Two people I know got married and basically refused to talk about having kids before they married.
Now they brought it up. The wife doesn't want kids but the husband does, BUT the wife is willing to have kids to make him happy. I'd say the wife is pretty near neutral to not wanting kids, but slightly tilted to not having kids.
So one of them kinda doesn't want kids and the husband very much wants kids. Is this something that could work out?
>Is this something that could work out?
Yes, especially once the wife's biological clock starts ticking louder and louder.
Wife is infertile so they have to adopt, no clock to be had
Get a divorce.
Why do you care?
Well she thinks she can just put up with it, but idk. It's like this gut feeling that I have that's telling me otherwise. It doesn't affect me at all, and of course I won't tell her that I have my doubts but I just wanted an unbiased perspective as to how this could turn out
ffs have we really gotten to the point where anons are making stupid threads asking for advice for other people? YOU are the "unbiased perspective" in this situation. Your friend confided in YOU not us, so speak your mind to her.
Fuck no I'm not going to tell them how to live their lives, especially when it comes to having kids. I just wanted to see if my hunch resonates with anyone else or not
oh okay so this thread was completely useless
>wanting kids and marrying an infertile whore
If she didn't tell him before they got married, I'm pretty sure he can get an annulment desu
He knew. Actually about a month after they got married they talked about it and she came to me saying that he agreed to not have kids and how she hoped he kept with that attitude. About 3 weeks after that she told me that she felt bad for him and told him they could have kids in about 9~ years
>He knew.
>wants kids
>marries an infertile woman
You new here? We make or break relations and lives. My personal goal is to make all of the posters break up or divorce.
He has low self esteem, took who ever would take him
This is what I mean. It seems like even if the person that just slightly doesn't want kids still goes through with it for the sake of the other, I mean, really how do you get by that? Especially since she's a woman and pretty set on her ways. Is there anything that WOULDN'T make her regret this decision. Or is it something that she'll get accustomed to?
>Wife is infertile so they have to adopt, no clock to be had
Infertility doesn't make it so women who are infertile don't feel the effects of her biological clock. If anything it feels worse because you can't even have kids if you've changed your mind.
In regards to your question, it's hard to say without clearly knowing her mindset. I was very adamant on being childfree, was in a long term (8 years at the time) relationship, suffered birth control failure and ended up pregnant. It was a big decision but I don't regret it, being a parent is immensely rewarding. However it's not for everyone and just because it worked for me doesn't mean it'll be ok for everyone
Maybe ones she actually has the kid she'll change her mind. Although since in this situation there's no room for oopsie babies she'll have to consent to every step it takes to get this kid, which is way different than all of a sudden bringing some kid into the world obviously. Really I'm just worried she'll end up hating her life afterwards, though that's none of my business.
If you didn't have your kid and were guaranteed to be child less for life before the birth control failed, do you think you would have stuck to your child free lifestyle? Or do you think you would have changed your mind sooner or later?
I think the fact that it's way more of a process, and the fact that she's willing jump through those hurdles speaks volumes. That's why, as I said before, it's hard to say what her mindset is. If she was only resolved to be childfree due to her medical history, I imagine she may surprise herself if she enjoys it.
>Do you think you would have stuck to your child free lifestyle? Or do you think you would have changed your mind sooner or later?
I honestly do believe I would have stuck to it - if for no other reason than my crippling fear of needles and hospitals. I have two kids now, and I still get queasy at memory of the doctors appointments and labor/delivery.
I do think I'd be particularly aimless if I hadn't had my kids. I'd probably be drifting from crappy apartment to apartment, working dead end jobs while still trying to figure myself out. My kids really grounded me, made me evaluate myself fully.
>birth control failure
IUD?
Wow shes dumb as fuck for budging on something as important as children. I have never wanted children my entire life and its really a make or break thing for my relationships. Luckily i found someone who feels the same way.
But if they didnt bring that up before they got married then they didnt spend enough time dating before, which means divorce likely to happen soon
Birth control pill, specifically I was on microgestin at the time.
Might just opt for an IUD, don't trust pills
Live and learn, I didn't even know they were an option back then. Husband is in the process of scheduling a vasectomy, we have a boy and girl - no need for anymore. Although if the office fights it, and want him to wait till he's "sure" than I'll probably look into an IUD.
Did you have the second kid by accident too?