>boyfriend of half a year has started to make comments about my weight >"user does (medication) make you gain weight?" while touching my stomach >tells me my stomach "wasn't like that" when we met >I have never, ever once in my life been told I'm fat, so I'm confused and offended at first and tell him to stop being rude >but after awhile they stick in my head >I look into it. my BMI is 20.5... my weight is barely over 3 digits soaking wet. my clothes are size 0/petite. I'm small by every standard >but I get self conscious anyway >start working out, eating better because I should be doing that anyway for my own health, so whatever >he "encourages" me to do so by praising me and watching what I eat, which is annoying because he continues to eat like shit (he hates vegetables and regularly eats McDonald's a few times a week) and never exercises >I tell him last night that while I'm happy to be adopting healthier habits, his comments have been hurtful, led me to change how I see myself, and that he can't talk to me that way >claims he'd never say those things, then says that I simply took what he said the wrong way, tries to pull the "well you're mad at me so I'll sleep on the couch" trick to get me to beg him to stay in bed, then sleeps >wake up today... whatever... just go about my new routine as usual because ~health~ >but nope, that's not the end, because less than 24 hours after this conversation >he tries to make me feel bad for eating a bowl of oatmeal for dinner, because the ONLY other meal I ate today was a half cup of oatmeal for breakfast, but oatmeal is "carb heavy" and I put cheese on it
I want to fucking slam dunk this dude. How can I tell him, kindly and in a non-manipulative manner, that I will break up with him if this continues? I love him to death, but I'm not going to develop an eating disorder.
>>tells me my stomach "wasn't like that" when we met I know that sounds like an insult but he's trying to tell you a message with this line. He's saying that the woman he knew and fell in love with is not here anymore and he misses her (meaning: you). He's telling you he misses you and wishes you to be the best for yourself. It's not personal; but I understand how you see it that way, it's just not what he's trying to communicate.
> then says that I simply took what he said the wrong way, guy here, yeah I knew this before I even got to that line in your post. I'll try me best to convert his words into something you can understand; but you really need to make an effort to understand your boyfriend, this line is very telling. He's being very honest and you should appreciate that fact. He also loves you and none of this means he likes you any less. He's trying to tell you how HE feels and not an insult to you. He works are coming from inside and not directed outside; if that makes sense...
>getting mad over oatmeal This is a very very small problem in isolation, you should never get mad over something so silly. What this means is that you're not understanding each other. While I put some fault on him for not talking in a woman-friendly way; I put most of the blame on you, because he is super honest and you are over-reacting.
Both of you, buy the book "men are from mars and women are from venus" and read it, stat. Like literally today go out to the bookstore and buy it. Not tomorrow; today. Your relationship could depend on it, or at the very least; your happiness and sanity depends on it. You don't like how you feel right now do you... this book will help you see everything so much more clearly.
Kevin Murphy
Iiterally just sit him down and tell him that these comments have been getting under your skin and you’ve told him in the past how these upset you, so if you hear another one you will break up with him.
He might argue and protest about it but you have to understand it doesn’t matter. You’ve established a clear boundary, and he either chooses to respect it or does not. If he does not then follow through and leave, because you deserve better than someone who can’t respect simple boundaries.
Josiah Cooper
Don't do this. There's no need to present some autistic ultimatum. Just have an honest but chilled conversation about how it makes you feel and try to figure out what's going on in your relationship. Jumping straight to "I'll leave if I don't get my way" is just immature.
Leo Myers
>oatmeal >I put cheese on it Is this normal behaviour? Seems like weird thing to do to me.
Henry Foster
It’s not an ultimatum to say “I don’t like this thing you’re doing to me, I will leave if you do it again” it’s literally just telling the other person what’s ok or what’s not for you. She mentioned in her post about how she’s already talked to him about how it makes her feel and was ignored.
