Tokophobia

I'm 25 and absolutely terrified and disgusted by pregnancy, birth, and lactation.

I have a long term bf I would like to eventually marry. I would like to raise kids and so would he. But I am terrified of pregnancy and birth in such an extreme way that I feel deep disgust, horror, or some sort of body dysphoria when I think about it. Even the idea of lactating and swollen breasts makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

Then the act of birth is absolutely terrifying. I dont think most men, and probably a lot of nonmom women, really understand how horrifying it is.

How do I fix this? I know adoption is an option but we would like to have at least some biologixal kids.

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Find a surrogate? Use your eggs and his sperm. Just incubate the sucker in someone else.

BTW I dont mean like "oh it makes me feel uneasy".
I've watched videos of women going into labor (not just the birth) and had actual panic attacks/hyperventilation. The topic by itself really fucks me up even.

Those are REALLY expensive (those women can make like $100,000) and also kind of skeeve me out.

Just be prepared to get bombarded by Jow Forumstards who will tell you that birth is a miracle and all women love it and you're just a bitter woman. Oh, and at some point someone will mention having more babies to propagate the white race.

I mean, it's the only way for you to have a biological kid and not have to confront this shit. Your other option is therapy, or to just drink heavily throughout the pregnancy.

You forgot to add that transexuals are not mentally ill, otherwise 10/10

As a guy, I gotta admit that your fears don't seem unfounded at all; it sounds like absolute nightmare fuel. Have you talked to your BF about it?

Medically speaking, there is a rush of oxycontin or hormones or whatever that usually make women feel quite good after birth. Of course there is the chance of postnatal depression but for OPs current condition and that, talking to a maternity nurse or counsellor might help.

One thing that's handy to know in life is that many things are hard but a good portion of these hard things have resources and support available if you knew where to look.

well for the actual giving birth part they can knock you out and give you a c section.

As for the pregnancy you will get a bunch of natural drugs flowing through your blood as your body's reward for being pregnant so that should help with the dysphoria.

C sections are also pretty fucked.
The hormones do not make you happy. Pregnant women are notoriously emotionally unstable. They are also frequently ill and in pain. It is not a "reward" and I have no fucking idea where you came up with that. The hormones facilitate stuff like the growth of uterine lining. They are not a "reward". They may even cause misery. Nausea. Emotional instability. Post partum depression is a result of the chaotic hormone shifts pregnancy brings.

This doesn't matter. You are not going to fix this by providing me biology information as I am almost certain k will know more about tbis. The oxyTOCIN hormone (not oxycontin) does encourage bonding but it does not negate the horrors of pregnancy nor risks, and it does not do anything to make birth less traumatic. You may still incur lifelong diseases like diabetes as a result of pregnancy, lifelong incontinence, the irreversible separating of your abdominal muscles, tearing from your anus to vagina, shit on the table while giving birth, etc.

We have talked.
He is sympathetic but doesn't really comprehend the severity/know how to react.

He has mentioned adopting is OK but we both expressed a desire for bio children (ideally like 2 bio and adopt 3-4).

>(ideally like 2 bio and adopt 3-4)
>6

Six kids? Off-topic I know, but why? I want a single kid and the idea completely stresses me out, but six?

I think you are thinking of this too much on a biological level. On a biological level everything is disgusting. There are more bacterial cells in the human body than human cells. Human beings pee and have sex from the same organ and that organ is right beside the organ that we shit from.

Biology is gross period. Modern pop-culture for some reason encourages women to think of childbirth from a biological magnifying glass, you no don't had many teachers and female role models refer to fetuses as parasites etc. The problem is the biological lens that you are viewing pregnancy specifically. EVERYTHING is disgusting under a biological lens. Did you know your intestine is 25 feet long? Did you know your kidneys filter your pee?

Try to think about it from a non-biological perspective. Woman get's pregnant, Baby grows in woman, Woman has baby. Because in our lived reality that's what really happens, human beings aren't made to be able to relate to what happens on a cellular level so of course we find it gross.

I think it's better for the kids. I also grew up in a rural place/a farm and was homeschooled. I think it's better.

This may be it. I over think and study biology a lot in general.

How about you learn more about life and stop jerking yourself off as some know it all about how pregnancy is the most horrible thing ever?

How about you do the reasonable thing and remind OP to seek out professionals for information and support regarding pregnancy like I did? Or would that just btfo whatever your issue with it is??

