GIOYC

Memories

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She said no.

I'm always waiting for someone to disappoint me.

And I'm very, very patient.

Its my fault, sorry

I love you, I miss you, every day since you left
My life of light and reason bereft.
You were my guiding light, you pulled me through,
and now the world is dark (without you).

It's not getting better, every day is worse.
I wish it was me, not you, in that hearse.
You could have managed without me, would have been fine.
Not like me. I can't go on if you're not mine.

Because when push comes to shove I needed you,
not the other way round.
I was dependent and you were generous, you brought more happiness to me in the first year I knew you than anything else did in the decades before that.
My first love, my first kiss, my first hug.
My first, my only. I can't imagine anyone ever making me happy like you did.

The only thing that gets me happy anymore is when I forget you're gone. When I wake up and can imagine I smell you, when I come home from work and tell you about my day. That's when things are bearable.

Your sister found out I still saw you sometimes, and she seemed to sympathize. She said she forgot you were gone sometimes too, but it's not the fucking same.

She didn't love you like I did.
She didn't need you.
She goes to work with a smile, she enjoys talking to people. The light that you took with you when you left my life is still around in hers.

I just wish I could go instead of you, or with you.
Miss you Em. Always will.

I'm really sorry user.

People dying fucking sucks

Nooooooo fuck. This is my fault.

youtube.com/watch?v=jK-0vfsFzB4

I was reading an article on Fox about an 80 year, local legend crocodile being found dead in Australia and more than half the comments were somehow talking about Hilary, Pelosi, or RBG.

I love you. I wish I could tell you goodnight. I wish you wanted me.

Reposting from last thread to make sure this cunt sees it.

Look you dumb slut, I go to the gas station by your house every day. I go over by a friend of mine that lives a few houses down from you. This shit is getting really old. So old I may make some of the bjllshit threats towards you no longer be bullshit if you wanna keep it up.

Seriously, fuck off. How do you even have time for this nonsense with 3 fucking kids?

It's all in your head. My friend had that house and lived on that block long before you did so I'm not gonna stop going over there because your pathetic ass thinks I'm stalking you.

Grow the fuck up already you dumb twat.

>Reposting from last thread to make sure this cunt sees it.
Its retarded to think she will.

If you wanted to be with me, you should've taken the chance when I literally served it to you on a silver platter.

If you're still hoping for me to make the next move again then keep waiting forever.

Likewise.

I see this person on a regular basis but dont talk to her, is it weird if she randomly got touchy and was touching my arms?
lmao

Life is too short to waste time like this.

youtube.com/watch?v=Om4L8mlTiAA

are you still interested in this person

No matter how much I talk to you, I never feel better. My depression just stays constant, pushing me down. I feel like a burden to you, forcing you to listen to my problems. You have your own life, your own things going on. I feel so shitty when I do talk to you, even though you say you don’t mind. Your my only friend, and the only person I really trust.

I love you man. I just wish I could feel like less of a burden to you.

I don’t eat the food on my plate when it’s unappetizing

What's it to you? Are you finally going to do something?

Anyways. Yes.

I'm just larping, what's wrong with that? Especially here of all places...

Aren't we all?

*big think*

So that was that. I was left to explain everything to my parents while they sodded off.

I don't want you talking to her ever again, you fucking creepy predator. Stay away.

I live with my girlfriend and i love her. Our life isnt easy but we make out ways throug Hard working and patience. We've met 4 years ago through his sister and she was engaged with another guy, knowing me has changed it all. He was an total douche who only got money through dubious negotiations and didn't want anything tô his life, she droppes University because her father was beating her mom and her gf was treating to kill hinself

Depends, some larps piss me off lol

Same situation and it's terrible, I'm losing focus on myself
I don't know why I can't just give it up. I'll just keep waiting, hoping..

I'll miss you while I'm gone, P. I'm excited fir my trip, but I'd like to see you before I leave. That or plan something after I return.
Plus it'll keep me distracted from A's mind games

I HAVE AN EIGHT INCH DICK AND I'M TOO AWKWARD TO FUCK ANYONE WITH IT

I'm so sorry J. I had to move on, for my own good. I've met someone absolutely wonderful and I think you would have liked him. Which is kind of weird to think about. I still cry when I think about you and I wish we had more time together, but you always made me cry. That's nothing new. He makes me happy and laugh. I laugh so much now, really laugh, it's very different. He doesn't make me anxious and I'm not afraid of saying something dumb. I still miss you though. And I'm very sorry.

