How to be more stoic and cool / mysterious

How to be more stoic and cool / mysterious

I feel like I'm seen as the class clown and I really dislike that because in reality I'm actually very shy and I'm not being shy.

I feel like I seem dumb to people. I can't compete with Chads so I may as well go for the more mysterious look where people find me smart and cute.

It's not a bait, I can't put it into words well enough but I hope someone who's similar understands what I'm trying to say.

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well for one trying to be stoic and cool makes you look like a dork.
To be cool and stoic is to relax and maybe take up reading philosophy or poetry in public. Now a days a cool guy doesnt need to be cool his actions makes him cool. You must not try to look like anything but you and let others feel relaxed around you. so dont be a dick.

Get a motorcycle

I don't wanna seem like a dork.
I just feel as if people view me as stupid and shallow while I'm really not. I'm faking it.
I've taken the "confident loud guy" persona too far to the point where I've lost myself.

And there's really no point in trying to be that type of guy when I can't compete with others that are like that are naturally like that. If a girl wants that type of person she'll always go for the natural guy so I may as well stop trying.

I'm done acting dumber and stereotypical on purpose just to fit in with the rest of guys my age ( 18 ), as edgy as it sounds.

>stoic and cool
join a gym brah

That's the opposite

>just feel as if people view me as stupid and shallow while I'm really not. I'm faking it.
well user faking it is shallow. You see when you fake it you are only doing it for the self image you want people to sew you as.

now on the rest of your point. I see you have fallen into the chad verse virgin way of thinking.
You shouldnt think about competing at all even though its natural to do so, but take it from a loser like me who tried to do everything want to do and failed is because you ARE trying too hard to be something you ARENT.
you must forget this ideacyou are competing with other people for girls because really girls come to the guys who arent trying to get their attention.
You know the "be yourself" thing? Well it works in small doses. you understand? So you wont be a stereotype if you Be yourself in smaller doses and then you will find out the way you are is what you were trying to become!

Keep being yourself faggot, it’s much more entertaining. Rather that then boring. If you’re funny then maybe you can compete with Chads and if you want people to take you seriously then know when to act serious and mature

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>pic of oreki
why do you want to be like him? You know people like that don't exist or are failures? just be the class clown. I sit like an autist at class and It makes me want to kill myself every day

But it isn't me, it's a fake persona I've created.
I don't like to be the class clown because it makes me look stupid and I think the best thing ( and maybe only ) I have to offer is my intelligence.
Well what small things can I do to show that I'm not as shallow as I may have perhaps made myself look like.
How do I shirt people's opinion on me?

>Well what small things can I do to show that I'm not as shallow as I may have perhaps made myself look like.
>How do I shirt people's opinion on me?
well for one you wear clothes that reflect your outlook on life. Hang with people you identify with on friendly terms, focus on whats going on around you rather than focusing on how people are looking at you. People will always judge you remember that, learn to develop thick skin, and relax in your own way. The fashion you choose now can always be changed. Just do all this in small doses, so dressing nice rather than an opinion shirt to standout, wear good shoes, clean yourself up, when hanging with people when some one makes a joke laugh a little. if a joke is directed at you make a comeback that is simple and quick. When some one tries to compare you with someone else show a little confidence by saying that person should step up their game to be on my level. But dont be douche, only say that when someone is trying to demean you.

>I'm faking being stupid and shallow
>also, how do I be cool and mysterious?

Uhh, yea, that's gonna be a "yikes" for me.

Sounds good, honestly I already kinda do a lot of these now that I've become more self aware of my actions.
I have no idea how others perceive me
Well you entered the thread and read all of this to say just that. Laugh all you want there are people who actually give good advice

>I have no idea how others perceive me
yeah you do, you said you were a class clown and a stereotype. Stop giving a fuck about that and focus on just being in the moment.

Yeah I think people think of me that way.
I prefer deep conversations and such instead of being a fool.A few days ago I was in a group of a few girls and they just kept talking about how most guys ( directly referencing a few I'm friends with ) are just shallow and really stupid and can't talk about meaningful stuff to save their lives.
Then I realized that I'm probably doing the exact same thing

>what others think of me
Think about how you feel about yourself when you are in public, then remove the self-love and inner monologue justifying your behavior.

