Need some relationship advice anons. You guys haven't failed me yet so I'm here again

Need some relationship advice anons. You guys haven't failed me yet so I'm here again.
Just got off the phone with my girlfriend. We have a normal convo. Somewhere in there she tells me casually that her friend group (her, 4 girls, and 1 guy - call him Fred) wants to go to Fred's house next weekend and all get drunk for the first time (she has never been drunk). She says they're all staying overnight so they don't have to drive.
I almost shit bricks. I asked her, "So it's just Fred and you 5 girls, right?" "Yeah" "So is he gay or is he a player?" She said she doesn't know, probably not gay.

Is this something I should be worried about? Seems a little off. We've been dating for 3 months. She says they've all been friend since childhood. She's also never been romantically involved with Fred in any capacity but they may have gone to prom together.
Am I being controlling and paranoid or do I need to lay down some kind of ultimatum? Personally, I wouldn't ever get drunk without her.

Attached: fox.jpg (349x524, 37K)

She told you flat out so it does not seem like she is trying to deceive you.

It is an uncomfortable situation to be in. It depends on if you trust her. If you trust her than let it be. If not you should break up with her.

Side note: You sound young and as such should expect this relationship to fail. It sounds bad but it's almost guaranteed.

Never, ever trust a woman.
Never ever let them know you don't trust them.

If it's her and and whole group of girls it is not an immediate bail.
It is strange that Fred if would be the only guy there.

You are both young and this relationship will not last.
That is nothing to regret

I feel like she would have invited you.
Why not ask to go?

If it's just a friends thing then offer to pick her up.

My first time drinking was with some guys in a dorm in another country and literally we just hung out. I was single at the time and would have told any guy about it.

Alright, thanks.
It's so sad that it won't last. We have been each other's first date, first kiss, etc...
She seems like she really really likes me at this point.
I just don't know why she would do this.
Shouldn't I talk to her a little more about it or is my only option to let it be and see what happens?

It's in her hometown and she lives a while away from me. We're together now because we're both at school for the summer. But she goes home on the weekends.
I do agree that she should have at least offered to invite though.

Just enjoy the ride, user.
Do the best you can. Be reasonable but don't compromise yourself.
If anything remembering it is finite should take off any pressure of embarrassing yourself and make you want to make the most of it while it lasts.

I'm thinking of saying something like this to her...
"You can do whatever you want at this guy's house, but if you're going to cheat on me, or put yourself in that kind of position, I'd rather you just be honest with me now and we can decide whether to break up or not"
Is that fucked?

>I'm going to go to another person's house and get drunk, tee-hee
That's degenerate, but given her explanation it could be that she just has bad judgement and isn't thinking about how it looks to you. You should try and find a way to be there with her (and stay sober)--that she says they're *all* getting drunk will give you an excuse to be the sober one.

If she refuses or gets overly defensive, then cut your losses and break up. Don't tell her that's what you're thinking of doing, though--even if she weren't planning on being unfaithful or disrespectful, if you come at her with a heavy-handed ultimatum, that could create its own problems where there weren't any before.

ok, no ultimatum, I got it.
But see my post above...it's just too far for me to go to be with her on that night.
She's very naive, and I don't think she realizes how fucking bad it looks.
That's why I asked if the guy was gay.
I think I need to say something to her, but not some kind of ultimatum.

Yes.
Any mention of cheating to a woman will backfire.
They invariably twist the mention into
"He must be cheating since he brought it up"
Or
"I might as well cheat because he thinks I am anyways/accused me"

The best approach to a woman is the same as with the police.
Say as little as necessary and never tell an actual lie.

The next time it comes up just say you hope she has a good, SAFE time with her girlfriends and that you wish you could be there with her.

ok. thank you. I like that last line. I'll use that.

user don't say this. My reason is as follows.

Do you think a cheater would respond honestly? "Oh user I was going to cheat, I am glad you brought that up. Lets break it off as it is for the best."

Now I am not saying she is a cheater. But you will accomplish nothing with that kind of conversation.

Also spoiler: I had said conversation with my ex and she cheated on me for years before I had proof.

You have to trust in your gut instinct. Follow your gut instinct and never look back. Whatever path that leads you - your gut instinct is always pushing for your interest and well being.

nah your not being controlling, fred definitely wants to fuck one or more of those girls. You should just got with her desu, or at least vocalise that you don't think he just wants to have pg fun.

Don't say anything that would imply you don't trust her motives. She'll get caught up in that and it'll overshadow whatever the situation is with the drunken sleepover.
If she's naive like you say, you could try explaining how bad it looks, but I think that would be too blunt for most people. They'd get offended because they often believe it's based on personal mistrust(in reality, not putting yourself in that kind of situation is done to avoid thorny discussions of trust in the first place).

