Tell me about your father, user
He’s dead
He’s an alcoholic that gets up around 4am every day to go to work. Likes golfing and watching baseball, football, hockey. Has a lot of interest in American history but his drinking makes him hard to talk to or do stuff with.
Doesn’t give a shit about my life but as long as we keep out of each other’s hair things are placid.
He worked a lot and was pretty much outside most of my life we had little to no bonding in that period of time. Now, in actuality I'm working with him and we're trying to sort things out and see what we can do.
I think he resents me because I remind him of his past mistakes, my mother, and his old life. He is remarried and has a four year old son. I have not seen or spoken to him since my college graduation when I was 20 years old.
He disliked me when I was in college but later admitted to my mother he had been wrong about me.
I don't hate him or think about him that often. I don't include him in my life because I don't think he is a positive relationship for me. I do appreciate that he provided for me as a child and paid for me to go to college.
If anything I feel sorry for him.
Biological dad was a weak drug and alcohol adled shell of a man that died from organ failure caused by abuse a month after my mom and his divorce.
I guess it caused a rocky childhood, finally went to a counselor around 18yo and she said I had some PTSD esque symptoms and a lot of underlying trauma and problems. I still struggle to like myself and not feel worthless. 23yo now.
Step dad is probably the perfect example of a man, still trying to learn how to accept a father figure though
I don’t know him
He's always been good to me. Thing is that he used to work too much, and I could barely see him or mom. I spent most of my teenagehood alone, and feel bad because I can't love my parents back as they deserve.
I'm pretty much slightly worse than him at everything but raw intelligence and/or willpower. I'm definitely smarter than he is, but he's overall more well rounded and definitely more socially capable. I do inherit a lot of his physical traits, though, so I think I'm more traditionally attractive to women.
I'm his third kid from his second marriage. He's miserable because my mother isn't a kind woman and resents him for burying himself in his work when my brother had an incident that resulted in him being severely disabled. Objectively he should have handled it better than he did, but I probably wouldn't have handled it any better myself.
Him and I did not get along for the first 16/17 years of my life because we regularly got into arguments, some of which we later discovered were ignited behind each other's backs by my mom/his wife. The first time I saw my dad cry was when he told me that my mom told him "user says that if we get divorced he never wants to come see you." I'd never said those things and my dad was relieved to hear that because he thought I hated him. There were times I did, but I never told my parents that.
We're more friends than father/son now. Which is good. We hang out when I come home to visit and actually do things together. My mom is bitter about it and finds reasons to be upset at him for spending time with me because I have nothing in common with my mom, therefore I don't spend much time with her beyond chatting at the house. I've told him to get out of that marriage but he's a defeated man anymore. He's early 60's and isn't so much concerned with finding someone else as much as he is with having a comfortable place to sleep and see my brother(Even though he can afford his own place)
Drug dealer whom I literally knew as "Doc" for most of my life because that's what everyone called him
Wasn't around, saw him maybe twice and resented him for it
Tentatively made plans to meet after I was 18. Next I heard of him was my half-brother telling me was killed by a drunk driver.
Years later, a friend of the family indirectly made it clear that he wasn't around because my mother was fucking insane and my stepfather was a violent ex-military sociopath right up until my mom shot him
Now I only resent him for not using a condom
I love my dad but I don't respect his character. I used to think he worked a dangerous job where people had died and work was irregular so he could feed and clothe his family. As it turned out, he worked that job because it paid well and gave him the freedom to build up money so he could laze about for months. I thought he respected my freedom and let me develop my own opinions. Instead he was neglectful and taught me only a single life lesson. Beat up your fucking bullies.
He used to smoke and go out to get piss drunk twice a day instead of putting his house in order and protecting me from my batshit insane mother and my older brother. I grew up with little in terms of physical goods, health and education. I thought it was because we were poor and I had terrible anxiety over it. I didn't think I'd make it through highschool without being homeless. As it turned out, my mother would take a lot of his money and spend it on fancy artsy supplies and other such crap. Then he would waste the rest on booze, cigarettes, and buying people drinks to make friends.
The way I see it, every person has two families. The one he grew up in and the one he creates. So if the first one doesn't work out, you get another try of sorts.
My dad is a victim of my upbringing
>The way I see it, every person has two families. The one he grew up in and the one he creates. So if the first one doesn't work out, you get another try of sorts.
That was me. I arrived at the same conclusion. I'm kind of on family 2.5 right now and it's not bad. Not feeling great about life, but I don't blame anyone else for it at this point.
in all, i'd say he was a good dad. a hard worker and strong-willed, though it never rubbed off on me. he took me to the ball game, he celebrated my birthday, he bought me new clothes. what more can you ask for in a dad? i just wish he had used a condom.
