How do you reconcile a difference in religion with a partner...

How do you reconcile a difference in religion with a partner? I recently converted to Catholicism after being agnostic/deist for a long time. My girlfriend doesn't share my faith and it's been leading to us butting heads a lot with regards to fornication (I don't want to, she does), kids (I want 4 or more, she wants 2 max), how we'd raise those kids (I would raise them Catholic, she would be laissez-faire with that kind of stuff) among other things. I would like to hear if anyone here has dealt with a similar issue and if so, what did you do to remedy it?

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Break up
This isn't going to work long term, you're wasting her time

We've already been together for 5 years, since high school.

Religion shouldn’t play this big of a roll on having children. For all you guys know you may miscarriage every time, or end up with a few sets of twins.
When it comes to teaching your children about your faith, you have to remember they are children, and there’s plenty of time to reach them that later as their brains develop. The main focus should always be teaching them how to walk, feed themselves, potty training, and making sure they hit milestones. Religion should take backseat.
When it comes to sex, if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t even be worried about having kids with her.

Your relationship is built on trust, communication, and compromise. If you can’t trust each other to be supportive of one another’s faiths, you’re already screwing up. If you can’t communicate and compromise on this subject, you’re probably not going to make it.

First off, in regards to sex, you guys should only go as far as one of you is willing to go. If you dont want to have sex then she cant force. Tell her that its not fair to you.
2nd, this same rule applies to # of children. You only go as far as the lowest number your partner is willing to go, which is 2.

Keep your religion separate from your partner. They have a right to their own views and so do you. You wouldnt like it if they forced theirs on you right? Dont do the same. But dont let them force you into doing something you dont want to do (sex) and dont force her to have more kids than she wants to

True love transcends boundaries like religious beliefs m8. If you love each other to the point where you agree on having children together then you really shouldn't be so dogmatic as to deny the both of you experiencing love. Especially as a Catholic, you should be able to understand loving people who disagree with you. Parents should be raising children in accordance to their individuality , it would be good for your children to gain more perspective than a strictly laissez faire or catholic background.

T. Fellow Catholic who had an atheist father and strictly catholic mother who only had 2 children.

you're both going to have to realize that in reality, having faith is what's important. do not let what you believe take away from what she believes because they are both equally as true in one form or another. it's strange how we tend to draw lines in the sand between one another over which set of footprints is there.

trust me when I say they are likely both present, you see only what you see because it's what gives you strength.

that being said, the responsible thing to do would be to agree to tell your kids you agree to disagree. I would personally refrain from asserting my own belief while my significant other was discussing her faith unless it was in agreement.

make compromises, like if she just wants 2 kids then you say you get to take them to church, if she wants sex a certain way be open to it.

I guess you're right about how many kids we want. I would still like to take them to church, but I see your point. It's not that I don't want to sleep with her, as we have done in the past, but this was before my conversion and I would rather we did it in the context of marriage, providing a stable home for our future children.

I understand your point. However, she has set down this ultimatum that if we don't continue to have sex like before then she doesn't know if she can continue. I don't want to compromise my beliefs but I don't want to lose her either.

^kind of applied to this too. It's a sticky situation as I am unsure what to do.

I'm not trying to make her become Catholic as well. It would be nice but I won't force her into believing something or carrying out rituals she doesn't even think are real (Eucharist etc). Nor will I force her into having 4 children with me. I just want a large family to be honest. I have a lot of love to give.

I get you. I just feel as though that if we continue on this current path we may both end up unhappy because we couldn't reconcile differences like this sooner rather than later.

A couple of questions, seeing as you have interfaith parents: Did your mother take you to Mass and such? Did religion ever get discussed in your home, and how did that go?

I understand. She isn't strictly religious but she believes in a supernatural, that not all things are of this earth. I can understand that, because the realisation of a perfect universe with constant values tuned just right are what helped me believe, alongside some otherworldly experiences. I'll take this into consideration.

I'll put my foot down on this one. She is always saying that relationships are built on compromise, so if she is unwilling to compromise here then we have a problem.

>Did your mother take you to Mass and such?
Yes. My grandfather was actually a Jesuit who worked as a professor of Russian literature and linguistics at my local university. I grew up in 12 years of private catholic schooling as a result, even after my grandfather died of a heart attached when was about 5 my mother took me to Sunday masses every week until I was a teen. Then I mostly took my myself to mass

>Was religion ever discussed
My father took a more neutral role in terms of religion, really he pushed nothing on me though he himself doubted his Catholic faith ( he was raised Catholic). Mostly, he let me be and merely tried to raise me to be choose for myself when it came to religion.

Every religion is a bit wonky. I don't know how my twelve year old will end up but, it is important to me that he be a product of his own thought and not my brainwashing. I tell him that some believe this or others that. We are to respect and have at least a mild understanding of others. We will do a little research if a question arises. I encourage him to find interest in people of unfamiliar faith. Ffor catholics, I would think it acceptable to be a catholic "by tradition" and not be really serious until those decisions can be made as an adult. You and the partner should be able to concede to this. Sounds like you are familiar with this method.