The best chance you have, in my opinion, is to voice your concern that everyone there will be drunk, and tell her to reconsider going--if she insists, offer your place as an alternate setting if you can't make it there. For extra confirmation, if you're mutual friends with another girl in the group, you could ask her to keep an eye on your gf (don't make it sound like a suspicion of cheating, that'll get you labelled the 'bad guy'--just say that you want her to be safe.)

Take this with a grain of salt, I've never been in a relationship.

You're right.

Good post, what if I just tell her this
"For your own safety, I just want to tell you two things...first, as a guy, I can tell you that if this guy isn't gay, he definitely wants to fuck one of you, possibly you. Second, having been drunk before, I can tell you that the first time you get drunk, you will definitely not be in full control of your actions. That's all I have to say. Stay safe."

One plus is that her sister will be there and she knows that my gf has a boyfriend (me). But for all I know, she could just get drunk as fuck too.

dont say he wants to fuck her, dont mention cheating as user said that shit will backfire. Say something like "it looks like this guy wants to fuck, and it worries me what he might try to pull something with you; but have fun anyway i just wanted you to know this is how i feel"

>looks like guy wants to fuck - showed this guys intention
>worries me - shows your worried
>try to pull something - not saying, i repeat not saying she will go through with cheating, just worried he will try and come onto her. If she takes it as cheating say, im not saying you will do it i just don't want him touching you or some bullshit
>just wanted you to know how i feel- makes it about feelings girls love this bs

i don't think you should copy word for word, but these general points are what I think you should hit.

or just lie for her sister, you cant trust anyone that is friends/family on her side to tell you the truth if she cheats. I would lie for all of my friends to their gfs faces if they wanted to cheat.

Ok, thank you.

So the general consensus seems to be that I should at least talk about it, without accusing her.

Thanks for helping, everyone. Maybe I will be able to sleep tonight now.

Very true.

JFC user stop being a pussy fag and let your girlfriend have a life without you worrying about that. If her sister will be there and they all grew up together she’s fine.
T: a female with a boyfriend and a male best friend

Also, don’t even mention it. Text her during the party a few times, call her if you have to. If she really likes you she’ll call you though, I always call my boyfriend when I’m drunk.

Ok, I appreciate the advice.

I have to be honest with you though and just say that as a straight male, I still agree with some of the (I assume) guys above...there is something bad about the optics of this one dude inviting a bunch of girls to his house so that they can all get drunk for the first time.

You are right about her calling me, but she never texts me when she's with her friends.

I might be seriously fucked.

> I would lie for all of my friends to their gfs faces if they wanted to cheat.
I'd stop being someone's friend if they turned out to be cheating trash

Hey OP, idk if you're still here but I hope you get to see this post.
These childhood friend scenarios are really nothing to worry about. Plus you will be like, the ultimate coolguy bf if you don't throw a bitch fit over your girl getting drunk with her girlfriends. Obviously, you hear it all the time: trust is an important part of a relationship. Like other anons said, you will definitely be uncomfortable, especially if this is the first time you've dealt with anything like this. What you have to do, when this weekend rolls around, tell her to have fun, text you if she needs anything or wants to talk. If she doesn't text you, don't freak out. If this is her first time getting drunk, she can possibly not drink enough, or get uncomfortable and pussy out (girls are wimps), or she could drink too much and have an awful time puking her guts out and shivering on the floor. If she's having a good time, she might want to talk to you. SHE MIGHT NOT. I have ignored my girlfriends 10000000 times while I'm out drinking with my friends. Do not pester her with a billion texts. If you guys send memes to each other, send like one. No more. Next morning let her tell you all about her experience, good, bad, whatever. Guarantee you she will tell you where she slept, couch/floor, passed out from drinking, and who she slept by. But if this guy Fred is a childhood friend, you honestly have nothing to worry about, and should just treat the situation like he doesn't exist. I know this was long but if you do everything I said you'll feel better and your relationship will be better off.
And also cut the "I personally wouldn't drink without her" bullshit. It makes you uncool, and men are supposed to be leaders in the relationship. Don't let her have privileges you don't have, if you want to drink with your buddies during an all-nighter you should drink with your buddies and not give a shit, drinking is not that big of a deal.

the best move for you is just to not give a fuck bro
your real problem is that you lack the confidence to believe that you can get a better girl
if she cheats on you and you find out, ultimately its a good thing because she has showed you that she is not worthy and you can do better
good luck buddy

I will try to do these. Thank you (OP here)