Hey guys. Not really sure what board to put this on but I want to tell my story...

Hey guys. Not really sure what board to put this on but I want to tell my story. It’s kinda long but I’m hoping I’ll feel better if I write it down. (part 1)

Spring 2016

> be me
> enrolled in engineering program in college
> just turned 19
> still khhv
> walk into Cal II class
> sit down in some spot kinda near the front by myself
> socially awkward, maybe aspie
> bowl cut, glasses, the whole works
> professor is a dipshit who looked like he’d never taught math before
> no one knows what is going on
> always been good at math but know we’re all probably screwed anyway
> few days later
> get first HW assignment
> me and a few other people (all engineers of different disciplines) are in a study group
> qt3.14 girl that sits behind me that I lowkey have a crush on is there too
> HW is impossible
> classmates can’t do it, grad student friend can’t do it, even my math professor friend can’t do it
> everyone turns in some bullshit
> few weeks later
> time for first exam
> all multiple choice
> deducts point for a wrong answer, possible to get a negative score
> prof says he’s “merciful” so he’ll round you up to a 0
> class average is like a 30
> no curve
> got a 100
> mfw
> try to keep it a secret and hide my score
> deflect when people ask me
> they find out anyway
> suddenly a math god

Attached: dumbpepe.jpg (400x400, 22K)

(part 2)

> me, qt3.14 girl, and a few other friends talk to chair of math department
> tfw he actually listens
> department chair sits in on a class
> professor is nervous, stammering, sweating bullets
> monkaS irl
> fired days later
> get new prof
> probs a little salty that he had a 8 AM class he had to teach now on top of everything else
> dude looks like a wizard with his long beard
> take a swig of his coffee and lets out a big yawn
> starts every class by saying “Alright, so…”
> everyone thinks he’s the best prof ever after our last shitshow
> actually teaches us
> tells us he’s wiping the grades (lol rip 100)
> class moves on
> start going to qt3.14 girl’s dorm room on almost a nightly basis to help her with math since i’m a math god now
> studying together, but I kinda already knew the stuff
> just wanted to spend time with her
> had a bluepill belief that if I spent time with her and did things for her, she’d like me
> taking like 7 or so classes at the time, lot of credit hours
> only sleeping a few hours a night
> fast-forward a couple months
> take her to see Zootopia
> try to make a date out of it
> make a dumbass out of myself instead
> autism.jpg
> get rejected afterward
> mfw
> semester wraps up
> both of us get an A
> get an A in all my other classes
> hope to see her this summer

(part 3)

Summer 2016

> got internship at power company
> travel all over the state doing maintenance on equipment at different plants
> go to qt3.14 girl’s hometown on week
> need dinner one night
> can’t drive company car myself
> ask girl (it’s becoming arduous to write qt3.14 every time) to pick me up
> not even as a date, just a favor
> mfw she won’t even though she had no reason
> mfw I have to trek through the mud instead to get to subway instead
> seething thinking of all the stuff I did for her in the spring
> done with her
> get back to hotel room with soaked boots and mud a couple inches above my ankles
> throw jeans in dirty clothes and play Simple Plan’s “you don’t mean anything”
> decide to move on

(part 4)

Fall 2016

> we don’t talk anymore
> see her once as I am waiting in line for some food
> leave so I don’t have to interact with her
> no contact

(part 5)

Spring 2017

> get into my differential equations class
> prof talks super quiet and I can’t understand a thing he is saying
> gonna dip so fast
> go talk to administration in math department
> see if there’s any openings that fit my schedule since they all showed full online
> there’s a spot with the wizard professor, savior of Cal II, praise be upon him
> POGGERS.jpg
> get into class
> girl is there
> decide this stupid grudge isn’t worth it
> might as well have someone to sit by in a new class
> take the seat in the front row next to her and her friend
> her friend is in my major, but we didn’t know each other well
> things are still a bit awkward for me so I just keep quiet aside from a half-hearted “hey” and “how’s it been” normie small talk
> a couple weeks pass by
> the three of us go to lunch together
> I got my food quickly and girl asks me to save some seats for them
> tell her “no” for essentially the first time
> she asks “please” but I go to the gym instead (went a lot that semester since my dorm room was close)
> a week later we’re at lunch again
> she’s worried about a chemistry test and asks for my help but again I decline
> not gonna let myself be used
> this pattern continues on during the semester where i’m staying lukewarm towards her
> not begrudging anymore but still unable to trust her
> grow more warm than cold as time passes
> don’t wanna let myself fall for her again but at the same time can’t help it
> she has a boyfriend at the time but I could tell they weren’t too close; could get her if I wanted

