TL;DR - My boyfriend is pretty jealous of two of my male friends. How can I make him accept them more?

>Was there any intimacy between you and your male friends in the past?
If you mean sexually or romantically, no.
We're extremely close to each other, but it's entirely platonic.

My friend is engaged.
He really treats me like his little sister. My ex boyfriend turned out to be a huge asshole and became physically abusive after I moved in with him 400 miles away from home. My friend has been hyperprotective of me since.

He's a good guy. I get why he's uncomfortable but I don't want to lose him or my friends.

Okay if your friend doesn't like your boyfriend he might like you as more than a friend. Trust me I had male friends who didn't approve of my now husband and my husband was uncomfortable with our relationship so I ended my friendship and now I'm married to my best friend

No, he doesn't like me. He is engaged.
He became hyperprotective after I got abused by my ex boyfriend. He doesn't want me to get hurt that way again.

It's time you leave the friends. Do you not understand how it makes him feel. You are being very selfish.

Also this was your question
>How can I make him accept them more?
basically "how can i change him"
instead of "how can I change myself"

Make a choice, him or your friends. Then cut one out of your life. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Plus it sounds like none of them are really your friends, you just like the benefits that give you, the nice things they do for you. Really you sound selfish af.

>I get why he's uncomfortable but I don't want to lose him or my friends.
please be trolling

"I get that I'm hurting my bf but I don't want to stop because it benefits me"

no empathy.
You're a psycho gf.
Dump the bf. Free him of your lunacy.

exactly

agreed. i'm getting the feeling that they around all the time, and her bf feels like he's dating them as well as her. huge pain in the ass dating a chick that has friends on her tail round the clock.

I'm sorry, but no. A man who asks me to cut my friends off doesn't love me at all. It would be absolutely devastating for me to lose them.
I'm willing to compromise and change myself, if it helps him accept them more, but I'm not cutting them off any soon.

I am their friend and have been there for them whenever they needed me, from small things like helping them move or pick the engagement ring, to being there for them when they lost their parents.

Empathy isn't "hurt yourself so others can be a little happier". That's stupidity.

We're not. We hang out once a week, during the weekend.
I hang out with my boyfriend 5 days a week.

And you're ignoring the whole "why would my boyfriend be jealous of two other men who have earned my deference?"
I mean I get this is bait so here's your smelly-ass (You), but c'mon. This ain't a head-scratcher.

Once again, flagrant ignorance of your boyfriend's stance is not helping.
Either meet your man in the middle or do nothing, but don't just sit here constantly posting about how amazing these other two guys are and how your boyfriend needs to step up or shut up.

I get why he's jealous of the fact that I'm very close to two other men. I get it.
I'm asking what can I do to make the situation improve and make him more accepting of them.

>A man who asks me to cut my friends off doesn't love me at all.
That's simply not true, and I assume it's you just being a ideologue and selfish

Life is not so black and white. Split thinking is also a trait of narcissism.

>. It would be absolutely devastating for me to lose them.
yeah of course it would.
So then do what you obviously want to, just dump the bf. You cannot stay in a relationship with someone on the pretext that they will change. They is insanity. You're already selfish, don't add insanity to the mix.

>I'm willing to compromise and change myself, if it helps him accept them more, but I'm not cutting them off any soon.
this whole sentence
thanks for the laugh OP
hah

The rest of your post is deluded as fuck.

let me put this in words you light understand

You are asking an impossible question. You're basically coming here asking "how can I make a submarine fly?" Sorry - you can't. Part of being an adult means making exclusive choices.

You need to recognize the reality for what it is. Your question makes sense in fantasy, but not reality. Sorry-- the bf will never be comfortable with it and it's wrong of you to expect it. You have a choice to make, so make it.

Why are you making shit up?
My boyfriend doesn't have a "stance", he never asked me to cut them off. But I can tell he is uncomfortable and jealous, and I understand why.
I am willing to meet him in the middle, I'm asking what would be a good "middle" to help him be more comfortable.
I already said my boyfriend is a good guy and I love him a lot, I never said he needs to step up or shut up.

Chill, user, holy shit.

