I'm a submissive gay bottom, with an incredibly emotional, feminine and vulnerable side to me that I hide from everyone. I mostly portray myself as a man who conforms to society's standards of what a man should be. I am absolutely terrified of the idea that my peers, coworkers, or family see this feminine side of me, because itd shatter the image of myself I worked so hard to put forward. As such, I'm terrified of having a boyfriend, because they would see me, first hand, as the submissive and effeminate Male I am in bed and in the comfort of someone's arms, whether they be head patting me or rubbing my face, etc. It puts me in a position where I'd be very easily be taken advantage of, and I'd feel like I'm held hostage by them. But.. I still want that affection, without having to compromise that. What do I do?
I'm a submissive gay bottom, with an incredibly emotional, feminine and vulnerable side to me that I hide from everyone...
TL;DR fag
You have to stop being afraid of being seen/known to have an effeminate side
It's called having a healthy relationship. Before you get there, you will have to work on finding people you can trust and openning up to them about yourself. It is important to accept yourself and know (and feel) you are accepted as you are.
you sound like you deserved to be loved, i hope you find someone in which you can fall in love with and be happy with
You’ll never get rid of that vulnerable side, what you need to work in is being comfortable sharing it with someone you trust. If someone loves you and has your best interest in heart they’ll love that part of you too.
My family is already against it, and I dont wanna compromise that, and further I work with a lot of religious folk so I don't want to create unnecessary conflict there.
I see.. I don't know anyone like that, though. Let alone gay guys I'm comfortable just being around..
Thanks I think.
I suppose so.. I just don't trust anyone with it, generally.
damn this is me
This sounds like me, only I'm bisexual. The only thing that remotely helped me ease into separating public image from private time was therapy. It worked well for learning and taking my time accepting to do the split when necessary.
im bi too (post above), i really hate the idea of therapy because i feel like its a stupid hack profession thats a drain on money that i dont have, but i also have a lot of issues i need to deal with. what do?
Therapy works as much as you want/allow it to work. Skepticism is a big hurdle on this path. You either go in thinking "yeah man, I'm ready to tackle my demons" or "welp, idk where else to go, might try to stick with it for a while". A good therapist will make you stay for the ride, so I'd say this is the most important thing to find. When you find someone that clicks, you wilp be a lot more willing to work on your problems.
literally me, but I'm straight and have nearly broken down in front of other from the effort of hiding this softness inside me.
You are living a lie. Let the true self come out. It is gonna hurt that is the price you have to pay. Creative destruction. Also stop minding what others think. Be yourself and tell them to fuck off.
I.. don't really wanna be openly sensitive, though. I want to feel that way around someone I trust and can comfort me
Were you molested?
I'm not gay, but I also have a lot of feminine things I say and do.
People are gonna take advantage of you whenever you give them space. You being gay or not.
So what you can do and maintain the harder exterior to prevent jackasses from screwing with you, but to be more honest with yourself.
I know this is kinda of a big undertaking for someone ubmissive, I know, but the first person that should treat you with care is yourself. Be honest.
Also, get out of the closet.
The image you show of yourself is probably not entirely fake just what you deem socially acceptable in your unconscious. Don't fear or hate the feminine learn to accept it but also realize the masculine is still real and you don't need to hate it either. Every body has both a feminine and masculine side but to different degree both are still present in everyone though.
I found that really isn't true. My therapy experience ended in disaster. I was sent to a psychiatric ward against my will and forced to pay stupid medical bills. Also I am pretty sure I broke tax laws so I will probably be audited by the IRS soon too. Anyways though it is not all sunshine and rainbows. My life improved after realizing psychiatry is a scam. I still have horrible anxiety and depression pop up but I am improving much better on my own after learning this. In a way therapy did help me to realize this but there was huge risk of being sucked into an evil system designed only to make you tolerable to society not really to make you better.
Mommy issues?
No.
I guess. I hate my mom.
I agree
You fear enough coming out of the closet that you are changing your personality
But you want a boyfriend who pampers you
But you would be anxious since he would know your secret
You really should quit one of those: being gay or faking youre not gay
Also, theres a third possibility where you hide grindr on your phone and get a secret boyfriend. But i dont know if it will be good for your mental health
Also, im gay myself and i dont like the "accent" efeminate guys get from talking to girls and saying "gurl" every other sentence