Guys, should I be concerned about my boyfriend using porn to finish when we have sex?

Guys, should I be concerned about my boyfriend using porn to finish when we have sex?

My boyfriend looks at porn on his phone to finish having sex, sometimes.
Our communication is excellent, and he's a wonderful human being.
I never have trouble finishing in bed, as he's very giving. So I'm not sure how concerned I should be?

My ex had trouble staying hard and extreme emotional hangups relating to porn (porn addict), so I'm a wary of how much porn current bf is consuming.

But we also have an almost perfect relationship otherwise?

Is this something I should be concerned about, or just an idiosyncracy of his?

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He probably, like many other guys, watches too much porn which makes it hard for him to finish when he’s not watching porn. Just try to talk to him and convince him to stop watching it and let him know that you are ready to please him instead of having porn please him.

Yes that’s a very bad sign of porn addiction.

Jesus Christ, yes
He's.. larger than average
And I'm a small person, like 5'1
Sometimes he has to go so long it becomes painful
Once he stopped, horrified, when he looked down from his phone and noticed that I looked to be in excruciating pain
I felt bad, though, as he hadn't finished and I really wanted to be able to help him fulfill that need, even though he said it was fine and he wanted to stop.

I have tried talking to him about it, but he's argued that some of the sites he looks at (most) are just erotic art, as opposed to actual porn. Some of it is, but

ehhh
He doesn't seem open to changing it?

What could happen in the future if he doesn't?

I say you should just break up with him if he’s not willing to change his porn habits when he has a gf

He has, though
He almost never gets off alone, unless I'm literally throwing up, or something.

He consumes LESS porn, but its still an alarming amount.

Also, I've been in abusive relationships before, and this guy is basically perfect in every other way. I've never had someone genuinely ever care about me like he does.

Is this REALLY a deal breaker?

Bump.
Need answers please

You need to tell him you're unsatisfied with your sex life and that his porn addiction is a deal breaker. Try to have an honest talk, but if that doesn't change, you need to walk away

Well, your sex life is unsatisfying. That's a deal breaker for a lot of people.

Has he tried to stop porn for like a week? Can he jerk off without porn at all?

I'm not unsatisfied, though

I'm.. concerned this could become an issue
But I'm also paranoid about potential red flags because I've been in bad relationships before

I don't think I can recall a time when he's tried to quit it at all.
I don't think I've ever seen him get off without it, unless we're doing some majorly kinky stuff, but I can't do it all the time because my body has to heal afterwards.

We've also been together 5 and a half months

Get into roleplay.
Get into toys.
Get into dressing up.

Get him into that, and only do it if he doesn't pr0n.

He needs to recognize the porn is warping his head.

It takes practice, but it'll fix the issue.

Of course it's concerning, the guy clearly has a porn addiction and you need to have a serious talk with him about it.

If my gf needed to look at videos with ripped guys to finish when we have sex, I'd show her the door. Don't be a cuck OP.

We have a massive sex toy box.

We're both crazy into bdsm and do a lot of extreme stuff.
He usually looks at porn when he's had work and he's too exhausted to properly tie me up, gag me, and torture me

This sounds fucked up
Let me clarify by saying we actually both filled out a bdsm contract before we started having sex, and we try new things all the time

So, in light of all that, the porn thing doesn't sound so bad, right?

Also, it sounds hella fucked up to deny him sex, that we both enjoy, so that he will change a behavior that thus far has had no bearing on our relationship.

This sounds like a recipe for disaster, user

Well, it isn't about 'ripped' guys
In fact, he's told me multiple times that he prefers the way my body is shaped to a lot of the porn he consumes.

Okay, can you help me structure this conversation?
I've already mentioned how damaging porn can be, and that he might have a problem because of how much he consumes, but he tries to argue what is and isn't porn and overall just laughs it off

I leave it because.. well
What, worse case, could this lead to?

Oh, and a second note
He has looked at so much super fetishy intense porn for so long, he tends to look at the things he literally cannot do to me without killing me or seriously injuring me

He likes to isolate me, for example, and gets off on the idea of girls being locked away for long long periods of time, or even encased in things like concrete.

