My friend has been cheating on his girlfriend with me for the past year. A couple weeks ago they moved in together and his behaviour towards me changed completely, it’s like the whole thing never happened. It wasn’t just sex, he was telling me that he was in love with me, that he had been in love with me for years, that the rare time he has sex with his gf he thinks of me, etc. Now suddenly he’s saying stuff like “I’m trying to be faithful!” and telling me not to text him because his girlfriend reads all his texts now. I offered to stay out of his life altogether and he just said that I was being melodramatic.
I guess he wants us to just go back to being platonic friends now but it’s way too hard after everything we’ve said and done together. Maybe he can forget but I can’t. But I still want him in my life, and friends is better than nothing. What should I do?
Probably kys for endorsement of cheating, I know that's what I would do if I were knowingly a piece of trash that did shit like that.
It's hard to say, but you don't deserve him.
Sounds like a retard. Just ditch him.
>guy cheats on his gf >”women are terrible”
women are emotional and weak minded and this guy took advantage of that by telling her he was in love with her when he was actually just horny. OP, my guess is his gf is putting out more now that they live together, so he has no use for you except as a friend/backburner.
Just remove him and move on. He can't just build anticipation like that and expect you to be chill about it afterwards. You're not being melodramatic.
Relatable. This guy did this to me twice. Each time he pretended like he wasn’t dating somebody but on social media he said they were dating The only thing to do is block his number and completely move on. I’m serious because that type of man will always want to pick you back up when he’s bored or horny because he knows you’ll respond
You were used OP, just tell his girlfriend about it and move on.
If he's willing to cheat, he's willing to lie. So why would you believe him when he said anything? Did you think you were special? Did you enjoy hurting his girlfriend? Was it the taboo of cheating? You had to have known it was a lie the whole time, so what really made you do it?
>ITT women cant see beyond their own little world in other news, rain is wet
you have contributed to a lot of pain of this other girl and yet you still think its unfair that you are treated bad. Maybe she doesnt know it yet or maybe she does, but you contributed to this yourself you made your own bed, now lie in it
I see three choices 1.Ghost em You need to realise that you're in this mess bc he couldn't or refused to be honest about his feelings. Imo he should be punished for this, and ghosting is a harsh beating stick. The sudden lack of your presence will make him realise exactly how much he likes you, he will then have to chose between his gf and you (if he is a weaker man that lets indecision rule his life he will let his gf take back control of his life). Any of the resolutions he comes to after your loss will ultimately benefit him so don't feel bad about cutting him loose. You'll be lonely but it's better than being part of an affair. 2. Break the news to his gf and force conflict. Harsh, cruel and immature but 100% effective at making him assess the mess he's made of your love lives. Gf might break up with him, he might hate you, you could all fight or fuck since this method really kicks melodrama into high gear. 3.continue what you are doing now. Self explanatory; you wait for them to break up but you'll end up watching them get married or some shit. This mode of life you're in isn't healthy for you or any future relationship you may be in. If you think he's worth sitting at the sidelines for then go ahead and love your friend. This by the worst imo, no resolution, no closure just unfulfilled people.
>you have contributed to a lot of pain of this other girl
no offense but if his girlfriend doesn’t know about him cheating how is she in any pain? from her pov she just moved in with her beloved boyfriend, he’s probably fucking her and telling her he loves her every night. what pain?
I think she knows or suspects because op mentioned she was checking his texts now. She made ultimatum to move in so they don't break up so the guy just changed to a different messaging service to hide it.
and? she doesn’t know it’s a lie, hence no pain.
>It wasn’t just sex, he was telling me that he was in love with me, that he had been in love with me for years, that the rare time he has sex with his gf he thinks of me, etc. Yeah but his actions say he cares about his gf more than you. Sleazy guys will say crazy shit like that so girls will become invested in them.
Okay this is gonna be hard since I don't really subscribe to monogamy or anything, but I do understand friendship, and right now what you guys have is stacked on top of dishonesty, lies and half truths towards yourselves, each other, and other people. If you two want to have any sort of functional relationship at all, with or without physical intimacy, then you need to re-asses what honesty and truth mean to you. Can you really trust this guy if he's been lying to his gf the whole time? Can he trust you? Do YOU trust you? Try to find some answers before proceeding.
OP here, I agree he’s refusing to be honest with himself and his feelings. I know a lot of people are saying he used me but I know he does love me which makes the whole situation even more frustrating. I’m starting to think you’re right and that ghosting him is the best option. The waiting around on the sidelines until they get married is pretty much my nightmare scenario.
