Yall know the drill
GIOYC/Get It Off Your Chest
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I doubt too much. It's paralyzing.
Sleep is the most important thing in life. It is.
They say too much of a single thing can be bad but whats so bad about sleeping forever?
Look I don't give a sjhit who is mad or who I offended. Why? Because I will fucking end you right here. MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OF YOU.
mommy, daddy, toby, liz, sam, tom and me - Ryan
Look I will fucking kill you with my bare hands if you so much as entertain a negative thought against us.
My family if perfact and includes all of my friends like Hayden and Jeremy and Hala and Sarah and Nicole and Rachel and Paula and especially Anna and Yana and Hanna. Man, I should've loved you girls waaaay more.
Josh you are so cute. I like being around you but at the same time I dont because I'm a mess. Tbh I get really aroused when I'm near you and when I hear your voice. You have nice eyes and a nice smile. I want to hug you and touch your hair. I want you to fuck me.
I'm sorry if I'm a bother sometimes I'm just kind of dumb.
I wish I wasnt so autistic.
I don't know how I'm supposed to reply. I think girls kissing girls is pretty fucking hot but lesbian is are my biggest fetish. I cant say that like a spazoid. I think I handled it ok but you're gone after today anyways. Maybe you're into me though? Everyone says you're a bitch but you seem nice enough to me, according to Alex you like white guys and if you're not being a bitch then you're probably interested. I dont know if I should even try and I don't know how I'd try. Flirty jokes maybe, too bad I'm so boring.
Maybe set the court up for flirty jokes? I don't even know how to be flirty.
Its probably a waste of time anyways desu.
I would still let her sit on my face
Love is so painful.
Boooooring
You leave Ryan out of this.
He's having one hell of a day working with kids in a shitty restaurant.
Surprised he hasn't succumbed to depression just yet. Poor fucker needs a vacation.
You don't want to be in a relationship, you're not the relationship type? Oh but you still want to go out, you still want me to hug on you, you and I just spent two fucking hours on the phone together in the middle of the night talking. Oh, you were talking about how big my dick was - which I'm not the one who started that conversation, you did - and how it'd tear you up. You say you like me and you say that I'm the only guy you flirt with, but you don't want to be in a relationship? Because you're not a people person? So you want to be "just friends." Frankly I don't have time to be just friends with someone who says all these good things to me, who says she loves me. That's just dumb. And you're over here talking about how you want to get married and have kids? How the fuck you gonna do that if you're "not the relationship type"?
Get back to me when you get over the commitment issues. I am too old for that. It's like, I thought I finally found someone who cared about me... But you managed to show you don't.
Fuck these tears.
They just fear responsibility, user. And also lazy.
You fucking told me you were in love with me.
You have been almost everything I've ever wanted except the person who would just tell me that they wanted me.
I don't really want to live in a world where they don't exist, though, and you're the closest I've ever come to finding happiness.
You're cutting me every which way though, and you may have hit an artery, and I may just be a dead body to you.
I guess good job disregarding my entire existence; that's hard to do.
Maybe you're just better than me.
Have fun with that, and send a postcard to the sad clumps of human suffering that you leave in your wake.
Don’t be like this, I’m not happy with it too
Well, I've tried to be in control.
So if you're not, then everybody's in trouble.
I hate my New Zealand accent so much. I can do American and British accents which sound extremely pleasing but, as soon as anyone found out I was putting on an accent they would think me disingenuous. Literally considering moving countries so I can justify larping as someone who doesn't sound like a plebian sheep farmer.
And if you are, then you've told me to fuck off.
So maybe I'm just in trouble. Maybe I have to find some kind of nothingness of self that I can peacefully die in.
Maybe I'm just not someone who is "supposed to" find anyone else and I just fucking die alone forever without the kind of love I thought I was staying alive for.
That seems like a really good reason to just seek death, though.
I guess I believed a lie. Shit happens. Call it God or Love or Eternal Fulfillment or whatever you want to. Here I am. Duped. Cucked. Fooled again.
Hah... what do you get out of this after all?
>That seems like a really good reason to just seek death, though.
you don’t even dare
Kek; I've been hoping not to wake up from every sleep I've had for at least a year and a half.
Most of them find me in places where there is love.
Being awake means being alone, though.
So you do the math.
I dare to tell the truth. That's all I've ever done.
I'm laughing at the expression on that dog, tho.