You shouldnt be trying to appear to be anything but a considerate and well behaved person. I dont care if my classmate is like my favorite anime character; I care if they're a dickhead or not.

Stop talking like that. What you think is deep and meaningful conversation, is simply mindless chatter. You think you may be deep, button fact you are still shallow, deep and meaningful conversation is where you realize that people know more than you think they do and don't go over it because it doesn't pertain to the situation at hand. So stop looking down on people because being cool and stoic is not what you're trying to do. What you are describing is being off-putting rude and insulting. That is where your problem lies.

But I'm not rude and I'm just saying what I'm noticing. I don't fault them for wanting to live their life as they want, there are stuff I know better than them and there's the opposite of course.
I like to think I'm not a dickhead, I don't have any "enemies" I never dwell into any teenage drama.
I like to think I'm kind, I hold doors for people, give to beggars when I have to, always do someone a favor if it doesn't include me going out of my way to do something big ( I'm talking not being a "nice guy" who's going to do everything asked to ), I give up my seat on the train to elderly and pregnant, I don't gossip, I don't bully...

You say you weren't rude but you might be doing that, what you think isn't rude might be rude to others. A negative attitude is easily noticed and you might be showing that negative attitude.

This is so cringey, stop trying to be like anime characters

People describe me to my friends as stoic, mysterious, self-effacing, aloof, the whole package. It's my personality so it comes without effort to me. This does result with people having a general positive opinion about me, and I'm considered to be intelligent, but no one ever approaches me because it makes me look disinterested in social interactions. People often assume that I find them boring or dislike them, or that I simply don't want to be approached. I'm sort of everyone's acquaintance and have plenty of respect from others, but I'm close friends with only a few people, so there's not much pleasure in it.

People like to interact with those who will show enthusiasm, will smile and laugh, ask questions, act upbeat and friendly, etc. Brooding mode is lonely mode, there's not much to gain there, m8.

If you really want to do it anyway, then, I don't know, just stop caring about what other people think and don't try impressing anyone. If there's any quality to you, don't show it, just be convinced that people will notice it by themselves sooner or later. If you're intelligent, let other people speak about your intelligence, don't go out of your way to demonstrate to others that you're intelligent. You're preoccupied with what others think of you, and that's your main obstacle to being perceived as a stereotypical stoic cool guy, you gotta find a way to change that.

And be more subtle in the way you interact with people. Lots of people don't understand that most other people can pick up on extremely subtle forms of communication. This is something I've noticed with insecure people who are people-pleasers, they feel the need to over-explain their every action to others, as if they're seeking validation/permission for what they do and think, as if they're afraid that the message will be lost along the way. Subtlety and coolness go hand in hand. Sometimes, you don't need anything more than a knowing nod. (Just don't do a fedora tip.)

I've never been told I'm rude.I don't show this negative attitude and dissatisfaction with the social environment I'm put in in real life. I get bullied and mocked quite a bit sometimes by other guys but never told I'm rude or a dick

I'll have to look into that though you may be right.

That's the thing no one wants to tell you you're doing something wrong. They just avoid you and they don't want to be around you the best thing for you to do is maybe ask your friends hey can I do something to make myself look better or ask them if some people were laughing at you behind your back or something. A negative attitude doesn't need to be spoken it can just be received and want to be avoided.

>How to be more stoic and cool / mysterious
You don't want this. Television and movies are not real life. The stoic and cool/mysterious characters in real life are people that are avoided and lonely. This is not a good thing.

>I'm a class clown
>I'm actually very shy
>I'm not being shy
Have you considered that maybe you aren't shy? Being outgoing is a good thing user, it will take you far to be able to make others laugh and smile. Don't change who you are cause you saw some cool character in an anime. Life isn't an anime.

