Be me

>be me
>be with her for 4 months
>she breaks it off
>finds new guy right away
>I understand why we can't be together
>ego too hurt though
>upset and crying and all that
>live really close
>difficult to no contact
>I try it
>slowly I get better

>5 months pass
>I feel much better
>keep acting like it's not my 'job' anymore to protect her and comfort her
>she always wanted to be friends
>gets confused that I am distant
>argument
>end up being called selfish and cruel

Is she right? It does look like that but the closer I try to get the more it hurts and I go backwards.
Especially when I see them together it still kills me inside.
Should I suck it up and be her friend and fight my ego?
I don't have something against her. It just hurts..
Am I an asshole? Should I be an asshole for my good?

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Lmao, she just can‘t handle losing her plan b.
Straighten your spine and tell her to kindly fuck off. You got better stuff to do with your energy than be her emotional tampon and infinite source of attention.

She has a new boyfriend right off the bat, why doesn't she just talk to him instead? If she really cared about you then why didn't she stay with you? She wants to be friends with you but not go any further in intimacy or closeness. What a clown.

I understand. I knew these before in theory but let me tell you why I question it. I want to find where is the mistake.

>she tells me various reasons why we can't be together
>amazing chemistry but 'logical it won't work'
>'not same hobbies, different values, blah blah'
>they sound reasonable
>but I still haven't let her go in my head
Isn't this unreasonable? Thus my selfish ego kicks in? Thus asshole actions?

and second:
>if she was single, I would feel so much better
>the fact that she isn't drives me nuts the most at times
isn't this immature and stupid?
Where am I in the wrong? Can't figure it out.
Is what you say true at all occasions no exceptions?
Just need to be released from wondering..

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Logic vs emotion

She doesn't want you romanticly but wants to keep the benefits of being your friend.
It's hurting and confusing you. So quit it, take your distance.
You logically understand this, but feel attached to her and don't want to be a bad guy.
But choosing your own mental health and stability doesn't make you a bad guy.

Tell her as much, you need space to be yourself and you can't do that with her around. At least for now

Any women around to help me understand? Don't you know how much it hurts a guy sometimes when he loses you?

Sounds good.
So 5 months is normal to not move on from someone?

I can't win with her. When I tell her why I do this she starts telling me that "You should be a man and not cry like a baby, it's been 5 months already".
Then when I move on I look like a "cruel asshole".
Her friends also told her I seem "like an asshole". Literally can't win..

Yes! She said that too. Logic Vs emotions. " I use logic and you use dreams and fantasy emotions which are not real. It's not mature."

She sounds abusive.
Is there a reason for you to stay with her or her friends? If no then move on

Just a few qualities of her that I really fell for. Those 4 months were magical sometimes..
So no. I am letting it go. I will keep moving further till it doesn't bother me at all..

Thank you frens.

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No probs user. Best of luck too you.
Hearing your situation helped me a bit too

Don't you ever heard about Blue Bird by Charles Bukowski? You should check it out.

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Why don't you just block her? Can you be a man for once in your shitty life?

Turn the tables on her by telling her the truth:
She's being an asshole to you by knowing how you feel but insisting that you remain in close contact while you watch her with the man who is railing her every night
And she's cruel to suggest that your feelings are something you can just turn off like a switch. Maybe she can do that because her feelings aren't actually real

If the shoe were on the other foot she would have cut OP off long ago

Drop her. She's not worth it and it's CRUEL TO YOU for her to force you to remain her friend. You need distance. After a few months if you've healed you can choose to be her friend again. If her relationship with this guy doesn't work out i guarantee she'll come crying back to you, don't let her.

“A number of porcupines huddled together for warmth on a cold day in winter; but, as they began to prick one another with their quills, they were obliged to disperse. However the cold drove them together again, when just the same thing happened. At last, after many turns of huddling and dispersing, they discovered that they would be best off by remaining at a little distance from one another. In the same way the need of society drives the human porcupines together, only to be mutually repelled by the many prickly and disagreeable qualities of their nature. The moderate distance which they at last discover to be the only tolerable condition of intercourse, is the code of politeness and fine manners; and those who transgress it are roughly told—in the English phrase—to keep their distance. By this arrangement the mutual need of warmth is only very moderately satisfied; but then people do not get pricked. A man who has some heat in himself prefers to remain outside, where he will neither prick other people nor get pricked himself.”

Arthur Schopenhauer

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>Mfw backup man
>Mfw exchanged I love yous and had sex
>mfw I wasn't the backup man, he was all along
No face

Still haven't seen any women coming to tell us how they see it..
Not trying to be sarcastic, I really want to understand.

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So smart hey did he give any tips how to generate that metaphorical warmth

You're not important enough for their time

user, listen to me close you fucker. It is not your fault you have lost feeling become hurt leading to you being distant. You are a normal person who has feelings and emotions like her. She is selfish expecting you to be 100% buddyfrienddiwhateverthefuckIwant bith boy. You have no white knight obligation to do anything for her now. If she wants to be friends SHE needs to try.

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Also stop dwelling on the things that made you fall for her and stew on the things you hated about her. Distance yourself man you don't owe her shit especially since she doesn't give you anything back now. Be a fucking man about it dude. You'll never get anywhere you want on a bitches leash anyway so even if she does take you back she has 100% full control; not healthy.

Take some time away to figure yourself out and the right one will come. There is pain now but believe me friend it will pass

Wtf? No, she made her choice. And now she's saying that you should just suck it up so she doesn't have to take the consequences of her own actions.

There's nothing selfish about you are doing. Keep it up.

get a spine nigger
you are not cruel, if a girl dumps you its okey to cut contact

like this guys says she is mad she lost her plan b
and her ego is hurt that you arent more destroyed by her leaving you

Stop caring for her, she doesn't care about you

I understand, I was just wondering if this is always the case since it seems to be the only answer you get with this type of situation.
I will be alright. I won't be angry or anything towards her, but I will get further away like I do.
It gets better slowly but surely.

If I could get a new gf would be better but it's not easy 4me.

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