My dad fixed his past with his own example.
He is the person i respect most and the one i admire most. His father (my Grandfather) died when he was just a kid and lived his childhood/teenage life alone in his internship school. His family was far away. His mom (my grandma) hated him.
He is the most loved person in the family. He has worked a lot, has been with me a lot, he drived me to school and (early)university...He is retired now and is the person i admire most, why? Because he gives me and my 2 brothers all the love he didn't recieve. For some reason he broke the circle and loves his wife and his 3 children.
I contribute to my house with some expenses.
*drove
He's alright I live with him. I'm 20. We have a man cave essentially no women and we both enjoy not having a woman living here. He brings his gfs to spend the night and he has several of them that frequent.
We work together as well he owns a business and I do a lot of the management and work of it, we split the boss role as he leaves often now that he's older to go run errands and take Fridays /weeks off.
He can be an asshole at work sometimes but he's gotten much better as he sees I have initiative and just want to make money. I try to avoid him around the house because we spend a lot of time together at work so on weekends he's normally off with a gf while I'm at the house or vise versa.
He was a good paternal role for something's, for others I think he's too soft.
He's a bit short, bald, but he's pretty healthy and many people call him handsome. as I age I'll basically turn into him physically
I try to think of what he's taught me and it's mostly been learning from his failures. He's amounted large debt many times, failed marriages thrice, and let's petty issues bother him.
That's a pretty good summary, besides that hes a cultured man. Has travelled most of the world and speaks English Spanish and italian. He has many hobbies and has amounted vast skills that make him a good man because men are valued in their utility, another thing he's taught me indirectly. If I think of more I'll add
He grew up with a very abusive family in a secluded village in Yugoslavia. He often didnt have shoes because they couldnt afford them. He would often hide in the forest whenever his father would fly into rages when drunk (they say he once his with the pigs, otherwise his dad would probably have killed him). He would also oftem eat berries that grew there and steal bread and fish from his neighbors because there would often have nothing to eat at his home, sometimes because they couldnt afford it or sometimes because (((someone))) would throw the hot stew away (or at his mother).
He worked at a restaurant in a tourist destination as a waiter. He saw the tourists from the rich countries come in and how relaxed they looked, no worries or stress. He made a goal that he would be just like them and one day visit the restaurant as a tourist. He then came to Germany, and on the first night, slept on top of a truck because he couldnt afford anything else.
He found other Yugoslavian people who gave him a house and work, and started working as a driver for restaurants and later on married a german woman and had kids, and was an amazing, stellar father to them.
This was all before phones. He once told me that he went 5 to 8 years (dont remember well) without talking to or seeing his family. No news besides what he saw on newspapers or TV.
He got a new driving permit for taxis and after a few years opened his own company. Today, the walls of his house are full of pictures, taken all around the world with his entire family and friends. The old house by the mountain was rebuilt after being burnt to the ground and now we use it as a summer home and have made beautiful memories in there. The stew his best friend (and old petty thief accomplice) makes is the best i ever had. Theres this one picture that is always kept in very good condition on his bedside table: him with his family eating at the restaurant where he used to work all those years ago.
I respect him and he made a man out of me, but I don't like him.
Left when i was a baby. And what a blessing, he never got his shit together. Failed a couple of business ventures and ended up poor and alone. I visited him in his shit retirement home, just to gloat. It was great.
this
Conservative Catholic who escaped communist persecution; would probably have an aneurysm if he was alive today and sees current timeline. I don't know if he would be a Trump supporter because he hated celebrity culture. For the most part, Republican but for some reason had a favorable view of Jimmy Carter.
Liked action movies despite PTSD; hated/doesn't get fantasy/sci fi. Blamed everything I got involved in on video games so he smashed my collection, I'm not sure what that was suppose to teach me other than be resentful. He's the type who thinks authority (police, teachers) are always right so I can't even defend myself.
Got into fights with my mom for reasons I don't quite know.
Expected me to know shit three grades ahead of my class. My least favorite incident is when my class was doing some play about careers and he gets mad that I didn't want to do the ones he wanted me to do. If I say construction worker (closest thing to architect) he would sarcastically tell me that I aspire to be a filthy day laborer.
I don't hate him since I know he worked hard to put food on the table and that I should have gotten the best education but I can't help but feel he only cared that I become his magic retirement ticket.
He's a good man but he was too soft on me. Now I am a weak adult.
It's hard being a Dad. You have the most likely shitty way your father raised you and you have what you want to do as a father differently. Sometimes before a father knows it, he's sounding like his father did. To raise a boy to a man, the boy has to hate his father a little bit, if the father is doing his job like he should. Of course there are levels of just being a dick. Father and son's will always have a "power struggle" of sorts. Agreed, you don't have to like each other but respect if earned is always the correct answer.