Like
I don't want to do that. Ever.

If he gets off on it, isn't porn a good outlet?

lol you bitches are brutal. How about you actually finish him off?

OP here
Yeah, a lot of the advice here seems like it might destroy my relationship.

I do, as often as I can.
He has some difficulty finishing without the porn.
Like, for example, I've been told a lot before that I'm excellent at blowjobs, and I can turn him on with one, but have never been able to help him finish with one.

He almost always cums, but sometimes after 45 minutes of him pummeling my cervix, I can't take it anymore.
He's literally fucked me to the point of nearly throwing up, because I was trying to bear with it

The jews really did a number on him, huh. I'm always surprised when I hear how fucked in the head and degenerate some people get because of excessive porn consumption.

You need to sit him down and have a real talk with him, tell him what's bothering you and offer to help with getting rid of his addiction. Maybe in this case it would be more helpful to see a therapist, once you cannot finish unless you see girls trapped in concrete you're too far gone and need proffessional help.

Thanks.
You jew statement is a little alarming, but yeah. Porn is scary toxic and damaging

Yeah, the depths and intensities of his fetishes worried me a bit, but I never noticed them flowing back to personality issues (enjoying bondage, for example, because you have intimacy issues and can't stand having someone touch you without you knowing first)

He doesn't seem to have any of that, so much, but god
Most of the stuff reminds me of things I've seen on the fucked up parts of this website.

I have to constantly remind him, like that llamas in hats cartoon, when he shows me his stuff
"Honey, that KILLS people"


I'll start planning a good time and date to talk about this.
I really appreciate your advice user.

Have you ever broken a porn addiction?
What can we both expect when/if he attempts this?

I used to watch porn ocassionaly when I was single, usually like 2-3 times a week. It never turned into an addiction though and once I got into a relationship I stopped watching. Sex is just so much better than masturbating to porn so I don't see a use in it anymore. I sometimes watch if my gf sleeps/is not in the mood/is away, but it doesn't happen very often.

Not sure what you should expect from it since I never went through it. All I can say is that it's important he really wants to make this change, if he just does it because you want to then he'll probably relapse at some point. It's why I suggested a therapist, they might have more experience with cases like this and they'll know how to approach it.

Arguably, what could happen if he doesn't address this?
I have a feeling he won't want to, and even if he does, he may just say fuck it

I don't care THAT much, so theoretically could our relationship function with this as an aspect?

That's entirely up to you. Personally I wouldn't stay with a guy like that, sex sounds bad and dehumanizing. Again, I'd dump my gf if she needed to watch degenerate shit to get off during sex (and wasn't willing to change and get better). It would be too much of a blow to my self esteem.

Hm.
Thank you for the POV user

I'll think about this

No problem and good luck. Hope it turns out well for you both.

bump

Are you really loose or fat or stinky like most females? How many guys have you fucked?

I'm chubby, but not unattractive
I'm actually in the original pic post.

He's commented before that I taste amazing and almost like nothing compared to other girls he's fucked before.
for backstory, he didn't like going down on girls before he met me

boomp

Yes because he will next ask you to have sex with other men so he can watch and finish.

He's got 2 options
Vr headset or nofap

He has a VR headset.

He also has gotten off like three times (on his own) in the 5 months we've been together
So uh


This sounds plausible, but I can't tell if you're trolling me or not

bump

Has he ever used the VR during sex

Jesus Christ he needs to get weaned off porn.

No, but he's put it on me during a 2 hour isolation thing once
Kinda hot, but intense, I wouldn't do it again any time soon

Yeah, this is the most worrisome part
It wouldn't be so concerning to me if it was normal porn because that way I could sort of try and help him transition to normal intimate sex
But he needs the fucked up stuff to cum
Do you have any advice?
Like how do you even begin coming back from that?

>2 hour isolation
Wat

He has to quit cold turkey. It'll be uncomfortable for him, but eventually he'll be so backed up that you can make him explode without much trouble.

