23f My parents made me break up with my bf 3 years ago who is 28m. They got scared because he didn't finish uni and because of his past (he got really unlucky). The point is, he borderline stalked me these 3 years and still wants to be in a relationship with me. I now study abroad for a month and he found out where I live. He was really sweet as always. I told him years ago and repeated it now too that we could be together if he finished the uni (he just got through his second year, he applied because of me btw), got better job and got on good side with my parents. He claimed he didn't have anyone these three years. What do I do now?
Pic related, it looks like him but if you ran it through that faceapp white race filter that was available for one day.
If you're a guy the maximum stalking you do is 1 week on social media and you're over it. 3 years? Red flag. A big one.
Lol, youre a bit sexist Buuut youre not that wrong This is classic romeo and juliet actually. His mental health isnt that good, try hooking him up with a psychologist. His mind still hasnt processed the breakup correctly. What did he do in the past? Why are you saying he was unlucky instead of saying what happened?
When he was like a teen he had a gf that took anticonception pills and she ended up pregnant. They were really young but wanted to resolve the situation. But she died in a car crash. The next gf after this too took the pills, got pneumoembolia and died.
And that is why he didn't finish the uni two times. It got to him.
Fuck you greedy cunt
>He was really sweet as always Guess what, he's a psychopath
Damn, that sucks. I can see why something like this would affect the guy. Yeah I agree with other anons saying he should get checked, his psyche must have been affected by his past relationships.
I don't think that's the case. More like naive if that's the word
Yeah and that's why I think he doesn't want to give me up after those three years. He was my first and after him a year ago I tried to have a bf my age but I ended it after 3 months. I explained to him for half an hour why (I had many reasons to), then told him to say something against me since I am roasting him a bit. And he said I was perfect, so yeah... maybe I am just too nice.
Get the guy checked anyway, stalking as in following you deeply for 3 years isn't normal behavior. I can understand a guy not being able to get over a relationship for about half a year to a year tops but any more than that and that person needs help. He sounds like he's doing better but better to be safe than sorry.
I already told him, he should go see the expert, but if he doesn't want, I can't force him.
Because he actually truly loves you like Romeo. It´s the purest form of love you can find, he´ll give his everything for you, you´re the only thing that matters to him, and just by being with you, he'd be happy.
Now, whether that turns you off (as most women do get turned off by these things) or not is only your of your own knowledge.
I know exactly how he feels, and sure, he does have deep self-steem problems and traumas but who the fuck doesn´t have mental problems nowadays and who wouldn´t benefit from a psychologist?
Being with you ,he´d sure as hell feel more motivated to do stuff. He's clinically depressed right now and has 0 motivation. That´s why, as soon as he finds something that motivates him, such as yourself, he´ll be a better man.
I dunno user, a lot of people would say a person should be complete as an individual before getting involved with someone else. What would happen to the guy if he goes through another breakup with the same person, see that's where I'm getting at? How is he going to handle it this time? You shouldn't depend on someone else to live your life, that should come from your own will to do things. Sure, anyone would be devastated over a breakup but I wouldn't say it should be enough for you to let yourself go.
He´s not going to commit suicide. He´d still be fucked, that´s all. It all depends of her, if she does like him or not, it´s that simple. People are making it too complicated. The fact that she´s here asking for such a thing, means that she does want to be with him but, at the same time, "wants to take the rational option". That´s not the best approach at love if you ask me, because passion comes from letting your heart decide, not your mind. If we were talking about marriage, then ofc it'd be MUCH more serious, but it is not the case.
Whatever he does if the relationship ends, is of his very own volition, and not her concern. I am in the same situation as that guy, I still love a woman with whom I had a long distance relationship and broke up with around 5 years ago. If I haven´t fully gotten over it, it is obviously because of other factors external to the relationship such as depression, lack of motivation, romantic views, not having had any other GF since, etc.
I know I´ve got a lot of shit to fix, and that I'm a broken man, but I´m sure I'd never hurt that person I love and that I´d treat her right. My life would simply be complete with her, and with that in mind, I'd have a motivation, something to strive for, a reason to live and improve and get my shit together.
Nobody will ever love her like I do, but I do know what a despicable image I give to others, and how she´ll never love me like this. At least the guy discussed in this thread still has a chance, I don't.
Sorry to hear that user, I know what you mean and not being with someone you still feel years after hurts like hell.
He says the same thing, minus the clinical depression. He said he is doing the uni again not for him but for us. The question is: do I allow him? For the record, I will be brutal now: if something bad happened to the second bf, I wouldn't care. But if the first one got married and had kids with someone else and enjoyed life generally, I'd be the happiest person in the world.
I don't want to put myself in not serious relationship. Never even had not serious kiss. When I am with someone I see myself getting married to the guy. I feel like it should always be endgame. Then to have place to live, kids etc.
