She gave up

I'm still shocked.

For the first 4 months everything was perfect.

We laughed so much , our sexual chemistry was awesome, compatible personalities, shared interest and hobbies.

But we had a few disagreements , small ones. But she's always cried like it was the end of the world.

It kept escalating in severity and it culminated in her becoming critical of me, me saying I'm walking on egg shells, her saying all her ex's say that, that she has mental health issues and is unlovable and a relationship with her is not worth it. I reasured her and tried to connect but she kept pushing me away.

And two weeks later dumps me - saying she doesn't wanna work through things about me that anger her - I'm very extroverted and I take social risks with humor that can be risky but it pays off most of the time as I quickly build relationships and social circles. It's how I met her.

She told me I've made her friends uncomfortable at times and EVEN though they've never said anything , or displayed any body language and would continue to laugh and talk with me,( and they still really like me)that my social approach to people is unacceptable to her and she doesn't wanna work through it.

Boom over

The weird thing is she recently cut out a large chunk of her social circle and they've been inviting me out even though I'm not with my ex anymore - making me think her friends really do like me.

You might guess correctly she's a typical liberal "sjw"

I just have a hard time believing she'd not try to work through things, as she said no ones ever treated her as well, our sexual chemistry was amazing and all her friends and family like me. We had so much chemistry.

She tried to work things out with a heroin junkie. She tried to work things out with a verbally and emotionally abusive person. But me, she's not interested in working it out.

Why? I thought we had something special.

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Why is it that hard to accept rejection? It's not your problem. Check your ego. She's doing you a favor - if every ex said that about get then it's probably true

sounds like a crazy bitch who's showing plenty of symptoms of borderline personality disorder
she just did you a favour. can't you see that?

>I just have a hard time believing she'd not try to work through things
you must be young. loads of people pursue self-destructive paths, aware on some level they are self-destructive. this chick sounds like a nut bar, and you sound inexperienced - she is doing you a favour.

i am a girl in this kind of relationship. he's the kind of guy who makes friends quickly but polarizes people, he makes inappropriate jokes that some people love (others hate).

the thing is that when you're like that, and people love you, often it's very easy for them to love you because it's a breath of fresh air and it's funny. it's probably why she got with you.

but you expect more after a while. you want someone who pays attention to how you're feeling. someone who alters their content based on your feelings and sensitivities and your feedback.

someone who is focused on always being 100% unabashedly themselves is often doing so at the expense of other people. yes, her friends probably really like you, but you've probably hurt their feelings or done something to piss them off. of course her friends don't care because they're not dating you, they're not going to carry it around with them, they'll want to meet up with you again. if they were dating you it might make them crazy, but they're not.

but when it comes to long term relationships, you often want something that makes you feel at home. something easy. someone who takes your feelings and reactions into consideration.

also it's more socially adept to only be unabashedly yourself when you know the person can handle it. so you escalate slowly and pay attention to their reactions. i've noticed people like you tend to skip this part for the sake of being "real" but they're really just being inconsiderate of others. you can be "real" with people once you're sure they can handle it, while staying considerate of those who aren't into it.

i guess my only piece of advice is going forward, with the next woman, continue being yourself but try to realize when to back off and not to go from 0-100 with strangers because it can be off putting and unattractive.

>but you expect more after a while
Why? Going into a relationship expecting people to change is always a terrible idea.

>someone who alters their content based on your feelings and sensitivities and your feedback.
So, in essence, someone who kowtows to suit your needs? Will you at least meet him in the middle and try to understand that he's just being jovial? It is only fair, after all.

> you often want something that makes you feel at home. something easy. someone who takes your feelings and reactions into consideration.
Sure, but these are not mutually exclusive with making crass jokes, especially if those jokes are not at your expense.

I agree with the idea of not showing your power level to people instantly, as it is indeed offputting to some individuals, but knowing that a person is like this and going forward when you dislike it seems intensely self-destructive.

Yes I see that, I just thought that she was smart enough and motivated enough by how special out relationship was to work on her issues. I was willing to be there.
Cuz we were together 8 months and said I love you
I am inexperienced how can you tell? This was my 2nd relationship.
The only clear feed back she gave me was "i don't like how you are socially because I think you upset other people " none of those people talked to her or me about it. I remember she said I offended her brother with something particular I said, so I told her maybe I did even tho i see no signs i did. I checked in with him - he had no clue what i was talking about and looked at me like i was a loon

Feed back phrased as "you're bothering other people but, they won't tell you or me unless we really dig and sometimes you didn't offend them it turns out.- but still change a fundamental part of your personality"

I assume it was resonable to be hesitant about this feed back.

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it's not about going into a relationship expecting people to change, it's about going into a relationship and having fun, but then realizing your partner isn't meeting your needs. then you communicate that to them and they can either accommodate you or leave. she chose to leave.

that's a valid criticism of you. you upset other people. it's not an attractive trait, it's extremely offputting and scary to see many others disapprove of your mate because it signals there is something wrong with your choice, even if you like them. it indicates a red flag.