He's got some weird fetishes.
I think that developed FROM the porn addiction.
He likes isolation, I mentioned his other fantasies here
We were trying something new, and I didn't have trouble with 15 minutes, 45 minutes or one hour, so we tried 2.
He put the vr headset on me so that I'd lose track of time to intensify the experience

I don't really 'get' it, but I'm totally down for new things, so I try it out

loool beautiful
Alright, thanks!
This finally sounds like some advice that actually WON'T break my relationship

I don't get it
What happened for 2 hours?

Probably shoved in a coffin-like box for two hours while he fantasizes about her getting claustrophobic.

Hopefully this makes it clearer
Here's a pic I found in one of his folders (he uploaded his porn stache to my computer so I'd get an idea of his fetishes. Its like 6,000 pics btw)

I was tied down with rope, toys and vibrators inside me, gagged, ears with ear phones and VR headset
I was then put into a sort of 'shelf' we have under the bed, and slid under for two hours.
He likes the idea of isolating in small spaces like closets

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Exactly
Fucking exactly
Can you please help me understand this fetish?
I don't get it, and he can't explain why exactly it works for him

But it sounds like you have some insight

Whats even more strange to me is that I'm use to meditation and that sort of thing, so I rarely ever feel uncomfortable, claustrophobic, or worried at all that he's going to 'leave' me there, which I think is supposed to be part of it?

I don't have any insight. I just made a guess from what little I understand about fetishes.

BDSM + isolation + him in a dominating role based on your descriptions = him putting you in a box and him jacking off on the lid. He probably doesn't care what you're actually going through, more what he gets to fantasize you're going through. Sort of a roleplaying situation, I guess, maybe with him as a kidnappers or something. I dunno.

I'm pretty vanilla so deep fetishes kind of skeeve me out, but you BDSM weirdos are still better than footfags or scatophiles.

that's pretty weird, man
all in all a lot of relationships go on with less-than-ideal sex lives. You just got to keep talking to him about it, maybe convince him to unplug for a bit and see what effect that has. Also just FYI every guy will tell you you're great at blowjobs, but I personally have been able to come from a blowjob exactly once and it's just from having been in a place where I couldn't masturbate for a few weeks. I would say it's very normal for men not to come from a blowjob unless it's a super fresh experience or there's something else pushing them forward as well.

The jew comment is about circumsision. If he can't cum from blowjobs then there are 3 options:

1. The pee pee part of his brain is damaged (for example trauma or porn addiction). You might be able to change that.
2. He finds your appearance or your smell disgusting. You can't change that.
3. His pee pee is physically damaged (for example circumsision). You absolutely can't change that.

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what the FUCK
that sounds like it's escalating towards something really bad

1. Possibly
2. This one isn't an issue
3. He is circumcised.
Apparently the drs did it before his mother could stop them
She's pretty pissed about it and he's just sort of accepted it.

Thanks anyway
Yeah, circumcision is really horrible, I agree

Thanks, this is good to know.

Uh, thanks?
Yeah
I know he doesn't actually get off while I'm isolated
He might fuck me before or afterwards, though

Which is why I don't understand the fetish
The point is to orgasm to it, right?
How can you fuck her if she's completely restrained??
IDGI man

I really appreciate the insight, at least

Yeah, that is also my concern
We've tried extreme stuff, but when I actually started having bruises, we toned it back a bit.

He has such extreme fetishes I'm nervous
I mean, otherwise he's amazing and sweet

watdo WATDO HOW TO DIFFUSE

Sounds like your boyfriend did himself a disservice and got addicted to porn and now can't finish because it's not what his brain has associated with what real sex is. This is a problem for many men. I dated a guy who could only orgasm to his anime waifus and it was fucking lame as hell.

Dump this porn addict and find yourself someone who knows how to fuck you properly.

He's circumsised, check . He has to turn to weird fetishes to get off because one of his body parts got removed. Did he really do himself a disservice? Or was he doomed right after being born. You sound like the kind of scum who'd circumsise his own kids as revenge, just because it was done to you.

Bump