How do I ask my bf why he's not texting me as much as he used to without coming across as a whiny brat...

How do I ask my bf why he's not texting me as much as he used to without coming across as a whiny brat? Its been a good few hours since his last response which shouldn't be an issue but I can clearly see he's been watching group chats and stuff. I know that I'm a big baby who needs to grow up most of the time but when he's clearly talking to other people it really does upset me. Any advice appreciated.

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dunno but that image is wrong
I've disappeared for over half a year from every social media and no-one cared

Bump. I would seriously like advice, I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend but I'm too autistic to figure this shit out myself and normies just say "be yourself" without recognising that some of us shouldn't be ourselves. I know I'm being a brat, I know he doesn't deserve a brat for a girlfriend, but I also know that I deserve to be happy and he deserves to know if he's doing something I don't like. I don't know how to strike the balance.

Eh guess it depends on the people, I did the same for 2 years and I had 4 people who constantly bothered me to get back in touch the entire time.

>he's talking to other people and it upsets me
full stop

Do you want me to send to my boyfriend;
>You're talking to other people and it upsets me.
Because if you do and you think that's not bratty, you're the exact thing I have nightmares about becoming. He's allowed to talk to other people and putting it across that way will make it sound like i don't want him to have any friends.

I think you should say nothing. I always say stupid stuff like “are you mad at me?” and it makes things worse.

My ideas were things like
>Hey, where have you gone?
Or
>I miss chatting with you, where are my responses?
But both of them feel passive aggressive and almost make me angry for thinking about saying them. But I don't want to be like
>Why aren't you responding
To have him come back with a valid excuse / reason for it right now and then the overall situation never improve.

Dont ever reply to tripfags

Yeah see that's also why I'm here, I'm not interested in trying to put words or feelings in his mouth but like fuck I could word it properly without help. I feel like asking the question without help will make the situation worse but not asking the question is just going to make me explode later and he definitely does not deserve that.

your texting is boring and u willjust piss him off that you need a text every 4 hours about absolutely nothing

First thing's first: him talking to other people is not the problem here, so talk some sense into yourself. If he was not talking to anyone else right now you'd still want to talk to him more. If he continues talking to other people, he could still be talking to you. It's an irrelevant point.

Next: ask him (and think about it a bit yourself) what he likes about texting you. Maybe he really never gets much out of it and he only used to do it more in the past because he knew you enjoyed it. I'm sure you can see how that would only last for so long. Alternatively if there is something particular he enjoys--telling you about his goings-on, flirting, whatever--then you can dial that up to encourage more conversation.

That's a strength-based approach. You might be tempted to take a weakness-based approach, i.e. finding out why he would prefer not to talk and then trying to remove that. I advise against adopting that mindset. You'd fall into the trap of censoring conversations just to encourage conversations. See how that's not really a net gain? Focus on what motivates him to communicate and then lean on that.

>hey I think we should talk more.
thats all you have to say. Its not naggy to express your needs in a clear way like that

am I the only faggot that replies immediately? why do people take so much time to text back? I know you're all glued to your fucking phone

No, I mean tell yourself to stop. Because I know you know that's a bad and selfish line of thinking.
Send nothing. Stfu.

Maybe you’re not a good match.

Kys

Dudette, chill. We have timers that limit responses. Only refresh after 5 mins.

why do you want him to text you every 30 minutes? do you just want some attention? Then do something that will get his attention
> I can't wait to see you tonight ;)
or some shit. or make plans for a date night. whatever - something with substance

Kill your ego.

nah thats annoying. just text for no reason? talk about what? ill talk in person

Great contribution to the advice board user. Especially when her advice actually makes sense.

i'm another user and i was talking about texting, not Jow Forums

You first, tranny

But free bumps and more information. Its not as if I take em seriously.

This is all true, but unfortunately I require that level of communication to be kept happy.

>It's an irrelevant point.
Eh, it's relevant to the concept he's responding to them first, which compounds the being boring / uninteresting thing I guess, but those are very valid points. I'll try to mentally move passed it.
I am not sure how to ask what he likes about my texts without appearing as needy or like I require constantly validation. I really like this option though, you speak a lot of sense on positive Vs negative and I would genuinely be happier with the reduced texting if it were a situation similar to the one you described. If I could be so cheeky, how would you like having the conversation approached so you didn't feel like you were being whined at / having to reassure when you'd done no wrong?