What is death but being done with what you want out of life, after all?
If you have what you want, then live.
I don't. That's why I seek death.
Am I supposed to believe there's something worth living for in this body after being explicitly told that I have no future?
I fucking hate being a sperg
I'm at the line between accepting myself and trying to improve myself and it's really uncomfortable being here. I go back and forth over the line many times but I find myself in the middle the most. I get motivated and plan on doing things, then when I actually do itI just feel how "off" everything about me is. I can't interact like the others, understand like the others or even enjoy things like others
People say that autistic people are smart and sure I did well in school (prior to college) and have above average IQ but what does that help? I'm not going to make any scientific breakthrough or be the next Lewis Carroll. I don't have amazing memory or artistic skill, I don't even like reading. I only notice all the negative traits of this shit, I sperg out if something is out of order or if someone borrow my stuff or whatever, people say I'm stubborn. My family don't seem to care either and jsut treat me like a normal person which I guess is alright, but some understanding and room would be nice once in a while.
I look back at life when I was a kid, I was different but I was mostly happy. I had friends from school and I actually went out with them quite often. I was "that guy" in the group but I was still there with them. I even had girls come onto me in high school but I never understood what to say or do so it never went anywhere. There was one I hung out with for quite a while and would probably been my gf had I not been so retarded. I'm not ugly or fat or anything, it's just my head.
These past years I've cut out all the bad things in life that made me feel good, I don't drink or mastrubate but I think to myself; is it worth it? Why should I cut out the few things that make me feel good just for the hope that someday I get something else that makes me feel good but with a meaning?
Maybe one day it will get better, maybe one day I'll get to have actual sex or a job I enjoy waking up to?
I don't know, I fucking hate this shit
I'm so fucking dumb for letting other people decide my destiny, and I deserve every bit of suffering for it.
>I don't drink or mastrubate
Both of those things are awesome.
That's nice.
Very positive.
I hope so.
This is one of the moments I’m glad I never gonna meet you.
Yeah. facing yourself is a terrible ordeal.
There is no self, fortunately.
I'm tired of being sick, maybe this is my retribution. It seems I am still getting poked with the shit stick. Honestly it really doesn't matter if you try to be a fair decent person the vipers of the world will swallow you alive. I have been increasely unwell for the past 4 years. I keep thinking I can beat anything that it thrown at me, I am sadly mistaken. I am a shell of my former self. Dagger in when it became apparent anything of beauty was shaken off as a lie. Let me adjust my face, the foundation is collapsing.
I don't wanna meet you. I don't really care about you.
But I'd still find satisfaction in making you jealous.
And I hope you're aware that nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
>the foundation is collapsing.
Yeah. it honestly is. You good. keep going.
>And I hope you're aware that nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
And I hope you're aware that the more you find the need to say it is just ammo for whatever hopes keep praying for it.
But if that's what you have to believe, then you have your mission.
These threads went so schizo lately it’s borderline unreadable.
How's this for unreadable?
We returned from some dinner, and you froze in front of me.
I didn't know what to do.
You were like a dream, and your right arm stretched out in front of me...
And I high-fived it.
I fucking gave you a high-five, and I want to kill myself for it.
How's that for unreadable?
Probably no response at all, because none of these things mean anything.
If they ever do, please let me know.
If I am bound to die, please let me die.
I don't want to, but if I have to, then the least you could do is make it comfortable.
Dude, do you like this kitten?
I’m indecisive if I keep it myself or giveaway to better home. I kinda liked it, but idk I’m not really good with pets.
What do?
Now I feel a bit bad for keeping because they might have liked it
They cut my internet because I told the truth. I couldn't get on last night.
I gave away the cat
Secretly hope they give it back
I feel anxious
>lately
Don't protect me.
I wish my mom didn’t have these crazy irrational anxiety outbursts. They’re seriously abusive and I can only hold in my anger after being screamed at for so long. She doesn’t want help, she doesn’t want to be calmed down, she just wants to keep having a tantrum. I love her but I just can’t handle it anymore. Then she suddenly switches back to normal like nothing happened and I just want to cry. She won’t take medication or even see a therapist, and is so insulted if you bring it up in any way that she’ll start having a freak out over that alone.
I can't decide whether to tell you how I feel and fight to win you back, walk away and get you out of my life, or somehow let you back in on a platonic level.