I’ve seen you use the word hyperprotective twice you fucking bimbo, it’s not a word. Stop being a whore who needs the emotional crutch of other men who are not your chosen significant other. Are you going to marry those men? Are those men your brothers? No. Then what the fuck are you doing! You have to see them all the time? If your boyfriend makes you happy focus on him and limit your friendships to a few phone calls a week to talk about your brother or something. You’re going to regret it s much, you sound like an air head

>, I'm asking what would be a good "middle" to help him be more comfortable.
Ask your boyfriend

>I'm asking what would be a good "middle" to help him be more comfortable.
Relationships function, in part, on sacrifices and compromises.

The thing about compromises is that everyone loses. So compromises only work for certain things, like what's for dinner, or where to take a vacation.

But other things, like this, only a sacrifice is a possible solution. Either you, or your boyfriend, will have to make the sacrifice. One of you will have to yield and change 100% while the other changes nothing.

>Chill
Then fuck off Jow Forums and go ask your boyfriend how to work through this with him instead of smearing him in front of Anonymous in the guise of getting advice. Or better yet, ask the two fellas what to do because they, too, are men and as long as you trust them they have your best interests at heart.

If you get why he's jealous, I guess I just wonder what the fuck you expect from Jow Forums. Miracle solutions, apparently, since you're pretty cavalier about dodging the responsibility of grabbing your fucking woman-nuts and talking about this whole kerfuffle with your boyfriend at great, exhaustive length.

Like you claim you love him, you claim you're not just playing the comparative game with them n' BF but you never really seem to quite jump the line of "actually doing something."

It is true. A man who expects me to do something that will make me miserable for his own gain is a man who doesn't care about my well being, and doesn't love me.
I'm willing to take many steps to make him happier, and compromise as much as I can, but if there's nothing I can do short to cutting my friends off to make him happy, I'd rather lose the relationship because we clearly have irreconcilable desires.

Again, you're the only one who is posing ultimatums, my boyfriend never has.
If he truly is miserable with me being friends with them, I'll break up with him. I'd rather take any other measure before breaking up with him.

>compromise is all or nothing
IS EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD SIXTEEN? HOLY SHIT
CAN WE JUST BURN THIS THREAD TO THE GROUND AND PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED HOLY SHIT

I wouldn't want my gf sleeping at other guys houses either, your bf's apprehension is completely normal. it's not normal for men and women to be extremely close friends with nothing more going on, either.

1) Life is not that simple. Even if someone is beilg selfish or hurts you, doesn't mean they don't love you. It's not black and white; Research split thinking.

2) You just confessed that these two buddies are more important than your relationship. no wonder he is uncomfortable. Anyway you obviously made your choice and it's clear to you -- now go do it

you don't need advice anymore. You answered your own question.

At this point, all you're asking is how to turn fantasy into reality. How to have your cake and eat it to.

to that I say: grow up

Dump him and accept the fact that it's going to be very difficult to find a man who is comfortable with your situation. Stop trying to change people and accept the consequences of your actions, no matter how "deserved" they may be.

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I said compromises OR sacrifices. Clean your glasses and read my post again.

>No, he doesn't like me. He is engaged.
Those two aren't mutually exclusive
Lots of people get married despite having a oneitis they can't get over

>He became hyperprotective
Then tell him he needs to stop
You're not a child and it's creepy

>smearing
I never said a bad word about my boyfriend, and defended him whenever someone called him bad words.

>ask the two fellas what to do because they, too, are men and as long as you trust them they have your best interests at heart
I don't want to ask them because I'm afraid it will make them see him negatively (as if he was trying to push me away from them), and it will upset my boyfriend to have my friends know about our problems.

I came here to ask for advice on how to make things better with him: how to talk to him about this without making him feel bad about himself, what compromises I should offer, what I can do to make things better for him, etc.

I can avoid doing that. I just hate driving back home late at night, so often just crash on the couch.
If it would make it better, I can stop doing that.

they aren't your friends, they are orbiting you.
He's right, and forcing ingeraction between them will cause more harm than good.
t.had an ex with annoying faggot 'friends'

>I don't want to ask them because I'm afraid it will make them see him negatively (as if he was trying to push me away from them)
so you're manipulating everybody

holy shit I'm just so glad you're not my girlfriend.

