What's up guys. Long story short I've had several serious relationships that have all crumbled apart over the years. I'm tired of being cheated on, emotionally tormented, etc. Even after all this I still want kids but haven't had any with the previous women.
More recently I've found a younger girl, not exceptionally bright but from a poorer small town. We got to talking and I straight up offered for her to move in with me and I'll pay for her to live with me as long as she has several of my kids. I make more than enough to sustain a family and already have a big house but could afford a bigger one. I told her she'd have to get a paternity test for each kid.
Before I go any further with this girl I want to know if it's possible to ensure I get any potential kids in the case of a divorce, if prenups actually work/additional ways to protect my assets, and any other advice you have for this situation. I've been upfront with her and she seems receptive. Even if it doesn't work with her I'd like to do something similar with another girl in the future thanks.
Oh, I'm in Indiana USA. I'm 32, she's 21.
Protection
Idiot, adopt already.
Kids need several adults in their life, being a single parent isnt that bad and its not impossible to make them. Good kids, but theres more fhance of being a bad parent in several aspects.
Also, newborns are a complete chaos, its easier to adopt someone who isnt a baby.
Besides the method of adquiring a kid, are u sure youre ready to be a parent? Why do you want to be a parent? Do you have enough time? How are your savings? How is your healthcare? What happens if you die and you already have a kid? How informed are you about teaching methods? Are you seriously gonna "wing it" ? Kids arent toys nor experiments. What happens if they cant walk/speak/etc ? What happens if they are twins?
Do you already know where to educate them? How well informed are you on current trends with kids?
Have you already tried going to a psychologist?
You can get primary custody of the kids if:
>you get a pre-nup and she gets nothing that she didn't come into the relationship with
You'll probably still end up paying alimony if she stays at home
>the house is in your name only
this is extremely important if you want primary/sole custody.
Judges are loath to disrupt a kid(s) lives so he who owns the house, owns the kids. most of the time men fuck themselves over when they move out/the house is in both spouses name, so they lose the house and the kids.
>there's no joint bank account so you get to keep the majority of your own money
keep your money under your control at all times!
>the kids are enrolled in private schools, that are demonstrably better than public schools and it's clear she cannot afford to keep the kid(s) current standard of education/living on her own/with her lover.
Again, judges try to disrupt the kids lives as little as possible. If they see you as the better option for the kids, they'll be more willing to give you primary custody.
Talk to a fiduciary and a divorce lawyer on the best ways to protect your money/house in case of hostile courts in your area.
The only way you, as a man, are getting sole custody of those kids is if you can prove she's a danger to the kids, or incapable of taking care of them. That's hard as fuck to do, I'm talking she's got to be physically in jail or you have solid, undeniable proofs she is, or has exposed the children to inappropriate situations/topics/substances.
Remember senpai, the courts are not your friend. They will side with the woman unless you show you are above and beyond her abilities to take care of them. Get yourself a fucking shark for a lawyer and listen to his advice on how to set yourself up for success against the courts. Also, make sure the person you're talking to about your financial assets is a fiduciary and not just a banker. Fiduciaries are mandated by law to look out for your best interests first and foremost.
I'm not raising some other people's kids, so no adoption. I know they need several adults and I'd rather they have their actual mother which is why I'm going this route. I could get a surrogate but that is another can of worms.
I'm not answering all your questions but I've dealt with newborns and other infants over the years. Some were my parents when I was younger, more recently my sisters' and brother's. I'm totally accepting of all potential negatives such as retardation and such. I'm trying to have kids ASAP so the risk of deformation decreases. Also why the mom is so young.
I already own the house and would own singularly any future house. Everything is already in my name and this girl is pretty poor. She'd be a housewife but I'd allow her to have a side job if she wants and it doesn't interfere with child rearing. I'd give them the best education I can afford and the same for each other aspects of their lives. There would be no way any of the girls I'm considering could afford the kind of lifestyle I've prepared for my kids. I'll obviously talk to a lawyer, probably several, before moving forward.
I know courts prefer women and truthfully, partial custody is fine. I obviously won't prefer divorce but it's mostly for precautionary. I won't be controlling or anything. In fact I'll be very hands off. As long as she has my kids, raises mine, and doesn't acquire STDs, she can do what she wants.
>What's up guys. Long story short I've had several serious relationships that have all crumbled apart over the years. I'm tired of being cheated on, emotionally tormented, etc. Even after all this I still want kids but haven't had any with the previous women.
Why do you want kids?
I just do. I've spent so much on taxes and shit helping other people I that I want some of my own. Plus I just like kids. I want to raise someone to have a better life than I did. I want to see and help someone grow up from birth to maturity and see them thrive.
Thats ok, if you answer them to yourself thees no problem here. Also, since you have had to take care of brothers its more likely that you wont be a fuck up as a dad.
"Im not raising other peoples kids" well, you already did, with your brothers and sisters v: , but seriously, why not? Most adoption kids are there because they dont have proper parents, so its not like they will be ungratefull to you or like it was possible that their parents suddenly appeared out of nowwhere asking why you stole them ?
Give adoption a chance.
Also, if you dont have a proper relationship whith someone then your kids will suffer that.
" my father was a degenerate that paid my mom to have me but never even tried to establish a connection with her" " they always fought" " i was the reason they divorced"
V: seriously, get a proper partner
No adoption, sorry bub. Just not happening. I'd rather live alone in my too-big house. And I don't seriously view raising family member's and their kids as "someone else's" kids.