The only thing keeping us apart is this distance. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. If I had never moved away, if there was no distance, we'd be together. There's no chance either of us would be platonic with each other if I knocked on your door right now. There's such a fucking connection and it sucks that there's an ocean and a several hour time difference between us now because all I want is you back in my arms.
I just want to spill this all out to you but I recognise that the rational choice is admitting defeat to the distance, but I don't want to do that. I want you.
Man, idk what to do.
They know who I am, of course they do. They hack any site I go to, they hacked the small place I went to get medical mj, the games I play. They hacked my credit card company.
Also, right after I signed up for Quora, they hacked that too.
No one can help me.
The only way you can beat them is to be train yourself.
>don't worry
About a thing
>Cause
every little thing
>Is gonna be alright
...
Remember the baphomet statue they put up?
I want to become a philantrophist because i want fame and social recognition.
I want children to greet me in the street,I want to be invited to dinner parties,I want to go around wearing a suit and have people point at me and say "You!you helped my son,""you helped my wife
"thank you"
There's nothing wrong with that. I hope you make your dreams come true.
The Bonnie Situation is my favorite. And also these lil chats between Vincent and Jules.
I come here every day, why isn't it enough?
I believe the more you give,the richer you become
Agreed. That's a beautiful dream and I wish it for you too.
Surely this obsession will end soon. Its really confusing and stupid. I know he doesn't think about me at all and I don't even feel any romantic desires towards him I literally just want to get to know them as a friend wtff whyy. Its not love, its not even lust, so what is it?
Why don't I try? Why don't I want to put in any effort? Why does the idea of rotting away hold so much appeal?
Is it just depression? Do I really have to go on meds for the rest of my life?
What do you think of him usually?
I feel pretty much the same way about a girl at work and I wish I knew why.
I have no idea how to answer that. I don't even know who he is. I think I am just insane and obsessive for no good damn reason. It has been like this for nearly a decade, I don't know why or what or when it will stop. I just think about what they are up to, what they are like, if they think about me (they don't but I still entertain the idea they do). Stupid shit like that. I want to be friends with them. I have never felt a strong sense of curiosity for anyone like this in my life. It must be because they are simply unobtainable and my mind won't accept it. I want to know him but what I need is to stop thinking about him.
Everytime I hear my mother say anything, my heart rate escalates like it is defcon 1. Pretty sure I will die from cardiac arrest if this keeps up. I fucking hate her and she feels like her shit doesnt stink. Shes a fucking cunt and I hate her. I used to see my relatives everyday when I was younger. 2 of my bestest friends were my nephews growing up. We played video games all the time together. My mother got into a fight with their grand parents over some stupid shit about tea and that wedged a gap that will never be fixed. I have no relatives. Every holiday is just me and my family. One new years I decided to stay over at a friends house. She didnt shut the fuck up over me spending time with my friend for a month.
I just want to kill myself. I used to be suicidally depressed and drinking every day when I didnt have a job and an education for absolutely nothing. I now have a full time job with benefits. I've lost weight and look different and feel healthier than I did last year. I still want to die. I just dont want to suffer anymore. Going home is torture to me mentally and spiritually. Everyone tells me to find something I like to do and have fun but I dont know. I just dont know. I want to do drugs but I know I cant.
I want to see you. What do you want?
You need to find a purpose to dedicate yourself to. Do you have a relationship? Your own family you could start? That's the ultimate purpose for anyone, the ultimate dedication.
Or try and dedicate yourself to your job. Work for the sake of work and love to do it.
And, most of all, cut her out of your life. Get away from her by whatever means necessary, and if comes looking for you call the cops. You have a friend, can you stay with them for a while, just to quickly get out of her house? If so, do that.
Fuck. If you ever see me again tell me the fuck off. If you harshly reject me maybe I will rid myself of any delusional thoughts that you want to know me. I know none of this makes you feel good, I think I scare you, and I think you think I am trash in comparison to you. This amount of obsession isn't healthy for me, and I can't seem to make it stop no matter what I do. I don't know what else will wake me the fuck up from these fantasies, J. I need to know there is no hope and I feel like the only way my mind will accept it is harsh, direct rejection.
It's not so simple. I lived a very shelled off life because she was scared black people would try to take me away. Shes a big time racist. Shes part jewish, part ukranian, part russian. Shes a trifecta of racism. I have a friend in LA that I would be glad to move in with but I'm in NY. Rent here is rape. I only make 40k a year, which I believe that is before taxes, so I make even less than that. I am essentially poor. What friends I do have are struggling too. I want to get friends that are in the right place in life but I have been so walled off its fucking disappointing. I hate how sheltered I lived. I've been trying to open up more but everyone around me is married or getting married and have kids.
