So this girl I've been going out with for 4 months as a friend finally today I got her on my bed and I finally went in...

So this girl I've been going out with for 4 months as a friend finally today I got her on my bed and I finally went in to kiss her even though it was one of the most frightening things I'd done

I only had one girlfriend before so this was new to me. She said no because she was into someone else. Escorted her back home and I'm panicking for some reason. Like I did something wrong. She even said I had "ruined our friendship now"?

Anyways I read everywhere that the guy is supposed to take the first step. I did it. Am I in the wrong?

She even let me touch her a lot but when it came to me touching her cheek she just said no no and then it was all awkward

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Like I'm left here feeling I shouldn't have done anything at all and like I'm never going to make it

You were in the friend zone from day one, just didn’t know it.

Find a new girl and move in for the kiss on like date 4.

This was date 4

oof
stop pretending to be friends with women you want to fuck

Have you considered the possibility that you might have been going on friend dates user?

You did nothing wrong user, thats exactly how youre supposed to act. Guess she just wasnt into you, take it as a learning experience so you cpuld be better next time.
Couple of points that i can think of:
1. Doing the move is goochi, youre supposed to take the first step.
2. Dont wait 4 months to make a move.

Well she did say she didn't want a relationship at some point so I told her I just wanted to enjoy the time with her implying doing the good stuff without the obligations

Well if she likes someone else that's cool. What's depressing is that this guy is the typical scumbag whereas I go to the gym 7 days a week and do everything to make her comfortable. It almost makes me feel this really really deep feeling of pity for her because she is very attractive but is in love with a swagger dude who played her and she is hoping he will someday like her back

But whatever. Bitches ain't shit, some women are fucked up and I've never met an actual quality girl who hasn't either been fucked by over 30 guys or who is normal looking takes care of herself and likes someone like me who also takes care of himself. I give up

Like she was always flirty, letting me touch her so I thought she'd be ready at some point

And thanks for the encouragement. I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest so I just said fuck it and placed my hand on her chin. I have literally never done anything like this before

And I'm not saying good girls don't exist, I've just never met them in my city so they're like fairytales to me. Sorry for my long ass rant

>girl I've been going out with for 4 months
>said no because she was into someone else
user, are you sure you were going out with this girl?

She used to say the guy she was into was her friend with benefits so I assumed she wanted the same with me?

OK question. She talked about how this other dude also tried to kiss her but he is 40 and bald and he was her friend. And I'm 21 and she's comparing me to a guy twice my age who she rejected, so was I wrong to not convince her by saying hey I'm young and healthy or nah?

Because honestly I felt kinda iffy about that

Like the feeling just sucks. I've been trying so hard to be normal like everyone else and now it's just like I'm back on square one

Try not to let it bother you. There is a good chance this whole event doesn't bother her. I'd pretend it never happened and treat her like normal.

Maybe let go of this for a bit and go after someone else.

Maybe go find the audio book of Models and listen to that. Listen to some Arnold speeches on YouTube. Get pumped on life. Try to move on

there's plenty of fish in the sea, brother
but yeah, after a certain time of not doing anything you become her friend, don't wait so long

I don't think that's the case here. The girl was all around very confused and kept telling me how "she didn't know what she wants" so if I had done it sooner maybe I would have gotten a crazy on my hands or maybe I would have gotten rejected earlier. If she didn't reciprocate in my room, on my bed, I don't think she ever would otherwise

Thank you for the suggestions! I just lifted twice as much at the gym than usual so I am very pumped to get even stronger and forget this. In fact I'm proud I took the chance and did something that frightened me initially

As a man pushing 30 I am going to give you advice of limitless use for your future endeavours: never compare yourself to another man by any means. Respect men from afar for their qualities (unless you gay), and don't draw their flaws to the limelight even if they dredge up yours.

Do you not notice how all you single guys end up chanting the same mantra? He's an asshole, I'm a better guy, I do more, I work harder... etcetera.

Don't be that person.

It felt like that was what she was expecting me to do but yes it would be an incredibly stupid thing to talk about a guy I don't know, very dishonorable and besides I don't think you're supposed to convince a woman when she's decided to not sleep with you

And I meant no disrespect. Older men tend to be wiser and more mature, I just think her comparison was stupid. Like what was she trying to say "I rejected this guy what makes you think I won't reject you?" Such stupid behavior honestly

She shares just as much responsibility as you do in ruining this friendship.. she lead you on.. she made a mistake by not making her mind.

You can tell shes indecisive, you dont need people like that in your life.

Thank you!

>this girl I've been going out with for 4 months as a friend
>she did say she didn't want a relationship at some point
>I assumed she wanted the same with me?
No offense OP but you completely misread the signals. Sounds like she was trying to let you know from day one that she only saw you as a friend.

It's always awkward, it will always be, there's never 100% security. You did what you had to, you were true to yourself by trying to take it further, just like any man who feels this way should. That's why I can say I respect what you did and that you did nothing wrong. You weren't wrong to try to kiss her, you didn't fuck up.

You tried and you lost, that's life and we've all been there, more then once.
Now you've got to go the hard road and move on. Some girl that you really like will like you back and you'll see her blush and lighten up when you kiss her and it will be the most beautiful thing.

It wasn't the first day and also she talked about how she had friends with benefits before so I don't think I was wrong to assume she could be attracted to me or it could grow over time?

Even if she thought of me as a friend--fine, but I'm not a doormat. I'm not the guy who lets her sit on his bed only for her to complain to me about the guy she wants to fuck her

I mean fuck what she wanted, I would never sink so low as to be just friends with an attractive woman, why would I even want that kind of boundary?

I can't express how much this reply cheered me up, and it also makes me happy to know that I acted in accordance with myself, I had been talking myself into kissing this girl for weeks and now that I finally did it next time it won't be so nerve-wracking for me. Thanks again

Or well I didn't do it but I grabbed her and leaned in but in my head I did what was on my part, besides she acted like she wanted it, acted like a giddy schoolgirl when I touched her

Oh well, hope to find a more stable woman out there

I mean I don’t fault you for making a move but you were her friend for a third of a year before you did. I feel like you could’ve shown your hand sooner instead of falling into the typical trap of thinking that one day she’ll reciprocate your feelings if you wait long enough

Ah I'm inexperienced so it was terrifying to me not that I think it would have made a difference I tried my best to be as charming as I could and she even said I was a very cool guy but this girl was just very confused it seems and I wasted my time on her lol