Hey advice I have a marriage question. My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than 4 years now...

Hey advice I have a marriage question. My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than 4 years now. I’ve been wanting to marry him for a year now but he says he isn’t ready. I know he isn’t against marriage cause he’s all into traditional and family values but whenever we talk about it he doesn’t give me a specific reason on why he’s not ready. What should I do? I always thought you dated someone you eventually wanted to marry so am I just not the right person? If any of you guys have stories on how long it took you to propose to your girlfriend and what made you feel ready I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

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I'm handsome, smart, and talented, but nobody wants to marry me.

It's probably because I still haven't finished school.

I figure it is from one of two things.

1. He’s undecided on you as a life partner and his future with you. Perhaps even has his eye on another girl or other girls in general.

2. He feels unprepared, mostly financially.

In general, I think a guy will propose when he feels comfortable with you being his only female option for his expected future. That’s a big fuckin deal and does not come easily. If he has doubts and feels like you have serious shortcomings then the answer is no.

If money is tight or basically nonexistent that could be a real issue. If he believes that you expect an impressive engagement ring that would most likely cost over $2,000 and he only has $50 in the bank that is going into the gas tank on Friday, then he would just hold off on the proposal entirely and postpone the entire thing.

I proposed to my wife on our third anniversary. What made me feel like she was worthy of proposing; was reflecting on how much we have been through together over the years and how she was always there for me and how as individuals and as a couple have grown in so many ways.

I don’t wish to plant any seeds in your head and influence your already complicated feelings regarding this matter. I think you should trust your instincts and make a decision accordingly.

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Maybe if you actually asked a girl out she would say yes...

>1. He’s undecided on you as a life partner and his future with you. Perhaps even has his eye on another girl or other girls in general.
>2. He feels unprepared, mostly financially.

Basically this.
I have dated a man who didn't want to marry me for 7 years, and then my husband married me after a year and half.

Most of the girls I want are unavailable. I'm pretty shallow when it comes to my taste in women, so my primary interest has always been how sexy they are.

Most hot chicks at my age are already dating decent men. I guess when I'm done with school and have my own place I'll have an easier time fishing than right now.

If you're not sure about the person after 4 years then you have your answer: no.

seriously OP this is common sense

No, do not fall for that. Being secure with who you are even as you go through life is what is attractive. What ever you are lacking now is only going to amplify as you get older and especially as you fall into an established career.

I don't know what your specific issues are but I know that you can make improvements right where you are.

>common sense
>love

user, pls. You don't know this chick, you don't know her relationship, you don't know how either party feels. This isn't a "shit or get off the pot" type of situation. It's entirely up to the OP if she wants an ultimatum or not.

I think my main issues are that I'm an alcoholic and that for the past 10+ years I have been pursuing a path of little meaning to me.

I've solved the problem of the path, but I've only recently decided to solve the problem of the drinking. I think abandoning alcohol will really help me quit falling back into the same loop of misery and misfortune that I have been spiraling down for the entirety of my college career.

I've been with my girl for about 5 years and we both want to get married, but I haven't proposed because of financial reasons. I just graduated college and need to get a job first. She's still finishing school too so she's understanding.

I think the difference between your situation and mine is that my girlfriend knows that I'm willing, but I haven't because of financial reasons. I've communicated that clearly to her.
If he hasn't told you why, maybe emphasise how marriage means something to you and that you want to get married eventually.

My buddy only proposed because his gf was feeling sad that she wasn't engaged yet and while he didn't feel the need to he did it for her. I had zero doubt they'd marry so it was just a formality for her sake.

Talk to him about it.

I think so too. Fill your time with a few productive activities and get excited about them. Women pick up on that shit a mile away...

there are 2 types women we are with
one is the one we wana marry from day one, no questions asked
the other is you

have you been living together?
how old are you two?
your professionnal situation?
do you get along with each other's family/friends?

these count

Why do you think you are ready to be married? Are you sure it is a good decision? A good time for it? You should not get married "just because". You need to know for sure why you two should be married and what will come out of it.

Dude. You need to respect that he isn't ready. Marriage is a big decision. It can feel very final. Especially if you guys are young, he probably doesn't feel ready for such a huge commitment.

Move to the Middle East

Why dont you buy engagment ring and propose to him???

Either he will say yes or give you a real reason to why.