Instead of treating women like intelligent, emotional creatures with thoughts and feelings that need love, treat them like retarded children. Your life will become much easier.

Yeah OP listen to that one guy on Jow Forums who calls the people he fucks retarded children. Clearly a man who's got his life together.

>
>that's a valid criticism of you. you upset other people. it's not an attractive trait, it's extremely offputting and scary to see many others disapprove of your mate because it signals there is something wrong with your choice, even if you like them. it indicates a red flag.

This is a fundamental flaw with women. They allow others to influence their relationships. As a man, if I truly like a woman, nothing anyone ever says would change my mind otherwise, because I am confident in my decision to choose a mate. Whereas women desperately cling to social hierarchy, basing their partners worth on his societal value. The more other women want to be with your mate, or compliment your mate, or laugh at your mates jokes or look up to your mate; the more a woman will be attracted to her partner.

Women allow themselves to be manipulated, and that's why you should ignore their feelings or concerns, because in a hour it won't matter anymore. They'll forgive and forget and move onto the next thing. Just like a child, all you need to do is humor them. Lie to them, manipulate them. You can bullshit a woman for her entire life and she'll never question you because she wants to believe in the bullshit. So fuck it, you can only invite problems into your life being truthful and honest to a woman, so just lie and manipulate your way into their holes.

If you ever feel like you're walking on eggshells with who you're dating: get the fuck out, fast. Or you'll have to continue to tip toe.

I've even had friendships like this, and I similarly leave. You can't even seem to tell what will set them off and it isn't fair to us.

I do have my life together. I've been in a relationship for 5 years. We live in our own apartment. We both make decent money. I drive a nice car, work out and have a pretty secure existence. Obviously treating women like retarded children was hyperbole, but in essence that is what it boils down to. Treat a girl like everything will always be ok, tell her that you love her no matter what, embellish your relationship with laughter and happiness and fun, lie to her constantly about what you truly think and you will have a very successful relationship.

it's not a fundamental flaw with woman. a fundamental flaw with men is thinking that because they would do x, that x is objectively the right thing to do.

it's not about social value. it's about crowdsourcing opinions. it's about knowing that sometimes others know better.

it's like that saying where if you meet an asshole then ok, but if you go around and everyone you meet is an asshole the problem is probably with you. if many people you meet have a problem with him there's probably something wrong, maybe it's something that could end up jeopardizing you, your kids, or your family in the future. men are the #1 threat to women, and women are most likely to be murdered while pregnant.

it's like going to a job interview and getting vouchers for someone's character before hiring them.

it's funny that you say:

>Women allow themselves to be manipulated, and that's why you should ignore their feelings or concerns, because in a hour it won't matter anymore

when you're trying to manipulate women into thinking their feelings are worthless and that you're so much better. you're an idiot, probably just bitter at all the women who saw your red flags that you had to settle for someone too retarded to see it and too meek to accept others' opinion. big man you are lmfao.

>that's a valid criticism of you.
didn't say it wasn't. i have no problem validating feelings
> you upset other people.
Everyone does, that's the risk in honest communication.Someone who puts on a mask to keep the peace is pretty much universally distrusted.


> it's not an attractive trait, it's extremely offputting and scary to see many others disapprove of your mate

no one did tho. No one came up to her or me and said something like we don't like him, or we don't wanna hang with you because of him.

1) Who hasn't said something that has made someone "uncomfortable"? That's just a basic result of human interaction.

2) How is it off putting if no one has been "offput"? None of them don't wanna hangout with me, none of them have voiced a complaint to me and only to her when prompted vaguely. She basically cut off from most friends and they hit me up still.


>it's not about going into a relationship expecting people to change, it's about going into a relationship and having fun, but then realizing your partner isn't meeting your needs. then you communicate that to them and they can either accommodate you or leave. she chose to leave.

there was no communication - just
hey i think people have a problem with you
>what makes you think that? are their signals i'm missing or has anyone said anything?
no
>ok well if that's where you're coming from im having a hard time adjusting for people who haven't indicated they'd like me to adjust
-she asks her friends if i've "ever said something that has made them uncomfortable"
- they say "uhh ya i guess but no big deal he's really cool and we love being friends with him"
her- so my friends said you did make them uncomfortable in some way . its over

That's not fair communication. That's not love. Love is about accepting someone. No ones perfect. I accept that there's things that need to be worked out but she just dipped.

I have to reluctantly agree with this user. If OP were so self-absorbed that he couldn't hear criticism, she'd become his fanatical defender. OP tries to be the bigger man, and she treats it as weakness. The way the system is set up makes me sick sometimes.

>4 months
I'm figuring how to lay nearly a decade of connection to rest.
If four months is all it takes, life is going to fuck you hollow.

You guys HAVE TO GET OVER THIS SHIT with just a bit more gumption. Life gets so much fucking worse and you don't even god damn know.

