I've been with my girl for about 4 years and she's been steadily gaining weight. I love her a lot and I've been patient with her and coaching her to do better which she appreciates. However, it's getting to the point where it's affecting our sex life and I'm becoming self conscious when we are in public together.
We don't live near each other right now so I cant see what she eats but she tells me she cut all snacks and she has a well rounded meal (and only drinks water and coffee). And swims twice a week for 45 minutes. Which I believe.
But nothing is working... She looks exactly the same if not a little worse and every day its harder to be supportive, I think she has a hormone problem which is even worse.
I know being mean/blaming her is the worse thing to do but Im getting to the point where I only go out with her at night or we just stay home. I'm disgusted in myself...
Has anyone gone through a similar situation? What did you guys do?
You can't take attraction, especially long term. Also having children with an overweight woman can seriously lower the IQ of the baby, as well as cause autism.
You should build up her self esteem in other ways woot encouraging her to eat well and exercise. If she can't, I would cut my losses and find another partner
John Hernandez
it is likely she is not being honest with herself or you about how much exactly she is eating. calories really aren't something you should ballpark when seriously trying to lose weight. swimming twice a week isn't that much exercise either.
t. used to be huge fatass
Nathan Thomas
Have you taken her to a doctor? if it's a hormone issue then you absolutely should.
Also, how much weight has she gained? If she's gained something like 10-20 lbs over 4 years then you're being ridiculous. But if it's something like 50-100 then it's fair to be concerned.
Levi Richardson
> Have you taken her to a doctor? if it's a hormone issue then you absolutely should.
This. Does she take the pill ?
Luke Gonzalez
>Also having children with an overweight woman can seriously lower the IQ of the baby, as well as cause autism.
sauce?
What other ways can I do build her up? I honestly think she's very motivated to do it... She even said she would lose the weight otherwise she wouldn't want to take the relationship to the next level.
Jaxon Campbell
I posted this book earlier, really great for everyone to r read, powerful and fast acting advice
if i lost attraction for my partner, i would leave them. im not attracted to laziness or fat
Jonathan Hernandez
If it's a hormone problem that's easy to fix. Just get it diagnosed and you'll get the meds you need.
If it's not a hormone problem (in 99% of cases it's not), you need to decide whether she's worth it.
Eli Torres
Yeah, we have been to a doctor. Her doctor said she may have a hormone issue but we don't know for sure until she takes the tests which she can't afford (most likely she's too scared). She gets super hairy fast and shit so I wouldn't be surprised.
it's around 40-45lbs No pill It's not but she works full time and stays at work longer than she should and it's something to start off with. maybe next week I'll ask her to bump it to 3 times. I've asked her about apps that count calories but she's bad with routine
Jason Evans
dump and get a new one
Aaron Adams
She’s lying about her diet.
Eli Reed
Convince her that she is doing it for herself, to be healthy. And inspire her. Tell her you want to spend as much time with her as you can - if you get married someday you want to grow old with her and have her be healthy.
It's likely because she is lying about her diet or she's doing something wrong but she doesn't even know what it is.
Thanks user, I’ll send her that link. I really can’t imagine her lying to me about her diet At all.
Gabriel Kelly
swimming is a really high impact form of exercise, but exercise in general doesn't burn very many calories so doing it that much isn't likely to make much of a difference in terms of weight loss.
Grayson Wilson
i doubt she's lying about her diet, but she should be logging her calories in an app. sometimes what we think of as "healthy" food options are more calorie dense than "unhealthy" alternatives. logging calories will surprise you.
Jason Scott
I see the weight gain happen to most couples
Parker Wright
what's her job? exercise directly doesn't, but doing weights + cardio frequently will raise your metabolism pretty fast.
Leo White
metabolism is mostly a meme. everyone's is more or less the same.
Andrew Thompson
what? you definitely raise your metabolism by doing what i said, it doesn't stay the same for everyone. if your ass is sitting in the couch all day, you're burning less.
Anthony Harris
yes, because you're less active. not because of your metabolism.
Bentley Rogers
Fucking this.
Angel Howard
45 minutes of exercise twice a week isn't that much
Caleb Wright
weights + cardio keep your metabolism up for longer even when you aren't exercising tho. thats were you really burn the extra calories.
Benjamin Bennett
>I think she has a hormone problem which is even worse.
No such thing, user dont fall for it.
She has to eat less calories, no need to go to the gym/swim whatever, you entered a relationship in a situation right? well she just unilaterally changed it, without justification, you don't have to reason it for her. At best you could recommend her to do keto, she can keep eating salty/greasy snacks but no carbs. If shes the kind of person who rather eat sweets, it's over, she needs to it by herself.
Sorry man, i don't know your age but im 27 now and i have been in one relationship when things changed without being my fault, tried my best to return it to the state it once was, but no avail. It's something the other part has to do by herself.
