How to not be a nice guy

How the fuck do you avoid being a "nice guy" but still know that you're being nice enough for women to like you.

Or do women actually not care if you're genuinely caring and loving?

please help.

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There's a difference between loving conditionally and loving unconditionally.

Be confident, do nice deeds without expecting return. But most importantly stand up for yourself when the situation arrises.

Start putting yourself above everything else. It's your life, your show, and you're the protagonist. If something benefits you, do it. If it doesn't, decline.

Confidence, dominance, assuredness, cockiness are some of the panty droppers. Nice doesn't really enter the equation.

What they want is someone who can tell when it's appropriate to be caring and loving and when it's appropriate to be stern and angry. They want someone who isn't just like this with them, but with anyone.

Just like you.

If you're acting like a shithead and someone sets you straight, you would be grateful. If you feel vulnerable, you want someone to care for you.

Timing is important, you can't just rush into being caring and loving, you have to let it grow organically. If you try and act that way too soon she'll be like "gross I barely know this dude, how needy."

>please help.

Stay authentic to who you are, drink lots of water and remember that I think you're awesome.

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The kind of "nice guy" you're talking about is just weak and passive and socially submissive, which isn't necessarily the same as kindness. The typical "nice guy" actually has a pretty nasty resentful streak that he bottles up 95% of the time (out of pure passiveness) and then has unreasonable outbursts every now and then.

Genuine kindness can coexist with strength and assertiveness. You should absolutely be kind to people. Just don't expect women to like you if you're weak and spineless.

The best, simplest way is to treat them as you would your male friends.
The nice guy problem starts at the moment people notice your second intentions.

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Show initiative, leadership, dominance.
Prove you're not a pushover and an agreeable baby.
You have to reach a point where your presence is important valuable and can't be ignored.

And STILL be nice on top of it.
That's how I roll.

That's what "nice guys" are doing wrong. You can't make "being nice" be the centerpiece of your personality.
You have to have a personality. Being nice comes on top (or not, girls don't seem to care that much, but you want it so you can - nothing stops you).

You don't understand what girls mean when they say "he's a nice guy" as a bad thing.

They don't mean it's a bad thing to be nice. They mean it's bad if that's the only good thing they can say about you. As in you're neither good looking nor fit nor particularly intelligent or funny, you have no kind of physical or philosophical wealth, you're not interesting in any way. You make them feel virtually no emotion apart from pity. Being an asshole won't make it any better. Improving on other aspects of your life will.

My roommate is a complete asshole to his gf and they've been dating for 6 years. I just don't know anymore.

this thread is me

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The "nice" in "nice guy" is ironic

Its not about being nice or not nice, its about having an abundance mentality or having a needy one.

There is nothing wrong with opening car doors for women, telling them you're into them etc. But if you're being needy and texting them all the fucking time and succumbing to their manipulative tendencies, you will become a friend.

You have to make it clear that you are only interested in them in a romantic way and won't settle for anything else.

Be nice when you actually want to be nice. Be nice when you think people deserve it. Don't see it as this unspoken trade where you being nice to people means they will have to give you something in return. Like in the instance of women, thinking they have to reward you with affection or sex.

There is no problem with being nice. It's a problem if that's the only thing you can offer a girl and then also believe she has to like you in return and otherwise turn bitter if she doesn't. That's not how relationships between people work. Additional traits of a "nice guy" are:
>not honest with true intentions; incongruent with actual thoughts
>push over; doesn't clearly and maturely speak up when something bothers him
>passive aggressive when he doesn't get what he wants
>only positive trait is being nice, instead of also being funny or authentic or confident or good at something, etc
>too afraid to be edgy and break rapport when he feels like it, because he is afraid it will offend the girl

To get sexual attraction you don't even have to be nice. It's actually optional. But women still appreciate a man who is a nice person, that doesn't mean they like "assholes". That's just another bitter incel fantasy. It's simply that niceness alone isn't that valuable of a trait.

This is spot on OP

Fuck, i might be fitting some of those. Not really to be get affection but i am in general a non confrontational person and a bit passive with people i dont know. My friends say i am funny and sympathetic and stuff but i just cant be like that around a girl i like or in general new people.

spit and piss on everyone you meet
thats bad boy life

>but i am in general a non confrontational person
Personally I see this as a virtue. Confrontational people are generally a pain in the ass and a liability in every single social group I know. At work, at school, and among friends. Being confrontational is not a good thing and only makes you stand out as a nuisance and an asshole. I've heard people say that act more confrontational to attract women etc., but in my experience it only makes you stand out as an idiot.

I am the guy you're talk I g about.

I'm very nice and caring but I'm very stern about things.

Every girl I see for more than 1 date ends up wanting to fuck and I don't do that. I have a set of rules I follow with girls and make them known. If a girl tries to kiss me or make advances especially on a first date and I don't want it I'll turn my head or tell them to stop.

I just ask questions and I'm actually interested in their beliefs and life and what not and I just go from there. I ask a question they answer then I expand off that. Mostly things about them not stupid shit. I'll open the door for them offer to carry their stuff. I won't invade their privacy and I look them in the eye and smile and laugh alot.

I show them how assertive I am when certain conversations arise that I personally don't like and I show them with my facial expressiom and tone how genuine I am they see that and not may are taken back. Like a girl told me she was raped and I made it very clear how fucked up that was etc etc.

Idk it's how I've always been. I have a hard time finding girl's but once I find a girl they typically get obsessive over me which is weird.