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>"crowdsourcing opinions" because you have bad judgment
>said bad judgment is why you picked a bad partner

This fairy tale idea that men can be like prince charming is so childish. Your interpretation of a good partner is simply a man that's great at manipulation, because what you are looking for doesn't exist. Carefree and fun men who are supportive and kind and funny know nothing about the harsh reality that is the real world. They are fruitless men, destined to drift through life not knowing accomplishment or success, because success means a level of ruthlessness. The best leaders and the best men have a dark side to them, so they can act as foul and ruthless as their opponent is when neccesary. They have to be practical about the world and the dangers it possesses. Women do not give a single shit about any of this, they just want the fun carefree funny popular guy, so we must pretend to be him out of necessity.

You drew some really comical conclusions about me when in reality I've been manipulating women successfully for years. My girlfriend is retarded, yes, because she is like any other woman that falls for the manipulation.

>it's about knowing that sometimes others know better.
How could they, if they don't know him as well as you do? You, by definition, know him better. Similarly, distaste doesn't mean something is objectively wrong with somebody if they simply don't mesh with the crowd; for instance, pretend you're a gay man and your partner is flamboyant and you live in rural Alabama. Does that mean there is something wrong with your partner, even if the masses disapprove? No, and relying on them to think for you is stupid and lazy. Think for yourself. You can have their input, sure, but in the end, only your opinion matters.

>men are the #1 threat to women, and women are most likely to be murdered while pregnant.
What the fuck? Why are you equating people with bombastic personalities like OP to fucking murderers?

>thinking their feelings are worthless
Do you even HAVE feelings if you base all of your decisions on what other people think? Both of you are saying the same thing, that you're too stupid to have your own opinions, you're just both saying it differently.

shit, must've dropped the reply link, my bad

user you say that like its a badge of honor you just sound like a 12 year old showing off how cool he is because he has 3 playstations or something. cringey

I'm not trying to show off. This is an anonymous board where I can tell the truth and that's the truth, in my opinion.

Any guy that has girl problems just needs to pretend to be happy and fun and confident and any other desirable trait. You don't actually have to be because that doesn't matter.

Fuck OP, sounds like my ex to a T. Did you blow passed as many red flags as I did digging yourself into this?

>Carefree and fun men who are supportive and kind and funny know nothing about the harsh reality that is the real world
Ahahaha. Holy kek.
>because success means a level of ruthlessness
Towards your partner? How would that help?
>I've been manipulating women successfully for years
Yet you're here whining about her instead of being successful or at least finding a new chick to manipulate? Clearly she's less stupid than you if she broke up with your toxic ass, son.

You can pretend only for so long, especially essential shit like being fun. I mean, you're the best example that the ruse doesn't last.

I'm not the OP buddy.

He's talking about game theory and a certain kind of political science. These are legitimate scientific disciplines whether we like it or not. He's not wrong about any of it. If you want an angle of attack, attack him for being a shitty person who doesn't keep his word, and bending the rules of his makeshift worldview to suit the current five minutes of fame. Call him out for being a coward. There are plenty of ways to go about it. But the "you must be bitter because you can't get laid" thing is out of place. You know it within you to be true that dishonest people, criminals, manipulators, psychopaths etc have it easy in the dating world. Why do you think that is?

Sorry together 7 months. 4 months of magic . I've been through hell. I just thought I found love. 2nd relationship. 1st was over a decade , im a baby in the relationship realm.
Yeah a lot of red flags looking back

Yea what I do is pretty fucked and I accept that. I am a piece of shit for most of what I do.

...

Reee
Spond

Someone

What's there to say that hasn't been said already? She's unstable, you didn't really do anything wrong (though, as mentioned, you should probably not unveil your power level right away if that was part of the problem), and most people don't seem to have a tangible issue with you (it's possible that she was uncomfortable with that trait of yours and couldn't justify why, so she tried to use social pressure to, well, pressure you).

You basically said it yourself in that second post; that's not love, that's her finding an excuse to dip because she can't be fucked (probably because she's unstable and has no clue about how to achieve what she wants in an actually productive manner).

Thanks

>it's not about social value. it's about crowdsourcing opinions. it's about knowing that sometimes others know better.
I can see that and you're right. That's why he's here asking strangers for their opinion in the first place. But he's not your guy and it seems from what OP is telling that her friends don't just tolerate him but that they want to have him around

>I'm very extroverted and I take social risks
Maybe, just maybe you aren't as awesome as you believe and you've scared the hell out of her and all her friends

You dodged a bullet and gained some introspection that you simply are not everyone's cup of tea.

Deal with it and move on.

As I've posted multiple times in the thread.She cut her friends off too and they're reaching out to me to hang out without her.

dude she had ex-es. Thats enough of a reason to not feel defeated but rather victorious. You have the opportunity to bewife a virgin girl with your insane social skills. Chin up fag!

Whatever I liked her. I've had virgins before.

> OP tries to be the bigger man, and she treats it as weakness. The way the system is set up makes me sick sometimes.

How did he try to be the bigger man and how did she treat it as weakness?

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