I don't want to be friends with my ex anymore - do I just slowly ghost her, or just say it upfront to her? I'm in touch with my ex and we're on good terms, but we pretty don't talk at all, unless I initiate a conversation. When we were together, she was like my best friend and we used to talk about anything and everything. Now, I still feel comfortable talking to her, but there's some things I don't talk to her about - my dating life, my sex life, our past relationship, and pretty much anything else that you don't really talk to your ex about. She never bothers starting a conversation, and quite often she'll take literal days or a week to respond after dropping off mid conversation for no reason. Despite all this, she keeps saying she "really values me as a person" and would like to stay friends, but makes absolutely no effort on her part to be friends. Because of this, I can't be bothered to put up with a one-sided friendship, especially when I don't get anything out of it.
I don't want to be friends with my ex anymore - do I just slowly ghost her, or just say it upfront to her...
if you start conversations ghost her.
if she starts convs be upfront
I feel ya man. In a similar boat. I fucked things up with my ex. So its expected there's some resentment from her end.
I would just occupy yourself with other things/people. Easier said than done though
I've just started not talking to her at all and giving blunt replies or ghosting her if she does respond. Thing is, I could do this for ages and she probably wouldn't notice because we talk so little to the point where we don't talk at all.
I figured just saying I don't see the point in being friends anymore, but being all upfront and making a thing of it seems quite dramatic and unnecessary - kind of like announcing to everyone that you're leaving a party because you think it's lame.
It sounds like the classic case of someone who wants to maintain a "friendship" with their ex in order to feel better about themselves, but who doesn't want to deal with any of the emotional involvement that being friends actually entails.
I'd just let her feel better about herself by maintaining minimal contact, but realize that she doesn't really want to know about your life in ways that are more significant than acquaintances who have a complicated past.
Listen to Gotye and Adele, and cry a little, and just let it go.
Pic related looks hot, if that has anything to do with anything.
>wants to maintain a friendship with their ex in order to feel better about themselves
From my side, or hers?
I originally wanted to stay friends, which was back when I was still getting over her and I thought there might be a chance of getting back together - typically breakup withdrawal thoughts. I got over her. We met up once or twice since then and it was nice, but I realised that we don't talk at all, and there's no real "friendship" or anything of value that comes with it.
I got over her ages ago, so I don't feel the need to cry or let go. But I did keep thinking why she said she wanted to stay friends, but then put no effort in whatsoever in actually doing so. My mistake for taking a woman at face value.
Pic related is not my ex, but a woman called Maxine Lucille. She used to be on a YouTube channel called Linus Tech Tips, so you might find more of her there if you want.
Silent ghosting is ALWAYS the rude and cowardly way out.
"Seeing you brings up too many bad memories" at least creates closure and has the bonus of allowing her to interpret it as a compliment if she wants
Straight up just ghost her. Dont even do it slowly. Just block her and get over it
But it doesn't bring up bad memories. She's just not being a good friend and I don't see the point in carrying on. My first thought would be to be mature about it and just tell her what I think. But ghosting would be the less dramatic option
>Thing is, I could do this for ages and she probably wouldn't notice because we talk so little to the point where we don't talk at all.
Does she need to notice? Just never respond, or better yet, just block her and get it over with.
My ex wanted to stay friends after he cheated on me. The fucking balls on some people, ya know?
Sociopaths tend to want to keep some form of control in all situations. By staying friends, there's still some control that they have in regards to you and that's basically what it's all about. Damage control by being "freeeeeens"
Dump her. Straight up tell her that you're not comfortable being her friend and that you'd like space. Delete everything in your contacts and email and social media and whatever. Cut and carve every piece of her fat from your life that you can. Tell her to leave you alone and that you're not interested and then close and lock that door. Don't half-way this shit. Be solid and firm.
It hurts to do this. I mean, this was probably your best friend and deepest lover at one point, so it's not an easy task to do this completely, but you really really should. Once it's done and over with and the scars begin to scab over and heal, you're going to feel much better and you're also going to see the kinds of freedoms that this has given you. She is not your girlfriend anymore. You do not owe her a single fucking thing. Not your time, not your money, not your emotional investments, not your fucks, nothing. She deserves what she's getting in life and you deserve peace and happiness.
