Posted thi on another threa,d but since it seems to be dead, I'll try again:
I really don't know how to improve myself. Every time I try something new, it gets boring and unsatisfying after a couple of weeks, or a month at most. I've trying pushing myself to continue no matter what, but the feeling perseveres. For example, I've been learning tapdance for a year and a half, but got absolutely no joy out of it and eventually just stopped doing it altogether. This same thing keeps repeating over and over, I've tried trekking, programming, drawing, playing the bass, whatever You name it, i've tried. With any kind of fitness training it's even worse because it also makes me feel like shit every time. I tried writing down a list of thing I care about as some anons suggest, but try as I might, there's nothing I actually care about. Not a single thing in the world that feels like it'd be worth to put my time and effort into, nor something that really fascinates me or compels me. The best I can manage is "well, this sounds nice". I've mentioned this to a few psychologists and a psychiatrist, but they all handwaved it away saying that it really doesn't matter as long as I keep going on forward (the psychyatrist gave me some ADHD pills, though). It's really eating me inside.
It seems like you’ve been focusing your attention on activities. Maybe in regards to self improvement you should focus on improving aspects of your attitude and mindset? Like, working on becoming more patient. Becoming more open minded. Becoming more committed. Things like that? Maybe if you were able to improve yourself in those ways, you’d find it easier to follow through on the activities you try out?
Also, have you tried some type of group activity where you feel like others depend on you? Like a group sport or volunteering? Sometimes knowing other people need you is the motivation you need to keep at it
>Maybe in regards to self improvement you should focus on improving aspects of your attitude and mindset? This makes sense. The problem here is that I don't know why I have such a hard time commiting to anything I do, so i don't know where to being. It's not like I can't put effort into stuff, I've done it plenty f times in the past, but it's never under my own will and volition, usually only becuase I'm obsessing over some stuff or another. Once the obsession stops, so does the will to continue working. I seem to be unable to harness that energy and use it in a conscious, uselful way.
Good job! You are clearly able to recognize your limitations, which is a really important step.
I can tell you the exact way that you can work on those characteristics of yourself that you want to change, but I will tell you that it pretty much comes down to mindfulness. It’s being aware of the situation, being aware of your tendencies, and deliberately trying to train yourself to react or behave in a more ideal way.
For example, I had to train myself to become more patient. I used to get bored very quickly by things that didn’t interest me or by conversations that I found useless. I operated on a basis of “what does this do for me?” If I already understood the point someone was trying to make, i’d get aggravated if it took longer than it needed to for them to express it.
I had to think about why I reacted that way. I realized that it wasn’t JUST patience I needed to work on. I needed to shift my priorities and values. I began to catch myself when I got bored. I’d create meaning in each conversation. Random stranger wants to talk about their grandkid to me? Ok! That’s a great opportunity to practice my smalltalk skills and maybe learn something about life from an elder’s perspective. Someone is taking too long to get across a point? That’s ok- i’ll pay attention to the way that they are expressing that idea to either learn more about their mood or to learn about the way that this person likes to express ideas.
It’s a conscious correction I had to make for a while, but after a bit It became more natural and I began to see myself as a “patient person” and be proud of my ability to be patient.
So yeah. I suggest you choose one or two characteristics that you wish you had or think that you could improve, and try to deliberately make yourself into that type of person.
I personally think self improvement with characteristics is more rewarding than self improvement with activities
I can’t tell you the exact way **
Sorry, typing from my phone
Thanks for the tips, user, that's some helpful advice. I'll think about it and try to come up with solutions.
Work on your insecurities instead. I assume everyone has them. What’s something that would be good for you, that you’ve been putting off or maybe even given up on? Maybe that is what you need, and nothing else will make you come alive until you start dealing with that.
I found it odd that exercise makes you feel bad. Makes me think there could be something physical behind all of this. Nutritional perhaps.
What are you otherwise doing? If you’re gaming your ass off and jacking off during queues, then that could be the reason as well.
Sometimes if you focus too hard on getting something out of an activity it can stop you from finding it, cause you’re not in the moment - you’re busy looking for something better than the current moment.
Last question: with tap dance for example, don’t you enjoy the process of improving and figuring out how to do it? If you’re not really thinking about that, maybe you could focus on that some more?