>Sleazy guys will say crazy shit like that so girls will become invested in them.
Does it make a difference if he was telling me he loved me and was asking me to be his gf for years before he started dating her?
well, they are both wastes of oxygen and biomass
>cruel and immature he is the one being cruel and immature
No, not at all. My point is, whatever feelings he has for you, it doesn’t matter, because he’s chosen his gf over you. His feelings for her are stronger than for you. If he really truly loved you more than her he would’ve broken up with her to be with you. But he didn’t. Imo you were probably just an unfulfilled fantasy for him, and he threw you away when when he didn’t need you anymore.
I'm glad you feel you have to act. I will say something about ghosting tho; it's hard on all parties involved, especially if you feel similar to the way you say he feels about you. I would recommend not straight up ghosting but maybe telling him why you have to be away from him? Let him know you understand he's confused (I'd say confused is a nice word for you to use but if it was me I'd call him out for being a basedbabyboy who isn't able be direct about how he feels) and that it's too painful for you to just watch him be in another relationship. What's important for you is that your life needs to keep moving, you can't just be stuck in the middle of this shitstorm forever. Some Time away from all this bs is good for the soul anyhow.
You ever been in love user?
That’s what I thought but he’s always sending mixed signals by doing things like saying I’m perfect for him, saying the timing is just bad, that it would be a tragedy if we never had a chance to be together, that it might still happen “one day”. He’ll tell me to back off and then kiss me later that day. If he really has chosen her, why not make that clear instead of stringing me along?
i feel like if his feelings for his girlfriend were that strong he wouldn’t have been cheating in the first place. but feelings aren’t the only thing that can make someone stay, and either way he chose her.
>he’s always sending mixed signals >If he really has chosen her, why not make that clear instead of stringing me along? He’s a manipulative asshole. You probably won’t believe it though because you’re still stuck in the “but he said he loved me!” phase. But don’t focus on his words, focus on his actions. He strung you along because he liked the sex. He strung you along because he wanted to have his gf and also fuck the girl who got away at the same time. It’s not really as confusing of a situation as you think
It’s not always that simple. My best friend had an affair on his girlfriend but was reluctant to leave her even though he loved this other girl more. He was mostly afraid of the social repercussions because they had mutual friends, his family loved her, etc. It’s one thing to give up your gf for a girl, it’s another to give up your gf and potentially all your friends. He’s still with her 2 years later but he’s not happy and I know he wishes he was with the other girl deep down even though he stopped seeing her.
We really don’t know what this guy’s thoughts are, but I’m just saying it’s a typical guy tactic to cheat on your girl and tell the other woman all this bullshit about how much you love her and wish you could be with her, and then dropping her for the gf when the fun is over. I have a close female friend who’s fallen for shitty guys like this, and it’s amazing how similar their tactics are. Even the single guys are not above this sort of manipulation.
What if I were in the exact same situation except we never had sex? What if he just wanted to cuddle and hold hands when we were together? What would be the point then?
You think that makes a difference? It’s still cheating.
There’s a pretty big difference actually. A guy isn’t going to do shit like want to hold hands and cuddle and be affectionate without the added benefit of sex unless he has feelings for the girl.
You could assume he's an asshole who did this for more pussy or you could assume he's being genuine when he sends you those mixed messages. Doesn't really matter since he's being shitty to you even if he does love you.
Know your feelings then ask to know his.
this. it’s high risk low reward. he’s risking his relationship for a chance to not even get his dick wet, but hold hands? you’re only going to do that if feelings are involved.
Again, it’s still cheating. He gets to be affectionate with another woman besides his gf, and that’s all the reward needed. And if he decides not to break up with his gf to be with his cuddle buddy, what does that tell you?
>And if he decides not to break up with his gf to be with his cuddle buddy, what does that tell you?
That he’s a coward.
He has sex with you. If it was just handholding, kissing etc. It probably wouldn't have gone on for a year. But it still would include having a secret which people can find exciting, having a girl who is giving him attention and affection he either is not getting in his relationship or not getting enough to satisfy him. He had one year to decide whether he wanted you or his gf. He and his gf moved in together. I think it's more likely if he and his gf break up he gets another gf and still keeps OP on the backburner.
Yeah he’s a coward. The side chick was not important enough for him to grow some balls and choose her over his gf.
He's a coward bc he's lying for sex >he said he loves me Lying about being in love with a girl for sex pushes them to post on Jow Forums for advice.
