If I change my personality to land a girlfriend...

If I change my personality to land a girlfriend, wouldn't this be dishonest since I'm pretending to be someone else and the relationship end up collapsing since they like something that isn't actually me?

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well it would be a change of a personality, you would be wearing a mask. Thats why you need to find someone to accept you by using the best of you.

Yes. That's why "be yourself" isn't a meme.

This

You nailed it. You're supposed to find someone who is a good match anyway.
I don't have a problem with women and dating. I can be myself and most women still won't be interested in me. That's normal af dude.

People with your issues don't seem to realise it's not a major failing on your part if you're rejected or a girl doesn't like you, and you don't realise it's an odds game of meeting girls until you click with one the right way.

>Be myself
>Be lonely
>Start acting like someone else
>Some girls are attracted but keeping up the persona is horrible
Maybe some of us just aren't meant to find someone.

Is being yourself not facing anxiety and staying away from people? I don't think so I think that is the fake you.

>Maybe some of us just aren't meant to find someone.
That's the blackpill, right there. If the only way to get a partner is to "forcefully re-mold the way you perceive the world, the way you think of the world, and the way you interact with it to something radically different", then you weren't meant to have a partner. "Be yourself" is good advice for some people, specifically for those who have self-esteem issues while still possessing the normie qualities that would make them attractive otherwise, but not for you.
"Normal" people don't have to wrestle with these ideas, they don't have to ask existential questions of themselves. They don't have to think of re-shaping their mind, of forcing different behavioral values upon themselves. Their relationship problems lie in the practical realm - get more money, get fit, find a popular hobby, meet more people.
This is my own experience, so take it with a healthy skepticism tint for sure. I've had more than a few roadblocks and permanent handicaps thrown at me by fate, so I'm probably significantly more bitter at life than the average person. Most importantly, I know is that this isn't a good mindset to be in, but it is what it is. Maybe this insight will be a useful guide as for what to avoid for you, user.

I mean... Environment changes you and along with be yourself a lot of people give the same advice as you, get active..

If you take on a "popular" hobby and you like it enough to actually stick with it,you're still being yourself.
People generally just mean don't go out and put on an act or try to be something you're not, and do things for yourself.

If these hobbies gyms and jobs (name if my new self help book) make you more confident and appealing in general I don't think that's "not being yourself".

But I always say it's about comfort and being in an environment in which you can operate well.
That means not sitting behind a computer and lamenting over self fulfilled prophecies, and it means not chasing or expecting a 10/10 club hopping Instagram model when you maybe belong at the D&D table.

You're right. Sticking to the interests that you genuinely have is the right thing to do for self-fulfillment. For finding a partner, though? If you're lucky to have been raised in a way conducive to having interests that will increase the likelihood of that, great! You're a "normie". If, however, you're more of a solitary interest kinda person, or your interests lie on the social fringe - tough luck, man. Being yourself won't help much. You gotta change, or hope that by some miracle you'll meet a gal who's also on the same kinda fringe as you are, and you both pass the usual kinda filters that people set for finding partners. The point is - it's much less likely. Like, hella less likely. So much so that changing who you are is the better way to finding a partner than staying true to yourself, and therein lies the problem.

some girls do that all of the time, change themselves to attract guys. You should work on truly improving yourself to be someone you can be proud of rather than bending for girls and putting up an act.

It's always a miracle. It's an odds game.
Even in fringe interests there are always groups, or other interests that you would find appealing that are more social.
And that's all it is. The main difference (aside from an obvious multitude but I digress) between forever alones and 'normies' is their exposure.
Know your audience, meet more women in that audience, try your luck until the dice roll comes up you.
The huge problem is everyone wants the princess.
If you're ugly or generally unkempt, you probably only going to get an ugly generally unkempt girl. And a lot of them struggle with that.

Depends, if you pretend to like boats to land a girl that likes boats, even tho you don't care about boats, that would be fake, however if you actually begin to like boats it's a bit ambiguos

If it's a positive change, such as being more social, it's not being fake, it's self improvement. You're not going to take an immediate liking to whatever thing you change, you have to work on it till it becomes second nature, and becomes part of your pesronality

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to build off this analogy, wear the mask until it becomes part of your face

While you analogy is solid you have to bear in mind certain hobbies are extremely skewed.

So for example if you're a D&D fan, you're going to be dealing with a hobby that has 10 males for every single female. So dating there is obviously going to be insanely difficult.

I guess the thing is that for me it never seems to get any easier. It never gets easier to force myself to talk to people, to try to be fun, to pretend to always be happy and upbeat. So in a way I think yeah, tha'ts a fake version of me.

Bump

Changing vs refining
Changing: bad. I dont like football. I prefer hockey. I pretend to love football to get footballchan
Refining: good. I have a serious temper. I find breathing techniques to keep this in check and improve myself.
Good question OP, this is actually a surprisingly important distinction. Thats where most proto-bloomers go wrong. Find the things you like and embrace them (changing to pivot more closely to your truest self). Find your flaws and work to improve them, and engage your jungian "dark" to not supress but rather healthily channel this darker energy

But what if youre truly unlikable at your core? Like, nerdy boring hobbies, not interesting, not extroverted, etcetera?

Are you really trying to meet a lot of people? There’s all sorts of people with different interests and personalities like maybe one is most socially acceptable but I’m a downer and quiet and I still have luck randomly with people who are into that kinda thing... plenty of awful people have significant others... not to say ur awful but like just be yourself and put yourself in situations where you’ll meet people with common interests

Other people have those "nerdy boring hobbies". Other people are introverted. And maybe you arent interesting, or maybe youre just not good at communicating interestingly. Work on communication, and surround yourself with people who you have things in common with. Hate to be cliche, but you arent "unlikeable", youre just different. Hmu with that discord if you want

There's a difference between changing yourself to be superficial and fake and changing yourself in the name of self-improvement. When people tell you to change, they normally mean they want you to fix your shitty attitude, outlook, and/or body. In other words, positive change for your future.