>What’s something that would be good for you, that you’ve been putting off or maybe even given up on? I don't know. I've given up almost everything as time goes by, since i can't seem to get attached to anything. >Makes me think there could be something physical behind all of this. Nutritional perhaps. I thought the same, but the doctor ran some analysis and everything is fine. It's been like this for me for all my life, though, anything that tires me out makes me feel like shit, and it takes a LOT of time to recover. I also get some really weird feeling in my teeth, but apparently there's nothing physically wrong with me. >What are you otherwise doing? If you’re gaming your ass off and jacking off during queues, then that could be the reason as well. I do spend a lot of time just being lazy, gaming and reading stuff, because it at least makes time go by faster. I sometimes go out for a wlak, but I don't enjoy it if I don't have a specific purpose, and it's not like I have a lot of things to do when I'm not working. I sometimes meet up with my wife's friends, like once every two weeks or so, which is nice, but I don't miss it when it's not happening, I mostly prefer to be alone. >Sometimes if you focus too hard on getting something out of an activity it can stop you from finding it, cause you’re not in the moment - you’re busy looking for something better than the current moment. This makes a lot of sense, and it's probably the reason why I commonly don't enjoy what I'mdoing, but it's true that even when i'm not thinking like this the boredom eventually appears. >don’t you enjoy the process of improving and figuring out how to do it? Not really, mostly because I can't stop comparing myself with other people, and it always feels like I'm doing worse, or progressing too slowly. The thing is, I am and have always been a very clumsy person. It takes me three times as much effort as any normal person to get to their level, and this hurts me inside.
Who told you that "self improving" is important and why did you believe them?
My first psychologist did. I believed her because it's her job to know about these things and though I may not always agree with her, I understand that she has knowledge that I don't and is relevant to the circumstances.
So you let a person who doesnt care about you nor actually knows you well decide what is worth of your time / energy and what isnt?
You need to figure yourself what you actually wants. Otherwise you will be forever unhappy with whatever results you will get.
>So you let a person who doesnt care about you nor actually knows you well decide what is worth of your time / energy and what isnt? No, I already told you, it was my psychologist, who obviously cares and knows me since we've been talking for a long time now. >You need to figure yourself what you actually wants Yeah, I've been trying for three decades, it's not working. I literally want nothing except to want something.
>my psychologist, who obviously cares How many patients do they have? 20? 50? 100? Trust me, if they actually cared, they would soon need psychologist help as well. They dont care. They cant. They must not care in order to protect their own sanity.
There is no shortcut, its one of the few questions you need to figure out yourself: why even bother?
Because it makes me feel bad every day. I really don't get where you're going with this. you tell me to do it myself, but I literally have no idea how, just saying "well, do it" has never helped anybody.
Have you seen any movie or anime where main hero gets to train with some sort of master and they never explain to them why they do X, only make them repeat some bullshit training? And that it makes sense when you see it in hindsight?
You are in that sort of situation. Nothing i say will make sense to you atm. Stop seeking the answer from others, its pointless. Produce the answer yourself. What do you want from your life?
>What do you want from your life? I already told you, nothing. I want nothing. Whenever I think about my future nothing comes up.
Doctors don’t always have the answers. Check out mikhaila petersons story, she was headed for death, multiple joint replacements before 20, doctors at a loss. That was a food issue. Wouldn’t recommend her diet, but you could try a more conventional elimination diet. Takes a month of being strict and probably eating pretty bland, but then you’ll know.
I don’t know... The only thing I could say is be careful to stay openminded. Don’t close any doors. I think there’s a tendency in me that when I get that feeling of wanting to quit, usually I’ve started focusing more on the work and not on the thing that I was excited about to begin with. So your process for learning has to somehow be connected to that original reason. Just to illustrate, one simple change of mindset would be when you see other people’s awesome artwork, to be excited about it instead of discouraged. One day you will create something just as awesome, but it will be an expression of you instead. You’re looking basically at the reason you got into it, a display of the vast possibilities. And also not think about the effort and time it takes, that’s also not why we got into it. Maybe you want to reach out to them and ask them how they found their artstyle or whatever, try to build some loose acquaintances. There’s lots of subtle ways that you can look at it on a daily basis that makes it more positive and exciting, and there are lots of limiting and negative ways that we all tend to look at them as well. Kinda goes back to what the other guy said about mindfulness, you have to catch yourself starting to look at things that way.
I don’t know if it helps man, but don’t close any doors. I’ve heard that called dying in installments, which I think is brilliantly true
You gonna try harder user. Giving up is not an answer.
>literally decades trying out stuff, thinking about everything and anything, taking notes, making friends in different fields, talking to specialists, etc >dude, just try harder Thanks for your time, user. I know you mean well.
I heard rsdtyler talking about men in their 40s. Lots of them turn into empty husks of what they once were, cause you realize you’re not important, you won’t have lasting impact, and literally nothing matters, and you’re about halfway through life. A big part of the payoff of keeping going after that realization, I believe, is literally that you have something going, and at least there’s a lot of opportunities and social life associated with that.
It’s not that it’s super mega special in any way, it just beats having nothing going, not meeting anyone and just being less of a life in general.
What do you think?
>I get some weird feeling in my teeth Dude, are you me? Do your gums sort of ache after running a lot?
Sorry, I don't get it.
Yes, exactly that.
Yeah, okay. It throbs with your heartbeat, right? I don't think it's dangerous, just all the blood vessels up there expanding with the extra bloodflow and pressing against your nerves or sinuses or whatever. Best to ignore it and keep up exercising. Good luck with everything.