>25m
>24f
>4 yo kid
I'm educated, travelled, have a bright looking future, have a well-off family, but I need to focus on my work to get a better job and move out of my parents home.
I came out of a 2 year serious relationship a couple months ago, and started dating again recently, and I met a girl who has a kid. I am surprised how much I enjoyed my time with her and her kid, but I told her I don't think I can do a serious relationship and we stopped seeing each other
Now I've had dates with 2 other girls, and 1 on the way and they haven't been such good matches. Every time before and after I was thinking about her though
I am on the verge of going to her and saying I can be open for a serious relationship
Can I have some advice about this situation?
Dating Someone With a Kid
don't do it
Have fun being second fiddle to the kid forever, bowb. It's a serious thing, and while it's probably one thing to be shelved for your own kindred flesh and blood, but I'd wager a constant reminder that you're one of the last past that finish line is going to eat you later if it ate you now.
If you'd said "I had no issue, people around me just say", sure, but you directly state that you're not really bueno with this idea.
Swerve and don't whip a U-turn on this.
I have no idea about children, it's totally foreign to me and that's what scares me, but I could handle it well. I worry about what it will cost me. I worry about some other things like I want my own kid too, and I would ask her about that.
That's what I mean, you have a lot of hard hitting questions to ask and you're already fumbling into 'but I dunno' answers.
Sure, 'you never know until you try,' but I don't believe you'll get anywhere with this if you're already reserved.
She could be a nice girl, but it sounds like you're not quite ready.
I mean, you could always front this talk with her and say you wanna try, you're just unsure about the kid. She's an adult in some capacity so it could be worth a try.
You're right about me not knowing answers I need to be certain about.
Any person would be reserved about entering a relationship in this context though, wouldn't they?
I'm sure I could be a good figure for the kid, but I cannot financially support and give significant time for supporting his development at this point in my life
The woman always sides with her child. Doesn't matter if you saved her actual life. She will always side with her kid because it's not yours, so she feels like she has a certain authority that you never will.
Learned that the hard way.
>She will always side with her kid because it's not yours
>because it's not yours
I don't agree with that reason, and she has more responsibility and obligation to take care of the child than you do as a step father, that's correct. That's okay with me, I don't want full responsibility and obligation for a child that's not mine, but I will take part in it because I care about the kid.
I do want that responsibility in my life, and if I was with going to get back together with her, I'd tell her I want a kid of my own and she has to be okay with that.
Itt:hobos laughing at the guy that's thinking about buying a used Maserati
You already know you've got it bad for her, OP. Reach out before she settles for some piece of shit that'll abuse her kid.
Not always true.
And awful shit happens when it's not true. Multiple step parents that I have known have ended up in jail for fucking their stepdaughters. Worst instance I've seen was this guy from my neighborhood who fucked his 14 year old stepdaughter repeatedly and tattooed his name on her pubes. The female judge was not amused.
Be a good stepdad like my biological father!
Gosh I wish I could be that guy, but I think my life is not ready for it, and my experience is not sufficient to be confident where I need to be. I'm so sad that I can't be that for her and for the kid. We would be happy, but I can't.
I think you can. It's just a matter of whether you will or not.
I don't think you would regret trying.
She sides with the kid because it is her kid. And that's what she should do.
If I had to pick between my husband and my children I'd pick my children, and he'd do the same. I'd die for them both, but if I had to pick one I'd pick my kids.
You obviously don't have the same bond with the child, because you're not the father. You will never be fully responsible of them, or love them as much, even if you take care of them and such.
>my experience is not sufficient to be confident where I need to be
How do you think anyone gains experience at being a father? You have no choice but to go in blind and do your best. Honestly as long as you put in effort and don't half ass it you will be a good dad.
You're scared, I get that. It's a huge life changing thing but can you honestly say it won't be changing your life for the better? Talk to her OP. Tell her that you like her and you like her kid but you don't know if you are ready. I'm sure she would be open to taking it as slowly as you need.
I'm talking about her siding with the kids after 19 fucking years of me raising her kids and providing for her. When the kids are grown and the youngest one comes back to our house, harassing his mother for drug money. I threw him against the wall and held him by the throat and told him not to treat his mother that way. She flipped and sided with her druggie piece of shit son. She threw away 19 years for her strung out son.
Have fun with that shit, OP. Have fun getting dirt kicked in your eyes because mommy's little boy needs a fix and wants to rob your house and everything you've worked for.
>fail as a parent and your kid becomes a druggie
>use violence against kid in front if his mother
>woe is me, life is so cruel to me
user, I...
He became that way because I was never allowed by her to properly discipline him. He was 21 when he came back (not the first time) to steal from his own mother. I got tired of his shit and his mother had told me she was too. The moment I stepped in to reinforce her feeling of being tired of her son's behavior, she flipped out. I'm just saying it's really not worth it to help out a woman with kids and her own failed relationship.
Dude, "my girlfriend was upset at her son so I beat him up" isn't how you do parenting at any point of your life. I'm sorry you got dumped, but literally could just have told him to leave and not escalate things violently like a subhuman.
What part of "threw him against the wall by his throat" means I beat him?
The part where you threw him against the wall and held him by his throat.
Being violent against your children is not acceptable. Being violent is not acceptable behaviour from anyone, unless your life is in danger, but much less from someone who is supposed to be a father figure for you.
Really failed there.
I guess if you really like her then it might be worth it, but be prepared for a lot of drama. Find out about the dad, if he's still alive, if he has money, if his parents have money. Soon
>21 years old
>child
If he came with a gun should I just have let him shoot his mother and I? You are either being a contrarian or a european. Either way, don't get involved with a single mom.
Sorry I got cut off by some dumb ad.
anyway my advice is to find out about the situation with the father and her personal financial situation. if you do anything more than f*** this chick like if you're her boyfriend or fiance or husband then get prepared to be involved in a lot of drama because sooner or later that dude is going to come around and try to fight for custody because generally whoever has custody gets child support from the other party.
or the chick will talk you into adopting her kid and either way you're looking at a lot of legal bills. and if your family is the one that's well off and hers isn't guess who's going to be stuck with the bill.
I don't say this just to be an a****** but I worked for a family law firm for almost 2 years so I'm speaking from experience.
On the other hand if you really love this woman it might be worth it.
Granted you're letting some other dude s kid be your kid. My Mom married my dad even though he had a previous kid so sometimes it's worth it if you love the person. it's definitely not ideal or anyone's first choice but when is life ever perfect?
Child also means a son or a daughter of any age.
If he is threatening your life, it's obviously fine to defend yourself, as I stated in the post you replied to.
I'm just an educated person.
A parent reaction when someone is aggressive towards their child is to defend them, unless they're in an abusive relationship with the person who is violent towards their children or mentally ill. Most people would die for their children, if you are violent towards them it's never okay and it will obviously lead to you being pushed away from the family.
Especially if you're doing that for no real reason beside "I was fed up with him".
If you think that hitting a kid is a way to "properly discipline them", then I'm really glad she never let you.
I'm glad you're educated. Best reply ever.