Fuck

I've always felt like it's wrong to pursue sex from people you're not actually interested in, and because of that (among other things) I've turned down several opportunities to get laid, because I felt it was like playing with their feelings.
Now, these lost opportunities feel like a fucking waste, considering that sex is admittedly kinda high in my priority list.
I don't know what to think: placing a high value on sex, I feel like a fucking failure; on the other hand, I feel like it would've been wrong to do otherwise.

What do you think?

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Bump for advice

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>people you're not actually interested in
You mean people you’re not attracted to, or people you don’t want to pursue a serious relationship with?

>You mean people you’re not attracted to, or people you don’t want to pursue a serious relationship with?
Mostly the second one.

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K well I guess you're dumb

How so?

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Yeah you’re dumb. Hookups don’t mean you have to get engaged to a person.

I have trouble separating the two things in my mind, because I'm always trying not to fuck shit up (e.g. by playing with someone's feelings).
Also, I can't tell the level to which a woman is interested.

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You’re overthinking this. If she wants to fuck and so do you, then do it. Hooking up with a person does not imply some greater responsibility

Yeah, you're dumb. We established this

I see.
Thing is, I can't help worrying about perhaps breaking some unspoken rule about these things I'm not aware of, thus attracting scorn.

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But you can get STDs from hook ups

You can get STDs from people you are dating or married to as well.

They have an obligation to be loyal. Hook ups don’t have any obligation to be honest

>obligation

lolwut

>But you can get STDs from hook ups
Don't let fear-mongering media ruin your life. The reason you're afraid of this is probably because you google anything about it and all the fake news blogs say you're going to die. The WORST CASE reality is even if you don't wear protection, just pay attention to your body if you think you have something wrong. If you see visual symptoms, or have a bad sickness with a fever in the next 2 weeks-ish just go into a sexual health clinic and they'll give you a pill. The more realistic reality is nothing actually happens.

Oh and use common sense for the person you're having sex with. Most people are honest but if you see rashes or bumps on her vagina don't have sex

Yeah, obligation is definitely the wrong word

I used to feel the same way but then I realized the lack of knowing what sex is like plus just general companionship was ruining my mental health. So I decided to put myself first. I hated it apart of myself but it was worth it because it subsided a lot of internal anguish. Now I can have casual gf and realize this is what people do, it's part of life to date

i feel u OP
it just doesnt feel right

Same OP but I just got it over with last month. I genuinely needed to stop being a virgin because it was fucking with my mental health. Tbh afterward the girl texted me nonstop and wanted to see me again but I just wasn't interested and told her that. Didn't feel good but didn't feel too bad either.

As long as neither you nor they are already in a monogamous relationship it's fine.

Hookups aren’t that great desu. I’ve had a bunch in college and most of the time it’s awkward, don’t know eachothers bodies (or eachother) well enough to really get the mental part of sex going, and overall just forgettable.

Big dif between one nighting a slag you picked up at a party vs having sex with a girl you’re actuvely dating and pursuing, even if it doesn’t last much longer after. The latter is usually way better.

>it subsided a lot of internal anguish
What do you mean?

I know, but I keep feeling more and more like an idiot as time goes on.

I guess that's fair.

Of course sex will be better if it's with someone you want to be with, but that's currently not an option for me.

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