But what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning? And what's a little fight? Tomorrow we'll be boys again :)

I love you and I really wanna tell you but I'm scared it's too soon and things will be weird between us and I love our little conversations even if you think they're boring and I've given you so many hints that I like you but why won't you!!!! Do anything!!!! At least tell me that you're not interested if you're not interested please just give me something!!! If you don't like me then stop talking to me so much!!! Being like this is suffering!!!!!

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Whoa that was kinda clingy

That's the same as getting mad at a scene of a movie... It would be very sad if anyone got mad at my larps as I'm just here for the schizophrenia

I swear I'm not that clingy
and maybe I shouldn't have used the word "love" but
I have a deep affection for this dumb person and I guess I got really riled up over it

These posts are so annoying. Just fucking say something. It’s like watching a really cringe character in a movie and you just turn the show off because you can’t stand the characters decisions

but will you still love me when I'm no longer dumb and beautiful?

sorry my life is a trope but I can assure you I'm a living breathing human bean.
I've tried saying it without actually saying it and it isn't working out. And I don't feel like spilling the beans because it really feels like it's too soon, and this isn't the kind of guy I'd want to have a fling with or something like that, he seems special, and I really really don't wanna mess it up!
I'll try not to be so superficial
as long as you're still you it shouldn't matter

I can't wait until you start to want to try and date someone now. Watch what she does.

Beauty fades.. dumb is forever

She'll pretend she doesn't care because she is very stronk and whatnot

Holy fuck there is way too much shit for me to do

I'm addicted to porn okay? You asked when we started going out and said it was a deal breaker so I lied. I lied and now we love eachother madly and things have moved fast but I know were perfect for eachother! But I'm still not good enough, I'm still looking at porn and even though it's less frequent and I'm weening myself off I feel like the worlds scummiest cheater!!! You gave me your love and trust and I've been abusing it. I need to kick this. For you and for me. So I don't feel like such a lying cheating sack of shit.

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Say that you'll remember, dancing in September? :'(

어떻게 공허함이 이렇게도 무거울 수가 있지? 말해 봐..

People suspect something is up and they are right, I've only got a few months left.

I'm scared. I've always dreamed of the stars, humanity embracing space and removing the shackles if Earth. Along with transhumanism, I thought I'd be able to live longer than a human of today.

I have a person I love, I confessed and was rejected. Now learning I won't last long I'm glad you won't deal with losing a lover, instead of a friend but I wish I could have sat, relaxed and just have a nice cuddle.

I don't what lies beyond but in scared and alone. Disowned and alone is how I guess I'll go. I love them only thing I had considered important.

Goodbye

What are you afflicted with?

I gotta cook these beans, they're barely edible

How long has that been eating away at you

longer than I've than I've been eating away at these beans, if that means anything

Fuck you T

You did a number to my emotions and now I cannot look at a certain group without thinking of you and how I lusted so hard after you.

If you ever travel to my area, I'll make sure you see/feel how much you affected me after you basically pushed me away after a year of innuendos and being a 'friend'. You knew damn well that I couldn't do anything about it due to distance.

Why do I HAVE to eat 3 different meals a day what a fucking meme. What if I wanna eat sandwiches all day today and soup all day tomorrow then eggs and bacon all day the next day? Why is this considered retarded

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got invited to the birthday party of my ex and a mutual female friend over facebook
got really mad/sad and just had to vent in the gym

fuck her for messing with my feelings twice

Why didn't you go after T in the first place then?
If they were not near you, why didn't you visit them?

I mean, you do you, but it's good for your nutrition to mix it up a little.

I love your cute little bear roars of frustration.
I don't take pleasure in you being frustrated, I just love those little roars you do. Hell I even mimicked that from you because it's just too cute to drop.

Why must you be so cute?

I'm trying to find the root as to why I'm so emotionally cold and introverted. As a kid, my mom was the breadwinner and my dad would take care of me and keep me happy at home. I have a lot of good memories with him, but also a lot of bad ones. He gets emotional very easily, and has big problems with anger and addictions. Whenever he told me to do something but I didn't he would go nuts. Red ass face angry as hell. I have more memories of him yelling at me in a fit of rage than happy ones. I don't entirely blame him since something else could have made them that way, but I feel like the reason why I'm so hesitant to make new friends, open up, and just stop being so nervous and anxious, is because of his anger issues.

Anybody else have similar problems?