I’m OP and you all misunderstand, we never actually had sex. We’d sleep in the same bed but the furthest it ever went was him fingering me a bit under my skirt. I jerked him off once too but that only happened once. The rest of the time it was just us spending time together, going out to eat, going out drinking, taking walks, talking, holding hands and cuddling while we watch TV, kissing, etc. So how was he using me for sex if we never had sex?
Then why the fuck in your original post did you say >It wasn’t just sex, he was telling me that he was in love with me etc. You’re implying that you were having sex, but that the situation involved more besides sex. But anyways that doesn’t change anything. He was using you for physical affection. Plus you jerked each other off. Pretty sexual imo.
Because I do think it was partly about him being sexually attracted to me even if we never had sex. But I also think if that’s the only thing he wanted, he’s had plenty of opportunity to get it.
You’re so confused as to why he would be so affectionate to you yet drop you for his gf, but the simple solution is that he was manipulating you and lying to you. Is that really so hard to believe? His actions speak louder than any of the sweet nothings he told you. I hope you drop this guy and realize one day he was using you.
yeah, what does that have to do anything here?
Yes, it’s hard for me to believe that someone I’ve been close to and friends with for almost 10 years has just been using me the entire time.
Tell his girlfriend about everything for the lulz
A longtime friend is not somehow above using you for physical affection. How else would you explain it? Is his evil gf holding him against his will, preventing him from being with you?
Just block him everywhere and move on. He's not going to drop his girlfriend for you, you can't be friends. Move on. He doesn't care about you.
This is the problem with straight men and women being just "friends" - there's usually sexual desire from at least one party member.
>cheats on his girlfriend for more than a year >I didn't expect him to be an asshole you get what you deserve, I guess
Drop his bitch ass, he don't care about you. The sooner you cut him out of your life, the better. It'll hurt for a bit but you'll get over that fucknut.
He might love OP but he loves the girlfriend more and even if he does break up with her one day and give OP a chance she will always have to live with being his second choice.
been in the exact situation as you except i'm a guy and a girl did to me what this dude is doing to you. the painful fact is that you have to let go. cutting contact hurts like hell and you will be thinking "any day now he's gonna tell me he left her for me" but that's just not going to happen. hell i'm still not over her and there are days when i want nothing else than to text her because i miss her so much, but as the time goes by these days are fewer and fewer. chances are it will take you a long long time to be completely over, and if you happen to run in to him by accident your heart will sink, but it's just something you have to do. he made his choice by staying with her, it doesn't matter why he made that choice all that matter is that he did. let go, it gets better.
Question for OP:
Did you ever feel bad for his girlfriend? If you were in her place and with this guy who fucks you and says he loves you and makes you feel secure enough in that you feel like living with him, only to find out that he's been fucking other girls and telling them the same thing.
Did you ever consider her feelings at all, or was it more of a selfish "as long as I get what I want - fuck her" kind of thought?
its hard to feel sympathy for a home-wrecking whore.
"i knew he was in a relationship, but i still pursued him and now he dumped me waaaaah what about MY feelings?!?!?!?!"
I don’t believe she really loves him.
G u a r a n t e e d r e p l i e s
yeah but you inserted yourself into another relationship that had nothing to do with you. you assume she doesn't love him, but you also have no fucking idea who she is or how their relationship dynamic is. he obviously loves and wants her enough to cut you out of the picture and dump your ass for her - so there MUST be something there that's worthy of that effort.
You were in the wrong for being a home-wrecking skank. You're the side piece. The "I'm bored" fuck buddy. You were wrong and you deserve to suffer for it.
> to cut you out of the picture and dump your ass for her
did you not read everything? he’s not cutting her out of the picture, that’s the problem. he still wants her in his life when he knows they both have more than friendly feelings towards each other. that by itself shows a lack of respect for his relationship. i have a girlfriend and if a female friend openly declared she was in love with me, i would no longer be friends with her.
>you assume she doesn't love him, but you also have no fucking idea who she is or how their relationship dynamic is.
I feel like I know from what he tells me, from what I see when he’s texting her when we’re together. But I guess you’re right.
I would tell the girlfriend everything and rat his ass out. You chase two rabbits and you end up with none, son. He probably thinks he's such a player with two women fighting over who gets to slobber on his dick more. You both should gang up on him and kick his ass to the curb and become lesbians.
this. fuck that self-serving clown.
This is why you don’t cheat with people you care about. One day they have to choose between you or them and they usually choose the relationship. U should tell his GF tho