Dylan Reyes
An update if anyone cares, I told her that there hasnt really been a change in a couple of months and that it's probably a hormone issue.
I asked to pay half for the tests and she got pretty pissed off and defensive. I got a little annoyed too because I wanted to help. But she told me its her problem and she's sorting it out...
She's now blocked me...I think the relationship is probably coming to an end
Owen Thomas
For the majority of people not eating those calories to start with is simpler than spending time burning them off after.
Austin Flores
Watch the weight melt off when you two split because she will obviously feel like shit and actually do something abd lose it and bang a dude just to spite you. Ignore that when it happens its normal.
Camden Rivera
Probably both better off.
Liam Brown
That would honestly piss me off so much if she did that. It would be hard for me to ignore.
William Fisher
What you need to do is realize youre a dickhead. Reread your post and notice how all the problems you listed are self centered. Youre a selfish prick. Right now thicc is in and i would treat your thicc gf like a fucking queen
Oliver Robinson
She was always eating crap and lying to you about it
Jose Scott
>but she tells me she cut all snacks and she has a well rounded meal (and only drinks water and coffee). And swims twice a week for 45 minutes.
you'd believe her if she shat out twin niglets and said jesus must have impregnated her
blaming her or being mean will force her to turn even harder to her cope which is pigging the fuck out, I know that much
tell her she's important to you, and tell her she's got issues making her turn to food and lie to you, but she's not that important if she keeps on making you feel shit and being comfortable lying to you, that you'll just drop her
>right now thicc is in Cool, so you base your attraction to women off memes. Well done.
>i would treat your thicc gf like a fucking queen And you admit you're so desperate for a woman that you'd worship some fat chick who doesn't even respect herself, much less you. Good work, user.
Michael Sanchez
You're fucking up trying to passively making her do things YOU want. This is her choice to make not yours. You are not being supportive, you're just pushing her into doing things. That's why she feels attacked. This is her choice and it's her problem to fix, you either accept it or move on with your life. You wanna be supportive? Be there for her if she needs you. Tell her when you believe she looks good. Help her feel okay with herself so mentally and physically she is able to find what's best for her.
Charles Edwards
People can think they're eating well rounded meals but they're well over their calorie amount. I'm working on weight loss right now and it's fucking me up too because I need under 1300 calories a day to actually lose weight. That is not a lot of food unless all you eat is salad - and that shit's boring.
When a lot of women hit a certain age, their metabolism does slow and they need to adjust their diets to reflect that. The only thing that works for me is eating two meals a day instead of 3, and being meticulous about snacking.
It could be hormonal, especially since you mentioned hair, but realize that is also quite rare.
Wyatt Rogers
>having children with an overweight woman can seriously lower the IQ of the baby You're confusing correlation with causation. Being overweight correlates with having a lower education, which correlates (but doesn't cause or depend on) having a lower IQ, which correlates with producing lower IQ babies. If you and your partner are genious but fat fucks, your babies are likely to become genious fat fucks, too.
Brody Walker
totally agree, that's how i lost all my weight, but the reality is most people don't have that kind of discipline and need to exercise to supplement themselves she's been lying to about her eating habits my man, sorry you had to find out like that
Hudson Russell
honestly one of the biggest things that gave me more empathy for women was realizing how very little they have to eat if they want to lose weight or maintain weight. i couldn't do it.
Evan Flores
>I think she has a hormone problem she doesn't. everyone uses this excuse, but the truth is, those people with that problem are rarer than unicorns
Bentley Anderson
>Has anyone gone through a similar situation? What did you guys do?
I guess I have. My wife is easily the least attractive woman I've been with and she's pretty overweight.
What do I do about it? Well, nothing, because I'm a functioning adult man. We cook together, eat well, exercise together, and what keeps me fit and athletic (a friend and I do maybe 2-3 marathons a year) sees her lose maybe ~5 lbs one month and gain ~5 lbs another. Best guess from the doctors is that she has an oxygen intake problem while sleeping and her body thinks its suffocating and shuts her metabolism down.
However, again, as a functioning adult man, I don't care about her weight. She's the smartest, most loveing / caring, thoughtful, and funny woman I've ever met. I won the damn lottery.
When I read things like: >I only go out with her at night or we just stay home. I'm disgusted in myself... >harder to be supportive >it's getting to the point where it's affecting our sex life and I'm becoming self conscious when we are in public together.
All just sounds like you are the problem user. You sound like a child, and at that point just break up and find someone else once you've grown up. You're not going to be the same person at 25 as you are now, so no real loss. You two are likely going to grow up to be different people anyway.
One question for you though: How overweight is she? Like height/weight? Unless you through out something _staggering_ the problem definitely sounds like: You're just a shitty boyfriend.