Aiden Turner
>How can I tell him, kindly and in a non-manipulative manner, that I will break up with him if this continues? Doesnt sound like he deserves kindness. Wtf if you're petite what the fuck does he want you to look like? Eugenia Cooney? Mayyyyybe you could look better growing some muscle, that's great, but wtf he's absolutely either being a prick or wants you to feel unconfident so you don't leave him
Juan Sanchez
yeah that's honestly pig disgusting
Kevin Ortiz
>call gf fat >convince her to eat healthy but still eat like shit yourself >doesnt take you seriously and instead gilts you into something else Sounds exactly like one of my friend's exes, guy turned abusive after a while. Honestly these seem like signs to get out but you probably won't since that's not how these things work. Just know that if you're willing to improve yourself and he isnt, you deserve better. >cheese on oatmeal This on the other hand is a huge problem that needs to be stopped
Luke Wright
Doesn't sound like he deserves you.
Want to date me instead? I won''t complain.
Leo Smith
>wants you to feel unconfident so you don't leave him This, it's a classic manipulation. Be careful OP
Austin Torres
I read that book a long time ago. He 100% won't read a book; he won't even read a newspaper article. This is a guy who has never had an irl gf before me, so I've been very patient, but I have my limit. If you're too stupid to understand "don't say that to me," you need to get smart quick. Maybe a video might work, but I don't know where to find good ones about relationships that aren't all fluff.
I know some people think ~threatening a breakup is abuse~ so I was worried if that was the case, but I have told him multiple times to quit it and poured my heart out last night, which is why his comment was especially irritating today.
Jack Smith
>he doesn't admit his rude behaviour >"you're getting fat" when you're thin >plays the victim >gastlighting Pls take care of yourself OP. You sound easy to manipulate, and I don't mean to hurt you just to warn you. He sounds like a manipulative prick that doesn't do you any good. I bet if you comment about his psysique he will asperg out or play the victim Leave him for god's sake, that's the healthiest thing you can do right now
Aiden Myers
Post pics for us to review
Joseph Johnson
Tell him to practice what he preaches or shut the fuck up. If he's got a problem tell him he's getting fat and should probably get healthy. Men get self conscious too.
Henry Ramirez
Nah threatening a break up isnt always abuse, only if its overused in like a bratty way to get what you want. Goes for both sides.
Lucas Williams
dipshit, do you not know the definition of ultimatum?
your greentext is quite one-sided in its accounting of his behavior. we really don't have enough to go on from it, except if we just take you at your word. But this is yotsuba, so fuck that.
You can't get him to stop if he thinks its justified. You can't make him do anything. The only reasons he'll stop is if he doesn't think he needs to anymore, it results in more grief than its worth to him (which his couch-sleeping behavior is designed to tell you you're not capable of giving him enough grief to stop), or he stops caring.
Jordan Carter
Yeah I think I was giving bad advice actually thanks for catching me on it. I’m trying to learn how to build boundaries.
Essentially boundaries are for you, not the other person. You don’t try to control them with it. What I posted WAS an ultimatum and is not what you should do OP.
In this situation a boundary would be deciding how much of these comments you want to put up with and internally telling yourself what you will do if it passes that threshold.
Connor Martinez
I'm dying. It was my first time trying it. The internet told me I could put anything on oatmeal, and the cheese was nearing it's expiration because I have nothing to use it on. It's not that bad, but not that great.
Thank you anons. I wanted to hear other opinions exactly because I was in an abusive relationship in the past, and it's hard for me to tell when it is and isn't fucked up behavior sometimes. I didn't want to ask friends for advice and have them pick up the pitchforks, but I needed to check that I wasn't being unreasonable.
Parker Long
Nah, you're perfectly within your rights. Please be safe OP. I hope you make good choices about this
Camden Reed
Please please be safe and tell other friends or family about this. It's always good if he wants to spread rumors or blackmail you or threaten you or some othee bullshit. As a rule of thumb if something's too mean for you to do to another person don't tolerate it when others do it to you
kek If he were a fitness buff I'd assume it was a personality thing. But since he eats McDonalds, he either thinks that joking about a girl's weight isn't a terrible idea or he's just a douche. You should break up with him because he's a dumb shit either way, Cheesy Oatmeal.
