Had a "serious talk" with my gf yesterday. She told me I was boring und often not funny. She said she feels really protected and loved around me, just not wanted and desired. She also said there's something missing in our relationship, and that the way it is now, it's just not enough. But she's also happy with me and breaking up is the last thing she wants.
We live together, I work from home while she works in a hospital. I love her very much and try my best to be the perfect boyfriend any way I can.
What can I do to become better? How can I show her how much I desire her/make her feel more wanted?
It means that she has the hots for aome guy at work and she is comparing you to him. The disconnect here is that her pussy is disgusted by you, but logically you make sense.
Personally i think this girl is trash and you should dump her asap.
But if you want to impress her switch to a job at the office, start some bew ambitious projects like toing back to school and become busy with life.
this user is right you can change "you" but it won't last she's gone
No she is still really sweet and affectionate to me when we don't fight. And I'm sure she doesn't cheat on me with some guy at work.
I won't dump her because I will never find a girl like her (or any girl for that matter).
I just need to bridge a few months before applications open for my dream job so that's where I'm aiming and she fully supports me and is proud of me. I'm currently completing my Master's while working at the same time so I don't think me not being ambitious/busy is the problem. It rather seems to be something about my personality but I don't know what.
Aside from what user here said and how you responded , I think she may be just bored.
I can assume you play it safe, and provide a stable mood for her, right? Humans in general want to experience a range of emotions to keep life fresh, especially girls. I know this is stupid question, but when was the last time you guys had an argument, or a fight? Have her on her toes, got her thrilled. Associate yourself with being exciting again. How do you do that? I'm still tryna figure it out
>last time we had an argument Well, yesterday. Although it was more her listing all of my flaws and me apologizing. I know I'm bad at fighting. The last fight before that was probably a few weeks ago or something. I realize I should become more exciting, fiery, thrilling... but how? Should I just yell at her randomly? Probably not, but then what SHOULD I do?
Hopefully some user who gets it can come by and answer that. But until then, and I'd hate to say it, but look into pick up artists, PUA forums. Look into nick nolas, chase amante, and other related blogs ran by dudes with strong inner game.
Taken with a grain salt, I hope that their advice can still hopefully lead you to what would work out best for you
That’s easy, go into dating mode.
Buy flowers, cook her dinner, light candles at the table, make plans to go out and see that stupid movie she likes, take her ice skating, plan projects together, ask her about her life goals, ask her about her favorite childhood memory, take a map of your country and both of you sit down and color in where you have been in one color and wherw you haven’t been in another. Discuss travel plans.
But looking at his blog again, it's for total beginners. Google around, you'll get pieces of the puzzle as you look at other peoples experiences
You are trying to please her too hard? Have you tried enjoying and having fun with her?
>and breaking up is the last thing she wants. Then she wouldn't be saying any of this. Dump her.
I am already dating her so what use would PUA have for me?
That's all the stuff I do on a daily basis. I cook dinner almost every day, massage her feet afterwards, ask her about her day and listen, we make plans for activities and travels etc. As I said, I'm really trying to be the best boyfriend that I can and I feel like that's not what she's complaining about. It must be something else she misses, but I don't know what.
Roastie already has another guy on standby, she already fucked him and decided they're compatible. Now she's trying to see if she can get a better deal out of you before she moves on.
Wtf does she so for you? user, females are often happy not because their partners are doing things for them, but because they are doing things for their partners which make them happy. Does that ever happen?
Yeah she does. She cleans the house sometimes, or she made me tea a few days ago when I was sick. Also she sometimes makes breakfast for example. I feel like we share chores more or less equally.
The way you respond seems really factual and dry, are you not really emotive or passionate in real life?
Not feeling wanted and desired sounds like you aren't really having sex enough, or in a way she enjoys. How's your sex life?
A lot of men are not instinctively "romantic" in all the cheesy senses of the word. But cheesy romanticism is sometimes exactly what women want. Make a conscious effort to show her you value her romantically, even if you feel cheesy doing it
Dayum you just got fucked owned
You're right, I'm not exactly an extrovert. But I find it particularly hard to change this aspect of my personality, no matter how much of an effort I make.
It's bad. I'm aware that's another thing I need to get better at, but at the same time she doesn't really show me that she wants me and it's difficult to initiate when there are no signs from her side...
