Wtf is wrong with me

Well, you obviously masturbate in order to distract yourself from something. So, what is it you try to forget?

>have money
>have great car
>have decent house
>getting education in a sector that's guaranteed to land me a great job or great investement opportunities
>future is secured, since inherrited property is worth over a million euros if I decide to sell
>despite being a loner all my life, finally made friends and starting on social life
I REALLY don't know. I should be blissfull, instead I'm like this. I'm doing really well for myself but I feel really bad. Today is particularly terrible, but I can't honestly say I'm happy in general.

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Yeah, see, all you've listed are pretty superficial points. Sure, they might make your life more comfy, secure and enjoyable, but they sure as hell won‘t keep you from being an emotional desaster.

How did you inherit that house? Did your parents die?

3 houses and an office.
Father died when I was 16. He was total piece of shit though, the family on his side was very rich but those were all that were left because he kept selling stuff to keep wasting money on women and cards.
Thank god he died when he did.
Mom is alive and well. They were divorced.

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I found myself apologizing to this Japanese hooker the other for not being able to orgasm from fapping too much usually

We ended up talking about doujinshi

the other day*

I try not to fap more than once a day when I have things to do, since it kill motivation and gives me brain fog.
But when I got nothing, I will go on endless binges on sadpanda untill my dick feels numb.

I hear you trying hard to rationalize that your dad‘s death was a relief. Which it probably was. But that suggests that there‘s still a lot of anger, frustration and unresolved conflicts between you and your dad. What's that about? What would you needed from him that he did not give you? Stability? Someone you can respect? Giving a fuck about you? Having some dignity for his relationship with your mother?

It feels like a negative spiral where the more I fap the less I can enjoy doing it with someone else

So ironically having a sex high drive has made it impossible to have a happy sex life

You more or less nailed it user. I've been seeing therapists for the whole thing with my father for years. I don't blame him that much, he never met his own father so he didn't know how to be one himself.
I blame him for drinking and squandering away the family's wealth.
The deal with my mother, I understand, I wouldn't be able to tolerate my mother either.
I did respect him for how confident with women he was, he was pulling in teenage pussy in his 50s, while I'm a permavirgin.
I don't think I'll ever have a sex-life so it's a non-issue. That said, it's not only about fapping alot, deathgrip is another thing. I find that I enjoy fapping more when I don't grip too hard for a few days.

I got married and we don't even do anything anymore

Fapping just feels better

>i feel so angry

There's your problem. something's bothering you, you've got pent up anger and sadness

But have you forgiven him for not being able to be the father you would have needed? What about your mom? Have you forgiven her for not being the wife your dad would have needed?
It sounds like there‘s still a lot of things you don‘t get. For example, i am going to guess that you feel very lonely and that you question if you‘re good enough.

I've been seeing therapists for years for these things. I was a total shut-in neet for many years.
I managed to overcome all that, start taking advantage of my property to make money and also go into uni.
And yes I was very lonely, bona-fide incel Jow Forums type, but I'm over all that. I even made friends.
Despite all I have now I wouldn't say i'm very happy in general, but today has been very, very bad.
I have an idea why I'm not happy but it can't be helped. What I don't have an idea about, is why I'm like this on a day I should be focusing on getting things done.

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Having friends ironically doesn‘t make you less lonely in many instants.
What‘s the idea you have about what it could be?

Well, it‘s convenient. It‘s your go to method to avoid something you feel the need to avoid.

I know what you mean. I find myself oftentimes jealous and spiteful of my friends. I feel bad about it.
Well, if I had to say, it's the eternal Jow Forums and Jow Forums staple of 'tfw no gf'. I miss female companionship and feel extremely inadequate and inferior tha no female was ever interested in me. Yes, I know, just be yourself, self-improvement, etc etc.
I'm in the process of losing weight, lost alot in the last year, and as far as financially, socially, and future wise things, there's not much left to improve. But I still can't shake the feeling that it's too late for me, being inexperienced at this age, it's basically over.