I think I'm gonna give my gf an extra kiss next time I see her just because I read your post.

>You just confessed that these two buddies are more important than your relationship
It is more complicated than that.
I don't want to put myself in a position where I keep hurting myself in order to make my partner happy. Been there, done that, ended up poorly.
If the only way to stay in the relationship is for me to be miserable, I'm ending the relationship.
I can love again, but I can't allow me to get hurt because I'm with someone who doesn't have my best interest at heart.

You have a very black and white thinking, to be honest. Take your own advice and grow up, maybe.

They aren't orbiting me, they're both in long term relationships and one is getting engaged soon.

How am I manipulating them by not even talking to them?
I wouldn't talk about how my boyfriend feels to them without asking my boyfriend first. It's just rude.

There was never anything remotely romantic or sexual between us. They treat me like a sister.

>Then tell him he needs to stop
I am open to doing this.
Should I talk about this with my boyfriend first, or just tell my friend to back off a bit?

Nothing you said here is anchored in reality. You live in a fantasy world. It's like, all you can see are your desires.

Like, logically I could obliterate everything you just said.

What other user said was good advice, ask your friends. Stop making excuses. Just ask them. Because they're men and at least they're tethered in reality.

Again you aren't asking for advice anymore, nor do you need it, because you got this sorted out over a dozen posts ago. You're just attention-seeking. Probably because your dazzling boyfriend isn't giving you enough attention, you have to settle for acting crazy in front of strangers instead.

It's a pity really. I hope you can find a man who loves you and gives you all the attention you need.

Well, thanks for your precious input then.
Have a nice day.

>How am I manipulating them by not even talking to them?
by not talking to him

>I wouldn't talk about how my boyfriend feels to them
That's not what user said.

Now I'm 100% sure you're just acting up for attention. Get help. maybe a therapist. You obviously have terrible relationships in your life.

>Have a nice day.
Thanks. I hope one day you manage to make a true friend. It'll be tough for someone like you, but I have faith. You seem like a very intelligent girl.

>I trust them but I don't
I don't... So you don't have enough faith in any of these people to help you?
Maybe the real problem here is that you're vastly overestimating your value to these people?? Eesh.

No, look, ya dumb bint, it's not GONNA be easy. The only 'way' is to directly address the elephant in the room. If it helps, imagine if he had two girls in the exact same position and then think of you having to confront that too. Maybe it'll help reason out the wording you need.

I don't get this. You're fucking downright infuriating. First it's
>You guys have no idea who any of them are!
Fair enough, then you go talk to them, but then
>I can't talk to any of them about it!
So like it sounds like either we were deadass on the money saying the problem is you for not directly confronting any of this, or you're just hosing everyone and one of these dudes is piping you and you're hoping we'll give you a great way to ditch heat. In which case sweaty, fuck this whole thread up and start again; moralfags are a fixture but people advise cheaters all the time. We're here to lend advice, even to amoral degenerates.
But unfortunately for you, while we can sometimes teach old dogs new tricks, we can't teach a dumb dog a single damn thing. Until you realize you DO HAVE TO talk to EVERYONE involved here, you're just another whiny misfired money shot after a couple hours of attention they somehow seem unable to get elsewhere.

This is your problem with the three of them. Talk it the fuck out and stop expecting everything in life to have an 'easy way out.' Some shit in life is tough, difficult, and unrewarding. But if you don't want to nut the fuck up, take responsibility and be held to your own account then why even get the boyfriend? Just drop him and find someone more on your subliminal-communication-level, since your poor boyfriend is apparently supposed to have just been diddly doo okay with you, despite no real conversing or compromising having happened.

user suggested me to talk to my friend and ask them for advice about how to make my boyfriend more comfortable with our friendship. That would be talking to my friends about how my boyfriend feels, which feels very rude to me and like I'm violating my boyfriend's privacy.
I am asking for advice about how to talk about this with my boyfriend, and what are compromises I could offer to make it easier for him.
I am very open to talking about this with him, I just want to do it in the best way possible.
The only people I consider friends are people who are involved in this situation, so I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

The best way possible is directly instead of looking for lies to cover everything up and you don't need Anonymous to tell you to treat literally any one of these three men like the adults I'm sure they fancy themselves, and instead you treat them like children who will bicker as soon as you name-drop one to the other.

