Help me please

im confused and hurting a lot
what keeps you from ending it?

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Think of your mother finding the body, that's what always stops me

eventually something will make sense. the confusion lessens, and the picture is clearer. I'll probably never see the full thing, but as I see more, i can be more confident. I never gets more rewarding. but it gets more interesting and fun.

(op) mother left me when i was a baby
step mother isn't around and doesn't speak to me
father is in prison
dying is pretty easy at the moment

Drop acid or DMT or something, try to get out of your own head for a while

At this point? Raw grit and determination. I am white knuckling it through every day.
>old (36)
>no friends
>no romantic prospects (not that I am trying cause I live with my parents)
>shit job
>former heroin addict. (wasted youth)

I guess I am just hanging on hoping that something crazy happens like I win the lottery or get to fight in a civil war. Some days are tougher than others... Oddly I know that if I ever want to end it I can sell all my stuff and get a nice hotel room with a bunch of heroin to OD with and knowing that I have an exit strategy gives me a kind of peace and not so powerless. Sorta like I have options. (so much as giving up and hitting reset is an option)

Good luck OP.

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The feeling of sunlight on my bare skin.

Read Albert Camus' Myth of Sisyphus.

This book opened my eyes to what life can be.

my endless anger and stubbornness

At this point, an acute awareness that the dozens of times before I felt like killing myself and wanted nothing more than to do so always ended, eventually.
I'm not happy, and I doubt I ever will be, and I'll probably kill myself at some indeterminate point in the future, but I've been living with this worldview since middle school and now I'm 25 with big-boy problems like, "I got into the wrong career" and "Oh, man, I'm really starting to feel my complete lack of exercise and a healthy diet", which really help to keep the misery focused on things I can try to fix.
Fuck, dude, the opening was so gay I couldn't even get past the first page. Camus was a BITCH.

Culture yourself you illiterate pleb. I bet you would slob all over Kierkegaards cock you gaylord.

Listen, man, if you open a philosophical treatise with some rambling psychobabble bullshit about "suicide being the first, and most important, question in philosophy", I'm going to immediately assume you're a sophist and you should go back to writing fiction.

>im confused and hurting a lot
About what and why?
Most of your internal problems can be solved by taking some time, giving yourself some space and clearing your mind.

Fuck man, I can respect that. Why'd you open with "hurr he gay" tho?

Because it's the same level of criticism.

Fair enough, I'll agree to disagree.

anti-depressents

>get to fight in a civil war
Funny, the same thing helps me keep going. I just want all the fake bullshit to end and shoot some commies

But it is a good place to start reasoning. The question asks if life is worth living or not

This nigga gets it!

I've been there. Had be committed twice for a 72 hour suicide watch. One was voluntary, the other doctor's orders. Was in my early 30s with a 3 year old daughter and married.
There were lots of factors but no need for details, I'd been dealing with anxiety and depression since elementary school and had been on more meds and to more counseling than I care to count.
Two main realizations helped me. First, there was something biologically wrong in my head and secondly self medicating with booze or drugs is a horrible idea especially if you are taking anything for the depression. Maybe none of that applies to you but I wish you luck. I'm doing ok now but it wa touch and go for a long while. Oh also have someone keep your guns or knives at their place if you own any. Not having that stuff around cuts down on impulsive suicide or self harm. I think doing that may have saved my life.

I've been depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts over half my life.
(Am 19 though, so it doesn't count for much)
What keeps me going is the simple logic.
Life may seem pointless, but death, suicide, is even more pointless.
It achieves nothing, wastes your valuable time and makes you feel pathetic. You have acceptable reason if you're elderly, but if not, there's less point in it.
>Life, you can make your own points, do what you want, if you can bring about the will. And life has it's flipside as well. There is fun to be had, and knowing the things you do after depression and pain brings great wisdom to it.
>Death, nothing. Nothing at all. Sure there's no pain, but there's no fun either, nothing good, nothing bad. Pointless.

The pain will never leave user. You'll only learn how to mould it to your will like putty around an iron fist, and to wield it like the fucking infinity gauntlet, in the sense you can use it to accomplish your goals.

i get tons of sex

honestly if you're suffering and no one is helping you and you genuinely believe ending it will help then do it, it's better than suffering and if someone tells you oh I will feel bad just reply if that's the case why don't you ever help me

I just think about the fact that I’m white
Which is pretty great

Don't forget that as long as you're alive you have the chance to experience happiness

Wtf are you me?

being bi-polar and terminally in-conclusive. before i can make up my mind i feel ok again.

Recognized for hilariousness

Cause I wanna live

Realizing I only want to die from other shitty people and turning my feelings into rage and angst. It really does work.