My mother is a verbally abusive person. She'll say anything to get a reaction out of me...

My mother is a verbally abusive person. She'll say anything to get a reaction out of me. The following is one out of many.
At first it was "You'll never get a boyfriend. No one wants to marry you."
Then one day I got a boyfriend. Been together for a year. Now it's "He'll leave your ass."
When that didn't get a reaction, she's started insulting him to me and calling out his shortcomings. All of them, right in front of me, just to get a rise out of me. She made fun of how he is and said the only reason we're together is because "he isn't a prize either."
We are in a stable relashionship and plan on getting married once the jobs are lined up. I've told my boyfriend that this has happened, but I haven't said what she's said specifically. Should I tell him what she's said? I feel incredibly alone in this and hurt. I'm very much used to being called a dissapointment and inadequate, but for it to happen to my boyfriend hurts even more.

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Have sex with him

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That sucks. I would just brush it off and be as happy as possible. She sounds miserable. Learn from it, and when your a mother don't be a cunt.

Have a friend whose a great guy. Tries hard. A good heart. His parents are massive cunt drunks. He's sworn off alcohol and will be 10times the people they are.

Prove her wrong.

Sorry about that user.

when you have a baby forbid your mom from ever meeting it. tell her "your grandchild's no prize either"

it's playing a bit of a long game but it will devastate her

This OP

Keep her away from any kids you may have

Recognize that it is HER demons that are driving her, and not any external reality. Pity her and ignore her

Have you been on the narc moms reddit page? I suggest you do, Reddit I know, you don’t have to post. But it might give you some tools to cope with her kind until you can distance yourself.

It’s abuse. Real abuse that has probably had a lasting effect on you.

beat the shit out of your mom

My mother was and still is a narcissistic, bi-polar pathological liar. (Say that five times fast.) She's been married more than 5 times and every time she'd get a divorce, she'd load us and every single bit of precious into the car and leave the state to "a new adventure" and life.

She was manipulative, emotionally and verbally abusive and she made it clear that I was loved, but basically as useful to her as my child support check could pay for her love. She would withhold her love as a punishment and would give me the cold silent treatment until I came crawling to her begging for forgiveness for something I didn't even know was wrong. I moved out the month I turned 18 because I just couldn't handle her any more. She was toxic. She thrived off of drama and loved to needle me with anything she could to get a reaction out of me so that she could react back and get her fix of whatever chemical cocktail her brain would supply her whenever she was in her toxic element. She was a troll. She loved to bait me just to get me to rise up so that she could smack me back down. She constantly told me how much of a failure I was to her and that her life would have been so different if she had taken her birth control properly. (Dumb bitch.)

I fucking left the moment I was legally able to. I moved into a small apartment with my boyfriend at the time and finished high school and kept us afloat with a grocery store job.

It took me YEARS to deprogram myself from her conditioning and grooming and all of the psychological triggers and reactions I would have. PTSD has been proven to be something that can happen from being in an unhealthy relationship of any kind for too long. I don't think I have it, but I'm certainly not what I'd consider a "normal" person. (Whatever that word fucking means anymore. Who here can claim to be "normal"?)

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I understand what you're going through, OP. Your mother sounds like she is an abusive insecure bitch. She's sick. She's not normal and she's not healthy. Healthy normal people don't go around trying to hurt others for the sake or joy of hurting them. Only hurt people hurt others because they want them to feel the same low level that they do. Misery loves company, you know?

My advice for you is to try to remember that your mother will have absolutely NO POWER OVER YOU once you move out. You will be 100% free and her words can no longer hurt you if you don't let them. While you're under her roof, she can crow and strut as much as she wants - but once you're on your own you are completely free to not only be who you want to be, but live the life you've always wanted to live and you can move to where ever in the world you want to move to and leave her behind forever. You are under no obligation to talk to her, or make up with her, to apologize to her, nothing! You don't have to keep her in your life, if you don't want to. You simply don't. That's the choice you get to make as an independent adult.

You don't have to respect her "because she's your mother/family". You don't. You don't have to like her. You can love her, and you probably always will, but it IS possible to love someone but not like them or want anything to do with them. Your mother is actively trying to hurt you - why? I don't know. Only she does. But the sooner you get away from her, the healthier and happier you will begin to feel. Blood isn't thicker than peace of mind, so don't feel guilty about this. If she wanted to be a part of your adult life, she shouldn't have been such a monster to you while you were becoming one.

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Odds are she'll never change. So you have to consider if you want to keep some kind of relationship with her or not. If so, suck it up. If you don't believe the things she says, they shouldn't bother you. You aren't asking her to marry the guy and I'd be willing to bet she hasn't scored a lifetime of happiness in her romantic relationships either. Being your mom doesn't make her right.

>Blood isn't thicker than peace of mind
The actual quote is "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb" but people misquote it the other way for it to mean blood relatives over forged friendships and loves and that makes me hella mad

The proper quote is that "Blood isn't thicker than peace of mind" because that's what I choose to quote and nobody gives a shit about who pee'd on the blood-related quotes first and claimed them all. Get over it or die mad about it.

