Gf used the term "gaslighting" should i be worried? She basically accused me of something I didn't do or don't recall doing, I said no I didn't, and she said "YOU ARE GASLIGHTING ME!" Now, I always associated that term with crazy feminists and it's become a sort of red flag for me. Should I dump her?
>She basically accused me of something I didn't do or don't recall doing, I said no I didn't, and she said "YOU ARE GASLIGHTING ME!" The funny thing here is that she is gaslighting you. Anyway, if someone is familiar with the term you should dump them preemptively.
Adam Campbell
Gaslighting is a real and legitimate thing and something that abusers use all the time. It's a very legitimate method of sabotaging a person, knocking them off balance, and having them question their own judgement (which leads to them deferring to your, an ideal situation for an abuser).
Now we don't know how this thing went down, but a major part of gaslighting is the deliberacy behind it. If you actually do not remember, then it's not gaslighting. If you are trying to cover something up, it is.
But again, we don't know what happened. Did she go and suddenly claim gaslighting immediately without any proper discussion? Was there a conversation that dragged on and got nowhere or went sour? Are you actually listening to what she's saying at all and being empathetic and communicative?
The way you should interpret the situation depends on the context of the situation. Can you give us more details as to how things happened?
Angel Stewart
Its probable she is accusing you to cover for her own misdeeds.
Jason Thomas
No, it's fine bro, you're just getting married to someone who equates differing with her to abuse.
Your girlfriend is too retarded to understand the term gaslighting -- might be a bigger concern than reading Jezebel
James Moore
She said last night when I came to bed I jumped on her, I did no such thing, and told her such, and she screamed "YOU'RE GASLIGHTING ME!!!"
After talking to her about it (after making this thread) she said she worded it wrong and meant that I was annoying her That's fine if it was a legit misunderstanding but what worries me is that she used a word I always associated with feminist victim tactics. She never talks like that, we've been dating for several years, so it makes me wonder what sort of things she's getting into.
I just wanna know if this is harmless and I can let it go (we made up now) or if I should be worried that she's getting into like that feminist subculture stuff. I don't wanna get me-too'd
David Stewart
if you're lady is screaming at you, it means you're slipping up my dude. might be getting soft around her, she's starting to see you as weak or something.
Ayden Wright
>worried about getting me-too'd when you're marrying a bitch Divorce rape should be your primary concern nigga. Get that pre-nup ready and remember to keep your money under your control at all times!
Colton Wilson
This all correct.
This is deeply concerning - she shouldn't be conflating terms for annoyance with legitimate abuse.
My first boyfriend was the definition of gas lighting - actually trying to convince me that I was insane/schizophrenic but shouldn't see a professional or talk to anybody about it because "Nobody likes a crazy bitch." Tl;dr he was having multiple affairs and had a meth addiction, and obviously I left as soon as I found out.
I have no neurological or mental problems, but to this day I worry and double-think every interpersonal feeling/reaction that I have because I still wonder, what if I really am a crazy bitch, and I'm having the 'wrong' reaction?
People (read: soibois and new wave feminists) who make light of real abuse are usually abusive themselves. Just be very careful and individually assess her reactions to these things every time - don't become complacent because 'that's just how she is' because it could very well escalate.
Juan Anderson
how were you in a relationship with a meth addict without knowing?
yeah you should dump her then spend the rest of your life jerking off with the other incels here.
Joshua Reed
I know, right? I was a very sheltered 18-year-old when we met. I wasted four years of my life with him because he threatened to kill himself/me if I ever left, and in the end when I found out and dumped him, I was genuinely disappointed that he didn't.
But hey, shit happens. I'm happy now and I'd like to think that I'm a good person.
>polite sage for hijacking OP's thread.
Blake Adams
I'm agreeing with this user: If she's crying abuse for something as innocuous as that, that's a pretty major red flag. Either she doesn't understand the gravity of it (e.g. thinking if a person is reasonably angry at you they are abusing you), or she's trying to normalize her harmful behavior/exaggerate the harmful effects of your innocent behavior. Only you and your peers can determine which it is, but if she refuses to communicate and shuts down any attempt, that is another major red flag.