>when I have to
What the fuck does that mean? When do you ever have to give to beggars? Just walk past them. I thought we were talking about your interactions with the people you regularly deal with like classmates or coworkers, not random people on the street. Do whatever the fuck you feel like in front of strangers, they will literally never matter in your life.
As far as the people who do at least slightly matter in your life, thats when you want to care about how you conduct yourself.

Everything you've described so far is simply "I am a default human male that has accomplished the minimum required standards to not be a walking abortion." But that doesnt describe your personality or appearance at all. You mentioned you want to be stoic. Think about yourself being "stoic" in a typical every day setting. What would that even look like? What would a "stoic" person look like while taking notes in math class? Would they look like anyone else? Probably. What would they sound like in a casual converation about traffic or what you're thinking about having for lunch. Be honest, does the stoic person sound cool or autistic in that setting? Its just my personal hot take here, but I cant really think of a normal everyday scenario where someone making the concious effort to appear "stoic" wouldnt instead come across as kind of a douchebag. You're not a young spartan training in the agora. Youre a modern man/boy that plays video games and browses Jow Forums. You arent stoic.

You want to be mysterious? Then dont talk to anyone. Does that sound like an interesting person? No, not really. Sounds like someone the rest of the class already forgot existed.

You want to be cool? Well thats in the eye of the beholder. The quickest way to be cool is to get to know the people you want to be cool for. Do you just want to be cool for yourself? Thats perfectly fine, just do what you think is cool.

How do you just stop caring like that?
No one avoids me as far as I know I'm in fine terms with everyone I believe but it's the way I think they look at me that's the problem.
I'm not outgoing and I know it, it's just that it gets easier and easier to fake it when you spend a lot of time with a certain group of people ( like class ) I'm still like a fish on land when in the room with people I don't or hardly know. I have big problems with connecting with people.
And then what happens is that the shy guy persona collides with the fake average Joe persona I've created with some people and it becomes a mess when I'm in a room with say 2 people who know a different me. I don't have my identity set and I always have to think about how I should act around each person.

NOno I wrote that poorly, I meant as in have to like if I have the money to give. If I have some change to spare. Not " oh well I MUST give them money now "

I don't want to pretend like I'm something I'm not but I did it so much that I've lost myself and don't know how to shift people's opinion on me.

>No one avoids me as far as I know I'm in fine terms with everyone I believe but it's the way I think they look at me that's the problem.
could just be paranoia, dont worry about how others look at you, to be cool is to not let that shot concern you.

Yeah but even if they aren't avoiding me I still don't want tem to know me as "oh it's that one guy that's just like all others, just classic Chad wannabe"
I have seriously damaged my character a lot because I faked so much and literally said some dumb stuff on purpose to not seem so smart that at this point I don't think anyone takes me for a smart person.

they will think what they gonna think user. The problem you are still having is trying to change other peoples perspectives of you. It will never work out the way you want it. The true way for people to see you for who you are is by not caring what they see or think.

Here is how you communicate with someone in an acceptable manner that they will almost certainly enjoy outside of extreme circumstances. Take what your honest and sincere opinion it is about whatever it is you are talking about, and frame it in a way you think is acceptable to your listener. Thats it. Thats all you have to do. I have almost NEVER disliked someone in a conversation as long as I thought they werent bullshitting with me even when it was a conversation I wasnt particularly interested in. On the flipside, I have almost never appreciated being bullshitted with, even in a "friendly" manner.

Beyond that being able to project self respect is also important. People can smell self conciousness. Ironically its not usually a concious awareness outside of extreme cases, but it still always affects how people will perceive you. A self confidant douchebag still commands more respect than an insecure douchebag.

Also dress appropriately, have good posture, wash yourself, yadda yadda.

This is actually a pretty interesting and intellectual thread, a rarity on this board.

Sorry OP but I think you're just severely depressed

Pretending to not care what others think is doomed to failure. Of course we all care what we think of each other. Even if Im just some bozo on the bus you still want me to think "that is a normal respectable man that I dont have any personal issues with" when I look at you.