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Losing a beloved one is hard. I'm sorry user

All the food I eat is healthy to be honest but I just wanna know why it's the standard for it to be an entirely different meal every meal..... I like sandwiches a lot and I get judged if I eat the same thing more than once a day like who tf wrote the rule that all meals had to be different all day. Fuck me man

I hope our date goes well next week, but I suspect it won't develop into anything. But thanks for saying yes because it's made me feel nice about myself for a few days at least. Once this is done it's probably back to that unpleasant zone where I'm not interested in anyone for months/years.

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Jeez why waste someone's time like that if you're not optimistic

Well damn, dude.
You get them sandwiches in then, let them judge while you live your life not bound by any food rules.

I regret not following you to the library the day I first saw you. I dont regret asking around to know who you are. Its been months since followed you on any social media. Every time i see a pcture of you i want to hug you very tightly i want to see every inch of your body and grope it and if you resist ill just have to hug you harder. I really wish I could get a hold of your schedule some how because I really miss looking at you from afar.
I am really afraid of social interaction but next time I see you I promise I wont waste the opportunity and at least say hi.
But the thought of the aftermath of me following up on the "hi" scares me what if we're drastically different? I just know there will always be problems. I like the Idea of being with you not communicating with you ( out o fear ).

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But I need to know that it's not actually fucktarded :'(

I’m not setting my bar that low. Especially if they don’t treat me like a fucking goddess. But I’ll be a friend.

Pretty sure whomever needs to see it will need to see it.

I address it to her because I can't attribute some weird happenings to anything other than the fact I drove past her house the other day leaving said friends house. Didn't even really think about it, didn't really care either way. Said gas station has good deals on energy drinks and was my destination from said friends house. I'm not driving around the block or going out of my way to make her comfortable. But when someone goes to my faux address(my dad's) and starts shining lights in the windows, I'm automatically concerned. It's not the cops as I'm not doing anything they would want to raid my residence over, 100% sure my dad isn't doing anything the cops would want to raid his house over, doubt it was a thief scoping the place out, doubt it's the person who goes through the garbage and recyclables for stuff they can scrap for money at the scrapyard, doubt it would be anything other than her/her associates trying to make me paranoid or something.

It doesn't really matter, as I'm taking all the proper precautions just in case something does happen. Which is why I put this in this thread rather than trying to contact anyone directly.

It's entirely possible this event has absolutely no connection to her, but I think it's very unlikely.

So whatever. Whomever the perpetrator(s) are they need to fuck off.

Friends are pure gold, user

It's not fucktarded. It's okay. :^)

Cancer, I may live with treatment but I'm ready for it in some ways. I was having a hard time moving forward before it. And between the diagnosis, pancreatic which his spread, and the only person I've ever loved rejecting me I am not sure if I want to keep on other than I'm afraid of death. Beyond is so unknown. Nothing, some form of after life.

Thanks fren :)

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You act like you understand how I’m feeling. No bitch, you don’t. You don’t experience psychotic delusions that leave you constantly questioning reality. You don’t know how hard I work every day to maintain some modicum of sanity. How far I’ve come since my last psychotic break that nearly made me lose everything.

You’ve told me you want to help. You can’t help, you are not a savior. I am helping myself and you are honestly just getting in the way. You treat me like I’m an object. something that needs someone to help “fix” me. That a hug or some other kind of physical display of affection will make it all better. Haven’t you learned by now that that’s not how it works? I’m sorry. Your affection doesn’t make me feel better. You can’t fix people. Being by myself makes me feel better. Or being around people I can relate to, people who share common interests. What the fuck do we have in common?

Plus, your mannerisms are unsettling. You seem emotionless. You say you enjoy fucking with people for fun. That freaks me out.

I’m worried about what you are going to do to me when I inevitably have to tell you to leave me alone. But I know we will both be better off without each other in our lives.

Challenge your cancer head on.

The only way, to my knowledge, to truly challenge solid cell cancers is to push yourself to the brink of death through starvation. Now I know the first thing that will come to your mind will be, people with cancer look they're starving to death already. What you're seeing are the effects of cachexia which is a result of the gluconeogenesis cycle where cancer uses the glucose in your blood to create lactic acid which your liver breaks down that lactic acid and turns it back into glucose again to be used by the cancer which creates a cascading destructive effect within your body.