The shittiest thing about abusers is they will take advantage of any systems in place that could give them an edge. Now that awareness and intolerance of abuse is spreading, abusers are more and more often cloaking themselves in the lingo of it. This doesn't mean that all feminists are abusers or that the cause itself is necessarily a bad thing. Like animal rights, it's a good cause but it ends up being distorted by a vocal and harmful group (such as PETA).
What's important is to know and recognize the signs of abuse and keep an eye out for the patterns regardless of where it comes from. Abusers can be anyone and come from anywhere, but most people are not abusive. Don't look for abusers in one specific group only or you'll become a stereotyper and miss the ones hiding outside of that box.
Jack Cruz
Alright guys we talked about it, she didn't even understand what the term meant, I think I'm gonna roll with her. Thanks for the advice, it was helpful
Charles Watson
gaslighting about gaslighting eh? dump her
Aaron Mitchell
>We're getting married f
Noah Jackson
After reading this thread, my advice is to figure out what's eating at her that made her flip in the first place. Bitches don't go zero to a hundred, they sit at ninety-nine for awhile and don't show it.
t. bitch
Brody Flores
Do you realize how insane you sound? You "didn't realize" he was a meth addict because he wasn't one, you believe that with no real proof to justify to yourself that the relationship was doomed.
Ethan Perry
Break up with her while you still can
Jose Hill
Gaslighting is the new buzzword and nobody who uses that term knows what it actually means.
Austin Foster
Low quality bait
Tyler Morgan
>After talking to her about it (after making this thread) she said she worded it wrong and meant that I was annoying her Heh. Quite the difference there. One of my friends married someone who was traditional and grew up in such family, then started reading Tumblr and became a feminist who was 24/7 concerned about women's rights, emotional abuse, and so forth. Now I don't know if my friend was being abusive or not, he is a bit of a narcissist and lacks self-awareness, or she got bored and got carried away with "what if" scenarios, the same way men get autistically interested in video games or da joos in Jow Forums, but they did end up divorcing.
Sometimes people end up using phrases they constantly read in communities, the words infiltrate your mind, even if it doesn't necessarily apply. Sounds like your soon-to-be wife was self-aware enough though to tell you she just meant she was annoyed as opposed to doubling down, which is when you need to worry. Some women never apologize and will argue around the impossible just to not have to admit to be wrong.
Eli Stewart
Red flag. Do not marry.
Isaac Campbell
She's off her bleeding rocker. Abort
Isaac Gonzalez
t. cuck who jumps through hoops to please women
Joseph Bailey
It's a legit term describing a very real activity that is their done for the sake of manipulation in a political or espionage setting or used by people with personality disorders as immature defence mechanisms. But if you're not gaslighting her, it likely means that she's both gaslighting you and projecting which makes her cray cray, or she read some Cosmo-like article and is just parroting what she read.
Kevin Bennett
She's gaslighting you while blaming you for what she's doing. I had experience with a similar nutjob. We were just friends, nothing else, but she'd call me literally ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Morning, noon, evening, before bed, middle of the night, etc. Then she'd go full explosive one day and start screaming about how I'm smothering her and giving her too much attention when literally all I'm doing is replying to her texts and answering her calls. So she'd block me and tell me that I never ever contact her again.
Then she would contact me and call me out for drinks, after which she would attack me that I'm forcing her to hang out with me. So she would block me again, warm me not to contact her or she'll call the police and, of course, she'd contact me again and whine about how she has no friend and is depressed, but then attempt insulting me by claiming that I'm depressed and have no friend and I want to make her feel depressed because I want her to feel as bad as I supposedly do.
Some people are crazy and you can't help them if they refuse to admit to having a problem. If this happened once, whatever, maybe she had a weird day. But if you start seeing a pattern, run.
Nicholas Long
Do either of you have evidence that said incedent actually happened?
Juan Ward
Lol I'm a meth addict and no one has any idea really user. Shit is easy to hide if your not retarded.
Lincoln Jenkins
inb4 OP is actually gaslighting his gf and is making this thread to "prove" to her that everyone thinks she is crazy