(part 6)

> finals week approaches
> we study together basically all week in our respective subjects
> one day I try to help her with her chemistry final
> she’s freaking out nervous
> fuckit.jpg
> pull her in for a hug in the library and console her telling her it’ll be okay
> study diff. eq the next day
> we both get an A in that class again
> last night of studying ends
> she drops me off at my dorm
> I tell her i’ll miss her
> should I kiss her?
> I didn’t cuz I was still too much of a bitch despite getting better
> see her for the last time that semester but know that something special could happen

(part 7)

Summer 2017

> Get home, no internship this summer
> Decide to level up my chess game
> was always a strong player and wanted to get the National Master title
> start streaming almost daily
> girl starts following me on twitch
> we have playful bantz in the chat
> I let her join the skype calls with me and my chess friends
> this continues on for a couple weeks
> one night it’s going late and she tells my other two friends to gtfo
> asks me if she can call me 1-on-1
> ohshitisthisit.jpg
> starts off telling me “user... I don’t really how to say this but… I think I really like you”
> tell her that I like her too
> ask her if she wants to start dating and she nods her head
> firstgfholyshit.gif
> tell each other that we kinda knew around April
> tells me she wished I could’ve been with her every night instead of her prior bf (they had since broken up)
> tell her that I had loved her too but was too scared because of what had happened in the past
> tell her I was scared of being betrayed again
> she apologizes profusely
> rivers of girl tears
> I tell her I love her and forgive everything
> I tell her I wanna be with her
> start calling each other “boy” and “girl”
> we talk for 4 hours until 5 AM
> latest she’s ever stayed up
> both of us can barely sleep
> next day tell my mom
> happy for me but tells me to be cautious
> girl falls in love
> when she falls in love, she falls hard. Everything else is secondary.
> girl leaves for France a day later (she’s half-french visiting her family)

Attached: Skype1.png (1316x312, 55K)

(part 8)

> we talk every night for three weeks
> time zone put her 5 hours ahead of me iirc
> my routine was to stream chess until ~1 AM and then skype her until 4-5 AM
> sleep suffered but I didn’t care
> I was so happy
> she makes up a song about me to the theme of “do you ears hang low?”
> “I got a cute sweet boy and I love him a lot”
> “He’s really cute and really sweet”
> “I love this boy with all my heart”
> “He’s a cute, sweet boy!”
> I start teaching her chess
> she starts teaching me french
> neither of us are very good at it but we have a lot of fun
>we start reading Le Petit Prince (french language version)
> I read it, give her a rough translation, and she helps me along
> read about 80 pages out of 100
> she gets a rating of about 1000 on chesskid
> we play slither with trolly names trying to reach the leaderboard
> most of all, we just talk
> 3 weeks later> she arrives back in the United States
> we both immediately go to the apartment she has near our university
> reunite for the first time since becoming bf+gf
> hug and cuddle for two hours straight before anything else
> kiss a girl for the first time
> touch a girl intimately for the first time (didn’t have sex)
> stream chess with her by my side for the first time
> play vidya with her
> order a pizza and cinnamon sticks from Domino’s
> smear the icing all over each other’s face
> get in the shower together and kiss each other’s face clean
> spend a magical weekend with her
> day comes we have to leave
> walk around the park by the museum
> kiss her goodbye
> can’t wait to see her again
> get home
> she starts a scrapbook with the pics we took together
> super cute with hearts all over it
> she comes to my house and stays for a few days
> we dance in the living room to high school musical songs like little kids
> we put puzzles together with my dad
> we play with my big pile of legos
> we play all the time
> stream chess

(part 9)

> stream reaching all-time high viewership
> she designs my channel’s custom emote
> life has changed so much in the last couple months
> she gives me the courage to try contacts
> she wears them; I was scared to put anything in my eye.
> I struggle at first because I had a bad brand but she encourages me not to give up
> get the right brand and have no problems going forward
> wearing contacts almost daily
> got a decent haircut a few weeks earlier, so attractiveness went up 2-3 points easily overall
> still training hard for my chess
> about to play the biggest tournament of my life
> fly to where it’s being held, ready to go
> pumped.wmv
> play the most amazing chess of my life
> earn my National Master title
> few weeks pass
> go to her house
> leave for her family’s beach condo (she comes from a lot of money)
> spend all weekend chilling, playing vidya, streaming chess, cuddling, and having fun on the beach
> mfw this summer I got an awesome girlfriend, the NM title, and became attractive