Jayden Moore
I don't usually call for break ups or even use the word abusive, but this guy is abusive and manipulative. I'd dump him already, but if you don't want to. Tell him, again, he's making you feel horrible with his comments. Point them out, tell him how you feel. Don't make it about him (no "you're a terrible asshole for saying this and that"), but make sure he understands how much you're hurting ("it made me feel really bad about my body when you said this and that"). If he doesn't validate how you feel, apologise and make a change drop him. You don't deserve a man like this, no one really does. Just imagine in the long term being with a man like this. Through a pregnancy, or even just getting old. Or imagine your daughter or son growing up with a father who makes them feel bad about their bodies constantly. I saw the result of a parent like that on people. I have a boyfriend who sometimes will throw up on purpose because he's terrified of getting fat. And he's 26. You don't want to do that to yourself or to your children.
She has a BMI of 20. She's barely healthy, far from overweight.
HOLY FUCK YOU FUCKING WHALE SWEET JESUS I... oh wait you're american
Logan Ward
Start making comments about his dick size, let him "catch" you masturbating with 26inch horse cock whatever. The biggest you can use. Or start making comments about his weight.
Jackson Martin
Break up. He's a manipulative control freak happy that you're playing along and getting insecure.
Matthew Carter
lol the state of relationships in 2019
Nathan Mitchell
You should be as fat as you want, no exceptions. Fuck people who think being fat is unhealthy
Parker Fisher
Fuck him in the ass with a cheeseburger flavored cucumber. He only admired you for being skinny, he's not actually concerned with your health.
Adam Foster
You just have a weird boyfriend, he's probably not that bad of a guy but he has a screw loose. Regular guys don't care much about superficial things so long as looking at you gets their dick hard, and not liking some thiccness is a sign of low testosterone (skinny girls have more reproductive issues). I think guys have a right to *very* delicately express to their girlfriends that they would like them to watch their weight if its an actual issue but if he's doing it a lot and its bothering you then that's a problem, especially if you're actually skinny.
If you love this guy and he's usually straight-up and kind then it's not worth breaking up with him over but it's still something that needs to be addressed.
Jose Collins
>Regular guys don't care much about superficial things Go tell that to his face, use your dick privilege.
Brayden Price
What the fuck are you babbling about, retard
Jonathan Howard
If y'all have a healthy and happy relationship, you should be able to talk about these kind of things with him calmly without it causing any problems
Lincoln Cook
Get a new bf. I'm shocked no one has said this yet.
Benjamin Peterson
Look for the reason why he's doing that. In my opinion he's not working out himself which is why he feels like shit and complaining about your figure and diet makes him feel better. Confront him when he understands the reason behind him and see how he reacts
Anthony Sanchez
Oatmeal is porridge right? Cheese on porridge? that is fucking disgusting
A lot of Americans these days (girls especially) were raised by parents who validated every stupid preference they had as kids and instead of growing out of them they grew up to be annoyingly picky eaters who get extremely offended if people make fun of them for it, there are a lot of cases of people dropping out of college due to not liking the standard issue food served at the dining hall.
Angel Collins
Op, if you're saying the truth, you need to break it off, and soon. No one who wants to be your SO should ever just ignore your emotions like that, especially after repeated attempts you've made to explain how it makes you feel. It'll only get worse if you let him keep controlling you
Daniel Roberts
Hey now, I like thicc as much as the next guy, but saying that being a fatass isn't unhealthy is dumb as fuck.
Julian Robinson
No, FUCK YOU
Luke Evans
Okay but no? Obesity is literally a medical condition. By all means, you can be as much of a land whale as you want but don’t get all preachy about it.
Juan Evans
>How do I get him to stop ? Dump him, as easy as that 20.5 is really good (as a man, I'm 18.5, barely "normal", but I see me too thin, I'd really like to gain weight) Don't listen to others, only listen to yourself
Tyler Diaz
FIrst of all, educate yourself about actually healthy eating, man. Two bowls of oatmeal? That’s essentially like eating a bowl of water and grain. So shitty for your body and physique. Try fish and green vegetables on the regular and you will see a difference. It sounds like both of you are immature and somewhat materially oriented within your relationship. His ego games with sleeping on the couch are silly. Tell him point blank “You do not know what you are talking about,” and “do not say this type of thing to me again.” And don’t be mad about it, don’t give him a reason to say “oh, you’re mad, so I’ll just run away. But seriously, if you’re serious about getting healthy, no one else’s opinions should matter, and your diet and fitness routine should be focused on keeping your body filled with the nutrients and energy levels you need to THRIVE.