Are you traditionally handome, tall or sth?

Can you tell us about yourself? It feels like you are womewhat tradional and what someone might call an old mans man.

>Being confrontational is not a good thing and only makes you stand out as a nuisance and an asshole
If you’re constantly like this, yeah it’s not good, but there are times when you should be confrontational with people who wrong you.

good girls like nice guys, bad girls like assholes.

Yeah but i think i can be a bit more confrontational when i am in the right and trying to approach girls i like. I can see how it can be too much, but it might be appearing non confident and non decisive, even cowardish at this point.

I guess i find this user to be correct a bit too.


Essentially i need to be a proper functioning individual man, instead of a meek teenager? Not sure how though but i can try.

If you're the type of the guy to sit there, whine, and say shit like "I'm a nice guy..why don't girls like me?!?!?". Everyone should be nice, nobody is going to fuck someone just because they are nice. I don't mean to sound like an asshole but if your only redeeming thing about you is that you're 'nice' then boooy you got a long ways to go. It's gonna take years of regret, fuckups, blood, sweat, and tears to break that mentality.

Don't make women the number one priority in your life, don't bend over backwards for women, focus on yourself and a goal. The one will come across you, guaranteed, if you follow those rules. But like I said if this shit is deeply ingrained in your head it's gonna take years to break.

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You sound like a spergy turbovirgin. Not nice in the slighest.

Every girl likes value and being nice is only valuable when you're doing it from a place of power . Most guys are nice as a defense mechanism.

Okay, here is the thing I want you to drill into your head.

Sexual attractiveness and niceness are NOT related at all. Whatsoever.
Everybody considers niceness a good thing. Almost everyone expects niceness a basic courtesy as well.

Niceness is never going to get you in bed with a girl. First of all, because the girls you want to bed have all men being nice to them. Second, because how sexually attracted a woman is to you has zero to do with how nice you are. It has all to do with how you look, and how you conduct yourself. A very common fantasy among women is having sex with men they despise, and many times women can't even tell you what they find hot about a given man.

If you suddenly stopped being nice and agreeable and started being a complete cunt instead, you would still not get laid at all.
When girls talk about "nice guys" they talk about pushovers, and nobody really likes pushovers. Pushovers are exhausting to deal with, because they are unable to take decisions and will end up making you do all the work because they can't take matters into their own hands.

unconditional love in romantic relationships doesn't exist

It does. You just can't feel it because you're not naturally monogamous.

Spoken like a true basement-dwelling kissless virgin.

>talks about nonmonogamy
>is assumed khv
You're really special, lol.

Idk what sth is. And I'm 6foot and if my track record is anything to go off of I'm above average. I'm sorta fit since I do manual labor for work.

And yeah I kind of am an olds man's man. I grew up dirt poor and abused and had to grow up fast. My grandparents basically raised me and they were upper middle class so they always had food and stuff.

My grandpa owned a company doing in house repairs his cards said " the house doctor" and I started doing that with him at age 5 working in multi million dollar homes so I learned respect and being nice that way. My grandpa was a great man and treated me like his son and I learned alot from him.


Most elderly folk adore me and I love working for older people. When I do work for them they typically tip me for being so nice and helpful and compliment me on how professional and caring I am.

When I work for elderly people I tend to ask if they need help with anything that's not related to my work or if I see them doing something hard I'll butt in and offer a hand. I also talk to them and have very genuine conversations and I do care about what they have to say.

Idk man talking about who I am seems hard without trying to inflate an ego which I don't have. Feel like I'm trying to tell a cool story for cool points.

tripfags need to die

Read again. There is no such thing as unconditional love. Even in monogamous relationships, it's never unconditional.

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Because YOU have experience to go off of, right?

You should feel the urge to do nice things without expecting anything in return to be really nice.

You're alright mate.

Unconditional love does exist, just as much as Atheism is a religion. Just because you don't choose to feel it, doesn't stop it from existing.

Do you understand what "unconditional" means? Loving someone even if there is nothing but abuse and misery in the relationship?

Yep, and there are people that stay in abusive relationships until the partner kills them. It exists.

That is no longer love, it is fear.

No, you just can't fathom loving someone that hurts you on purpose or expecting mistakes and injuries in relationships, because you have only loved conditionally.

No. In today's society someone who is in this type of relationship could safely leave it and press charges. It's actual love.

the tripgirl is correct.

Have you been in unconditional love? Would you love no matter how awful he/she is and it would only hurt you and kill you?

Mhm, but not with anything of this physical realm. Too many low vibrating animals out there.

Women want to see that a man has empathy.

Being “nice” is topical, non sincere, and is easily seen through.

If a woman sees you are empathetic you are more attractive.

This in conjunction with other factors of course.

I unironically agree.

this is pretty good
sex is used for power now and that's reality, but also a two way tug of war
>don't make women the number one priority

words to live by

>Meanwhile

Men are in a lot of pain and >unappreciated

Ignore the other replies this is great advice. I've never thought about this before, you may have honestly changed my life. Thank you

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they dont care about you user, they care about what you can do, ie a talent, salary, entertainment value.

>nobody is going to fuck someone just because they are nice.
that's the thing, every girl I have had a crush was of her doing something nice to me, even just some conversation.
It's all that nice guys know. I know better, but it's a sad truth that when these guys act nice to a woman and she doesn't like him, there is simply something he is lacking.