She's got asian horse face.
Dude, you are being a faggot. Let it fade away and die of natural causes. Don't try to force anything. It sounds like that is what she is doing. You don't need to go out of your way to be a dick or fuck things even worse by being nice. This shit takes time and then you may be propper friends or you dont need to. You gonna be alive for twenty more years? Do you require lifelong enemies? "Ghosting" is a verb. That would be doing something.. just be good and do nothing.
Based
You are giving too much value to a person who's your friend but doesn't really care how you are.
To me it sounds like you both have an anxiety issue, you can confirm this by not talking to her for a long period of time, she will talk to you and it will be the greatest convo you had for her, you will even consider going back.
But do you know what will happen? you will talk to her again and she will act the same. We all have mental issues, you gotta be in charge of yours.
In my opinion, as an user in internet, there is no such thing as a healthy relationship with an ex. I don't see the point because friendship, as an adult, should be extremely selective, life gets harder and you have less time.
>To me it sounds like you both have an anxiety issue
Could you elaborate?
Jesus, are you me?
I recently got dumped by my ex too and I also got the usual spiel of "I love you as a person, you are important to me, I want you to be in my life still" etc. etc.
Yet now that she managed to find herself a girl to fuck, she's exactly like that: Little to no effort to communicate, complains she's sick and busy (but not too busy to constantly update her Instagram?) and so on.
And like you said, even after ignoring her, she'd probably not even notice.
Damnit, now I am getting pissed off even more just thinking about it.
Just get on with your life and find other people to be friends with. She probably won't talk to you again unless shes in a dry spell or something.
Difference between you and me is that we broke up nearly two years ago, so don't expect much to change.
Like said, it seems like she just wants to stay "friends" to feel better about herself. Some people (my ex included) use it as coping mechanism because they never truly have to "let go" and cut their ex out of their life even though it would be better.
Looking at this from someone else's perspective other than my own, it seems a lot easier to look at things objectively. In our case, it would make more sense to just not say anything and let it go gently into that good night. If she asks or starts bitching about how "we never talk anymore" then be upfront and speak your mind.
>dry spell
And what, booty call me? Or just use me as an emotional tampon?
I think you should be careful about projecting your feelings about your own situation onto anothers, especially when he has made it clear his situation is miles different than yours. I can see by your reply you're pretty hurt, even if you can't see that. He should probably just stop talking to her at all. No need to make it some big deal, just simply stop talking.
>i don't want to be friends with my ex anymore
>but we don't talk unless i start the conversation
Wow, gee, how can user ever find his way out of this one?
She would ghost you in a heartbeat if she needed to, and here you are asking if you should.
He's right, she's using OP as a plan b you idiot.
>Ghosting
>Ever
Just be upfront about how you feel and then say you don't want to hold up the contact anymore. There's a certain baseline for how to treat people and ghosting lies below that.
>Speaking with an ex
dude. relationships can only go forwards, not backwards.
After u date u can't go back to being friends. Just doesn't work.
If u end a relationship, unfortunately it also means u can never talk to them again.
It sounds like you’re the only one starting convos so it would be weird for you to be the one to be like “I don’t want to continue our friendship”. Just stop reaching out to her and it will accomplish your aim.
it's annoying and exhausting being in a one sided friendship. I hate it. Just let it die naturally and if she ever brings it up(she won't), just be honest with her.
Go to a therapist and ask why you are still obsessed with an ex partner
One of those or both. If this happens try to fuck her asap so you don't have to tolerate being a emotional tampon.
I'm not still obsessed with her, I couldn't care less. Frankly, she annoys the hell out of me but I don't want to be stupid about it.
Only reason I'd consider fucking her is to see if I can just for the sake of power play, and to cuck her current boyfriend. Other than that, I'm not that interested in fucking - seems like unnecessary baggage and it doesn't come across great in future relationships.
Fuck being someone's emotional tampon.