And yeah, I know this type of arrangement isn't ideal. I fully understand that. But I'm too old to find a decent woman. There are none my age, and even if they were, they aren't fertile enough for me to consider them. And there's nothing stopping me from emotionally connecting to the mother of my children, I'm just planning to keep everything separate and to give her a high degree of autonomy in exchange for children. If she wants to be a loyal and emotionally mature women, I'm more than willing to reciprocate but I will also always retain a degree of detachment and preemptive preparation for if she turns out to be another whore
Bitch ass nigga
>I just do. I've spent so much on taxes and shit helping other people I that I want some of my own.
Like, is this really the first reason you wrote? Seriously?
Just terrible.
Not the main reason but definitely a part of it.
From my POV, that's terrifying.
No no no no no no, you're terrible...
Bitch ass nigga
So, your plan is that basically everything you planned is gonna be perfect and nothing bad is gonna happen?.........
I hope your kids are miracles cause im not seeing this as a good scenario to grow up
Youre already expecting them to thrive, so " my dady expected too much from me" daddy issues
Since you said the mother is gonna be almost a " yes husband, as you say" , its also gonna generate issues.(unless shes hard headed, but thats also gonna make issues)
You didnt even give adoption a proper thought, more issues.
One of the good points is that they arent gonna have money issues, so you can get them psychologists early on
I'm sorry I guess?
No, I already accept that things can go wrong. Maybe I'll just get a surrogate so that there's less stigma around it. You already said single parenting can be fine. Maybe I'll just do that so that there aren't the issues you think there will be
And I don't expect anything from them except that they have the best life they can and grow up. If they're ill in any way I'll love them regardless. If they want to be neets, I'll discourage it but I won't hate them for it either. The world's fucked and I won't abandon them because I consciously accept what I'm doing.
Part of the reason you want to create new human beings is that you already payed welfare money to someone else?Honestly, that would have never even crossed my mind as a meaningful reason for becoming a father.
But the point is not just "I would have never thought of that" (I would've never thought of lots of things), the point is that you think you somehow deserve to become a father because you payed taxes for someone else's children.
That's like saying you payed taxes for hospitals, planes and nuclear bombs, so you deserve nuclear bombs, planes and hospitals.
Dude, wtf are you trying to say? That I pay infinitely and expect nothing in return? No thanks. I shouldn't have mentioned it I guess but it's true. I honestly believe I'm better suited to be a parent (save the trusting women part) than everyone on welfare. I can't refuse to pay this shit. I can't decide who gets to have kids. What I can do is look honestly at my situation and judge that I could provide a decent life to a child or children and that I deserve to do so if I can do it. I have a master's degree and am set for a senior position in the firm I work at. If you pay taxes for a hospital you usually can use it last I checked anyhow
It all depends on how much free time you have.
If they get sick, they need someone to take care of them
If they have parents meetings, you have to be there
If thers mothers day, they arent gonna love that day and feel out since most schools do mothers day.( and i dont know how inclusive it has become recently)
If youre working 24/7 to pay school and health and food and water and everything else(piano and football), you wont have time for them.
Also, its great if you go home and someones waiting for you.
Being a single parent is hard because of time and stress. Not only on the parents, but also on the kids.
Also, being a couple but both working 24/7 is idiotic. In the same way.
>Dude, wtf are you trying to say? That I pay infinitely and expect nothing in return? No thanks.
So, you think this is a realistic description of your situation? You pay "infinitely" and "get nothing" ?
I'm asking if that's ok. I get roads I guess. That's about the only thing I don't pay for. Never used the cops but I live in a safe area and have a gun just in case. The military would only be necessary if Canada decided to invade.
I pay a good bit and see very little. I don't complain but I do expect a little more than I've got so far. If I can't have a family I will quit working or "retire" early. I'm not doing this for my health
My position allows flexibility but stability. I have high income and can work from home. I'll happily buy high quality nannies if and when necessary. I'm not working anywhere near 24 hours a day. Just assume I understand the stress and have analyzed my situation enough to determine that I can pull it off and not put much unnecessary stress on the kids, save the mother part, which I completely understand is a big if not huge deal. I just can't put this off much longer and going through the courting dance just isn't something I'm willing to do. That's why I was upfront with this last woman
Firstly, you basically are proposing sexual slavery. That said, get a prenuptial agreement on who gets the kids, finances, house, and other assets. Otherwise if she splits you are SOL. Also make sure cheating is a clause. Stupid women can cheat, too. It's not about money. It's about her realizing she's under your thumb and fucking around because she wants something else out of life.
PS: It's possible for her to get knocked up then bareback for days. The empresses of Rome used to do that trick. Having them be yours doesn't make her faithful.
Working at home is still working(unless you can afford to get distracted)
Nannies arent parents, you should try to use them the least
Congrats it seems youve done your homework on "when not to get kids"
Still, i dont understand why you cant adopt
Your argument is solid, but still, get a parenting license from a psychologist just to be sure lol
The world would be better if those existed v:
I don't really care about the sex. I care about the kids. I don't necessarily care about faithfulness either. Obviously I'd prefer it but beggars can't be choosers
Yeah, I know working is working. Rest assured I've looked into this. My sisters and brother have all said I should try to have kids. They're younger than me but we always stayed close and, like I said, I've helped them a bunch with their kids.
Adoption just isn't something I'm comfortable with.
Still, make sure faithfulness is a clause in the prenup. It's an easy out, especially if you can prove it (ex: she gives you AIDS).
I'll keep that in mind when I talk with the lawyers. Thanks man