>at Popeye's
>see guy and girl, likely on a date
>they are talking and laughing a lot
>can't hear what they are saying, but i think the guy is the one telling the jokes
how do i be like that?
i have no social skills and my conversations usually go
>them: how was your weekend
>>me: good, how was yours?
>them: good
/end
how do i have good conversations and be funny?
i have no stories to tell either (no friends, no life, spend most of my free time alone, in front of a computer screen)
As someone who is also a terrible conversationalist, the key seems to be to preserve momentum by just talking for as long as you can. Understand that most of the conversation is just hot air and you need to keep it coming to stop the atmosphere from becoming awkward. It's almost like Jazz in a way, you have to improvise and keep looking out for any nugget of information that could lead into a new avenue, such as a new topic or an opportunity for the other person to carry the conversation for a bit. Even if it's fucking boring, if you keep throwing out details and observations you'll at least fill time, which is better than nothing
It's tricky but you'll want to put half of your attention to listening to the other person, and the other half to picking out bits and pieces that you can add your own experiences to and talk about
thanks for this suggestion
i usually end up ending conversations because i don't know how to respond to people, and can't think of even followup questions. so there are often long pauses of silence when i speak to people
>your own experiences
tbqh i have no worthwhile experiences to share. which is part of my problem. while others seem to have always have a funny story of something that happened to them
You gotta take the moment and fucking own it, user. When she says good you gotta play on it somehow, it doesn't matter how, the only thing that matters is how you say it. But really your answer is dead boring in the first place, which puts them in the mood of "boring useless conversation".
>them: how was your weekend
>me: ah it was the most boring thing you've ever heard, i sat at home and did nothing, it was horrible. what about you, you do anything fun?
At that point she won't just say "good", she'll give you a sentence of some kind. Then take that and run with it. Say:
>her: hah, that sounds shitty. i didn't do much either, saw a movie on friday though.
>me: oh yeah? how was the movie? more or less fun than doing nothing?
Etc etc
Challenge the person you're talking with, bring energy to the conversation, don't wait for them to set the agenda, do it yourself.
And yea the first many times you do this it might be awkward because people aren't used to you not being boring. It's fine, power through it, fake it till you make it you'll be fine. Make conversations interesting for yourself and other people will follow.
I'm not the best either and all women are as boring as your second conversation. I think it helps to be high energy and not monotone.
Why do men post random pictures of attractive women in their posts? It seems so pathetic which makes sense considering OP lmao.
To answer your question OP I would say you can't make conversation because you're dumb or autistic, either of which you can't fix. Humor and conversational skills go hand-in-hand with intelligence, so if you can't do either it probably means you're just low IQ. Or autistic
thanks for the advice
>them: how was your weekend
>>me: good, how was yours?
>them: good
Give full answers. Instead of "good", go "it was pretty nice, I did/read/saw/watched/went to X, which I found Y. What about you? What'd you do?"
Show interest in them.
A lot of the time people talk about nothing, as in, whatever comes to mind, no specific topic.
Even, if you spend all you time in front of a pc, you probably have things to talk about. For example, articles you've read online, some videos you watched on youtube, depending on the person, maybe games you've played, movies watched, etc.
If you don't have friends you're comfortable with, then imagine your parents/relatives. Imagine walking up to your mother and just chatting about some movie you saw recently. She listens and responds, there's no "omg is he really talking to me about some movie I don't care about", most people are like that.
What requires practice is not being too self conscious and just saying anything.
As for practice, there's also no way around it, aside from actually participating in conversations. So what you'll have to do, is put yourself in social situations. Classic advice is picking up a hobby, where people do it in groups. Could be some kind of class (cooking, dancing, etc.), volounteering, rock climbing, improv, etc.
Don't sweat it, if you can't make conversation immediately, just be nice smile, and give full answers, like mentioned before.
Ask them questions (literally google some "getting to know questions", if you can't think of any, lol).
Interesting quote I've read (paraphrasing):
>You already know everything about yourself, so you should be more interested about finding out everything about others
Though it could be helpful finding out, why you're the way you are. Some self-analysis.
Check out this website, too, I remember there were a lot of useful articles succeedsocially.com
>i usually end up ending conversations because i don't know how to respond to people, and can't think of even followup questions
I don't know how it happened, but I got into a habit of saying sort of "encouragement words"
They'll go
>I did/read/saw/watched/went to X
And even though I have nothing to say about X, I'll respond with
>Oh really? What did you think of it?
>Oh, where is that?
>Ah, how much does that cost?
Basically asking for extra info.
A lot of the time just an
> Ah, why?
is enough to keep them talking and talking, untill you have something to add.
Is this a serious question? Can you really not wrap your head around the obvious answer?
Why do you think the answer is obvious?
>I think it helps to be high energy and not monotone.
i'm naturally not high energy, and i'm fairly monotone
it's hard to fake something like that tbqh
thanks
sometimes i just blank and nothing comes to mind. or nothing good enough
>cute coworker mentions she used to play xbox growing up
i had no followup questions to that, even though i'm into pc gaming
actually thinking of bringing up gaming again the next time i see her at work
>dancing
>rock climbing
>improv
actually tried all of these. didn't make friends at them.
>rock climbing
was more of a solitary thing, didn't talk to a single person there, most people were in groups.