Attached: Shed1.jpg (2728x3867, 1.41M)

Fall 2017

> school starts back
> introduce her to all my friends
> we start squadding up
> semester starting off great
> living situation collapses
> living with three other dudes assigned to me who are loud, drunk, and wild
> get stressed out
> sleep and grades suffer
> start staying with girl almost every night
> she basically saved me this semester
> she starts applying for an internship
> far away, but she really wants it
> makes it past the pre-screening process
> her interview goes well
> decision date approaches
> she is checking her phone constantly
> gets her notice
> she’s in
> happy for her
> a little sad on the inside cuz I knew I’d miss her but I’d never show it
> promise to visit her
> take Tae Kwon Do with her
> class is basically a meme and we have a blast
> instructor tells us to yell “kihap” during every kick
> meme it for some reason and now we’re adding kihap to our sentences
> add kihap to the end of the “cute, sweet boy” song
> hug and kiss her every night before we go to sleep
> wake up every morning and snuggle each other some more
> even if I could live at Park Place and Boardwalk I’d still want to be with her
> semester flies by

Attached: Beach.jpg (253x862, 71K)

> thanksgiving break
> she’s a Disney fanatic
> go to Disney World for the first time since I was a little kid
> rush through Animal Kingdom in the morning so we can ride Flight of Passage for the first time
> wait almost two hours
> tfw worth it
> go to Hollywood Studios the next day
> always a thirsty boi when I eat
> ask the waiter at 50s Prime Time Cafe for an extra water
> mfw he brings the whole pitcher
> girl bursts out laughing uncontrollably or a solid 5 minutes
> i’m laughing because she’s laughing
> restaurant looking at us
> go to magic kingdom
> ride Space Mountain for the first time cuz I was too scared to go on it when i was a kid
> we end up riding every ride
> go to Epcot and see the kawaii exhibit
> most amazing vacation of my life
> get back to school
> finals week
> study together all the time like last spring
> she finishes with a semester 4.0 for the first time
> both make the Dean’s List
> end of semester
> visit her place over Christmas break
> see her for the last time before she leaves for her internship

Attached: water2.jpg (3024x4032, 1.34M)

(part 12? since I forgot to update I guess)

Spring 2018
> sublease my apartment so I don’t have to return to my living situation
> move into her newly vacated apartment
> hardest semester of my life ahead
> she and most of my friends are away on internship
> coursework during this time is also the most rigorous
> study hard
> call girl every day
> 2D quality nothing compared to 3D
> having a rough time
> one night I call my brother (a psychologist) and ask him what I can do about anxiety
> feel like I’m about to break> take a test in the hardest class
> make the lowest grade out of all the students
> mfw I go from being a math god to getting rekt by facts and logic
> slowly slog through all the work and get into a routine
> grades improve
> spring break comes
> visit girl and go to Disney World for the second time
> she got the max high score on one of the toy story rides for the first time
> had a blast the whole time but the location didn’t really matter
> was happy just to see her again
> want to spend the rest of my life with this girl
> she wants to spend the rest of her life with me
> know I can’t get married now but just know I will someday
> we each go back to our occupations
> school finishes up relatively uneventfully
> make a B in the class that I thought I might fail (the one I got the lowest grade in)
> A in everything else> end of semester
> girl decides to go back to university with me for the summer (I had one more class to take as a pre-req)

Summer 2018

> we both take a business ethics class that is a total meme
> easiest class of our college career
> one documentary made a lot of chess references and we were both pogging
> both have a lot of free time
> we start watching The Boondocks together
> watch all three seasons cuddling on the couch
> stream chess from time to time too
> watch Parking Wars every Monday night, which is basically about a bunch of people fighting over parking tickets
> start playing badminton together too
> didn’t really compete, just tried to volley it as many times as possible
> our record was like 150 or something
> she leaves half-way through the summer since the ethics class was only a mini-mester
> Coursework is reduced for me so I spend a lot more time on my chess now
> Skype chess friends almost every night
> got nearly perfect scores in all my summer classes
> semester ends
> go to the beach condo again with her
> Play Doki Doki Literature Club for the first time together
> Neither of us knew what to expect (made sure no spoilers ahead of time)
> flipout.jpg
> start singing the Doki Doki song to each other
> “Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you...”
> school about to start back in a couple of days
> leave the beach