You NEED to talk to both parties. It's pretty dishonest to have a problem that involves them and to just pretend you can sweep it all rugside without having to take accounts for what happened.

You act like, in virtually every way possible, of a high school student.

from an objective standpoint, if you have not cheated then he has nothing to worry about. You need to be honest with him and let him know these people are your family. They are not lovers. You cannot be expected to leave your family for a guy who may or may not be there in 6 months, a year, 2 years, etc. If these guys are your brothers, then they will be there for you when you need it.

Now, to talk to your BF about it, you may not have a chance for it to end well. If he already thinks of you as 'his' and thinks you should not be around these guys, he already does not trust you. Do you want to be in a relationship without trust? It won't last even if you say yes. I would say be honest and up front with him. stand your ground and do not waiver in your morals. You said it already:
>If the only way to stay in the relationship is for me to be miserable, I'm ending the relationship.
He needs to accept it and trust you, or you need to move on.

I can get into details if you want me to, but basically you can only do two things about this (other than stop being friends with those people, obviously):
>set some boundaries and try to understand what kind of interaction between you and other men he's comfortable with. You might be doing something he associates with romantic/sexual attraction with those guys. It would be best to just have a serious discussion with him about this.
>get closer to him. In order for him to stop being jealous he has to understand your way of thinking and feeling so that he knows you have no intention or desire to cheat on him on any way (which I'm assuming is the case). This takes some time and can only be done by experiencing extraordinary situations together and talking openly and honestly about things you find meaningful, important and interesting.

>compromises I could offer to make it easier for him.
I said this earlier, but perhaps I wasn't clear enough. This isn't something you can compromise on, this needs a sacrifice. Either by your, or him, it will have to be all and nothing.

Compromises are where both people give in, and works for many things, like choosing a holiday or something.

But when it comes to moral questions, it's fundamentally impossible to compromise. Only sacrifice is possible.

When problems arise in relationships, friendships, businesses, solutions are always either compromise or sacrifice.

You speak very well.

>You speak well
>Also (Me): you act like of a high school student
I appreciate your mercy no less.

I do trust them.
I think that it is disrespectful to take a problem my boyfriend has and bring it to the people my boyfriend has a problem with. I'd be betraying my boyfriend. I also don't want to risk making their relationship even worse by letting them know my boyfriend doesn't like them.

I'm willing to talk to everyone involved, I'm just asking for advice on how to go about it to make sure I don't fuck things up even further, and things that could help by boyfriend.

I don't even think you're reading anything I'm saying at this point. Just read the post above.
I'm willing to talk to everyone, I'm just asking for advice on how to go about it.

>I'd be betraying my boyfriend.
Not if they're you friends

Do you... do you have absolutely no concept of altruism?
>I also don't want to risk making their relationship even worse by letting them know my boyfriend doesn't like them.
Spoken like a true 11 year old girl;

Please, describe your boyfriend to me. I want to know what kind of man falls in love with someone like you.

Hey, idiot:

>little sister.

Ok this but this is strange? This is your fault 100%. Also protective of what ? Your bad decision making? How about you become independent and stop being a little girl?

Seems like a red flag that your bf is up to no good with you that he can't get along with your father figures.

based

It's her fault her ex was abusive?

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Yes, even if they're my friends.
If my boyfriend confides to me about how he feels, and I go behind his back and tell the people he has an issue with "hey, my boyfriend has an issue with you, what should I do?" without his explicit consent, I'm betraying my boyfriend.

Thank you very much. I might find a better balance, I'm very much willing to.

He never said anything to the degree of "don't be around them", I mostly can tell he's uncomfortable because of the way he talks about my friendship with them. I can tell he's a little upset.
I just prefer trying to work to improve things, since both my relationship and my friendship are important to me.
Thank you anyway.

I'm pretty done reading your posts considering that despite literally everyone in this thread but you saying the same thing, you're finding a way to dodge your responsibility.

The sheer grace and expertise with which you move between your justifications and sidelong evasions of your responsibility to your lover and friends suggests to me that this isn't the first of your accounts you've up and walked out on.