Does that not come across as hyperagressive out of nowhere after we haven't chatted for a while?

It takes me about ten minutes tbf if I'm sober but I am with you, user, I don't think it's that hard.

Kek nah, I'm not interested in keeping myself unhappy in a relationship. Yeah it's selfish and unfair, which is why I'm working on it instead of either punishing myself or lashing out.

Potentially, but this situation is caused by me being a nightmare. We'd find out if we were incompatible after the discussion.

>This is all true, but unfortunately I require that level of communication to be kept happy.
then do attention isnt free

I dunno, I just really enjoy talking to him. Surely that's not so crazy? I try to make plans but there's no guarantee that even that gets responses as fast as I'd like.

Wasn't me, trip fags aren't with vitriol, it makes them feel like there right when they're just annoying.

sometimes people have shit do do, user. productivity is hindered by constantly having ones phone on them and responding to texts/calls

>it's relevant to the concept he's responding to them first
Since you appreciate the advice I've given so far, I hope you'll take this with an open mind as well: if you said to other people "I need my boyfriend to respond to me first before anyone else," I think most would advise you to get therapy. That probably includes your boyfriend.

>how would you like having the conversation
Exactly as I suggested it, just asking what he likes about talking with you. You can even include, "This isn't a shit test, I sincerely want to know so that we can do more of it. I like that you like talking to me."

That first bit is valid. I guess my issue is that I don't get a response at all until like four hours later and I'm actually with the dudes he's talking to so it's very evident to me. Like I said, I knew it's bratty and spoilt before I even started the thread, hence why I'm trying to sort it.
Damn I guess I mean like, how do I start the conversation? Do you suggest just cold texting him "hey what do you like about texting me?". Does that not strike anyone as validation seeking? I feel like mentioning shit tests will cause more issues than it clears too.

Try asking about his needs.

I’m not OP but how do you do that? What words?

>self-labeling as a "big baby who needs to grow up most of the time"
>concern with sequence of responses
>drilling down specific wording of a natural conversation
>second-guessing through hypotheticals
So how many years ago did you begin to suspect that you have an anxiety issue?

I've already done that, he's perfectly content with what's occurring. He's a busy fella who contacts me when he's free, afaik he doesn't even get how something could be wrong. Hence the whole I know I'm a brat thing

Six years ago. I've been in therapy for most of that. I'm also not wrong on my points despite this.

it ssounds like youre annoying him. if you annoy him more by coming at him with some needy bullshit you will just push him away. if you want to get his attention you need to send texts that WILL GET HIS ATTENTION. "hey hows your day?" is a chore to respond to. it sounds like youre at risk of losing him so you better get his attention quick.

> hey what do you like about texting me
1) dont try to have a serious convo over text
2) assess it yourself. see what he responds to and what he leaves on his todo list because its a chore.

Lighten up. I don't know how faggots do it these days but bictches make comments and I read thim and think, "ok." It wasn't a fucking question. Or my particular bitch will start a back and fourth conversion instead of just getting to a point or saying like, "if this, do that, or if not, do that. " And be fucking done with it. It is good and natural that he feels comfortable enough to not be trying to kiss your ass all the time. If he texts as much as he used to, he would be mental.

Anxiety can be a pretty hard issue to deal with. Met some guys that had pretty severe social anxiety and they didn't recover until a few years later. One guy didn't even go get therapy although he should've. Said he couldn't afford it and knew he was going to suffer trying to overcome his problem. He had a lot of trouble letting people see his face, he said he wasn't worthy of being seen in public.

Usually I ask my boyfriend "is there something I can do for you" or "do you need anything".

I used to ask pretty often "are you mad at me", but that didn't give the intended effect.

"Are you mad at me" is closed question, so the answer will be yes or no. Because of that, I will not get information that I need.

Asking open questions gives my partner a moment to think and focus on what's really going on. (So if he's actually mad at me, I will know that and the reason why he is)

I'm sorry for poor sentence construction and grammar.

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Anything you say will boil down to "talk to me plz" which begs the question what do you actually want to talk about or do you just want him to dote on you?

>some of us shouldn't be ourselves
You can't play pretend for life, by doing that you're making your bf fall in love with somebody that's not you. The moment he realizes that he'll most likely break up with you, at best he'll ask you to keep with the facade even if it will destroy you inside