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You're not horny, just searching for a way to distract yourself from work.
Go out for an hour, read something at a place you like, drink a beer, idk, just something else and don't think about your exams for juste an hour and then you'll be more productive.
That's how I do it anyway. If I don't I jerk off all day feeling like shit and never manage to get to work.

pic related

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Think you've got enough slutty anime pictures? Why don't you try removing yourself from all that temptation? Get your study materials and go out in public. Work at a Starbucks or library or even just a fast food joint. Leave your phone behind or turn it off. Don't access any of your hard drives filled with your hentai.

Set yourself objectives, like, "I'll study for 30 minutes uninterrupted and if I succeed I will reward myself with..." whatever would make you feel rewarded. Each day push yourself further for longer time, but starting with 30 minutes as a goal for the first day is a good place to start. Don't be discouraged if you can't get it right away, just keep trying.

And for the love of all that is holy stop fapping to anime women

Your age isn’t the issue.
Frankly, i don‘t think i can give you an easy solution to this. Granted, i have invested a lot of time and energy into studying humans and their social behavior but no matter from which angle you look at it, it‘s still only theoretical.
I don‘t think trying to kill your desire for female companionship would ever work.
I also don‘t think that becoming handsome af on top of being successful is all there is to it. I would even go as far as saying that it will make you even lonelier and more resentful since then you‘d mistrust every girl‘s motivations to be interested in you.
Your life so far has been an almost infinite number of circumstances that have led to you being where you are right now. There‘s so much playing into this that it would be futile trying to grasp it. It goes as far back as your synapses forming differently in the womb based on your mother‘s emotional state during pregnancy, iow, if she felt loved and safe, if you were planned or not, yadda yadda. It goes on with birth. Was it traumatic (c-section or other medical interventions). Was your mom able to breastfeed, how much help did she get in your first few weeks of life,... It‘s all connected.

Obviously, you can‘t change any if that anymore. Most people just resort to feeling like they have been dealt an unfair hand. They start to hate or resent their parents for not being able to give them better starting options. They start to feel cheated by a world where they can never comped. But honestly, you can‘t punish the world by being bitter. The only person you‘re hurting in doing so is yourself.
There‘s only one thing you can try. And that is, learning about what scientist/psychologists/sociologists/philosophers/and all the others have found out about how humans function. In doing so, you stand a chance to be able to pinpoint where you‘ve ended up deficient and how it would ideally be. Then you can start to make conscious decisions about your life, instead if being a play ball of the circumstances you were born into.
That‘s obviously limited and you also can‘t just pick one theory and stick to it. Because, well, they're all theories. Nobody knows what‘s true and what isn‘t. All you can do is learn all the different theories people have come up with and then pick from every source what feels truest to you. Iow, form your own theory. But make sure that you actually learn from a huge variety of sources or you‘ll end up biased. For example: if you learn about male/female relationships from Jow Forums, mgtow, Jow Forums, Jow Forums, and so on, you‘ll end up hating women. If that‘s your end goal, the proceed. But if your end goal is to be able to lead a sane relationship, maybe also look into sources like people who have been marriage counselors for decades and wrote books about their own theory in what makes or breaks a relationship. Maybe they do have a kernel of wisdom to share. Then look into sociobiology. There‘s surely also some truth to be found.
Having a relationship with the opposite gender that makes you less lonely and leaves you feel desirable and lovable is definitely not impossible, so don‘t give up just yet.

>stop fapping to anime women
Why? What's wrong with that, as opposed to fapping to some tiny 18yo girl getting obliterated by a cock the size of her waist?
I did drink the Jow Forums coolaid for a while, when I was a shut-in. I got over that crap a long time ago.
I don't blame others for anything. I blame my own lack of experience and my own waste of years when I should at least be trying to acquire that experience.
But as someone who actually interacts with people on a daily basis, the conclusion I have reached is that it's impossible to make up for that experience at this point. People have expectations of how someone my age should be and act.

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this is what im like for a few days after sucking a guy's dick