Not op but you're retarded.
>Woman get's pregnant, Baby grows in woman, Woman has baby.
I'm sure that's going to prevent the consistent nausea and pain that pregnancy and childbirth brings, not thinking about it. Christ.

That was the OP. I, the OP, responded to you. Holyshit.

If you dont want to go to a professional then what are you even asking for help for? You seem to have already made up your mind

Yeah has the right idea.
But if it's in any way a self image problem, as a male I must say that preggo girls are hot. I've heard that the pussy lining gains a different texture during pregnancy too, it's something that I'd like to experience.

Just don't think about that you might literally die an excruciating and humiliating death with a cantalope stuck inside your internal organs that normally have an opening the size of a grain of rice. Just ignore that the mortality rate for dying in birth is increasing in the US instead if decreasing. Yep.

It's not but thanks for making me hate it and my dumb sex object body even more!

>boo hoo somebody might find me hot
And the alternative of nobody finding you attractive enough to want to impregnate you seems better?

Being lusted after is of no value.
Having someone look at me and decide I have the right skillset to raise a family with is good. Lust is not. Being an object of lust is not. The man who lusts after me as a sex object is not thinking about family and a serious life. He is thinking of masturbating with me as a tool.

Lactation is hot

Why is it one or the other? The two sides of the coin support, not contradict each other. If I lust after somebody, I'm more inclined to think about them in terms of starting a family with them as well.

Go seek therapy, you have a phobia.

Lusting after someone is not going to lead to thinking about a healthy family dynamic. You by default of being affected by lust are approaching it in a sick way. You are likely sick from porn too.

>Lusting after someone is not going to lead to thinking about a healthy family dynamic.
And that's where you're wrong my dear. Does it ALWAYS lead? No, life has no guarantees. CAN it lead? Why the fuck not. You can approach it from either side.
>this girl is hot > I want to spend more time around her > actually if she's got her shit together, she'd make a perfect wife
vs
>this girl has got her shit together > but I'm not that much into her > eh I guess I could get used to her looks because she pushes my buttons otherwise
In both of these scenarios the crucial part to a healthy partner dynamic is that the initial infatuation transmutes into a camaraderie, so there's more to the relationship than the initial novelty. But it's still better to have a hot girlfriend that understands you than a non-hot girlfriend that understands you, no?

You don't see too many undateable hambeasts around starting a family, do you? Hypersexuality might be a flaw and a vice, but disregarding lust as something innately wrong is just as bad.

god pregnancy is so hot

no, you clearly don't know how male brains work. in a healthy male brain, love and lust feelings for someone you love romantically support each other like yin and yang. it's possible to feel both at the same time, though you might not understand this, as to my gathered understanding, female brains work with love/lust in a different, unequal way.

Undatable hambeasts are sick and do not make good mother prospects.

Men do not have a hard time getting a boner for the average girl. It is not necessary to lust and fetishize.

Nothing in the religions that detail yin/yang enforce lust as mandatory. Most of them talk of lust as sick and bad. There are few religious beliefs that encourage lust and fetishization.

>Undatable hambeasts are sick and do not make good mother prospects.
If they're caring, devoted, are patient, etc... why not?
>Men do not have a hard time getting a boner for the average girl. It is not necessary to lust and fetishize.
If I get a boner for it, it is hot, like, by definition. If I get the hots for 70% of women on the planet, the average girl is a hot girl.
>Nothing in the religions that detail yin/yang enforce lust as mandatory. Most of them talk of lust as sick and bad. There are few religious beliefs that encourage lust and fetishization.
Since when were religions right about anything?

but isn't the entire point of yin/yang that you are supposed to balance your negative energy with your positive energy? all humans sometimes feel negative emotions such as lust. it's just nature, it is not something to be ashamed of as long as you do not let it overtake you. though your irrational fear of the natural human process of pregnancy shows perhaps you don't recognise this.

>Fuck hot girl like an animal
>Eh not wife material time to fuck another maybe she will be
>Surprise slut is not wife material
>Oh well she's hot
>Keeps fucking sexy whores
>Wonder why no wife material
>Positive reinforcement of pleasure from sex/orgasm trains a habit of casual sex
>Find wife material
>Can't get it up for her due to fetishizing sex and women, likely also pornsick
>Blames wife material's rejection of lust for his own inability to behave like a disciplined man instead of a horny boy
>Tells wife she ought to be sexier
>Gets boners no problem but still wants the rush of sex to feel like an even better drug, fetishizes his wife in an unquenchable thirst for lust
>Wife now filled with degradation and objectification
>Still thinks lust is good

Men have no problem impregnating average women without needing to constantly seek a better high. Lust has always been regarded as a sin/bad until the sexual revolution. Interesting how Jow Forums men seem to hate all the modern degeneracy until it comes to porn and treating sex as a fetish instead of a function.

