Going to use bulletpoints because greentext look like shit for lists. ◙ NEET in their mid thirties still living at home ◙ Have no friends, or practical social skills (Been using Jow Forums for the past 15 years.) ◙ Terminal case of autism which makes social interaction and relationship building extremely difficult, if not impossible. ◙ Extreme depression which cuts into any motivation, I constantly procrastinate or just stay in bed unless it becomes an immediately threat. ◙ General poisonous personality since I lack tact, and will put my interests first. ◙ Cannot work with therapist because of trust issues and it's extremely difficult for me to open up about my failures and life. ◙ Drugs and electroshock therapy didn't help with the depression. ◙ Fucked up enough that the current government ruled I am eligible for disability. (I got medicare now at least)
I can do extremely basic smalltalk, but after that, it's all downhill. Like holding your breath, the longer you do it, the more panicked you become and the more you want to just get out of there and be be by yourself. The only reason I haven't killed myself because of depression is I've developed uncanny coping mechanisms. But while it keeps me from killing self, it also makes reaching out extremely difficult. Like I sometimes get urges to want to talk to girls, but then I remember my situation and how I'll inevitably ruin it like the few relationships I have had (The girl always initiated those.) Plus, my emotional maturity is still that of a teenager, so it's not like I can just start talking with people my age.
This might not suit you, but I believe it can be a very good idea to get into fine art, philosophy and cinema. These mediums offer fields of though created as a response to the human condition, and you might find that they serve as good topics for discussion and motivate you to see the world and other people in a different light. Go to art museums. Strike up conversation by asking people about their opinions on old masters in a place where the context for small talk doesn't pressure you to keep conversation going for long, but is welcomming.
Also, and possibly more crucial; get out in nature. Make it a habit to gain some new impressions in peace.
Is there a question in there somewhere?
>Any ideas? is a question.
Oh. That was hidden under the pic and I didn't see it.
Several of your bullet points are disguised decisions. You CHOOSE to procrastinate, to not trust therapists, to be tactless, etc. You may have legitimate reasons for those choices, but they ARE choices, and you COULD choose to be/do/act/react differently.
It might help if you stopped thinking of yourself as the passive victim and started being an active agent in your own life
Those sorts of things just go completely over my head. But you see it as a way to just be a conversation starter? Does that work with anime?
I also don't take criticism extremely well and it's pretty damn arrogant to declare I choose things given it's a culmination of my life. It's like saying a guy who had his femurs broken choosing not to walk.
>But you see it as a way to just be a conversation starter? No, I see it as a source to understand what it's like to be humanly alive in the universe, and something to inspire and stimulate you to do larger things with you mind. The fact that you leap straight to anime is a sign that you got a lot to learn. Read some actual philosophy and art theory, dude. Or turn to Jordan Peterson, check out his 2017 lecture series on 'Maps of Meaning'.
The only reason stuff like this goes over your head is that you've only practiced reading stories exclusively meant for Japanese children.
It goes over my head because the way people treat it as inherently pretentious bullshit. Like trying to explain the motivation of an artist. How do you know the motivation of an artist who's been dead for several hundred years? Maybe it just happens because it happens. Like how Monet's art gets more abstract, that wasn't some artist choice, it's probably because he was going blind. Or Picasso's Blue Period, maybe he could afford any other colors. The fact you decide to declare anime as something for only children shows conceit on your part. Especially when you try and prop up art and theater.
My apologies, I mean to write predominantly. Don't know why that came out as exclusively. I fully understand how criticising anime on Jow Forums won't go down well.
Point isn't the choices of specific artists, it's the philosophy of critics, or any complex school of thought. I don't mean to recruit you to the art world specifically, I used that as an example as I'm in the field myself. But kudos for even knowing about Monet's development in his late years. Psychoanalysis is another great field, especially those concerned with grand narratives. Thing about fine art is that it taps into most of culture. Pic related.
My advice is simply that you discover some new hobby, start thinking about new stuff. People talk about what they read about, and choosing something that gives you meaning will help with your depression. Again, I'd look into Jordan Peterson. His books have helped tens of thousands in the past couple of years.
I guess the problem there is I tend to sound like a philistine when discussing anything that's high culture' because I just look at the most literal meaning and just stick with that. As for finding a new hobby, I'll need to find a way to do it without falling into previous pitfalls that screwed up things in the past.
Wikipedia has an excellent article on cognitive restructuring. There are reasons you procrastinate, get depressed, and are terrified of therapists, and I think following through with those cognitive restructuring techniques with some included meditation and cleaning up your diet is a surefire way for you to get yourself right. Ultimately, you need to find purpose in your life to find balance. Once you have a purpose, a lot of other things fall into place.
I was schizophrenic for a good 20 years, currently mid 30's although I have a reasonably respectable career and a few friends. I used to motivate myself by trying to kill myself because I never felt I was worth anything, and then I realized one day how stupid that shit was, and then life started getting good. Maybe not great yet, but hey. I've got some opportunities.
that trait you have, the one that makes you use bulletpoints instead of the commonly accepted greentext, is a very bad trait to have. you should try being more normal
>Comes to Jow Forums >Doesn't respect culture that has been around for more than a decade
Dude right? Yet claims he's been on here for 15 years.
I wasn't going to chime in until the teenagers started moaning about muh chan etiquette
Look at Bioenergetic therapy work (you can do it at home)
It has been very beneficial for me, though I was never in as extreme state as you describe. Social anxiety, depression, nervousness, etc don't hold me back now
Stop bitching and making excuses. Take control of your life. Look into TMS therapy might help with depression.
>They think greentext is for lists and not for quoting or asinine story time. Get a load of the newfags, I bet you all think pepe is a cultural icon and not one of the great cancers plaguing Jow Forums.
Isn't that where it's basically massages and having you scream your frustration out?
Much easier said than done. Also tried TMS therapy. I should have mentioned that since they tried it before the electroshock. If anything it made things worse because it brought up a lot of terrible memories. Repression and forgetting are good things.
You don't need to do anything with the information you read. The purpose is to discover, build new neurological connections. This is also the reason why I mentioned taking hikes in nature in my first post.
I've been an artist since 2002, and I still feel like a philistine when talking or listening to certain people in the field. Conversation is not a competition. You might as well start listening to science podcasts or Joe Rogan, as he's got a diverse selection of experts coming in every week. Just start sourcing out new information, and you'll have more to talk about with people, when it feels right to do so.
>bulletpoints My advice is to kill yourself
I said Transcranial magnetic stimulation, not EMDR. I agree that I didn't also not like doing EMDR. But TMS shouldn't bring back memories. You just sit in a chair with a magnet to your skull.
We should all use bullets to stop Jow Forumsgreentext honestly.
Yes, I know what you're talking about. It's they put on some headgear marking what part of your brain needs to be magnetized and you wear ear plugs and a mouth guard to keep yourself from biting your tongue and there's a loud BRRR BRRR BRRR every 10 or so seconds.
Also my memory is extremely bad, so it did clear it up a bit. but for the worse since it just made bad memories resurface.
The fuck kinda doctor did your TMS. I didn't have to wear earplugs, my choice, and they never even mention needing a mouth guard. And the pulses happen every 2-3 secs.