Then, do you actually love him? I know the fact that he´s an insecure fucker and a mess of a person is very unattractive, but ask yourself some questions now, because the woman who I love apologised to me for destroying something "very beautiful" that we had, now that she´s finally suffered with someone else.
What do you think is the most important thing when you marry someone with whom you will spend the rest of your days and have kids: True love or convenience?
Do you think he's capable of getting that career and also improving himself?
Now, revisiting the part about "But if the first one got married and had kids with someone else and enjoyed life generally, I'd be the happiest person in the world." which means that you jsut feel bad for him, what could change that would actually make him seem like the most attractive guy ever to you or a very attractive man to you?
I mean, right now he doesn´t seem attractive because of his personality traits (insecureness, laziness, etc). How does his personality and his life have to change in order for you to see him again like a masculine attractive man and fall all over him? This is just out of curiosity, as I'm in the same situation as that guy.
It boils down really to my parents' approval of him. The thing is, I'd be really happy to be with him. Including marriage, living with him, kids, going through ups and downs. But keeping a relationship secret drains me.
>He said he is doing the uni again not for him but for us Sounds immature and cringe, maybe he should fix his life first before attempting a relationship.
He's in the process of doing so even if the causes he does it for are cringey. The fact of the matter is that he´s doing something to change. Eventually, he'll be mature enough with age and experience, but it won't be too late as he'll have a career.
Oh, okay, sounds very nice then, you do still like him. Then just motivate him, serve as a point of support for him and he'll accomplish things. Trust him.
I don't feel bad for him, even he says he doesn't want pity. It's more of an empathy thing, if he is happy, than so am I. I never took him for not masculine or insecure.
I decided not to go on a trip with him. Not good to ignite something old that won't continue as soon as I return home after this month. He still wants to go though.
One week is nowhere near enough of a consistency to determine stalking. Try a couple months.
No matter how much you try to romanticise it, "borderline stalking" is a VERY bad indication of his mental stability
So I guess your parents made the right call since you can’t make them yourself. Nothing wrong here. Except for the stalker, call the police. They want to get a head start when you eventually disappear or is found dead.
Get a restraining order from the police. You might not take it seriously now, but I look forward to seeing your frozen decapitated head on bestgore in two more years.
My parents eventually drove me to someone like him. I don't think he would kill me. If you want to have a chuckle, he said it'd be contraproductive because he wants to marry me.
This is retarded, get away from that shit
News flash : psychopaths usually have a strong sense of humour (particularly dark) I'm a guy and I see myself in him in many ways I advise you not to go settle with him
Mmm-no. Walk away, listen to your parents. I would hate listen to the RedHanded podcast and your case comes up. Specially when we all tried to warn you
I read all the replies. On top of this post: I explained in details why I won't be meeting him. The hard thing is that I've actually known him since I was 8. We were on the same local forum and then when it kinda died he and I jumped to another niche one (and 12 years later we found out about it). To paint the whole picture, my parents are controlling. When I was 9 I was allowed to go to a birthday party... for two hours. Then I had to explain in great details what we were doing there. Something like going out with friends after school was foreign to me. Never even had a friend at home. When I wanted to go to a bar with my classmates from uni the first year, they messaged me every 15 minutes and they picked me up after one hour of being there... it was 9 pm. It got to a point where once my classmate made a party for me during optional lecture in early afternoon. So my only social life was the Internet. And eventually got together with the guy that way. My first kiss etc. So keeping myself away from him is hard because he is mod in those forums I go to (after a month he realized my ip address has changed and that is how he found me here).
After these two weeks I am going back home, so I won't be in close proximity to him.
OP it sounds like he's groomed you from a very young age to love him and only him, and now you're having some kind of Stockholm syndrome. It sounds like your mind is made up to be with him and you will do what you want anyway, so I'm not sure why you posted here. You sound like an alright person, like you're going to uni and trying to improve yourself and he's scared he's losing his grip on you. I know you'll defend him anyway so I don't even know why I'm typing this Hope you don't get killed. Sounds like he murdered his last 2 girlfriends with the "birth control"
>Lol, youre a bit sexist
you know what site your on right?
Yes, you are right in some things. Even writing to him is so addictive... And it looks like the feeling is more pressing in his mind.
>What do I do now Well that's an easy one. Tell him you're not interested so that you crush his heart and made him waste 3 years of his life for nothing. Simple, entertaining, and morally correct.
I detect a hint of bitterness in this post...
Haven't logged in to my account, so he doesn't know if I read the posts or not but he left a note for me in his signature on the forum: I'm going to wait where we met and pick you up at 3:30 on Saturday 24.8. You don't even have to show up, anyway I'll come and wait.
He means just outside of the place I am currently living in.