I am an atheist and my wife was a Jehovah's Witness
Backstory: I knew from the first date I wanted to marry her, she was part of a crazy religion that only let her date guys inside of it. It was not question to me I started studying (you have to study to get baptized in JW). I met her parents and we got along great. Fast forward 2 years later the elders tell me she's bad spiritual fruit and I should look elsewhere, one heart to heart later I had her dad's permission to marry her. Fast forward 3 years to today. She is an atheist, I never set out to convert she just asked about my beliefs and found them to make more sense. We are more in love everyday with each other and I'm so happy for her in my life. The key I think is that we both were willing to change for each other, you keep saying your wife won't change for you, but if you really love this woman you'd want to do anything for her, religion second. If you don't have that kind of relationship I'd keep looking, I know I would have settled for a lot less than I have now.

Tldr:If you love each other you should both be trying.

You decided to change on a few very important aspects of a relationship. Sex and children is second only to finances when it comes to reasons for a relation not working out. If you can't satisfy her, don't expect a relationship that lasts.

It doesn't work when there are as many differences as you have.

I see, I think I'll discuss that with her. Her argument boiled down to "I don't mind Sunday School but Mass is boring for children," which doesn't seem to hold up when I go to Mass and see children sitting politely and quietly.

My parents both talked about God but neither were especially religious, with my dad being a Presbyterian and my mum being indifferent. I don't want to push anything on my kids but educate them on Christian morality and such when the time comes, as well as how God loves them etc.

Somewhat related^. I don't want to force my kids into anything but educate them when the time is right.

Our situations are rather opposite in that case. If she were to become Catholic then there'd be very little issue, I imagine. Unlike your wife however she refuses to learn about my beliefs and understand where I'm coming from because she already has this notion in her head that the Bible and everything just isn't for her. I love her but I feel we are going in different directions thanks to my conversion. Congratulations on your marriage, though.

I think you may be right, as painful as it may be.

I dumped a guy after 8 years because we ended up wanting different things in life due to changing our values.
Just break up. Neither of you should compromise on important things like children.

>"I don't mind Sunday School but Mass is boring for children,"
Would it be an option just go based on how the kids react? If they want to go, you take them; if they refuse, you accept that they aren't into that. As long she and you are open to both options, it sounds like a decent compromise.

Politics and faith are the 2 biggest things you have to agree on for a relationship to last a lifetime. If you bring kids into the picture and cant agree fundamentally on how to model their beliefs, then you have a recipe for disaster

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I have turned away many MANY very attractive and seemingly perfect guys because they were catholic or christian and I view it as a huge red flag. I'm pretty agnostic and I can't imagine having such a fundamental worldview difference with my partner. If we can't see the same page about that basic stuff then there's bound to be issues down the line in other areas, besides all the "religion is important" stuff. So the answer is you can't and it's a good enough reason to break up.

break up.

you just built a giant wall around yourself by adopting a new worldview and that wall is going to push her out whether you want it to or not.

>It's not that I don't want to sleep with her, as we have done in the past, but this was before my conversion and I would rather we did it in the context of marriage
I don't know why but this made me giggle
I think for her it doesn't feel like she's dating the same person anymore, I'd just break up tbqh

Why would you convert to Catholicism? Please apostate ASAP.
>It's not that I don't want to sleep with her, as we have done in the past, but this was before my conversion and I would rather we did it in the context of marriage, providing a stable home for our future children.
Are you fucking delusional? If you think you're going to Hell for premarital sex after you convert to Catholicism (the only reason you would not keep having sex with her is fear of Hell), then you DEFINITELY are going to Hell for having premarital sex before conversion. So if you're going to Hell, you're going to Hell. But guess what's good? You're probably not going to Hell, well you're not for this reason anyway. You can fuck her all you want, bro.
>She isn't strictly religious but she believes in a supernatural, that not all things are of this earth.
She better. However, keep in mind what others have said: it's not going to work out. It may work if the woman was the one who's more religious, but if the man is the more religious one... that's never going to work. You better dial it down. You love her, don't you? You want to be with her? Then leave Catholicism, or at least incorporate aspects of freedom into it, or she'll break up with you or you'll end up abusing or even killing her.
>I don't want to push anything on my kids but educate them on Christian morality and such when the time comes, as well as how God loves them etc.
That's not Christian morality. That's basic human morality. God loves humanity, that's kind of the thing. Not even only Abrahamic religions, it's in all "real" religions that God loves you. If anything Catholicism is the religion that tells you "God does NOT love you", so you really may want to reconsider or at least educate yourself on the history of Catholicism.

You respect each other and don't argue about it.

Cant you come to a compromise? My father was catholic and my mother Methodist and it worked out fine. If she wants the kids to choose their faith then that sounds fine. The compromise should be along the lines of you get them baptized and then not pressure them in faith. Everyone needs to choose their own way in the end anyway. Sometimes you need to compromise on big things in a relationship but if you being catholic and her not is such an insane unbreakable hurdle then break up.

Your situation doesn't apply because your mother was a religious woman and that makes all the difference. Even the scripture speaks against atheist women because they genuinely make shit mothers and have no moral code. A bad mother is far worse than a bad father. A bad/absent father can be overcome, a bad mother causes lasting psychological damage.

Dump her, she is a whore. Do not let your children be raised by atheists. Trust me on this. They will end up being discord trannies like my brother.

There's no reason to discuss religion or politics with your gf or wife. None. Neither will change their opinion, and you're just wasting time that u could be having fun.

I'm a Christian and my wife is Atheist. We don't ever talk about it. We even have a child and it's not an issue. I told my wife when our kid is old enough I would like to take her to church sometimes, and my wife was like sure whatever you want to do.