I feel like Im swimming in a swamp of mental ailments. Im often depressed, low energy, unfocused, extremely anxious, self critical, low self esteem, self hatred, compulsive substance abuse and compulsive screen use. Through out the day I often verbally abuse myself saying stuff like "you are a disgusting piece of shit" "You should just die". and so on through out the day. I feel at unease all the time and take out all my frustration on myself, just feel an urge in my chest to release and scream and inflict pain in myself if i cant release it. Once i get pass a certain point of verbally extremely negative words then I then take it to the next level by punch myself on my legs. Even so the tension and stress in my body and mind is still not resolved and is still there. I just become too tired or numb to be bothered by it. I also feel my threshold to ANY stress in life is drastically reduced and i am overwhelmed much easier nowadays.
Im trying to quit smoking weed but i find that i smoke weed compulsively. if i have it i will gradually work my way up to smoking from morning to night until im out or i feel so disgusted at myself that i stop. I also often find myself in a depressed state looking at my phone for hours at a time lying on my bed. Just like a fucking vegatable.
Now just graduating university im making below average wage doing something thats totally unrelated to my major(music) and i feel like a total loser who is also fucked in the head.
Idk what to do anymore. Im trying to go to the gym as often as I can and do the freelance work i found but its just fucking exhausting. Im tired of always feeling like shit, im tired of myself and my behaviours, im tired of this shitty life and I really want to just at least make it out of the poverty line let alone fix my psyche.I just feel exhausted mentally and these demons are really just tearing me apart at any given chance.
Depressed artist too here, the only thing that keeps me away from the demons is to move, go for walks, leave everything and travel. hostels are good places to cope with anxiety and depression, physical work and sunlight too. Try to eat better. Force yourself, it's the only way (today I got up before 3pm and that's an achievement). slowly you'll be felling better, I promise. Also, contactfag me if you could use a friend
Asher Davis
Seems like you need sometone to help you get a hold of yourself Get a psychologist That wont make you weak, its the exact opposite, it helps you get better. You should mention your addiction, it doesnt help that he prescribes weed and you already have a stash of it
Easton Sullivan
It's called bipolar
Jackson Gutierrez
Thanks user. Do you have a place where you post ur art? Id love to check it out. youtu.be/AYxEUBs_AUc here is one of my music.
I went to see a shrink when i was in school and had insurance. helped a bit but idk if its realistic for me to spend 70cad+ an hour atm as im barely making minimum wage right now. 10 bucks an hour last time at my sales job lmao. Ive been listening to a lot of self help on youtube like alan watts jordan peterson. bunch of ted talks etc
what can I do to face this problem. how can i be sure?
Adam Campbell
Really nice bro! Really different from what I do too heheh. Nice production I have some reaaaally lofi things here Androide17.bandcamp.com
And here
Androidesasesinos.bandcamp.com
I also have a trap project but I didn't published nothing yet
Jackson Peterson
bruh me too, just switch music with photography add girl problems too
Evan White
If you verbally abuse yourself for hours throughout the day dont you get angry enough of being such a fucking faggot that you just turn on those negative thoughts out of spite? Two wolfs kinda thing, If you keep feeding the asshole one its going to get stronger. The thing is, nobody gives a shit about what you can or can't do. Some may use other peoples failure too feed their ego and cope with their worthless mediocre life. Really good friends and family are probably proud and happy for you if you're doing great. But who gives a fuck really? You sound a step ahead of alot of fuckers out there that have no selfawareness whatsoever. You just have to train to calm down with the overly negative shit. A healthy amount of selfcritique is what you can achieve. On top of that just build true confidence. Not le ebin meymay chad kinda shit. Or most normie bs just pretending to be way more than you are. That realisation that its all a lie is going to backfire making up for one seriously bad day in your 30's or 40's. Instead develope a skill you find useful. You mentioned music, maybe you arent as satisfied with your progress as a musician or student or whatever as you'd like to be? Branch out in another genre, learn from those. Something like that.
You also quoted „you are a disgusting piece of shit“, why disgusting? That sounded like something directed torwards something spiteful you did or your appearance maybe? The latter being just a gym and a healthy diet away from being changed.
Firstly thank you for your indepth comment user. I really appreshiate it
Second In regards to the "piece of shit" comment, there are things that i have done in the past which i REALLY regret. The kind of things that shown me how much negative and evil things im capable of. I guess due to my negative mindset i have a really hard time truly forgiving myself and moving on. Even if i manage to find peace for a while, when I fall into a spiral again my mind will always use those memories against me causing me massive guilt and low self esteem, hense calling a "piece of shit" and other things which is used to label a lowly person
Ryder Phillips
you got some really beautiful stuff on there user. i really love your aesthetic! Ill tell the sun is my fav
Cooper Torres
I see. Personally, I think its incredibly hard to come to terms with ones past, and that its over. Or some things you did. You should always keep in mind that the way you remembered that moment in time is not the same as it really happened. We all have our subjective memories of objective moments. In the case of doing something you regret it multiplies in your head, making it so much worse. Looking at your own reasoning might be helpful since you did those things with some thought put into it I imagine? That would eleviate you from the level of just being a monster, piece of shit etc.
Jack Anderson
also i sure do get tired of the fking negative self talk. but the voice just doesnt seem to let go. i will tell it to "shut the fuck up" but i find just trying to ignoring it and eventually my mind moves else where until something clicks and it starts over again
You mentioned Alan Wats. Have you tried the whole passively thinking approach (or whatever he called it)? Trying to distance yourself from your thoughts. Kinda like a passanger in your own head. Since those thoughts are not you. And are not what makes you who you are. You could just listen to all the negative stuff and try to let it float by, not taking it personally and see if they're of use. Maybe theres some things you can learn from them, some might just be objectively bad. Try to detect which are which and concentrate on letting them go by. After typing that it sounds to me like a forehead kinda advice but might be worth a shot.
edit: you didnt mention watts, idk where I thought that came from. My bad
Jack Kelly
forsure user. Thank you so much for your comments. I always try not to identify my thoughts with who I am. But its just so draining to constantly have these psychological machines (demons if u will call it that) that are keep polluting my mind with that negative words and feelings. like they r trying to chain me on a path towards hell and suffering and i constantly got to be on guard trying to keep myself sane. Thank you again i didnt expect such quality responses on the chan
I appreciate the back & forth. I think people share many of the same core problems to just different degrees so it's always beneficial for all parties involved. Iam personally worse with being a lazy piece of shit. You seem to be able to just go to work even with negative thoughts tormenting you. Iam also just a random pleb here trying to make sense out of stuff so my last guess would be to try regular or transcendental meditation. Found out about it while looking up some stuff from David Lynch since hes a big advocat of it. It looked like a practice to keep your mind kinda empty with repeating a mantra. That would silence your negative thougths/voices/demons maybe?
Connor Bennett
Makes sense now :^)
Nathaniel Walker
Do you guys remember in season 11 episode 5 when Homer tries to grow tomaco plants and he goes to that small shop in the middle of nowhere? What was that place called?
Jaxon Gutierrez
No idea
John Brooks
Thanks!!! It's really wholesome to have a devolution like that. Feel welcome to contact me if you need a friend