You have so little trust in any of these people that mentioning the jealousy causes all this shit to play out in your head. Bury your fucking anxiety and talk to your fucking boyfriend. I am done hearing your rebuttals because you know what the sad truth is? Chicks like you get oneupped very easily and it wouldn't shock me to hear that you leave this for another two weeks only to have some girl convince him the only reason you'd stay shut-trap about this is because you have something to hide. And with as few magic words as 'she has something to hide,' she can get you out of the picture easy.

Sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him, not Jow Forums. Enough of your excuses and justification: fuck off and be the adult you are feverishly pretending to be here.

Now stop fuxking justifying yourself to anonymous strangerd on the internet, whom you owe nothing to, and talk to your boyfriend.

She won't. She is too dumb and dishonest to just bring the topic up and discuss it like a god damned adult.

Like a kid, she wants there to be 'a way.'

>How do I talk to my boyfriend about this thing?
>JUST TALK TO HIM
>Ok but how?
>STOP ASKING FOR ADVICE JUST TALK TO HIM

I give up.

If you've had sex with either of your "friends", you're in the wrong and your boyfriend is justified, and you should minimize contact with your friends out of respect for your boyfriend.

If you haven't had sex with your friends, there's nothing to worry about and you should tell your boyfriend you are not sexually attracted to either friend and that he needs to trust you. You've gone this long without ever having sex with one of them so he has nothing to worry about. They were there before him and he needs to learn to get along.

Your boyfriend should almost always come first though. If he wants to spend time with you and you ever tell him no so you can go hang out with your guy friends, expect turmoil.

I never had sex with my friends. I'd never keep in touch with someone I had sex with if I was in a relationship.
I spend 5 days a week with him and one day with my friends, normally. Unless I have something special to do with either of them, the days are pretty fixated.

Anyway, I'm leaving the thread. I'm calling my therapist, talking to her, and then talking to my boyfriend.
Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to give my advice.

OP trust me that this is a dominance thing and he's just worried he might get cucked. There's absolutely no other reason he would give a shit unless they were drug dealers or a similar bad influence. If they're nice guys and your closest friends and don't wanna bang you then I wouldn't give a fuck and neither should he.

Wew.
>
>, I'm asking what would be a good "middle" to help him be more comfortable.
This is something you wrote, by the way.

Sounds like they are your family, your brothers. But since you're not related, are you 100% sure they don't have any sexual/romantic feelings for you? Because then I could understand why your boyfriend doesn't want them around. But if not, and they really can't work it out for your sake, I would have to ask how serious you are with your boyfriend. Do you want to marry this guy?

One of them is engaged and they're probably both Old. Seems more like they're mentors through her father's death.

Look this is simple, men want to fuck you. You think they don't, but it's because they have supressed it.

Your BF knows this, your male friend know this. It's almost like a rule of nature, female-male non romantic relationships (outside of work) it's simply bullshit.

Have you also considered that you might been using those guyfriends as crutchs?

DIRECTLY YOU DUMB BITCH
DIRECTLY
DIRECTLY
DIIIIIREEECCCTLYYYYYY
YOU ARE AN ADULT. FUCKING ACT LIKE IT YOU GOD DAMN CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENT.

you sit, smile see him in the eyes
>user i know this situation has been bothering you... look i don't want to end my friendships with them
>i acknowledge your feelings (say what you think are your feelings)
>I recognise... (say what you perceive)
>I know this make you insecure and i want to assure you, you are the man of my life
>We can talk about ways we can spend more time together so you don't feel like left out, i won't force you to hang with them outside birthdays
>i love you boyfriend
>proceeds to close the deal with physical intimacy (sex or just hugging, depends on your bf libido)
>I love you boyfriend

That's how I, at least, would like this no win situation for me pan out.

It's kind of hard to break it to him.
But your male friends have 7+ years of relationship building that he doesn't have and will have to catch up to.

this. it's really out of the ordinary for men and women to have close friendships with no romantic feelings going on. it's only natural he's suspicious.

Give us an update of this. I want to know the aftermath.
Is he going to compromise and finally accept it and trust you fully on this or you're going to break up with him because as you mentioned you're ready to love again but don't want to miserably suffer yourself anymore.

