My dad is against me going to therapy

So I started to go to therapy and I’ve been to two sessions so far and yesterday my parents had a big fight about this. My dad doesn’t see the point of me going to the therapist and he thinks everything’s going good for me and he thinks that all psychologists and psychotherapists are scamming people.

I told my dad that I don’t talk with him, my mom and neither my boyfriend about my problems and if I’m happy during the day doesn’t mean I’m actually happy. I have big self-esteem issues and he thinks he has solved them by telling me “you’re beautiful, you’re smart” and I just don’t believe those words. When I told him that I don’t believe those words he called me an egoist and said “maybe you are a bitch” (I once told my family that I’m a bitch and they disagreed with me)

I have a therapy session next week and I don’t wanna go so I don’t ruin my family and what if I really don’t need it? Also my dad’s words really hurt me and made me feel even more insecure. I have no idea what to do now

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Your dad is giving you a hard time about therapy? Just ignore him. Your family wont stop loving you and begging your family just because you go to therapy. If hes upset, let him be, you have to start taking care of yourself at some point. Discuss things further with your therapist.

Yeah, we talked yesterday about it and basically he said that if I don’t tell him and my mom everything about my problems then I don’t have them. He said that being egoistical, manipulative and he’s starting to think I’m a bitch. I’m really insecure and now I think I am all those things. Well, I thought that about myself before but when someone tells you that in the eyes then it’s probably true

And why would he lie about me being a bitch?

I suppose you going to therapy suggests that you have problems that he does not want to admit to
It would mean he and your mother did a shit parenting job and it is cognitive dissonance on his part
Try reassuring them, thanking them and tell them that therapy will help you be the person you want to be, a better person with firm convictions
gl user

I’m just scared to talk to him because I think he really dislikes me and that I ruin everything. At least my mom said that if I think I need it, she’ll support it

your dad is right
you are beautiful and smart

Well then you are at an impasse
1)bitch about it online
or
2)adress your issues
If you get your mother and talk to him at the same time he may feel ambushed
Give it a bit of time to let him cool off and think about talking points
I’m guessing you do not have other people to help you, have you tried your school resources?

i just don’t believe the good words everyone tells me. in my mind i’m completely opposite of that and that’s just the way it is

Okay, I’ll try to do that with her. I have a boyfriend but I think he’s annoyed with me and I told him about this situation and he replied with “don’t listen to the haters” and that I should go to therapy and see if it helps me.
I’ve talked to school counselor and last time I visited her was two days ago about anger issues. She’s been helpful every time I’ve went to her but I think she has bigger problems to solve so I don’t want to bother her

Your father is afraid that you will develop resentment to him because of how he is so tactless and blunt and the therapist will tell you that its all your dads fault, thats what I think he believes.

Maybe you should take him to a therapy session. Thats what I did with my mother and I saw the benefit of doing so.
However you can do the opposite and Never tell your family about what goes on inside the session just like your therapist will never go outside and talk about you.

The only thing that tears families apart is ignorance and fear. Understand a therapist wont ever tell you to do something you arent willing to do, if they do then they arent a therapist. Therapy is healing through discussion.
Also on the part where you say you dont feel that its true your dad says you are beautiful and smart, Thats normal from any child because parents will always say stuff like that because it is true to them.

You feel the way you do because of many reasons. And well I look at it as there are so many reasons why I am unattractive that I cant keep up, might as well focus on the few reasons I am attractive.

Psychologists and Psychotherapy are really near an entirely different thing than they were 30 years ago. There are a lot of crazy boomers and elder gen Xers with an ingrained fear of the scary American Horror Story season 2 version of them.
It's just a missunderstanding of generations.

you are such a faggot snowflake

Well, in my first therapy session we talked about the problems I have and about my childhood and I understood that some of that is because of my father. I don't want to blame him for my problems because he's my dad but that's just how it is. I will ask my therapist about inviting him there and my mom said that we should go to family therapy.

I'm living in a post soviet country and my parents grew up in USSR so I assume that's why my dad has such a stigma about mental health. At least my mom has grown and become more open minded

what kind of things did your dad do?

easy with the boomers talk, the people who talk out against therapy are generally in the minority.

if I got a good grade (let’s say 9, 10 being the best) then he would always say why didn’t you get 10? It started in primary school and now I think that if I get 8 or 9 which should be good, I’m not good enough. And I see how well he treats his only son - my brother and my eldest stepsister and it has made me think that I’m not good enough

and he just seems really unapproachable. if i ask for something then he’ll ignore. but lately if i have some sudden problems, i call him and ask for advice to change that i think he’s unapproachable and he has given me good advice but now he thinks that if i tell him about those problems, everything’s going fine for me

This is gonna be hard, but you have to image your dad as a retarded person.