There is more to taking care of children than just being nice/caring. It more than anything else requires self discipline to ensure you're taking care of them well, even when it is unpleasant, as well as emotional restraint to not be and act negatively due to them. An inability to refrain from eating demonstrates issues with both of those. Additionally they have no idea how to eat healthy, clearly, and are both unlikely to provide good nutrition to the family, as well as normalize obesity/bad eating. And there are all the concerns of her giving birth while fat because this is not a healthy environment to gestate a baby in.

Her fuck factor matters way less that the horrific stuff I just pointed out.

The average girl is an average girl. You are an average male. Average males are easy to stimulate arousal in. If you want to call them hot, fine, but app you've done is point out that physical attraction isn't very special and lust is capable for nearly any woman, meaning it is rather unimportant.

Also, you specifically pointed out yin/yang. This is a religious belief. It is something I have looked into many times.

Yin/yang is a balance but not so much of "good" and "bad". Iirc "rang" is the center and is taking positive/good/HEALTHY aspects from both sides to create balance, while discarding the negative/UNHEALTHY.

To clarify more on the yin/yang stuff.
(There was still no positive outlook on lust, just to point out, in taoism, Confucionism, Buddhism, etc. though)
You have the "male" side and the "female" side. This is very simplified and isn't "all women have traits from one side while men the other" but include traits more often found in, more associated with, it easier to cultivate in the associated sex.

One is not bad while the other is good, it is not healthy vs unhealthy.

You may encounter unhealthy as a result of only incorporating things from one half. What should be a positive/good trait of yin may slip into negativity if not balanced with a positive trait of yang. It is not as if you balance all Yang's negative bad unhealthy traits by giving them yin traits instead.

None of these religions regarded lust as a healthy trait. They regard it as a dysfunction and an imbalance.

Restraint goes a long way, but to always demonize lust is a terrible prospect. There is a proverb: "fire is a good servant, but a bad master." Lust is fire. Lust is hunger. You can satiate hunger by carelessly indulging in junk food. But that doesn't make hunger a terrible thing. You can opt to eat healthy and with moderation, i.e. be conscious of your hunger and keep it on a tight leash.

You need to use a different word than lust for that to work. By default lust is disordered.
Hunger is also a bad comparison. You die without food but not sex.

Start taking T and become his boyfriend. Stupid tranny.

The human race dies without sex. Sexual drive (lust) is neccessary for our species to continue existing. I agree that we should not overindulge in it, but it is there for a reason.

1 results in selfish children who think they're special and don't know how to share
2 is ideal
4 is upper limit
6 is insane

addendum:

6+ is good if you own a farm and intend to put them to work

Almost fell for that as a teenager. Would still prefer to be male bodies but he is very straight and I am very against living as a caricature of something I am not.

Two is not ideal at all. They only learn pair bonding and no community / communication outside the special pair bond.

3 at minimum is what I would like.

I grew up on a farm and am aiming to go back to that type of life. He did not but he prefers it.

Then buy a farm and get preggers showing you're willing to make personal sacrifices to achieve your collective dreams.
Use this point to adopt 1 or 2 kids, maybe pop out a second.

good luck

adopt. there's lots of kids that need parents and there's no reason to produce your own. your body will thank you

>biological kids
Why? I have tokophobia and had a hysterectomy for endo. Never looked back.

There is reason to produce your own. There's a normal desire to as well as considerations for genetics. I have a desire to see our genes mixed as well as belief that we would produce good children.

See above. Probably also some FOMO.

I can't help you but you are the only sane bitch that I've ever heard of.

That applies to the human race as a whole but not each individual. The individual can forego sex with no harm. They cannot forego food. The two are incomparable. There are species, especially eusocial and highly community oriented (and often with the unique aspect of complex architecture appearing) where some members do not reproduce - they instead provide labor towards caring for the offspring of the reproductive class of the species. I would argue humans are very similar. Neither humans nor these species can opt out of eating though.

Why is this "the only sane bitch" you've ever heard of?

Essentially this. If it's that extreme and you really want to have children, then I think that would be the best option.