When Im talking to someone and I smell that very particular odor people exude when they actively try to give the appearance that they dont give a fuck what I think about them my opinion of them lowers. And I know that they know that its not working.

Dont fall into that trap of "nyeheheh im that coold aloof guy that doesnt give a HECK about your opinion duuuuuuude" because unless you sincerely are a gigachad it comes across as pathetic every single time.

If youre talking to me, I know that you care what I think of you. We all do. It's human.

I get that but it's hard
I always try to be respectful whatever I'm trying to do but not to the point where I'm just a doormat waiting to be stepped over, I think it's a nice balance.

>People can smell self conciousness
I know, I can see by looking at a video of an awkward guy that he's having problems, shaking, body language and stuff like that and I did actually spend quite a bit of time "studying" stuff like that and correcting it. I'm not showing any of that, I think, I'm still feeling everything inside but I'm not showing it.

May be, I think I'm depressed but I never got a diagnosis

>Pretending to not care what others think is doomed to failure
it only fails because you allow yourself to give in. You arent strong enough to do that then you arent strong enough to be stoic and cool. Simple as that. There is no other way but learning not to give a fuck. And yes I dont give a fuck what you think of me user on the anonymous image board because guess what? I'm way past highschool and I am way past giving a fuck about you kids. It seems to me you are waaay too judgemental of other people and that's probably why people look at you the way they do too. You are coming off as a judgemental prick and no one will ever think you are cool because you are too busy judging others while you are being judged right back. I dont care if you call me a faggot on a asain basketweaving website, its how it is here. This place though is called advice, and if you want advace then take what you can because thats it.

>I get that but it's hard
nothing worth fighting for is easily gained kid.

A doormat is another kind of bullshitter but worse than that, a bullshitter that lacks self respect. Thats why being a doormat doesnt work, even though I would personally love it if someone proverbially tongued my scrotum once in awhile.

Being real is being self respectful, and people will appreciate it when its paired with outward respect as well. If you feel like shaking when youre talking to someone, then let the jiggling commence. We've all been there.

>How to be more stoic and cool / mysterious
Doesn't exist. "calm cool collected" people are totally unnoticeable in real life, not mysterious/cool. The only reason you notice them in your animu or movies is because the writers FORCE you to focus on them, otherwise they'd be just another bland face in an endless crowd. The story is built around them and you're forced to pay attention to it, otherwise you wouldn't.

Sure, if you're extremely attractive it might be different, but I think it's safe to assume you're a normal guy. For you, any way you bring attention to yourself is positive. You're recognized, noticed, known. That's a huge social benefit.

Wow did I ever strike a nerve.

That wasn't me user
guess you're right
I do feel like shaking and I do screw up my words from time to time but I'm trying my best not to. Thought that was the point and how you deal with that.
But it's better to be known as "oh that smart guy" than as "oh it's user"

Resiliency is something you get with some life experience
Being "cool" comes with social skills and interesting life experiences, if you can't compete with Chads (a word you used unironically) then you probably can't be cool. If you are being perceived as dumb or some people think you're cute (never something a guy wants to be seen as), you are probably a bit of a sperg.
>I pretended to be a confident loud guy despite not being that
I hate to tell you this, but you just came off as an aspie shoe horning nothing useful in whenever you could
You can't pretend to be someone you're not, anyone with surface level social skills will see through it, you're trying too hard to be someone you're not.... for what?
You're 18, nobody will remember you in 3 years, by which point you will be in further education or work. 3 years after that, the people you were around then won't remember you either.

The only thing that will carry over into your life from school are your qualifications and social skills, nobody will give a shit if you were voted part of the cutest couple, nobody will give a shit if you hung out with the cool kids, nobody will give a shit just like you don't give a shit hearing about your dad's injury that stopped him going semi pro in *sport*.

Be you, enjoy yourself, live your life, fuck what your school friends think, you won't remember them in a couple of years.

>some people think you're cute (never something a guy wants to be seen as)

Being a cute guy is like being a bubbly fat girl

But someone would still date someone they consider cute. Cute is sometimes even preferable depending on the type of guy OP is