During starvation your body will first run through your fat stores then it will start on muscle. Once you reach a point where your muscle tissue is used up your body will go into the endgame stage where it will do everything within its power to avoid consuming organs critical for life. During this period I suspect cancer tissue will be on the menu before your organs critical for survival. Cancer are your own cells and the reason it's so hard to defeat is because it uses your body's defenses to protect itself, especially that of the body's front line antioxidant, intracellular glutathione. I have faith that the human body is smart enough to consume the cancer cells during starvation, unfortunately I have no science to back this up as no one has tried this method before.

It will be important to maintain hydration and electrolyte balance during your starvation period. I would recommend electrolyte drops that are pure minerals like LyteShow drops or something similar. Your immune system will also be depressed so you will run the risk of infection during this time as well.

Starvation is dangerous, make no mistake, however, when your life is on the line it's a risk worth taking in my opinion.As you are young you have a much higher chance of this working and surviving the starvation process than someone who is older. I think it's worth a shot.

It's an interesting idea, will start of hard but if I just don't go shopping other than to get the electrolytes it should not be as hard. I'm curious about it and have no reason but to try since I've already embraced death, even if I want immortality.

So other than electrolytes won't have to go out to buy often and just to avoid anything that could cause infection.

This is my favourite song
youtube.com/watch?v=JY0Ag0fMxz8
What do you guys think?

I like her a lot but I don't have a good feeling she'll reciprocate. It's been a pretty bad streak of luck for me lately.

Fiddy cent is a likable lyricist

Fuck it, the purpose of life is the keks and dismissing anything that may get in the way of you having them

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If you're interested in trying this drop a throw out contact email and I will help you along the way if you need someone. I have some unfinished business with cancer myself and I'm willing to go to battle with you until the end if need be. You will have to be in tune with your body because you will have to know when you are at your limit, I can't tell you when that is, you will have to trust your intuition. Some people have been able to go up to 70 days without food while some expire before three weeks. I would recommend meditation during this time so you're in tune with everything.

I don't know if this will work but you will be paving a course regarding this process for the future mankind regardless of the outcome. I will also make sure your story is not forgotten if the worst happens. If this is successful you won't need me as you will have single-handedly destroyed a multi-billion dollar machine that has produced little to no accessible, successful treatment options for the majority of cancers.

As for coming to terms with death, I can speak to this subject well but I find Alan Watts does a great job of it:

youtube.com/watch?v=wTFLC_81dM4

Okay I have to larp to this one :3 ....

Just ignore me like you always do, nibba.. why even pay any kind of fucking mind to literal garbage

I regret leaving the cozy beach house life we had, we could have made it work if only you would have taken it a bit more easy. :(

She doesn't like you, she is scared of you. You need to back off.

okay sorry

>watched glue trap videos on YouTube
>mice getting caught in glue and struggling in panic in a futile attempt to escape before settling down in exhaustion or resignation
>found it erotic

I'm kinda freaked out by it. Yeah I'm a dom into bdsm but still watching the mice trapped, struggling, and resigning and getting turned on by it was a little creepy.

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that is sadism

Good night, P.

who

Someone I'm not able to say goodnight to anymore.
But I'll say goodnight to you too user, since you're here.
Goodnight, user.

Alright... I guess I've never really directly addressed my issues with women here. Perhaps I've been beating around the bush too much...

I'm too picky. I think of every reason to not bother with her before I bother with anything else and can never decide which path I want to take with her anyway.
So severe is this that I've remained a virgin to my current age. Now the issue has expanded to me not even being able to talk to women at all.
Or was it always like that... I don't even know any more. Like I'm shy, but I can kind of go past that point sometimes. Thing is, when I get past that, I start thinking something like "who even is this bitch?" and then I'll have a strange inner monologue about not wanting to get involved with someone else's life and the issues I've heard regarding just casually fucking around.
I'll think about how I'd probably have a better time masturbating any way... despite knowing what it has been like to be touched by a woman the very few times it's actually happened in my life.
I don't seem to be particularly unattractive and I guess people like my personality or something, but I can't... decide. Also, if I'm perfectly honest, I'm afraid of someone shattering all the positive things people have said about me and that's not without reason frankly because I've learned in a performance review lately that I'm sensitive to criticism due to lingering insecurities regarding some diagnoses I was given as a child that made me question my perception of the world and how people percieve me.

There's a part of me that just keeps wishing I could stay young and in the romantic stage before meeting someone forever because I'm more comfortable there and because I can keep thinking about what I could do without handling reality.
...But then I remember what it was like when I thought I almost landed a date that one time.