>Should I tell him what she's said?
No. You need to isolate and nullify your mom.
Try and become independent like having your own place and if she's bitchy keep her at a distance.

Well you definitely are your mother

I told you. I'm not 100% either after all that shit. I'm not the hero of this story, but more of a cautionary tale. Learn from it so you don't become a damaged monster like me.

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If possible, find a way to cut this bitch out of your life.
You'll probably want to seek therapy too, because groom what little I vaguely remember and understand, it sounds like it's inevitable that if you're around someone like that for so long, you *will* internalize it.

You should let him know how manipulative she is don't bother getting into the specifics. I'm in a bit of the same situation but my mother is no where near as bad as yours. I let my husband know right when we first got together, at least he was prepared for the crazy

>My mother is a verbally abusive person
So the average mother? You'll learn to never talk to her again eventually. Once your gone she'll come crawling back and you can just shut the door on her face. Easy win.

r/raisedbynarcissists

unironically go to reddit, I know a couple friends with shit parents have found that subreddit helpful

You realise you arent 100% so you acknowledge you have a problem. Do what you can to be better or accept that you arent as well put together on other people. That does not give you a pass to be an asshole.

Oh shit, I closed the window because I forgot to gender swap my shit in the OP but I guess it turns out this wasn't just going to be only shitpost replies.
Goodie.
I'm workin on it, on the path to it. I really don't want kids after this. Afraid I might get all pissy too and start yelling and garbage.
Unironic kek
Yeah, something must have happened. Her mother is a cold bitch but I don't believe she was abusive. Who knows, it could be anything, she tries not to be human around me.
maybe I can try that
kek
I agree with your points. Honestly, my mom, other than being angry all the damn time, was fine. I'll move the fuck away and not be under her roof, but holidays I'll see her. If she tries shit on holidays I'll just """"forget"""' or """"""not have the money."'""'"'
Hearing what you went through helped user, thanks.
Agreed
There's some shit that isn't right with me due to details I didn't put here, but yet again I'm the faggot that is wondering if therapy is actually something that works or not? I've heard mixed opinions. But I'm not entirely opposed to one day checking it out.
Oh I've told him just about everything, considering that it explains some crazy current mindsets. But when it came to the fact that these quotes are now callouts on HIS shit, I refrained. I told a friend and I told here, so that helped substitute. It's crazy, I'm long past the point of not caring what is said about me, but since she's found out that hurting him hurts me, she's gonna press that button like a happy cat.
I pray we just slide into an era of not talking anymore. She'll blame me for not trying, but fuck it at that point, I don't have to hear it then.
Damn there really is a reddit for everything.

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Not them but
>saying don't be an asshole
>on the site that gives you a pass to be an asshole
posting on the basket weaving forum is different from irl user. If they were face to face with you then sure. But this shit is different, pretty sure they boiled like a tin can on purpose.

I know why she did it. I have been through the same, in fact i still have to live with mine until I can move out. But acting like that here still needs reprimand to keep us from getting high and mighty at how easy it is to be nice to others.

Thank you, but I'll go ahead and say is right. I'm sorry for my rudeness earlier. I suppose my defensive mechanisms make me extra pickley and I could have not taken a cheap swipe at you with my cat claws. Sorry . Ego is worthless and I don't have a problem tossing mine out when I over-step.

Part of that whole, "healing and fixing" conditions and shit. Ya know?

Trying to correct assholery on Jow Forums is like trying to vaccum a dirt road. Also getting high and mighty about the ability to be nice makes zero sense. It is and will always be easy as balls to not be an asshole. Being an asshole is just more funni. I expected the thread to just be roastie toastie when I realized I fucked up, wouldn't have been salty about it either. Suprised people are actually posting advice.
[spoiler]also nice trips[/spoiler]

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faggy post
your mom probably treats you like shit because she can tell you're weak

pssssh, learn how to troll properly kid. 1/10 for making me respond.

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Im the one who called you out. I understand exactly and have done the same within the last 24 hours. Just remember to do your best to shrug it off unless its constant from one person. Its good to throw out the ego, not at the cost of our mental. If you find yourself acting unhealthy here take a break. This place is very unhealthy on a level near reddit. I enjoy the anonymity for when I do fuck up and so I can tell stories over a bit to new people but that shouldn't be an excuse we use to be an asshat. Because we both know, that we know when were being assholes either in the moment or immediately after. Just be better in the moment until you just are. Also dont throw out the idea entirely of seeing a psychologist

Oh, okay then. What you said wasn't even rude though, it was sassy at best.
fuck my spoiler reeeee
harder daddy

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You are a submissive who is desperate for physical human contact. Am i right or wrong

Wrong! I'm a switch!

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your mom was pretty generous with her physical human contact last night, so he's probably good for today.

cut. your. mother. out. of. your. life.

holy fucking shit, how have you not done this yet?

this reply makes no sense user

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Soon, user, soon. [spoiler]she's paying for my uni.[/spoiler]

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WHY THE SHIT ARE NONE OF THE SPOILERS WORKING

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I'm still genuinely fucking suprised that this soft as shit thread isn't getting boiled alive. Where is everyone?

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