British soldier. I love him wholeheartedly even tho the fucker gave me abandonment and commitment issues.
Rich alcoholic doctor who I am just now really getting to know. We didn't really talk much when I was younger.
Got bad problems with with ever admitting he's wrong and is pretty useless outside of being a doctor. Also spends a shit ton of money but he makes a ton too.
He didn't hit me or fuck my sister so I guess he's ok in my book.
He is a kind man, but also very weak.
He loves his family over everything.
He is scared of my mother, she despises him and she also made her children despise him.
He stuck around anyway, but he is a broken, lonely man now.
I think he still enjoys life despite being utterly depraved of affection and respect by his drake of a wife, so maybe he is stronger than I give him credit for, but now that all his children are all grown up, there is nothing stopping him from walking away from being treated like shit every day and sleeping alone in his depressing little chamber.
I feel bad, but when I observe his behaviours these days, after I learned for myself what it means to be a man (a little at least), I can't help but feel disgusted.
I can't really look up to him, I can only think "I wont end up like this".
He's the type of person that would have been an anime watching NEET if he had been born only five years later. Very introverted and good with computers, not really a father figure. Very religious though which seems kind of out of place
Really smart dude.
He taught me almost everything I know about religions, the human condition, human behaviour and spirituality in general.
We go to theology classes every wednesday.
I wish to have his knowledge and wisdom to use it. The dude doesn't get frustrated by anything, it's awesome.
My father is a curse and a blessing
Never ever got along with him growing up and always took my mums side in things.looking back he was right. However he wasn't nice to me at all. Always verbally loud to me, never treated me as a equal person but as a subordinate. He is quick to anger and I see that in myself sometimes and makes me sad.
My mum "fell out of love " with him when I was 13 and saw him cry. He told me when I was 16 we will never be friends and I'm just someome that shares his blood. I know nothing about his life despite living with him for 19 years. Never had an emotional conversation with him. I used to have bad anxiety and depression and he said that they are not real and I'm weak. I don't really suffer from it now though. He's a bit more chilled out now but I don't go out of my way to see him.
Narcissistic, anxious, manipulative and depressed at least since I was born. Had some health issues and now his hormones are so fucked he borders on being a different person.
Starting to see some of his negative traits in myself lately and I do not like it one bit.
He's done everything he could for me and I still turned out pretty mediocre. I wouldn't ever want to go through what he did and waste my days fixing up a natural fuckup. I love you dad, and you deserved better.
For the most part ok. He provided and didn't leave for cigarettes and never came back. But he changed. I and my mom both remember him as a kinder man when up until I was about 10.
Then he got bitter and angry. Neither of us know what happened. It was difficult hearing him yell all the time and sometimes he would purposefully try to make me mad, I swear he found some sick pleasure in hearing me scream. But at least I have a roof over my head I guess. And he always helps me with car problems.
He died in September. He had no symptoms prior to that. Just fell off the mountainbike, heart stopped beating. He was 57. I'm in the same line of work and will never achieve his level of skill, but he started each day at 3:30 which I am not willing to do. Also I think there are diminishing returns at the very high level he performed at, and apart from sympathy and satisfaction he had no financial or other gain from sacrificing so much for his work.
I used to hate my father for leaving my mother. Of the few times I actually spent time with him (never by my own choice) in the months/years prior to that I actively resented the time there, and did everything in my power to manipulate him away and push him out of my life. When I finally didn't have to spend time with him, I did everything in my power to even avoid talking to him over the phone.
I hate myself for that. I hate myself to taking my parents' divorce and deciding off of it "whenever something bad happens, it's the man's fault; I'd rather be alone forever than put a woman through what my mother went through; I'm going to do everything in my power to stay small and weak so I don't turn into a man who could do that to a woman." It was only when I turned 22, 23, that I finally started to try and reconnect with him. I'm 26 now.
As far as my reading of his reaction, it's like I never even ignored him.
I've only recently opened up to my father about some of my issues (none of the above), and he's nothing but helpful and supportive--which only makes the feelings of regret and anger towards myself from the above actions. I am literally not the man I know I should be because I processed the divorce the way I did (and because of some things I've decided about my mother, but that's a different topic). Every problem I have now I feel like I can trace back to that one moment where I realized "oh, shit, I don't hate my father for the divorce anymore" and immediately decided "Fuck that! I NEED to still hate my father!"
I would trade anything, do anything, to be able to do that all differently again.
My mother cheated on my father during a visit to see her sister after she gave birth to my stillborn sister. (Cannot make this shit up.) Despite being abandoned and alone, my dad did everything he could to stay in my life and develop a relationship with me. I love my old man. He's my hero.