I mean, we all know that there's some shit that our parents just don't get, but when it comes to something like this, your dad went full-retard.

You're not supposed to go full-retard.

It's not your fault, though. He's actually super-repressed, and probably needs some sort of supernatural level of emotional healing that you could never provide him given a million lifetimes and a thousand genie-lamps.

He's sort of decided his own position, so you have to respectfully walk away from it.

But you do have to decide whether or not your therapy is helpful to you.

If it is, then literally you can ignore any element in the entire universe that would prevent you from it.

Because finding something that helps you negotiate your existence in this universe is basically all you can hope to find.

I've smashed a lot of rocks to learn this, but maybe you just have to smash more rocks to demonstrate it to yourself.

Your dad doesn't know shit about you compared to the amount of time you've spent with yourself.

Don't forget that.

He means well, of course. He always does. But William Tell meant well before he put an arrow in his son's pate, so maybe just because the road to hell is paved with good intentions doesn't mean that you have to keep walking on it, right?

I see, that sounds like a father figure who expects a lot from his kids. You might not be around when your siblings are getting the negative treatment and you are only see the positive. This is normal but still cause self esteem issues. Do you feel guilty you cant live up to the expectations of your pops?

Woah, thank you very much, user! This was inspirational and made me feel better. So thank you again!

>slowclap.jpeg

The weird thing is that eventually, you stop caring about whether you can communicate what you're experiencing to any other human being on the planet.

I mean, surely, it's impossible. And yet, you're there, enjoying every moment like some kind of cat who caught the mouse.

But the mouse is just some sort of artificial pattern of behavior that you identify in a physical body as that which would have to be defined as "mouse," even though you recognize that its conscious awareness as a mammal extends far beyond such limitations.

You are, after all, a mammal.

So why not take this mammalian curse all the way down to the root of consciousness?

Let's see where it leads us, and why the fuck we exist in the first place other than the fact that some asteroid decimated the reptilian presence on the planet.

I mean, I gotta admit, when it comes to the choice between being a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a goddamn Chicken, I'd choose the former.

History doesn't let you do that, though.

yeah pretty much what I wanted to say but user did it so much better. Just follow that advice, i mean its perfect.

Yep, I feel really guilty. And I’m trying to do my best to get his attention by doing something good but it’s not good enough. He treats my brother and eldest stepsister way better. He goes with them outside of town to spend time with them and not inviting me. He buys them gifts out of blue. And my dad likes my eldest stepsister’s boyfriend way more than mine

i think you should have stopped at your first post. The rest is getting a little off base here.

thank you too, user! I really appreciate every single reply on this!

Your father doesn’t sound very healthy. That’s no way for a parent to address their child. I’m not sure if I would call it insecure, but definitely a lack of foresight and awareness of his words. He sounds like a child giving their friend an ultimatum of who they’re going to sit with at lunch.p, it’s juvenile. I personally would disown him and discuss things with my mother to the side. I would ask if she agrees with him, and if not, why she didn’t speak up for you.

Don’t worry that he called you a bitch or said that you’re acting like one, which has the same effect. Ignore him and do what you have to do. Remove him from your life as soon as possible.

It seems the problem is you are trying too hard to gain your fathers affection. You arent around when shit goes down on your siblings so you will assume they are treated waaaay better.
Your father means well and doesnt mean you can do better by asking why you got a 9/10, he is asking because he wants to help you understand what and why this would be the correct answer. He already thinks you are perfect, its just now you are growing perfection and he needs to tend to your growth carefully and not being strict to that process could mess up your growth. Mind you parents are very frightened when it comes to fucking up their kids psyche and now you are at a therapist and he thinks he fucked up too.

Maybe its time for you not to try to gain his attention so much and focus on yourself. Doing so will get his attention naturally.

Could you stop fucking spacing like that please? It doesn’t make what you have to say look important or profound, it’s just annoying to read.

I think that if i focused on myself, I would become even more egoistic and my dad already thinks I’m like that so don’t wanna make it worse

You wont be egotistic. I am not suggesting you go around splurge and spoil yourself. No I mean you do what you feel is best to make yourself not hate yourself. Forgive your mistakes, study at your own pace, and when your dad puts in his thoughts take it as words of wisdom than words of a disgruntled father.
Focusing on yourself means that you explore what makes you, you. What your strengths are and what makes you feel good.

Have you tried copying and pasting it into a document?

You can control the spacing of those.

How hard is it to imagine, though? If you don't think the spacing is important or profound, then just fucking ignore it.

Like, it's not rocket-science.

okay, I’ll try to do that. thank you very much!