(part 14)

Fall 2018

> get an apartment at the same complex as girl
> mfw the apartment right above hers
> see each other all the time now
> still spending Monday nights watching Parking Wars
> she cooks crepes, I cook waffles
> Tough semester for both of us coursework-wise
> decide midway through that I want to go to graduate school
> sign up the GRE the earliest possible date, which happens to be during finals week
> meanwhile, she invites me to go to Disney World again on a big family vacation
> decline, go to the mountains instead with my family
> return back to school
> have all my projects and exams due at once along with the GRE looming over me
> igotthis.gif
> hardest week of my life but i pull through
> end up passing the GRE with the score of an average Harvard entrant
> we both get a semester 4.0
> both want to go to grad school
> both want to be together
> school ends
> spend Christmas break applying for graduate schools
> applied to five
> had no idea what would happen since I only had a couple semesters of research experience
> girl asks me to consider her in my decision
> I tell her that I’ll do the best I can

(part 15)

Spring 2019

> start of my final semester
> girl is a year behind me since she did her internship
> ready to finish strong
> get accepted into prestigious school
> accept the offer
> but something’s not right
> girl is distant from me
> so easy to talk to before, so difficult to talk to now
> everything feels like mundane small talk, the kind we had while I was lukewarm to her two years ago
> now she’s lukewarm to me
> go days for a time without seeing her even though we live next to each other
> she’s constantly checking her phone for messages from a girl she met online from Europe
> she starts counting down the days before the semester ends and she can go see her friend

(part 16)

> mfw I’ve become an afterthought
> mfw I realize what’s going on
> mfw I know when she falls in love, she falls hard
> mfw I know I can’t do anything
> mfw I know if I confront her, she’ll get defensive, call me jealous, or say I have nothing to worry about
> mfw I’m watching a Shakespearean tragedy in which I’m a character. I know how it ends but I can’t stop it.
> mfw she calls me three days ago after spending a week with her friend in Europe telling me she doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore
> mfw when the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with left me to be in a lesbian relationship with a girl she met online

(part 17, FINAL)

> mfw I experience the greatest pain of my life
> mfw i’m grateful for all she’s done for me and bitter for what she did to me
> mfw I was simultaneously right and wrong about everything
> mfw i’ve seen my greatest dream and my worst nightmare both come true
> mfw we will never finish Le Petit Prince
> mfw I will never hear her say “hey boy” again; I’ll just be “user” from now on
> mfw I will never hear her sing me a sweet, silly song again
> mfw I know any hug in the future, if at all, will be platonic and awkward, instead of pure and whole-hearted
> mfw I realize that traumatic experiences put me off something entirely (for example, I got really sick on Olive Garden when I was 10 and never went back)
> mfw because of that trait I fear that I may never be able to love again, even if I wanted to
> mfw she’s already moved on and will live carefree, rich, happy, and guiltless
> mfw I’m left heavy, broken, scared, and lost
> mfw I cry every time I hear the Doki Doki song
> mfw I’m writing this on what would’ve been our 2-year anniversary
> mfw I realize i’m a cuck and would take her back immediately despite my friends and family
> mfw i realize I’ve become what I make fun of but it just hurts so much
> mfw I realize I’m stupid for holding out any hope
> mfw I realize I have to move on but don’t want to

> yfw you realize this story wasn’t for me, you, or advice at all
> it was for her

Lol. Fag.

>>smear the icing over each others face
That sounds fucking disgusting. You two are both pigs and i hope you both die before 50.

Attached: 1558469519356.jpg (429x410, 23K)

Omg grow a pair you loser

All this bullshit and you didn't even get laid.

Tldr but I bet you're still a loser through it all

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This and only this

>mfw I read all that fucking shit
what am I doing with my life

Attached: 1446083515091.jpg (293x301, 45K)

Could ya be a bigger pussy

>tfw read all this shit
Damn user. You seem to be a smart guy. I wouldn’t let it bother you so much. You’ll find someone better

dude you play chess? what's your lichess user?