This 100%. No self respecting man would be comfortable with his woman spending time with male "friends" on the regular, let alone sleeping over, that's just insanity. I know it's crude, but these men want to sleep with you. It doesn't matter if they've been married 20+ years and blah blah blah, men are simply wired this way. Male/female platonic relationships are incredibly rare, and I'm sure you're thinking you're the exception. But even if you are that rare exception, using these men as an emotional crutch will naturally set a divide between you and any romantic interest. Like the tripfag said, you have to make a choice between the two. You can't have both. No man worth his salt is gonna play second fiddle to that shit.

Got it. Sounds like they're protecting her.

This, "bf" is just a term and doesn't make him more important than ur friends, in the end if it comes to him making u choose, it'd be better to choose the people that have supported u through everything.

This desu. Men and women can be friends and not act upon the romantic interest but it doesn't mean it isn't there a lot of the time.

Your friends want to fuck you. Your boyfriend knows this. You clearly don't see it.

>TL;DR - My boyfriend is pretty jealous of two of my male friends
>They've been by my side while I was grieving, and we're incredibly close emotionally. They know stuff about me no one else knows. I've slept at their house basically every weekend over the last 7 years, we lived together for a while, we travel together. I talk to them daily. They're super sweet to me and love me to bits.

My longest friendship is with my best friend, I've been friends with him for 24 years. I haven't lived with him or travelled with him, I don't speak to him every day, I don't stay at his more than once a year when our circle of friends gets together.
Your boyfriend is uncomfortable because you are doing things with guys that are usually reserved for lovers, chances are you have told them things he wouldn't be happy with you telling them, he thinks without a doubt that they are interested in you, have done things with you or that they are influencing your opinions on things not limited to him.
I'll also take a stab in the dark and ask if you interrupt talking to him/spending time with him to chat to your friends? ("but they are my best friends, they helped when my brother died")

Failing that, sit down with him (not with your guy best friends who you lived with, stay with and chat to every day) and ask what is up, don't invoke your dead brother, listen to his complaints... you might just learn something.

fuck your friends make a video and show it to him, this will put him in his place and you can assert dominance over the relationship

Dump your boyfriend if he’s uncomfortable with it after you explain this shit to him

He’s not worth your time if he’s an insecure beta that cant accept different guys and girls being close without an overtly sexual element. He’s a cuck if he cant get over that deep bond you’ve forged and not worth your time

It's unnatural for guys and girls to be best friends to the degree you explain and not become lovers at some point. It doesn't matter if you do or don't, any potential long term relationship you have has every right to feel this way.

I also get the feeling that you're not letting on nearly as much as you say you are as well.

He's not jealous, he's probably going from experience, I know I would be.

Think this is little bitch boi syndrome? go watch Hodgetwins, they'll say the same thing and they're monster men

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...... are your friends... single? if yes... well... you... are a monster.

Man, OP, dont listen to these fucking beta ass cucks in this thread

If you’re Bf respects you he needs to understand you have deep connections to these people. You mfs are so insecure, I’ve got a girlfriend, she spends time with good male friends. And if she cheating fuck it, that’s on her, I’ll man up accept it and move on. Fucking nerds.

>He's hyperprotective and hated all the guys I dated.
Nip this in the bud, it's one thing for your boyfriend to be overzealous about you hanging out with other guys but it doesn't sound like he's the problem here like you made it sound in the original post. You have two close guy friends who he associates with eachother, one of them acts hostile towards your boyfriend. what is he supposed to think? Your friend is way overstepping his boundaries and you need to let him know that. For christ sakes you are a grown woman, you are capable of making your own judgements on character without him whiteknighting.

>For christ sakes you are a grown woman, you are capable of making your own judgements on character
Seriously though, she's probably just doing all this for the attention

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Kill him. Then kill your 2 friends. Then kill your mother. Then kill your father. Then kill yourself.

>we're incredibly close emotionally. They know stuff about me no one else knows. I've slept at their house basically every weekend over the last 7 years, we lived together for a while, we travel together. I talk to them daily. They're super sweet to me and love me to bits.
Frankly, I'd rather give advice to your boyfriend instead. He should leave you and find someone else.

So have you fucked them before? Or done anything sexual with them? Be honest.