On august 15th I will be 29. I am a fucking disappointment.
Girl I'm fucking currently said "we need to find you a girl" mid fuck and I grabbed her hair and said "you're mine". When she was done melting from that she said "so you dont want to watch me with another girl?". Didnt know how to reply so I just continued fucking.
Are you typing this mid fuck?
Nice.jpg
Then you have nothing to lose. See about moving in with your LA friend, then pack up and leave. Buy a one-way air ticket, get out there, and, if she tries to track you down, call the cops.
She has no authority over you, and staying where you are is only going to kill you. I know it's not going to be easy for you to hear: but you need to bite the bullet here. Hold your breath and jump into the deep end. The good news is: the biggest of the sharks is back up on land (your mom, in this analogy the shark is your mom).
checked
Im planning on ending myself soon.
love and affection
heh
That's what I want to give you
gibs
I hate that I’m ugly and with short hair I’m even uglier
post face
only if you're C...
Get out of my head for fucks sake, I'm so tired of thinking about you every single day. It's making me miserable. How the fuck do I stop thinking about you?! You got a new SO so fast and I'm still wallowing in this shit. I'm so tired of it.
I'm E
I know I need to just dive head first and I believe that's one of the only ways to experience life at times. I lost my virginity at the age of 28 just 2 months or so ago. Maybe 3 now. I went to a shady looking chinese massage place. I called up 5 escorts beforehand and none picked up so I assume they had clients already. A thousand things could've happened that night. The best outcome came through from a shot in the dark.
I just rarely do things blindly. I dint know what will happen with work. Or my insurance. Or what will happen with my family. Or how I will move everything I have like my computer. Theres so many things I have that I wouldnt know if I should pack light or what. And I never went on a plane besides the time I came to this country at 3 years old.
Maybe this hesitation to pull the trigger on this is me taking an easy way to not cause big change, but slowly poison myself till I finally die. I have always hesitated to make big change. I would drink myself into a blackout and travel from the city back to where I live, which is about 40 min ride by train, around 2 or 3 am, and I wasnt hesitant about that. I'm so self destructive that I dont know what to do first.
Never haha
Rent freee
;)
I know, I fucking know. It's driving me insane. I just want to get over it and move on but it was the first long love I've ever had in my entire life.
Find them irl and dab on them till you know all they feel toward you is h8 and disgust
works everytime
The fact that they already said they hated me when they left broke my heart. I don't want to just fuck the saddness away, but at this point I might as well try.
practice self love
upload.wikimedia.org
As much as I hate to say it, you need to forget about your family, at least for now. They need to become a non-entity in your mind. This is about you, not them; you need to heal and grow, and I know not all of them are responsible for your situation, but you need to recover more than they need you to be there.
Ideally you want to take everything, because your mother WILL trash/sell everything you don't take with you. But, if you can't get away with them either leave them or, better yet, pawn them off for some money to help you get on your feet after the move-maybe, if you're lucky, when you get established you can head back and reacquire them (don't count on this).
This is going to require some sacrifices. Comfort and security are but the first of the sacrifices, but you must also be prepared to sacrifice items and belongings, and for people like us I know that's often one of the harder things to do.
Your analysis is 100% spot on. That is exactly what you are doing. Your lack of want to make the plunge is your self-pitying and tear-jerking taking hold. That is another thing you're going to have to sacrifice - though "violently murder" is likely a better term for it.
You've already done what you need to do first: identified the problem, reached out for help. Even if it's a bunch of autists on the internet, you've taken a step, minuscule and small, but a step nonetheless, in the right direction. The first step is done. Now it's time for the second.
My head hurts. I don't want to exist at all. it's never been quite this bad. I don't want to see anyone, family or friends.
i just can't move on. I never told her just how much she meant to me. I even fought against me to make sure she would never contact me again. And she didn't. And I continue doing this with every person that gets anywhere close to me. Why am I like this?
There is no solution. I should just accept who I am and do the best I can. This is unfortunately quite difficult. I shall improve.
I think an NZ accent is hot user.
Haha that made me feel a bit better.
What do you mean by "dab on them"?
literal dab
Gay
Why can't you tell her now?