I don't know how to move past this and I've been so frustrated trying to find a therapist and get answers from that dumb Medicare bitch...

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You're a family friend so you've always been untouchable to me. I've always been scared to even bother because you're so close with everyone. You've shown interest in me before. Were both in relationships now and I respect that, but I cant help but think about you sometimes.. maybe it's the unknowing? Or maybe a mistake? I've known you 10 years at least and I've never thought anything negative about you. You're so genuine and kind. I feel like you dont recieve the love that you deserve and I can tell that you're unhappy. It's not my place to say or even get slightly involved, in a way I just feel slightly jealous because someone else is taking advantage of what I never had. I wonder if you actually have interest in me? You've already admitted a long time ago that you do, yet I wonder if it was just friendly flirting or maybe I've held back from something that could have been good for both of us. I'm not a bad person. And I would never tell you any of this. I just hope you recieve the love that I feel you deserve. Realistically it would never happen anyways, you're so put together and I'm so incredibly broken. I know that you're better than me, maybe it's the fantastasy that keeps both of us interested. Idk how I still think about you constantly haha.

And then if I find a girl, then I'd probably start thinking it would be hard to find another one if that doesn't work...

To think my Dad just managed to marry his first ever date.

I'm so fucking confused.
All my hobbies are super male-oriented too, like DnD.
Actually, I think DnD/Pathfinder might be my only social hobby. About half the time in my experience, there will be 1~3 girls in DnD and they'll either be ugly stereotypical nerds (in the bad way), or they will never, ever, ever be single because it's child's play for them to get a penis inside them.

Oh I know that feel. Good night to you too, user.

I love you, C~

So I just don't know how I'd relate to a woman who has hobbies that I find boring.
Maybe if she sang or dance I'd...

Man I really am AS aren't I
I fucking hate myself.
Most people with AS never leave their parents house or find love or anything. I left my parents house, but the reason was school.

I swear I'm only a few steps away from the stairs leading to suicidal thoughts.

Personally, I think that you're inexperience is causing your issues with women. If you have never really been good with women you are just basing your knowledge of them solely on the fake perception of them. Ie. Social media, annoying bitches you see on the street, bitchy girlfriends of friends. You're never actually seeing them as they are. Realistically women are humans just like men are. Theres obviously differences in genetic make up but for the most part we are actually similar to men. We went to the same schools as your friends, taught the same lessons, lived the same life. Aside from different sensitivities and the obvious structural differences women are a lot like men. Personally I believe that it's not who the person is, its who they choose to be. You feel hatred toward women and resent them because you dont understand them. But if you try and see past that and think hey women arent shitty just certain people are shitty. And try not to categorize them into a group it may help. You're obviously going to be skeptical because speaking with them isnt so familiar to you, and being shy doesnt really make it easy. But you're never going to like something if you believe that it's all the same. How many different burgers have you had in a life time? Pasta? Fuckin beans? It's all made up of the same shit but when you think of it it's all pretty different. Just like people. I've met men more sensitive than me and women cold as ice. But it's all about how you determine those who surround you.

I can't tell right now if I have friends if I'm developing friends.
Have I commonly had them or not? I don't know. I keep looking for reasons why I'm like this. Even if someone says they're my friend, are they, really?

My first and last group of "guy" friends left me and I couldn't even bang the whore who outright said she would fuck me.
But then I guess that was because I wasn't sure her bf was really jiving with the open relationship thing.

God I need a therapist. But it's been so hard to stay motivated. Since I never got a license, also like a lot of fucking AS people (I live in a part of Portland where driving isn't practical, but still...), I don't have a great concept of how far things are, so I was just browsing my tiny area code on Psychology Today when I started so that might be part of it, but still it was a lot of therapists... and trying to remember all this insurance bullshit is so annoying. Last time, they just read the fucking website to me.
I can't stand this bullshit any more.

I really wish I had a good father. Biological dad goes to jail for meth, stepfather is abusive. I still have mom but I know she won't be around forever and I'm terrified of having to face that reality.

I wish I fucked you, T.
Sorry I wasn't open quick enough to you.

God you were so bubbly.
I wish you didn't hate me because I posted a spergy ass text to you. Stop making me regret it.

Ugh please stay out of my dreams, it hurts to see you even in dream form.

Hey it hurts me more to dream about you.
Your dirty blonde looking green eyed giant ass staring into me as I sleep hurts my soul.