Marriage is fucking retarded no matter how many years you've been together

Dump the loser

"Hey, last time we spoke about next steps in our relationship you really didn't have any specific reasons. Could you give it some more thought for the next couple of days so that we can talk about it this weekend? It's important to me and I want to understand your feelings better."

Maybe a big or small ordeal can make the difference. If you are cool with going to the courthouse and slapping down 20 bucks. That may be something stressful. You can pretty much just catch him in the right mood for something like that. Thats what my bitch did twenty one years ago. Iwas like, "I guess we might as well." If she wanted a big deal, I probably would have drug my feet forever.

I was with my last gf for 5 years. She wanted to marry me after a year. I never got to the point where I was comfortable it. I've been dating my current gf for about 10 months. I already know I want to marry her.

I'm sorry OP, but his non-answers and indecisiveness is your answer

It's way too late for an ultimatum either way. If even some fuck into traditional value meme isn't ready after such a long time nor can't provide a good reasons; it's clear that he doesn't see OP as his best option.

you wasted 5 years of her life
you're a selfish piece of shit and you deserve to die alone

Marriage?
DON’T.

who hurt you dude?

>you wasted 5 years of her life

I'm painfully aware of this. You're not the first to tell me. I truly do wish every day that I could change things, but I can't.

It didn't happen with selfish intent. I told myself if I stayed with her, she would be happy just being with me. But that's not how it works.

All I can do now is never make that mistake again. And I won't.

He thinks you are a joke.

How did you figure out it wouldn’t work out with the ex?

When I realized we wanted different things. And I would get anxiety really bad whenever I thought of marrying her or having kids. I tried to force myself to convince myself that I was okay with it, but I wasn't. And I'm so glad I didn't go through with it. Because now I'm with my current gf and honestly part of me feels like I knew she was the one from the moment I met her

I've been with my gf for 11 years and we aren't married. If she continues to not press the issue, we will probably be together for the rest of our lives. If she ever gave me an ultimatum to marry or leave, I would leave her. I have never been unfaithful and am not looking for better options. I just happen to think that an institution where I lose half my wealth and rights once I sign on is not worthy of my joining. Besides, not being married assures that both of us continue to put effort forth in the relationship as we know it's easier to get out of.

It doesn't sound like that's his issue based on what you say, but there are those of us who choose not to marry and it isn't because we don't love our partner. Logically it just doesn't make sense.

People divorce all the time and at the current rate it's a coin toss on whether marriage works out. When people divorce do you say that they wasted "x years" of their partner's life?

Listen, people have more options now that ever. That means they don't have to stick things out, which I am not saying is good, but it definitely changes the dynamic of marriage. If two people go their separate ways after being together, they take the lessons they learn and the memories they had together forward in their lives. I'd hardly call that a waste.

Divorce rates have been decreasing for a long time now.

Ever told your gf that?

Do you know what a prenuptial clause on a marriage contract is? Just agree not to split assets 50:50 if you don’t think that’s fair, and keep separate bank accounts if you’re going to be a kike about the entire thing.

Prenups are garbage and hardly foolproof. Why shouldn't I protect myself, I make 90% of the income in the relationship? You sound like a woman

Yes, she is aware how I feel about marriage. Why do you think we've been together 11 years and she hasn't pressed the issue?

Okay so maybe a 40% failure rate now?

Also, what's funny is I co-mingle all of our funds in one bank account. While we are together, I have no problem that she has access to my money. I just don't want someone to tell me she is entitled to access to it if we ever decide to split. I make $200K a year so I have more to protect than th average Jow Forums neet

If a judge decides that because I make $200K a year and she makes $40K a year that the prenup is "lopsided" it can be thrown out. It happens regularly.

The point stands...why would I risk it? I'd prefer not to allow courts to have jurisdiction over my personal and professional life. If we split up, I will be fair but will not allow a court to define "fair" for me.

That's the other thing about marriage, people are so caught up in pushing it on others as if it's the only moral or rational option. They don't seem to consider there are alternatives that may work for people. The social pressure just gets to people.

It's the same as college. My gf racked up $50K in debt getting her Masters and I make almost five times more than her with a bachelors that I incurred zero debt to get. Btw I only got that degree after I was making $80K a year after working my way up in a company. I got my Associates at Community College. Regardless, my degrees had zero impact on my current salary or station in life.

I am not saying that marriage and college are not good for some (if not even the majority), but I am daring to say that these institutions can't possibly be right for everyone.