>dancing and improv
people were really nice, but i just suck at conversations. so i end up not saying much when they try to start conversations with me, and so people think i'm a boring loser and don't talk to me again
>i had no followup questions to that, even though i'm into pc gaming
Yah, so it's more of a practice thing then. Maybe try an exercise, where you take a statement and write out question to that.
With the xbox thing, I can come up with some immediately
>Did you like it?
>Why'd you stop?
>What genres did you usually play?
>What was your favorite game? Why?
>You wanna play some game after work in my empty appartment where I live alone with nobody there, just me and the locks on the door, pic unrelated?
Oh, I also remembered some useful shit from the book "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss about negotiating. If you're too lazy to read/listen to the actual thing, then check out the summary of Chapters 1 through 3.
freshworks.com
>so people think i'm a boring loser and don't talk to me again
I don't think people usually think that. It's more likely to be "he doesn't want to speak to me, that's why he's giving short answers", "shy".
Or a third option, that I experience sometimes, I don't care enough about a person I've just met, so why would I put in lots of effort to speak to them, when there are people who actively engage in convos with me? Maybe he's shy, so I'll try a few times, but after that meh.
Anyway, I'm out, gonna sleep
Because I don't consider myself any smarter than the average person, but it's clear to me.
Stop taking everything so seriously.
Humor is fear with the danger eviscerated. To be funny, you need to learn how to handle fear and suffering. So start small I guess and start laughing off your problems in life. When all hope is lost, and you're losing, late, hungry, gf just dumped you, and you have cancer.... You should ask the doctor "Does this mean I can catch HIV now?"
When he says grow up, you have serious problems, just say:
"No seriously there's this girl down the street I wanted to fuck my whole life and I feel like now's my chance"
Then when the doctor says "Are you seriously asking me, a doctor, if it's a good idea to fuck a girl with AIDS?", just say:
"Well actually it's a guy, but I didn't think that was important. Um, is it important....?"
see like that. I just made all that shit up, it's because I'm not sitting here taking the advice too seriously. I'm just cruising and enjoying life. so lighten up faggot
thanks
i will try this, thanks
me in the back right
me too
Me as well
Try telling them about things you did at the weekend or plan to do next weekend instead. If you have nothing, make something up.
>If you have nothing
i always have nothing, that's the problem
hard to do things with no friends. everyone else's plans is usually:
>movie/hangout/club/bar/dinner at restaurant/watch sports/boardgames with friends
>friend's going away party, birthday, wedding, etc.
i can't just make up nonexistent friends that i do things with each week
>and conversational skills go hand-in-hand with
I think the fact that OP ask for advice on a topic like this actually shows intelligence. Your reponse only makes you look like an inconsiderate dickhead, so i suppose thats the type you attract as well.
To op i'd say practice makes perfect and conversational skills are definetly something that can be learned. (:
For me I have a lot of cool things to talk about. But when the convo dead ends its hard to just jump to a new topic and start talking about my life without feeling narcissistic. I know it probably doesn't seem like that to the other person.
idk it's like boring syndrome or something, I think most people are boring, but can't articulate my own interests either.
Oh yeah and when I talk about my weekend or interests it always ends up being
>you did all that... alone?
if you were at popeye's it was a black couple
Girls don't laugh when something is funny. They laugh when Chad expects them to laugh
The biggest thing to do is ask extra questions. If you ask someone how their weekend was and they say “good” you say “oh really what did you do” try to limit questions to ones that can’t be answered with yes or no or good or bad. Just keep driving the conversation. This will come with practice. Just be sure to realize that others are terrible at social interaction and it won’t always lead to a huge conversation.
thanks
except most of the time when i am given some info on their weekend. i still don't know how to respond or ask a good question
>i went to visit my parent's this weekend
>>me: oh... do you visit them often?
>mostly for holidays
>>me: oh...
>i slept all weekend
>>me: oh yeah...
Hmm so it seems like you get stuck on follow up questions, so just keep asking questions until you find a common interest then talk about that interest.
>I went to visit my parents this weekend
>>oh... do you visit them often?
>mostly for holidays
>> oh so did you do anything fun with them?
>nah I just sat around and watched TV
>>oh yea? What did you watch?
>oh I watched (tv show)
>>oh I love that show! (Proceed to talk about TV show)/oh I’ve never seen it! What’s it about?
Basically just keep carrying on and on. Eventually it will feel natural.
Or
>I slept all weekend
>>oh yea did you have a rough week?
>yea actually I had this bitch of a project
>>oh what’s it about?
>it was about (blank)
>>oh I think (blank) is super interesting!/oh what is (blank) about?
Basically just get them to start talking in depth about something and keep asking questions/you start talking in depth about something.
Because it gets attention
thanks for these suggestions
Someone not OP who has the same problem.
Consider me European Extreme mode since I've got the same issues with keeping conversations going and also have aspergers so I'm extremely uncomfortable and slow witted when it comes to things I don't know about and get obnoxiously over specific on details to the point I sound condescending when I do. And it's just something that happens that I don't notice so a suggestion like 'just avoid it' won't be a cure all.
Any suggestions?
bump
I have mixed feelings about it, but I take 3 shots before every first date. It lowers inhibitions and makes me just the right amount of impulsive to be interesting. I've gotten very good results so far and I'm not super attractive physically. Probably 6/10 but dress well
only good advice on this board
the jokes happen on their own