Get tested for STDs user.
try reading Mark Manson's Models, and the Book of Pook. seriously.
>She also said Who gives a fuck? Analyze a womans behavior, not her words.
>try my best the perfect boyfriend this is the issue, you are a slipper and fullfilling the woman role in the relationship, you also work from home, double trouble
go to the office for work, let her have some alone time, dont care that much what she wants, be cheeky, slap her ass when she misbehaves and fuck her really hard
when she says shes not wanted and something is missing she means shes missing the tension of being in a relationship with a man, who is sometimes unpredictable, sometimes angry (NOT LIKE A TODDLER) and sometimes caring
you are boring, because you made it your mission to serve this vagina owner
Well her behaviour is lovely. I can feel that she loves me and cares about me, but at the same time she seems discontent sometimes. Also of course our sex life is quite dysfunctional which bothers both of us. But that doesn't really tell me what to do or how to act.
you dont wait for her to initiate, you suggest things, you dont worry like a girl if she likes it or not, so what if she doesnt?
I get some of these points, thank you. But I have further questions. >dont care that much what she wants So should I just not ask her? Or ask her what she wants and then discard what she says?
>be unpredictable and angry See, this is really hard for me. I'm an extremely calm person, but if I do get angry I explode completely. How can I learn to become the right kind of angry?
Be more descriptive. You're telling me a lot less than you think you are right now.
Good advice although i would pepper this with "don't go too far out of her comfort zone or risk alienating her entirely". This does not however mean be "safe". Just don't plan a trip to a petting zoo for someone with a deathly and irrational phobia of goats.
dont ask, do as you please (but tell her you (we) gona do this), take the lead
emotions are inside everyone, since you say you explode, you can just not let it build up and let it out daily in sex while pulling her hair and calling her a whore
you will get much more little annoyances if you understand she isnt your little perfect princess, she shits, she pisses and she has faults that you dislike
relationships are about finding a woman who annoys you the least, not finding a pitch perfect machine
dude Be really aggressive and assertive, especially during sex. Get some choking in there rape fantasy kind of shit but not fully, just borderline
The "right kind of angry" is called assertiveness. Learn it.
Well usually we have a perfectly happy relationship and she is really cute and cuddly, just sometimes she's annoyed with me for being too boring or something. When it comes to sex, I have tried quite a lot of things like choking etc but I never seem to do it right and ultimately, we often end up just having missionary or doggy.
>just be assertive bro What does this even mean? How can I learn to be like this? I can't just go from 0 to 100 on the assertiveness scale overnight.
get sloppy drunk with her. or take psychs
Being more assertive means telling her what YOU want. Are you always satisfying her? What about you? Is there anything in bed that you want to try but you don't want to ask her? Have her suck your dick more or something. Out of bed- is there anything she does that you think is a little shitty of her or annoys you? Maybe she leaves her clothes on the floor or makes a mess? Are you always the one doing the cooking or does she help out too? Do you always give her presents or does she give you presents too? You can't tell me you are 100% satisfied with everything she does and you woudln't change anything about her. Be asertive and tell her things you'd like her to improve on occasion. Don't make a talk out of it or an intervention, just when you see something you don't like say "hey, I don't really like when you do x"
I've heard if Models and it's great reviews. Book of pook is a new one. Definitely
>we often end up just having missionary or doggy. Neither is a bad thing as long as it's done passionately. Have you tried pulling her hair ALL OF HER HAIR, while fucking her from behind? Like really dominating her and just plowing her into the mattress?
>choking what is with you millennial prats and choking? ffs.
Op finna get cheated on l0l
Pulling her hair is another thing I seem to mess up. I don't know. I often try many of these things that are hailed as dominant (on the internet at least) but she often complains that it hurts so then I stop.
She tells me she likes being dominated, but whatever I do I seem to do wrong, which is really discouraging.
How is your appearance? Start lifting weights and exercising everyday
Im getting pissed off for you OP
Dominating in the eyes of a female is: >telling her that she belongs to you and that you own her >being physically aggressive without hurting her (grabbing her tightly, throwing her on the bed, etc) >light bondage or rope play >bossing her around >telling her she's a good girl and that she looks great on your cock/ feels great >only pull her hair if she does something wrong. Don't pull it hard, grab from the base and grab a good handful. Pull just enough so she physically moves her head back. Tell her she's a bad girl and that you'll punish her if she doesn't listen. >reward her with cute costumes, kisses all over her body, and different sexual things she enjoys >tease her sexually; touch, suck, lick, different parts of her while she's restrained >tell her that her moans are cute >cum on whatever part of her you want
I'm tall and chubby. Not really /fit but not super weak either. I'm doing rowing, I tried the gym but hated it.
