacy, safety and happiness on this one poor girl and she isn't aware of that most likely, she is far from perfect and won't give your life the meaning you think your life lacks without her, enjoy the experience as it makes life richer but be aware if she doesn't feel the same way she will let you know by avoiding you, she's rejecting you on possibly looks, money, popularity, or maybe she likes someone else, she's not rejecting you for your true selfhood, which with it's free will has the potential to become whatever you want to be
Two books that give a very good picture of how irrational love can make you are brothers karamazov and Anna Karenina, dnlmitry and Levin are completely blinded to reality and their partners flaws which is exactly what happens in the brain when you fall in love
Was with 21 also rather late. 22 now and well time's the great healer etc...
Don't know if you realy wanna learn getting over this through a book. I mean it's your inner life...
Sounds corny but hooking up with someone else is a great if temporal painkiller. If you're the one who got dumped it'll also give you the much needed confidence boost...
By never having first love in the first place.
yeah im currently debating, hooking up with somebody, but i cant stop thinking how damaging hook up culture actually is. seems like all the cool kids are into it nowadays tho, so maybe Jow Forums lied to me.
I was literally born in her basement too lol
OP- are you lovable?
Or are you another one of these manchildren, who has no sense of self-sacrifice or duty, who shirks almost every responsibility, who feels no shame living off the efforts of others? Do you see yourself as part of a long continuous thread of humans or do you sense a kind of singularity about your life, a sort of "last generation" type vibe? Do you engage in hobbies like video games? Are you vain?
Women love men. Good women love good men. If you take issue with things like "women and children first" you don't fully understand the game we're all playing here and it's not up to other people to see past that for your own pleasure.
Finally: love is much more useful as a verb than as a noun.
Thinly veiled self-pity thread.....
I'm OUTTTTTTT
I don't know if its similar for many other anons, but through most of my teenage years I was quite a social outcast, and never had many people that I could call 'friend'. When I finally found someone who genuinely loved me, as my first love did when I was about 17, I relished every moment with her because it felt as if some part of me was being validated by this badge of feminine approval, as it were. Even through our arguments, and even through the breakup, I immersed myself in the pain and the anguish because it made me feel like a real person, experiencing things that happen to real people. It's been four years since we broke up, and since then I've changed as person immeasurably. I no longer feel the same dread about not fitting in, or about not being 'cool'. Yet I still dream about her sometimes, involuntarily. Despite having had many relationships since which were just as intense, I think that I'll never quite get over my first love, because she holds with her not only the love that she was able to give to me, but also the love that she allowed me to give to myself. Now, when I think about her, its not with lust or longing - but more with gratitude that she was there as that person in my life capable of introducing me to normality and happiness, when I'd never experienced it before. For that, I do still love her, I admit, but I am capable of remembering the importance of keeping that relationship where it stands in time - as a marker of my own growth. To go back now would be to go back in time, and I feel that we should always keep moving forward.
>are you lovable?
idk, i feel everything you wrote down there but i don't think those make you lovable, or maybe they do with the right girl. I know damn well, I scared her off making plans about the future, in her eyes it's too limiting.
Oh i barely read your original post and wrote a reply just pulling stuff out of my ass.
here's my real advice: you guys had fundamentally different values, reflected in your longterm goals for the future. Reflect on what you learned about your preferences with this chick and find a chick who has all that and also has similar future goals.
I feel all this, I mean I always told myself, if we break up, at least I'll feel something most people have felt before, which'll probably make me connect to other people better. What i'm currently experiencing is that i can finally connect to break up songs, as faggy as that sounds.
>Reflect on what you learned about your preferences
this definitely helps
I had a 1-2 week long relationship with a very cute girl. Never knew emotions could be that strong desu, we kissed a few times and I touched her boobies once, then she shuffled me into orbiter territory and I had a mental breakdown and said and did lots of cringy shit. As a response I retreaded from all kinds of social media and renounced romance and became an anti-natalist. 8 years on and still going strong as a friendless virgin otaku, books will keep my company desu.
Don't do like me OP.
That was one of the things that I found so bittersweet, in particular. Finally being able to understand what the fuss was about.
The only thing that seems to work is ridding yourself of all reminders and mementos of your relationship as swiftly as possible. Don't agonize over things just get rid of it. Put it in a cardboard box and give it to your friend and tell him to get rid of it. It feels like chopping off a limb but you just gotta do it, it is the quickest way to heal.
>did lots of cringy shit
well that's me, but fuck it. she'll have a real gud reason at least, to leave me.
>As a response I retreaded from all kinds of social media and renounced romance and became an anti-natalist
Dam son. Hope you’ll make some changes.
Yeah I try to hook up without seeing myself as a part of that culture but I'm generally an excentric... Just saying it helps with getting over someone
One day you’ll lose your mother, and all the other things will be frivolous
No clue brother. I’m 21 and still have constant dreams and thoughts of my “first love.” It’s subsided but I do often wonder if I will think of her when I am married. It’s hard to imagine that I could feel a more rapturous love for someone but I am hopeful it is possible. Easy to get sad over it but I tend to feel thankful that an emotion so strong and good exists.
I struggle between “no hookup culture is not the way to go” and “stop being a faggot”
I don't know, user.
I mean, in my experience, I've had a few loves. A few true women that I loved.
There was also the girl I lost my virginity to, but that was more of an adolescent infatuation.
There was the woman I married young because I didn't think I could do better but I never really loved her.
Then there was the girl I dated post-divorce for two years. There was too much leftover baggage, but I did love her in earnest. We broke up and got back together briefly after I had lost a shit ton of weight. But I realized what I had saw in her had faded and by that point, someone had popped into my life that I had so much in common with, it shocked me.
So much so that I flew to another country to visit with her. It was a tumultuous experience, the months we spoke and eventually we decided to date but it broke apart quickly, within a month. That one stung for months, mostly because it ended so abruptly without any real explanation.
Now... now I'm just sort of numb to it. I've had women interested in me, but perhaps I've become to jaded or I'm too focused on other things.
I think we feel a love is the only love we'll ever love until something truly great strikes us again. And when we're ready for it, it happens.
Cliched, perhaps, but it's been my experience in life.
>I mean there's no fucking way it'll every be like this with somebody else,
wrong
there are millions of people in this world. the chances that you happened to find the best upon all those millions is just ridiculous. you'll find better.
No books man, just stand the fuck up and hang in there.
You just date/have sex with other people.
You don't even know/realize it, but the next 2-3 people that you'll be with after your first love are just going to like barely different versions of her. It's like those Animorph book covers where the first couple of changes aren't anything book, but then eventually they turn into a wolf or whatever.
It doesn't even have to be your first love either, it can just be someone that you had a deep and long relationship with but it just didn't work out.
Girls do it too. When I was friends with my ex's on facebook I would see who they would be dating next and almost all of the time it would just be an exact clone of me exact he was like balder or had a mustache or was French or something - no idea where they found these fucking guys.
My first love was in preschool.