I'm already doing some of those, but I'll try the ones I didn't do yet. Hopefully that improves something.
>rowing rowing is great, but you'll be hitting the gym regardless, if only to use the ergometer, and ideally, do some sort of circuit training to complement the rowing.
Being boring and unfunny are the qualities she loves of you. Meaning you are stable and reliable. Go out on a vacation with her. You can do boring tourist stuff together. It's enough for her and won't get you out of your comfort zone.
Isn't there an alternative to the gym? Some other sport that has the same effect but a nicer atmosphere?
We actually travel quite a lot, both of us. I'll take her to Paris next week, for example. Which leads me to think that her complaints aren't so much about external things (what I do) as about internal ones (how I am). I think there's something about my inherent character that is not compatible with her's, and I would like to fix that. Becoming funnier, more extroverted,... dunno what and how though.
you'll be looking a long time before you find a sport that is as well-rounded as rowing to be honest. also, Paris ain't what it used to be, beware of the capital of Frankistan. what are you going to do there?
OP, the way I see it is that you have no outward passion. You’re not spontaneous. Yeah sure you make her dinner and plan vacations and attend to her needs, but I get the sense that it’s all meticulously planned. When was the last time you surprised her with a romantic gesture?
You sound like nice people, I don't know shit about relationships but I guess you guys should talk more, whip your dick out and tell her all the things in your mind
I know, it's our third time. We'll celebrate her birthday, go to an art exhibition and then go see some gilets jaunes riots.
You're right, she sometimes complains I don't get her flowers spontaneously, but then of course I can't do it the very next day or else it would seem pathetic. So I wait a while, and then she complains again and I never get around to do it. I feel like it's hard to be spontaneous when both of us (though especially her) have busy schedules all day every day. Planning just seems more safe, chances that it goes wrong are much smaller.
Thank you user.
>art exhibition sounds boring a/f. spice things up a little, take her on the "Taken" Tour of Paris (tm). revive your sense of adventure! more seriously, flea market at St Ouen (beware the 'strangers'); Catacombs (why not); watch Amelie or When the Cat's Away (or that Midnight in Paris) and then unexpectedly take her to see some of the sights from those films. Pere Lachaise and other occult spots could also be a good bet.
I'll also add the Tea Museum/store at Bourg-Tibourg, a hidden treasure of Paris.
>So I wait a while, and then she complains again and I never get around to do it. So then actually do it. Today. Go out and get her flowers and her favorite candy. It’s like you know what she wants but refuse to do it. >I feel like it's hard to be spontaneous when both of us (though especially her) have busy schedules all day every day. Now you’re just making excuses. Don’t be lazy. >Planning just seems more safe, chances that it goes wrong are much smaller. You sound like a robot. No wonder she thinks you’re boring. I hope you see what’s wrong wrong with having to plan out your affection for her, like your love is just part of your schedule.
We'll probably do a ton of shopping either way, market or otherwise, and we have done most of the sights. But I appreciate your input!
But when she complains about me never getting her flowers and then I get her some the very next day, doesn't that just seem cheap and obedient?
>doesn't that just seem cheap and obedient? jesus christ you are dense. your default reaction is to never do any spontaneous romantic thing for her ever, so actually doing something breaks the norm. get her the fucking flowers.
Boring a woman is a death sentence to the relationship.
Start having fun, do unexpected things, shake it up. Even if it means potentially messing some significant things up. Then see where that goes for 6 months. If the relationship is still bad then you have to end it.
What she's telling you is pretty serious. And if you are happy who you are and not willing to change, then you need to accept reality here that you may not be a good match.
What did you do to get her in the first place? How long have you been together? Do you get along with her family? Do you both want children?
Are you satisfied with your sex life OP? It sounds like you're still just focusing on making her happy rather than your own needs? Is that because your needs are already satisfied or something else?
Those aren't things for you. Those are sharing chores. A basic thing when living together